Ok they are sexiness and I a so loving them together!! I know we gotta a lot of story to go but I was so hoping they would let go and be wild and crazy cause that Shrio is sexy as heck!!!
I cannot wait for more of these two ..I already like them both!! I am sure we will hear more from those sexy brother too!!
Great start sweetie..long time no see...but you are back with a vengence!!
Author's Response:
Thank you! Yeah, last year's NaNo was more of a sequel so I couldn't post it up here, but I'm glad to see folk haven't forgotten me! And Shiro...well, they weren't ready even though their bodies were. Gotta ramp up the tension a little more :p
bana
Reviewer: neneburge Signed
[Report This]Date: 14/11/10 02:23 pm
I'm hooked. Love BW/AM stories.
Author's Response: Thank you! I hope you continue to enjoy! :) Reviewer: Jujubee50 Signed
[Report This]Date: 14/11/10 09:13 am
Love this story. The dialog is the boom. It is so well thought out and flows so well. I want to be you went i grow up. Hope you really show a different side to asian lovers:0). Update now please!!
Ok. where is it? Feet tapping. Waiting :0) just joking.
Author's Response: :) Thank you so much! Updates will hopefully be regular, but it is the holidays. I'll do my best though! Reviewer: cimmy1 Anonymous
[Report This]Date: 14/11/10 08:31 am
Good start!
Author's Response: Thank you!
[Report This]Date: 14/11/10 08:10 am
I am liking this one Bana...I cannot wait to read more!!!
Author's Response: Appreciate it!
[Report This]Date: 14/11/10 04:09 am
"Takeshiro might or might not have sent Otis a fruit basket of gratitude and support of his edict. Not that he would ever tell Lydia that. Ever." I fell in love right there.
"Looking slicker than oil on ice. He didn’t need to be in her face like that; and the guy didn’t notice Lydia was being too much of a lady by easing back ever so often instead of telling him to ease up a little. Luckily, he had no such qualms doing that very thing." Cute.
"a demure and far-too-revealing tangerine summer dress" How?
"For a while, the few guys Otis Holmes would allow around his daughter had pitched no hitters." Lol, good phrasing.
I loved the revenge dress up plan. I like that you are going big with the sensuality right off. It's bright and enticing. However, the smelling her arousal in the car part seemed a little... unlikely, or maybe abrupt is what I mean since after it went there, I thought you finessed the play between their personalities charmingly. Also, but this is probably the nature of NaNo, in some places there was so much detail that it slowed down the pace. Not bad just uneven, but editing will smooth it out. Great dialogue. I like the slight ESL edge to his language.
Author's Response: Thank you! Yes, NaNo will be ROUGH in some spots (part need to pad the word count and part so rushed you can barely smooth out kinks as well as one would like). And even though Shiro was raised in the States for a bit, he actually learned English last (although his mother speaks it fluently). Thank you so much! Reviewer: Anonymous Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 14/11/10 04:05 am
"Her back beam-like against the cheering going on behind her"
"Then Lydia turned the full power of her smile onto Takeshiro and he forgot why they were even laughing, but he hoped the reason would never stop."
"He pretended not to see the way some of the executives from the Japanese team winced at her very American pronunciation of “thank you” in Japanese, especially when their English was far from flawless."
I'll get it out of the way and say that anything with detailed sports information is hard for me to read, but you got me with the Blasian. Blasian trumps baseball. Love how you pulled Peanut Johnson into the piece. Lydia is graceful but stiil made of stern stuff, and that hearkens to the best of your characters. Since I participated in the NaNo for a moment, I must say excellent pace and phrasing, and dense dialogue.
Author's Response:
I mean, the Inoue Brothers are fire so...I'd read them delivering the phone book! And aw, you dropped out? *pats*
Thank you so much though! Lydia is fun to write thus far, let me tell you!
Reviewer: Beej Anonymous [Report This]Date: 14/11/10 03:45 am
Me likey!
Author's Response: Thank you!
[Report This]Date: 14/11/10 02:04 am
I like Shiro and Lydia friendship they are so intune with each other. More please
Author's Response: Thank you very much! I'm glad you're enjoying it!
[Report This]Date: 14/11/10 01:53 am
Great start I always love the stories I have read by you. You never disappoint.
Author's Response: That is so nice of you to say, thank you so much!
[Report This]Date: 14/11/10 01:39 am
Love the beginning of your story bana05. I am a big fan of baseball.
Author's Response: Thank you! And feel free to check me on some things too!
[Report This]Date: 14/11/10 12:38 am
AWWW They are perfect together and he is just to die for. Can't wait to read more
Author's Response: Thank you! Shiro agrees with you on them being perfect for each other! :p
[Report This]Date: 14/11/10 12:35 am
I'm loving this story! I can't wait to read more. You mentioned another story called "Coming Home." Where can I read that one?
Author's Response:
Send me a PM and I will link you; I don't want to get the admins on this site in trouble!
And thank you for your comments! I'm so glad you're liking it!
Reviewer: Anonymous Anonymous
[Report This]Date: 13/11/10 10:53 pm
sookie, now! lol can't wait for more!
Author's Response: Thank you very much! Reviewer: intellectual titmouse Signed [Report This]
Date: 13/11/10 09:22 pm
Loving this story so far.. Love the Asian eye candy.. Can you say SEXY!!!!
Looking forward to the next chapter.
Author's Response: They really are quite tasty. Thank you for reading! Reviewer: ReneeK Anonymous
[Report This]Date: 13/11/10 09:19 pm
I'm liking this so far...can't wait to read more.
Author's Response: Thank you so much!
Date: 13/11/10 09:02 pm
this is cute story!
Author's Response: Thank you very much!
Date: 13/11/10 06:48 pm
Whoa! This story is so good. You totally have me hooked. I am loving all of the characters. I am looking forward to the next update.
Author's Response: I'm so glad you're enjoying it! Thank you very much!
Date: 13/11/10 06:43 pm
I'm so so so glad to see you back, bana05! I'm already loving this story and know this is going to be a very very good read - thank you!!!
Author's Response: You are very welcome and thank you for reading!
[Report This]Date: 13/11/10 06:34 pm
Lol, fine is fine and shold be shared. I take as much responsibility for making you tell this story as you want me to. I mean really, even the daddy is fine. I'm in love with the Inoues already.
Author's Response: Of course I expected no sympathy from you; but I'm okay with that. lol Hope that means you're enjoying it, though. Reviewer: BoSoxQT Signed [Report This]
Date: 13/11/10 06:22 pm