He had not meant to say it aloud, but it was out there now. His secret had been revealed though it happened accidentally. He had thought it but when the words left his mouth, he was surprised to realize what had happened. There was no way he could take what he said back again, besides he meant it. Sara was silent as he lay beside her though he had two minds about his slip of the tongue. He half wanted to hear her say the same words to him and half regretted laying his feelings out so soon. Sara loved Sam too but she knew without a doubt it was too soon for her to say it to him. Therefore, she said nothing. After a few minutes, the mood in the room changed from passionate to uneasy and that bothered Sam.
“Sara, I don’t want to rush into anything but I needed you to know I am not going anywhere. I also don’t expect you to rush to declare your love because I just did,” Sam said as he lie on his back and looked at the ceiling.
“Okay,” was all she said as she bit her lip hoping that the one word expressed something of what she was feeling.
“Good,” he replied with a smile in his voice as he leaned over to look in her face.
She grinned as he leaned down to kiss her inviting lips again, she cradled his head in her hands as he ravished her lips. Her tongue found solace in his mouth as he easily brought her heart rate back up to racing speed. Yes, she loved him; more than likely, since the moment she laid eyes on his tall, toned frame. His longish brown hair had been tousled and his eyes seemed to light up when he looked at her. No, loving Samuel Winchester was something she hoped to enjoy for a very long time. Telling him about it could be a bit trickier since saying I love you to men had never worked out well.

Cassie tapped Dean on the shoulder a few hours after the kids where a sleep. Dean smiled up at her before she motioned for him to follow her. Once they were in the bathroom, he pretended to have no idea why she was waking him at six thirty in the morning.
“What’s up,” he said as he tried not to grin.
She pulled him to her for a kiss as he reached to pull her nightie over her head.
“I see you have no idea why I dragged you in here,” she teased as his pajama bottoms hit the floor.
He pushed her against the door a second before he put his lips against her neck. Cassie saw a flash of Courtney and jumped.
“Cas?” he said concerned that he had stepped on her toe or hurt her some how.
“Nothing,” she said as he looked curiously at her before going back to nuzzle her neck.
She put her arms around his neck, then saw the flash of Courtney before her eyes more clearly this time. Dean felt her tense up then looked up to see tears in her eyes.
“What’s wrong? Am I hurting you?”
She shook her head as she opened the door to go back to the bed. Dean followed her but was concerned about waking the kids.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” he pleaded in a whisper.
She totally changed gears on him.
“I shouldn’t have woken you it was a bad idea,” she said coldly.
“What?” he said with a glare.
“I am not feeling well, I am sorry,” she said with less agitation this time.
Dean decided to lie back down though he knew she was lying. Since it was too early to wake the children, he would have it out with Cassie later in the day. He was concerned that she was acting erratically. Once they were all up for the day they got their things together so they could leave for home after lunch. Cassie seemed sad to him and it bothered him to see her that way. He asked Sam and Sara to watch the kids before he pulled Cassie into the room. He sat on the bed as she stood uncomfortably in front of him.
“Cas, I hate when you are sad please talk to me.”
“What do you want to talk about?”
She had her arms folded over her chest in a protective stance even though she stood between his legs.
“Tell me why you are sad? You know you can tell me anything, I hate seeing you this way.”
She swallowed as she avoided looking at him. Dean could not take it as he stood up to pull her into his arms.
“Please,” he said into her ear.
She relaxed as she put her arms around him, God help me be strong for my family. She knew pushing Dean away was not what she needed to do; she needed to get past the thing with Courtney to make their family better.

When she told him what had happened he continued to hold her for a few moments before he looked in her eyes.
“I only want you, Sweetie, you have no reason to worry.”
“It was stupid I know how you feel and I don’t want you to keep saying you are sorry because I am sorry for my part in all of this too.”
He hated the thought of how he had contributed to her distress and he remembered that his little girl was having issues with the whole Jason affair also. The only thing he could do was to be a loving and affectionate husband and father as they tried to deal with their emotional issues.
“I know I should have told you earlier but I felt so stupid for letting her come between us, even if it was in my head.”
“Don’t worry about that you have to know that I see what happened with Courtney as a horrible mistake and if nothing else hold on to the fact that your face was who I saw when I was with her.”
Cassie smiled, that was definitely a point in her favor. Did Courtney in her scheming remember that important fact? How could she have any feelings for a man who clearly wanted someone else as he made love to her?

