I'm conflicted. On one hand I think he's really into Simone, which I'm totally happy about. But then this other girl is intriguing to him. WRITE A FULL STORY PLEEEEAAAASSEEE, I implore you :)
**fingers crossed for him and Simone** :)Reviewer: Alphabet_Girl Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 19/02/11 03:00 am
Great tantalizing writing, nicely done, not vile.
I really enjoyed it and I liked the realism. For a short story the characters of Benjamin and Alisa were well drawn, a capsule view of completeness.
Benjamin made me really smile, he got an unexpected turn on; seems his brother correctly knew what he needed. That sex with Alisa was really HOT!
This could be extended I think into a nice story about Benjamin, but not including Alisa as a major character.
Alisa, is racially a Black Russian, that's interesting, I was not aware of such existed.Reviewer: 5Danielle Signed [Report This]
Date: 05/02/11 09:36 am
Wow! What a rush! Anonymous, wild, savage sex. Please write more. I am dying to know what happens next. Please develope this story more.Reviewer: Buddha Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 17/01/11 05:33 pm
I like it but I feel there is more to this story. I would like to see him get over himself and acknowledge his feelings for Simone. Please continue.Reviewer: Romance Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 17/01/11 11:10 am
Great story! Great one-shot!
I'm intrigued... and feeling a bit greedy.
From the feedback thus far, I wonder if you'd re-consider not making this into a full story. You have an interesting plot. The beginnings of some good characters, even Edward's stupid childish self. Why was Ben a little put off by Simone mentioning a boyfriend? Alisa and the life she must have led since the age of nine.
Human trafficking is a horrendous practise. I believe that Ben would pursue Alisa... right after he hunts down Edward and puts an ass whopping on him.
Also, the song is interesting. But what really caught my eye was the banner and the background art on the cast page. Very nice.
Either way, thank you for sharing!!!Reviewer: Bluegardenia Signed [Report This]
Date: 17/01/11 07:21 am