I turely like your story. I have not read the original. However, this version is a little too overlong with too many unnecessary chapters, many of which could be condensed and still give the background information you are aming for.
We are up to 24 chapters with about five plots with no incling where any of them are going. The odssessive cop has been completely forgotten and its too much about bitchy, conniving women. Let's get back to the suspense and at least solve one plot bunny.
As I said at the beginning I love this story. I just want it to get better and to move a little better. You have everything set up but need closer on some points. It just seems the story is dragging.
Please take what I said with love. I reread what I just wrote and it does sound overly critical but its not meant to be. I am the not a writer and am not very good at being discrete with words. Be assured I love you and your story.Reviewer: Marilyn Anonymous [Report This]
Date: February 10 2016 11:13 am
I like it. Just the right touch of mystery to keep me going to the next chapter. One thing niggling at me. If she's strapped for cash and working in a seedy dive, why did she turn down the cash her friend was offering to cover for her? Maybe they could've split it, or did Rhonda need it more? That stuck out. Other than that, good stuff. Your writing has a very cinematic feel... Very descriptive. Good stuff.Reviewer: bookbutterfly Signed [Report This]
Date: September 30 2014 10:16 pm
I dont remember this one. So far I like what you have done. Continue. I am remembering your other story spiral. LOved it. So I know this will be great as well.Reviewer: Cherry Anonymous [Report This]
Date: September 22 2014 04:23 am
Vaguely remember this story, I like the beginnig.Reviewer: Bain Anonymous [Report This]
Date: September 22 2014 01:51 am
I don't blame Sally I am terrified of snakes as well. I wouldn't do anither facor for Rhonda ever again in life, shw could have called Storm and told him that another maid was covering for her. Who was the slut puppy that Storm's sister was referring to? Who is Paul? Is Sally married to Paul or is hw hwr brother maybe best friend? More please! !Reviewer: pmgayles Signed [Report This]
Date: September 22 2014 01:36 am