Sam had just left his barber’s shop when he backed off the curb and happened to see Courtney leaving Planned Parenthood with another young woman. He swerved just in time to avoid hitting a woman on the corner of the street. He mouthed he was sorry as he rode down the street only to stop the car again. He quickly got the number for the Planned Parenthood location he needed from information and made a call.
“Yes, I am looking for Courtney Wend, I was supposed to pick her up out front.”
“Hold on please.”
He could hear the receptionist asking about Courtney, what procedure she had done, if she had left already, and did anyone see who picked her up.
“Um, who is this?”
“I am her brother; I haven’t been able to get her on her cell phone. Do you know anything?” Sam insisted.
“Well we are not supposed to give out this information but she had an abortion and the file clerk says she saw her get in the car with a young lady about her same age.”
“Did she have blonde hair?” Sam asked as he remember the girl Courtney spoke with at the grocery store.
“Yes, she says she did.”
“Oh that’s good that is her room mate,” Sam lied.
He thanked the receptionist before hanging up to call Dean.

Dean had experienced a hard day at work, he had skipped lunch and taken only one fifteen minute break to get off at his regular four-thirty end time. He had no desire to work overtime that particular day though most days he did since they needed the money and he enjoyed the work. When he walked in the house, he could tell something had happened. He knew his day was not going to get any easier but he was not ready to hear bad news yet. He kissed Cassie and headed to the shower. Anything that had gone wrong could wait until he cleaned up.

Cassie could tell he was tired so she attempted to be cheery and to keep the kid’s noise to a minimum. After he showered, Dean played with Marty and Dee Dee while Cassie finished setting the table for dinner. Even though, the meal was tasty and Dee Dee was on her best behavior Dean knew Cassie was holding back some important news. Dean cleared his throat.
“Go ahead and spill it, I know something happened,” he said with a smile as he put his plate in the sink.
Cassie finished her last bite then met him at the counter. She looked into her husband’s eyes reluctant to speak Courtney’s name.
“Courtney had an abortion today,” she finally said as he put his arms around her.
Dean blinked a couple of times before he said anything as he moved his hands from her waist.
“What?”
Cassie didn’t repeat herself because she knew he had heard but was having a hard time processing the information. She nodded as confirmation before she went to take Dee Dee out of the high chair so she could clean her face.

“Sam called, right?”
“Yes, he saw her when she came out of the clinic and he followed up.”
Dee Dee reached for Dean and he took her to play in the living room. Dee Dee looked Dean in the face, poor Daddy. She moved his face so that he looked her square in the eyes.
“Daddy, k?”
Dean raised an eyebrow at her, how many times had she said that lately. Is she honestly concerned at her age? Does she have “the shining” too?
“I’m good little Miss,” he said to her with a smile.
Cassie picked up Marty from the portable crib then joined the other two so they could relax.

“Do you think this will effect the situation with Jason?” Cassie asked.
“I think it could, it’s according to how she spins it. If she tries oh I am already a single mom and I didn’t need another mouth to feed or I was stressed because of the custody situation with my child.”
“The second will get her more sympathy.”
Dean was quiet as he watched his children play.
“I know it may sound bad but I am glad she didn’t abort Jason, Cassie.”
He could only hope she would understand and see his point of view as a father.
Cassie looked at him uncertainly. Can I really be so selfish as to wish that little boy had never been born? I know Dean doesn’t need to feel as though he has betrayed what we have but I hate the position Courtney has put him and our family in.
“Cassie?”
“Forgive me, okay, I am just not there yet, Dean,” she said as she searched his eyes for a hint that he understood.
“It’s okay, I am glad for your honesty.”
He thought Cassie was being selfish on one hand but if he were in her shoes how would he feel. He really didn’t know why she didn’t just walk away from him and all of his problems. Maybe sheer stubbornness kept her by his side, though he hoped it was her love for him.
“Not that I would wish death to anyone,” she said as he realized she was staring at him.
He nodded, “ I know.”

Sara wasn’t surprised to hear what Courtney had done but Sam seemed taken aback by the situation. They were sitting in their apartment talking about what had happened. Sara knew that both Winchester brothers felt that life was sacred, after all why would they have spent years hunting? They’re motivation wasn’t just to get revenge on the Demon that killed their mother, but to also make sure no other family would have to suffer what they went through, well at least they wouldn’t suffer because of the monsters, ghosts and demons.
“I don’t know Sara, even though Courtney is just a name and a face to me, I never expected this,” Sam sighed as he ran his hand through his hair.
Sara sat in his lap and wrapped her arms around him.
“I thought you were going to get a hair cut?”
Sam looked at her and smiled, “ I did.”
“A trim maybe, that is not a hair cut,” she teased.
“You are just trying to change the subject,” Sam grinned as he kissed her neck.
“That and I am surprised you paid money to have them remove so little hair,” she laughed while she tangled her fingers through his still long hair.
He tickled her and she jumped off his lap carefully since she still held a handful of his hair, before she put her hand out for him to follow her to the bedroom.

