Hey there- Wow this is amazing. Really really REALLY great improvement. I'm so happy you didn't let negativity stop you. You went out there sounds like with a little bit of help and banged out this super great re-launched story.
I love how you've adjusted and added details that make these characters more real. Like Niya you've made her sound less crazy and more calculating. A simple example is her wearing blood red dress instead of pink. It gives the appearance of a full grown woman instead of a girl. Like she knows what she wants and will do anything to get it. That's much more interesting as a potential villan than a simple spoiled girl who will stomp her feet for what she wants. I like seeing her as a shell or a doll, trained for a mission, then you can build on her and find her humanity. And maybe explain the reason she became this way and why her aunt has molded her that way.
The name Nic (I have a Nic in my stories so naturally I like the change Lol) it's easier to pronounce and distinguish from her twin. I can't wait to see how you describe her and how she meets Baz.
Even though I can't wait to read the next chapter, take your time and continue to post excellent work. Really really nice job chica!
-p2p-
Author's Response:
Thank you! Thank you so much! This chapter took a lot of work, much needed appreciated help, and adjusting! I'm so happy it came out right!
Reviewer: partial2passion Signed [Report This]Date: January 13 2014 07:18 pm
Wow your back
Author's Response:
Yup lol!
Reviewer: Anonymous Anonymous
[Report This]Date: January 11 2014 06:37 pm
really better
Author's Response:
Thank you!
Reviewer: anonymous Anonymous [Report This]Date: January 11 2014 06:33 pm
Wow, loved it. I can't wait to read more. I was concerned that you had stopped writing with all of the comments you were receiving. Soo glad that you thought to continue. This will be going to my favorites as I love the premise of the story. Keep up the good work.
Author's Response:
Thank you I just really wanted to make the story better so more people can enjoy it!
Reviewer: lajack1 Signed [Report This]Date: January 11 2014 05:48 pm
better
Author's Response:
Thank you so much!
Reviewer: none Anonymous
[Report This]Date: January 11 2014 11:45 am
Waaaay better! As the previous commenter said, take your time, we will wait and we will appreciate it. Good effort!
Author's Response:
Thank You!
Reviewer: Much better Anonymous [Report This]Date: January 11 2014 11:42 am
Much better. Easier to read and follow. Well done.
Author's Response:
Thank you so much!
Reviewer: Shia Anonymous
[Report This]Date: January 11 2014 10:43 am
'A'
Please don't have Bas have sex witht her--that will mean he did both twins and it's kinda tacky, actually it's pretty nasty.
Author's Response:
Thanks for commenting!
Reviewer: Penelope Signed [Report This]Date: January 11 2014 07:41 am
I am pleased that you started off by giving background information, but I have to admit I was enjoying the first go around and am sad that I have to wait awhile to find out what happens between Bas and Nicola (Ninya). I am just grateful the negative comments did stop you from writing.
Author's Response:
Thank you for the support, I just want the story to be perfect!
Reviewer: EmeraldTaurus81 Signed [Report This]Date: January 11 2014 05:00 am
While I was hesitant to read this story again, I'm so glad I did! Your story flows much better now and I can't wait to see some new chapters get posted. Keep up the good work! :)
Author's Response:
Thank you so much!
Reviewer: Lena Signed [Report This]
Date: January 11 2014 04:52 am
Immensely better. I tried to read the first version of this story and I just couldn't stomach it. I mean the plot had so much potential.
I feel now you're presenting it so much better. I can't wait to read the next chapter. It's okay if you take your time updating because it just means your spending time really polishing your story.
Author's Response:
Thank you so much I'm so happy with how it came out!
Reviewer: Anonymous Anonymous [Report This]
Date: January 11 2014 04:49 am