“Alandra, you run a successful advertising agency, you’re engaged to Brazilian actor and model, Julio Malfacini, and it looks like you’re about to tackle a new role: mommy. How does it all feel?” The daytime talk-show host asked.

I flashed an easy smile and touched my protruding belly. “All I can say is it’s not easy being superwoman.”

It’s also not easy being a fraud.

If I were to tell you that my life was all glitz and glamour, I wouldn’t be lying but what the good folks at Forbes don’t tell you is that it’s lonely at the top. I could count on one hand the number of relationships that I’d attempted, that same number of which had also failed miserably. I had more of an attachment to my BlackBerry than I did an actual person. Scratch that. That’s not entirely true.

I had Julio.

Thank God for him. He had been my friend for as long as I could remember; maybe even before then. Julio was a constant in my life and I was happy for that. Plus, it was a bonus that he was my tabloid scapegoat and as gay as the days were long. I could rely on him to take the heat off of me when the papers had nothing better to do than have their heads so far up my ass, they couldn’t see past Tuesday. There was always speculation whether we were dating or not and we never denied any of the claims because what business was it of theirs?

Julio wasn’t quite ready for the world to know of his secret life and I don’t think the world was ready to hear the news that their favorite foreign beef cake liked American sausages more than Mexican tacos…if you get my drift. He was happy with the charade and I wasn’t going to blow the horn on my best friend. But if I wanted…I had the power to make it happen.

But as I was saying, it was lonely at the top. I was in my mid-thirties, unmarried, a successful business woman who still wasn’t content with the way life was going. I needed to tackle a new challenge. I wanted to take on motherhood but without a single worthwhile individual to help my dream come to fruition, I was at a stale mate.

Then, a light bulb went off in my head during an evening dinner with Julio.

“Father my children.”

Julio choked on the wine he’d been in the middle of sipping. “Excuse me?” Even after three decades of living in Los Angeles, Julio still had the thick Brazilian accent that had garnered Hollywood’s attention.

“You heard me, Julio. Father my children.”

“I think you’ve had too much wine, meu amor.” He began to reach for my glass.

I moved the wine from his reach and took a sip of my own just to spite him. “I’m not drunk. I’m seeing more than clearly now. If I’m going to do this, it has to be with someone I trust.”

Julio opened his mouth to speak than quickly shut it.

Really, what was he to say to my request? I had fully expected this reaction. This wasn’t like asking to borrow a cup of sugar. There were risks and no guarantees with a baby and no refunds if the kid turned out to be a complete maniac.

“Why a baby? Why not…a kitten or even a darling puppy?”

“Because it’s my right as a woman to carry and bare children. Because I need a legacy, Julio. I don’t want to leave this world without knowing there’s someone in it, besides you who will show the rest of these fools how it’s done. And because I can think of no better set of genes than yours and mine to create the perfect super spawn. My biological clock is ticking, Julio. I’m thirty-five years old and feel as though I have nothing of substance to show for it.”

I took a deep breath and watched his expression. He was searching my eyes for the truth. Julio knew me better than anyone and if he saw a flaw in this thing or didn’t feel as though I was doing this with the utmost sincerity, I’d never have the opportunity to be a mother.

“This is a huge favor to ask of someone. I do not know if I’m ready to be a father…or even if I’m father material.”

“That’s the beauty of it; you wouldn’t have any tie to the child if you didn’t want it. You know I can provide for a child in every way imaginable. You can remain a free agent.”

He sucked on his tongue in thought. “I do not think I like that. I’m all for living the bachelor life, but if I knew I had a child out in the world, I’d want to be a part of his or her life. Family is very important to me. I cannot just cut ties with someone who is a part of me like—”

I grabbed my empty plate and snatched up his, not caring that he was only halfway finished with his meal. “Like what? Like me? Just say it Julio.”  I tossed both dishes into the sink with as much force as I could muster and watched them shatter against the chrome sides.

“Meu amor, I did not mean it like that,” he said gently as he came up behind me. “I know why you do not speak with your mother. I was right there with you, remember?