Courtney was up sick all night and Jason was fussy. Okay they told me this would be easy so far, it’s been the worse day of my life. She hated to do it but she phoned her friend, Megan, who had picked her up at the clinic, at three in the morning because she needed to get to a hospital since she was bleeding heavily and there was no way she could drive safely. Despite what Dean thought, she loved her child and she didn’t want him in danger. Jason screamed as he watched his mother fall to the floor.

Dean got the call at five in the morning from Megan that Courtney was in the hospital and she wanted him to be notified since her parents were out of the country.
“But she will be fine, right?”
Cassie looked curiously at Dean as he sat up in bed with the phone to his ear.
“I can’t just leave, I have work. Hold on.”
Dean looked sadly at Cassie, he hated to ask her to do this but he didn’t want Jason with strangers. Cassie did understand that Courtney was in a new city and she was going to be unable to take care of Jason, as she recuperated.
“Doesn’t she have other relatives she can call?” she asked hoping that Megan had jumped to the wrong conclusions.
“They aren’t a very close family, Cas, please I know this is beyond the call of duty but ….”
Cassie nodded before he finished the sentence; she could do this; it wasn’t much but Dean needed to know that she wanted to help.

Sam and Sara picked up Jason from the hospital to keep overnight until Cassie arrived to get him the next day. Dee Dee and Marty stayed with their Nana while Dean worked the next day. By late the next afternoon, they were all one family back at the Winchester household. Jason seemed happy as he played with his siblings and father in the living room while Cassie walked her mother to the front door and thanked her for helping with the kids.
“You did the right thing, Sweetie, Dean needed to be sure the little boy was taken care of.”
Cassie smiled at her mother, “ I know I’m not trying to be hard on him, Jason is a good kid, I mean he is practically a baby and I certainly have nothing against him.”
Cassie hugged her mom before she turned to leave.

Cassie stood at the door to their living room and she bit her lip as she saw Dean holding Marty in his lap while Jason played with his toys across the room.
Deanna sat quietly as she held her teddy bear to keep it from Jason who was paying her no attention whatsoever. Cassie worried about Deanna she seemed especially sensitive about Jason being around.
“Hey,” Dean said as Cassie sat on the other end of the sofa.
“Hey yourself, how are the kids treating you?”
“We are getting along fine,” he grinned.
“That’s good but Dee Dee looks upset.”
Dean handed Marty to Cassie as he went to get the little girl who was at closer notice, crying.

“Dee Dee what’s wrong?” Dean asked as they took a seat.
She pointed to Jason, I still don’t like him.
“He has his own toys how is he bothering you?”
She just looked at Dean, he is in my house.
“He is your brother, Sweet Girl, he may be here a while.”
Dee Dee held Dean around his neck as she looked at him, No, Daddy.
“You are going to be a great big sister to both him and Marty, you will get used to them both,” he said as he kissed her on the cheek.
Dee Dee gave him her best dimpled grin, I don’t think so.

“Dean when I found out I was pregnant with Dee Dee I didn’t know what to do,” Cassie said as she watched Dean holding Deanna in his lap.
“But..,”
“I did know that I was going to have it, but not whether I would keep it.”
“Did you ever consider calling me about the baby?”
She nodded, “Yes, every day.”
“Cassie…,”
“I loved you but I just didn’t think there was room for a child in your life.”
She bit her lip as Marty wiggled in an attempt to be let down. Cassie put him on the floor and he crawled over to where Jason sat playing with his toys. They looked at one another then Marty went to his own pile of toys to play. Dee Dee watched her brothers but was unimpressed as she leaned on her Daddy’s chest with her thumb in her mouth, something she had only began to do since she met Jason. Cassie consoled Dean that when she got used to the little boy she would probably stop again. Dean hoped so he missed his brave little girl the one they had no doubts that her daddy loved her. He smiled down at her as he held her securely against his chest then ran his hand over her hair.

