I like the premise for this story. Your metaphors are smooth, though there are quite a lot of them. And perhaps given to color...
The first chapter was a bit confusing for me, but I gained it all back in the second or should I say, things made more sense. I only have one request: could you make the sequences longer? It reads like Torentino movies, but we don't have as much stimulus so it feels bottleneck at times. I was thinking making the segments a bit long could smooth it out some.
Its a heavy read. Weighty with emotional descriptions and unanswered questions. I'm interested in where you go with it.
Thank you for the helpful feedback, Tara. Reading your comment helped me with a dillema. Right before I finished this chapter and went back and read and revised the previous ones a bit. I was thinking the same thing you were about expanding them. But my idea was to combine the segments I already wrote together and then move forward. For instance, both of Amelias chapters...both of Dr. Forbes chapter, etc, etc. I was just unsure whether it would be too hard to follow since I reveal bits and pieces of the overall story in each part. Anyway, thanks again for your feedback. Much obliged.Reviewer: Tara Anonymous [Report This]
Date: August 20 2015 12:51 pm
Beautifully written. An intriguing tale.
Thank you! I'm glad you like it still.Reviewer: madamezenobia Anonymous [Report This]
Date: August 19 2015 06:45 pm
Love it! So beautifully told! Great imagery and emotion. I love the invite. So cryptic. Will we hear from Dr Forbrs in the next update? Will we learn more of Sam's relationship with Amelia and how the denial if the research grant truly affected him? Also did he die shanked in prison or was he run off the road? Beatrice is a beast. Thatch' family has a darkness over them. There is something appealing about him/them. I'm curious of them. I want more more more! Great job :)Reviewer: MadameZenobia Signed [Report This]
Date: June 12 2014 01:47 am
I was so glad to see an update for this story. I really like it. Its unique. It has Tom Hiddleston as a visual focus. Be encouraged and keep writing this one!
Thank you very much for reading and commenting.Reviewer: Pinklemonade Signed [Report This]
Date: April 19 2014 05:17 am