“Anyway, I just decided that by keeping the baby I could have a part of you with me even if I never saw you again.”
“Well I can tell you that you should not have hesitated to call me, Cas, I have always wanted to settle down with only one woman in my life. That woman is you but I can see how I may not have made that clear.”
Cassie laughed, “You could be such a jerk.”
“And you were so stubborn, just like, you know who here,” he said as he pointed to their daughter.”
Dee Dee looked up at him, you talking about me? Dean kissed her forehead as she looked at him.
“Yeah, but it can be a good quality, too,” Cassie laughed.
“Well I am almost certain Courtney’s abortion had nothing to do with anything other than convenience. It’s pretty sickening if I let myself think about the fact that the baby she got rid of so easily could have been Jason,” Dean said as he eyed his sons in the floor. Cassie shrugged as she got Dee Dee to take her for a bath and then on to bed.

After the kids where all situated with Dee Dee and Marty in her room and Jason sound asleep in the portable crib in their room the adults needed some play time. Cassie moaned into Dean’s neck as they made love; he leaned up to kiss her again while she arched her back pressing her chest against his. Dean was lost in the pleasure of the moment without realizing his error. The had been so careful since Marty’s birth but today things had progressed faster than usual because all Dean wanted was to be next to her and forget his cares. Cassie hoped thoughts of Courtney were far from Dean’s mind but she loved him too much to consider the thought for more than a moment. Once his lips had brushed against hers, their clothes were a thing of the past. She bit his lip as he pushed against her intimately while he smiled up at her boldness.
“Sweet, stubborn and a bit wild,” he laughed quietly.
She ran her hands through his hair as she cupped his head in her hands, then she bit her own lip to keep from screaming his name, since the baby was in the room. Dean seemed to enjoy pushing her to the edge of her mind with his tender touch. That was when it hit him.
“You are on the pill again, right?”
Cassie nodded as she took the dominate position, though it was tricky since they were under the covers just in case they received little visitors. Discussing birth control was the last thing on her mind as she looked into her husband’s grinning face before she closed her eyes in ecstasy.

Dee Dee was the first one up the next morning, she came in to shake her daddy on the shoulder.
“Daddy, Daddy up.”
Dean mumbled but didn’t move frustrating the little girl, so she bit him on the arm. Dean who was only pretending to be asleep pulled her into the bed with them and started tickling her. She couldn’t stop laughing. All of the commotion woke up the rest of the household within five minutes everyone was in there bed playing and laughing. Cassie had gone to get Marty who was crying and feeling left out as well as Jason who seemed to be content just watching from across the room. She was glad they had put there pajamas on the night before after they made love.

Jason stayed with Cassie and Dean for almost a month until Courtney was well enough to fly in to pick him up. Cassie had agreed to let her stay the night instead of taking Jason to the airport to go back with his mother since the idea seemed so insensitive. Dee Dee heard the doorbell and was excited with the thought that it was her uncle.

"Uncle Sam, uncle Sam," she cried as she ran to the door.

"No Sweetie Uncle Sam isn't coming until next month, settle down now," Cassie said as she pulled her daughter away from the door.

Courtney stood there with a frown on her face as she openly looked at Cassie's stomach. "Come in," Cassie said as she moved Deana out of the way.

"Thanks," was all Courtney said as she dragged her overnight bag.

Cassie wanted to be nice to the woman that seemed to have nothing but anger for her.

"I'm not pregnant so you can stop staring, I am not a freaking baby making machine," she said as she walked back to the kitchen leaving Courtney to dump her bag in the entryway.

Courtney didn't apologize but felt justified in getting Cassie angry.

"Where should I put the bag," she asked when she finally showed up in the kitchen a moment later to see her son happily eating a snack in the high chair while Marty played in the play pin. Deanna came in and just stared at the lady who stood awkwardly in her kitchen, why are you here? Cassie had hoped Courtney would show up after Dean was off work. She had no patience to deal with the woman who seemed determined to cause a rift if not completely break up her happy home.

"Look, I am sorry that you were ill but I will not put up with your indifference to my place in Jason's life. I am Dean's wife and you Damn well need to respect that," Cassie said as she glared at Courtney who only looked at her like she had no idea why she was upset.

"I get that, you have told me in a hundred ways," she replied as she rolled her eyes at Cassie.

Cassie felt like kicking her sorry butt out of her house, if it weren't for the sweet little kid who sat ignoring his mother as he enjoyed his crackers. She had to relax, pregnant or not she would not let Courtney push her over the edge. She loved her husband and since Jason was a part of their lives then she would try to be civil if only to spite Courtney.

She took a deep breath.

"Would you like some lunch?" she asked as kindly as she could muster.

Courtney nodded as she took a chair closest to Jason.

"Hey Sweetie, " she said to the little boy who only at the moment acknowledged her presence.

"Mama, mama," he said as he reached out his dirty hands toward her.

Cassie brought her a towel to wipe his hands off with.

"Thanks."

Dean showed up on time after work and seemed surprised to see Courtney in the living room with the children while Cassie worked on dinner in the kitchen.

"When did she get here?" he asked as he kissed Cassie.

She told him around lunch as she scrunched up her face like she wanted to strangle Courtney.

"Sorry about that," he said as he pulled her to him gently as he avoided getting oil on her.

"It's not your fault she is acting like a slutty home wrecker."

"It doesn't matter how she acts but how you respond, that is what some wise woman once told me."

"Maybe that woman hadn't had to deal with her adversary very often," she replied with a grin.

"Try not to let her get to you its only overnight and its for Jason, okay." With another kiss Dean headed for the shower.

Damn Courtney, why was she always pushing Cassie's buttons? He couldn't be any clearer about the fact that he was where he wanted to be. He had never allowed Courtney to believe anything else. He closed his eyes as the warm water washed the kinks from his stiff arms. Being under a car for hours at a time made him feel like he needed to get more exercise. He had began to work out with some of the guys from work a few weeks before Jason arrived but afterward he felt he needed to be home after work to help Cassie with the kids. He missed that time but now that Jason was leaving he would be able to resume his workouts, at least occasionally. If Cassie thought he had only been coming home on time because of Jason she would be livid because he needed to be around for their children too.

Courtney could tell Dee Dee had finally begun to accept Jason in her house though she still seemed stand offish toward her. The little girl tentatively leaned against the sofa near Courtney before she saw her daddy come in the room.

"Daddy," she said as Dean caught her up in his arms.

"Hey Sweetie," he said before he kissed her and acknowledged Courtney with a nod as he went to hug his sons.

Marty went immediately back to play when Dean sat him back down but Jason clung to him a bit longer as he looked at his mother across the room.

"Daddy," he said to Dean who was going to miss having the kid around.

He gave Jason to Courtney just before Cassie came in the room to let them know supper was ready though she had only ordered a pizza today to go along with a hand made salad. The children all had their own foods to eat, especially Marty who still drank breast milk as a supplement to his cereals and organic foods.

At the airport the next day Jason cried when Dean handed him over to his mother; Dean was unexpectantly sad himself to watch his son leave. Maybe having him around hadn't been a great idea after all. Cassie watched him as he tried to make Jason understand that they would see each other soon. She felt sorry for her husband it seemed each time he attempted to do the right thing it blew up in his face. She prayed some day things would be right the way they were before Courtney knocked on their front door.

John showed up for a surprise visit the week before Sam and Sara were scheduled to arrive for the summer. He knocked on the door on a windy Thursday afternoon, once again Dee Dee expected it to be her uncle Sam.

"John, oh my gosh, come in," an elated Cassie said to the older man.

"Hey Cassie," he said as he hugged her and Dee Dee too who seemed to be standing between them.

"Papa," she said with a grin as her grandfather held her.

Deanna had only seen John a few times over the years since he had gone to Europe for a long vacation after the Demon was killed. He told Sam and Dean he just needed some time to think about his life. He called in frequently but sent post cards from all over. Cassie was glad to see him and broke down in tears once Dee Dee wondered off to play.

"What is it? Is it Dean? He isn't being his old unemotional self is he?" John asked as they both sat down at the kitchen table.

"No, no,….I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that."

"What? You mean get emotional at seeing your father in law?" John teased her.

She shook her head then tried to smile before getting up to get them a beer. But after she had the drink in front of her she shook her head and pushed it aside while John took a long swig of his. He looked in her troubled eyes and knew something was very wrong.

"Cassie you can talk to me, spill your guts it will between us if you want."

No, first she confided in Sam now John, she couldn't do it she needed to talk to Dean. She hated being weepy and she knew that was a good sign of what she was hoping wasn't true. She bit her lip as John's look of concern almost made her confess; then the back door opened and Dean walked in early from work.

"Dad?"

"Hey son," John said before Dean engulfed him in a hug.

Dean smiled at Cassie as she stood beside him.

"Go ahead kiss your bride, I don't mind," John teased.

He hoped that Cassie would get some release from what ever was bothering her; she probably didn't realize her smile didn't quite reach her eyes. Dean held her close and he knew she was unhappy about something. He looked in her face before he kissed her and a tear fell on his cheek.

"Cas?"

"I'm sorry," she said as she ran from the room.

Dean looked at John who motioned for him to go after her. On his way out to the kitchen Dee Dee saw him and ran to hug him. After a moment John took her from Dean to go check on Marty.

"Go on son," I think she needs to tell you something.

Cassie stood in the closet as Dean opened the door. She tried to dry her eyes just before he put his hand around her waist. God help me know what to do?

"Cas, what's wrong? Please don't start hiding things from me."

She just stood with her back to him. He took a step back to get out of his oily clothes as he waited for her to respond. Once he had on his lounge pants and a clean shirt he turned her to face him.

"Cas, I know you are pregnant."

"I can't be its too much, I can't do it."

Dean frowned, " What do you mean?"

In the back of her mind she knew she could never have an abortion but she had also wanted to believe that their precautions would be enough.

"It's too much; too many babies."

"You would consider getting rid of our child? I love you, what the hell is too many? You thought Courtney was bad, she didn't have anyone to help her, to love her," he yelled.

She swallowed as tears flowed from her eyes. Dean knew his being angry wasn't helping, why did she always push him away when they were close? Why would she ever consider not having her husband's child? That was unacceptable to him. He didn't care how much he heard the media say it's the woman's body. Well she was his wife that had to mean something. He wanted to shake some sense into her but he wouldn't hurt her, he couldn't he loved her too much. He used to think she loved him too. Instead he left the room and the house as his father stared after him.

John watched Dean leave the house to go sit outside in the shade. Dee Dee stood at the door as she watched her daddy. Daddy don't be sad. Dean turned around to see the little girl at the door and motioned that she could come out. Once he held her in his lap he started to cry too. John watched from the window in shock that Dean would allow himself to lose his emotions so fully. He was uneasy with watching his son so he thought he should go check on daughter in law.

Cassie was in the nursery playing with Marty in the floor. She seemed to be okay but the sadness was still in her eyes. Marty smiled up at John as he reached to pick up his grandson.

"Did Dean tell you he has another child?"

John's jaw dropped as Cassie began to tell him the story of Jason and Courtney. Cassie ran to get the phone just as she finished the story.

"That was Sammy he and Sara are on the way here from the airport and they are a week early," Cassie said as she stopped by the nursery to tell John before she went to find Dee Dee.

John shook his head, Winchester timing was never the best why should today be any different. Dean has another child?

Cassie watched Dee Dee and Dean from the window. Why was she torturing her husband? Why was she pregnant again, she had taken the pill? Maybe God knew better than them that he wanted them to be fruitful? She laughed, but she wasn't wonder woman and she really had hoped to go back to writing soon. Maybe she was being selfish. Dean looked up to see her watching him. He didn't smile and it frightened her. She was pushing him too far, once again she was pushing him away. Why was being happy so undesirable to her? They were doing so well, even the thing with Jason was coming along nicely. She had decided to go outside to talk to him when he came in the door and handed her Dee Dee as he headed toward their bedroom.

"Dean, Sam and Sara are on their way here."

"Good then you will have someone to talk to while I am gone," he said as he changed into his jeans then grabbed his jacket on the way to the door.

She followed him and he stopped for a moment to look at her.

"Dean?"

"Yes, Cassandra," he said as he looked into her sad eyes, but it wasn't enough for him to stay.

It was all he said before he walked out.

He didn't know what else to do but remove himself from her presence before he lost control. John touched Cassie on the shoulder as she watched Dean leave.

"Give him some time to get over what ever you told him, Cassie, you know he will be back."

" I don't know, John, I think if my husband believes I would get rid of his baby that would be the last straw."

Sam knew Cassie had told Dean as soon as he walked in the door. She went into his arms.

"Sam, I am worse than Courtney. I love Dean why would he believe I don't want our baby? I am an idiot, once again, could he really think I would do anything but love our child? He mis-understood my hesitancy."

"I think he should have discussed it with you and try to convince you, not walk out. You know Dean he just pig headed. I will go find him."

"No, Sam he may just need some time alone." John suggested as they headed to the sofa to get out of the front door.

"I think he is right Sam he may need to go through this on his own for a while," Sara insisted.

"Yeah, but Dean will just get "wasted" he won't actually think," Sam said as he ran his hands through his long brown hair.

"I hope he only gets "wasted" last time he was angry with me, he sired Jason. I should go find him before he does something he will regret." Cassie said.

TBC

Dean received a call from Courtney as soon as he left the house. He went straight to the airport where a ticket waited for him. Jason was in the hospital again for his asthma and Courtney really thought it looked bad for their son. He was angry with Cassie so he did not call her right away but once he sat on the plane a while he realized how much he loved her. He was sure he could convince her to keep the baby though he didn't have any idea that that was not necessary.

Cassie checked all of the Dean's regular hangouts and returned home a couple of hours later frustrated. John had phoned her mother and she was waiting when Cassie came in the door. Sam and Sara had taken the kids out for the night to give Cassie time with her mom while John watched television in the living room.

"Mom, it was so stupid I was unsure and he didn't want to listen. He really thinks I would give up our baby," Cassie said as she sat at the table across from her mother.

"Honey Dean loves you, he will come around. He may be hurt but if he thinks about it, he will know your heart. He knows how much you love him."

"But Mom things were going so well now this confusion, I am afraid I could lose him this time."

At the hospital, Dean went in to see Jason and was surprised by all the tubes in the little boy. The tubes seemed to be helping him breathe; he looked weak and frail. Dean touched his hand and he opened his eyes to smile at him.

"Hi Buddy, Daddy is here," he said to Jason as Courtney snuck a peek from the door. Her son with his father, that is how it should be, she thought.

Dean's cell phone vibrated and he saw it was his Dad but he ignored it because he didn't know how long he would have Jason. If Courtney was telling the truth, the little boy was in bad shape. He left the room after a few minutes to go find the doctor but to also use the phone.

"Done so soon?" Courtney asked once he was in the hall.

"I'll be back just some things I need to take care of," he said as he went toward the hospital doors.

"Yeah Dad, what's up?" he asked his father gruffly.

"What do you mean what's up? You just walked out on your family, have you forgotten them so soon?"

"I really don't want to go into this now I have kind of an emergency here." "Here? Where are you?"

"In California, Jason is in the hospital and they don't think he will make it. Tell Cassie one of the kinks in her life may be done with," Dean said before he hung up. John wasn't going to replay what Dean said to Cassie only the basics. There was no reason to upset her. As far as he was concerned, she was still carrying a Winchester baby and he didn't want her upset. Dean may have forgotten that but he wouldn't. It was bad enough he would have to relay that Dean had left town to go see his illegitimate son.

Cassie left a message for Dean after John told her of his wherabouts. "Honey please forgive me, but I promise I never thought of not having this baby. I was angry with myself for feeling that it was bad time and I guess I felt it was only right if you were angry with me too. There just wasn't enough time to explain to you before you were out the door. I hope Jason gets better and I do understand that you had to go to him. I love you; please call me as soon as you can."

The first time he listened to Cassie's message he was in the waiting room while Courtney visited their son he had just put away the cell phone when he saw the nurses run into Jason's room. The next thing he saw was Courtney as she came out in tears.

"He's gone, Dean he is gone."

He felt heart sick as he hugged Courtney who he didn't seem to have any connection to at all. How could his young son just die? Was it a Winchester curse? Was his family still under a death sentence? What of his other children? Cassie? Maybe he should go on a quest like the one his father had done. Courtney stared at him as it hit her Dean really wasn't interested in her despite them having shared a child she could tell because he seemed distant at that crucial moment.

Later that evening he finally phoned Cassie after he had listened to the message at least four times. He was ready to talk to her at after two in the morning. The phone only rang once before she picked up.

"Cas?"

"Hey."

"I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions earlier. I should have known better, but the way you were acting surprised me. I knew you were pregnant, all the signs were there I was just waiting for you to tell me."

"I was kind of put out that I could be pregnant when we tried so hard to avoid it."

"It happens but we can do this, right?"

"Of course we can. How is Jason?"

"He died earlier it seems surreal, I still can't believe it. He was so young and sweet. I hope its not some sort of family curse, I really do."

"I'm sorry, Sweetie, he was a good little kid."

Dean could tell she was tearing up he didn't want her to be upset but he knew she was fond of Jason so he gave her a moment to gather herself. It seemed so senseless for such a little one to die. He loved Jason and it hurt to think he would never see him again.

"Will you come for the funeral in a few days?"

"Of course, I will be there for you, absolutely."

There was a knock on the door. Cassie asked who would be coming by so late. "It's Courtney she is in the room next door; I didn't want her to be alone, Cas, she is hurting. I am afraid she may try to do her self in."

"Oh."

"You trust me, right?" "I do," she said without hesitation, of course she didn't trust Courtney not to use any opportunity to pull Dean in, even guilt.

"I should get the door. I will call you in the morning when I get details, okay?"

"Okay, Good night, I love you."

"I love you too."

Courtney came in the room.

"Talking to your wife?"

"Yes. How are you holding up?"

"Not well," she said as she pulled him to her for a hug.

Dean pushed her away. This was not why she was there. He decided raiding the mini bar was a better idea. Courtney drank and talked as Dean listened half-heartedly. When she had what he, thought was plenty he guided her back to her room and let her fall on her bed. He slept on the sofa just in case she needed help throwing up. He refused to let her kill herself on his watch something she had threatened to do earlier. Courtney woke up with a killer headache and rushed to the rest room to vomit. Dean heard her moving around and went to his room before she could see he had stayed to watch over her. He didn't need her to try to use this incident to show he really cared for her. He also didn't want her to bring it up in front of Cassie.

Cassie brought Dean's good suit so he wouldn't stand out in his jeans and he appreciated the effort though jeans were more comfortable for him. He was impatient on the morning of the funeral not knowing what to do with his anger at his son having been taken from him. Cassie tried to help him with his tie and he pushed her away.

"You aren't doing it right," he said angrily as he looked in her sad face.

"Okay you should do it," she said as she went to step away from the bathroom.

He stopped her with a hand to the shoulder.

"I'm sorry but I hate this; how can your God let a child die this way. Am I such a horrible person?" he asked not wanting an answer yet sorely needing one.

Cassie shook her head, "I don't know Dean, I really don't. However, I do know God didn't take Jason it's this world we live in that is evil. No, I don't think this is to punish you or Courtney but things just happen. All we can hope for is that we will some day see the reason."

He hugged her.

"Forgive me; I know you loved him too."

The funeral was especially sad since Jason was so young.

A few people got up to say things about the little one. His baby sitter, his grand parents who finally came in town for the event, his mother then Dean. When it was his turn, he stood uncomfortably at the podium. Why had he said he would speak? He knew why because he loved his children and now one of them was gone forever. He would never see him grow up, fall in love, have a date or get married. Jason's life was over. He hated that fact worse than anything that had gone on before.

"As Jason's father who is not married to his mother I have had a limited amount of time with him though I did the best I could. Mostly I shared my family with him and we could see he was a happy easygoing young child. We enjoyed having him visit with his half brother and sister. I will personally miss him the rest of my life but one thing I will always remember is his ready smile," he said as the tears threatened to over take him. He put forth a grim smile as he sat back down beside Cassie. Sam and Sara had come also to support Dean and he appreciated their presence.

At the gravesite, the pastor said a few words before the lowered the little casket in the ground. Sam watched Dean as he looked at something near the pastor's foot. He looked toward Dean who seemed transfixed then he turned to his younger brother. His eyes seemed glazed and Sam went to stand beside him.

"Dean what's wrong?"

"Jason's ghost, it's glaring at Courtney," he whispered.

Sam looked at Dean for a moment he thought he was joking.

"Dean that's not funny."

His brother stared at him with a grim look on his face.

"Sam I am serious, but I will not salt and burn my own son. Let him haunt her."

--

"Dean? Dean? Wake up?" Cassie said as she knelt beside the bed.

He woke up slowly as he looked around. Cassie smiled at him.

"Are you okay? You screamed out Jason's name in your sleep and you were tossing and turning."

"Jason's dead, Cassie."

Cassie stood up then looked curiously at him just before Jason and Marty came into the room and onto their bed. Dean did a double take as Jason reached to hug him.

"Daddy Daddy."

"Jason?"

"Jason lives with us and has for the last few months, you don't remember?"

He held him close for a few moments as Cassie got back in the bed.

"Cassie you seemed more pregnant."

"The baby has been growing the last four months. That must have been some dream."

"What about Dad? Did he visit?"

"Not since Marty was born, he is back in Europe. Do you remember that Sam and Sara are engaged?"

"Really, I suspected that would happen. Are they here now?"

"Wow what a dream you have only been sleep a few hours, must be those late night work outs with your buddies. They won't be back until Christmas time but I doubt they will actually wait to after law school to marry."

"No, not knowing my brother. I'm glad everything is as it should be but where is Dee Dee?"

For a moment, he was afraid to hear the answer.

"Um I don't know how they do it but if the boys come in the morning Dee Dee doesn't show up and vice versa. I think she has some type of deal with those two."

She grinned as Marty laid a sloppy kiss on her, you have to love those Winchester boys.

The End.