I remembered all too well. My mother was the reason why I didn’t trust men or think much of people in general. She’d been running the same scam for years — marrying for money and then divorcing, citing irreconcilable differences. She’d been married five times, if my math was correct and I was sure this most recent one was about to get the boot soon. It had all come to a head the night of my twenty-fifth birthday. She’d promised to take me to dinner — just me and her. She was attempting the straight and narrow for once in her life, having landed a job as a receptionist at a local shipping company. At the time, I was convinced that she was finally done with the games and ready to grow up. I was more than ready for my mother to become the woman she was meant to be and had planned to let her know that night.

I’d been overly excited, thinking this would be the time I’d tell her about my idea to start my own advertising firm. Instead, she’d stood me up to rendezvous with the man who had been the CEO of the company where she worked and her soon-to-be third husband. She would later admit that the only reason he’d agreed to marry her was that she’d trapped him with a false positive pregnancy test. With that startling revelation, I’d decided I’d had enough. I didn’t attend her wedding, which in turn caused her to cut me out of her life — if only temporarily. When Loretta Meyer-Jamison-Walker-Jennings got mad, she didn’t stay made for very long. After a few months, and once her third divorce was finalized, she called again to apologize and ask for money, as she’d already blown through her settlement. By that point, I was networking and attending conferences on a weekly basis to garner attention and collect a list of potential clients for my business.

Later in the day, I’d gone to Julio’s apartment and poured my heart out to him. He’d let me cry myself to sleep on his shoulder and had tucked me into his bed that night.

I’d be forever grateful for him.

“Ali, minha querida, give me time to consider this.” He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and held me.

“I’m sorry Julio. You’re right.” I sighed and turned my body into his embrace. I buried my nose in his chest for a moment before pulling away. “I’m being completely insensitive to your feelings. Take your time. This is a huge decision and I don’t want you to rush anything.”

“You will not hate me if the answer is no, will you?”

I lifted my face and tried to muster a reassuring smile. “I’ll love you no matter what the answer is. The fact that you’re even thinking it over means more to me than you’ll ever know.”

I stood on my toes and laid a chaste kiss on his lips.

****

Two weeks later, I was still at a stale mate. Julio hadn’t given me an answer and I wasn’t willing to push the matter for fear that I could screw up my chances if I demanded a response of him. He held my future in his hands.

I would simply wait…which was the hardest part.

When a knock sounded at my office door, I expected to see my executive assistant, Olivia, saunter in wearing something that wasn’t even close to work appropriate.

I swiveled around in my chair and smirked at Julio standing in the threshold of my office. “Hey, what are you doing here?”

“I need a reason to visit my best friend?” His dark exotic eyes twinkled with mischief, which peaked my interest. I stood from my chair and made my way over to greet him properly.

His six-foot frame made it a little difficult to wrap my arms around his neck. Most times I opted for his shoulders and let him lift me to his level. He always smelled clean shaven and fresh, even after a workout. The man was one in a million.

“Of course not. It’s just unusual for you to come by unannounced in the middle of the day. Speaking of which, Olivia didn’t even phone to let me know you were here.” I looked over Julio’s shoulder toward my receptionist desks that was irksomely empty.

I rolled my eyes and groaned. It was just like her to leave for lunch without notifying me. I should have fired Olivia weeks ago, but because she was the niece of a sorority sister, I’d tried to give her more chances than she’d deserved. This would be the last time I practiced nepotism.

When I focused back on Julio, he held up a bright pink sticky note. “About your screening process, I believe this is for you.”

I snatched the note from his large hands and read it quickly.

Ms. Meyer,

I quit. Sorry.

- Olivia

“That is probably the shortest resignation letter I have ever seen.” Julio smirked and crossed his arms over his chest. “The little hearts she used to dot her I’s are cute, yes?”

“Shut up, Julio.” I growled and balled up the Post-It note, throwing it over my shoulder. “That girl has impeccable timing. I set up a meeting with our biggest client next week, and she decides to quit! How unprofessional will it look for the President to be secretarially challenged? Also, she can’t quit. I’m supposed to have the pleasure of firing her.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose and I tried to take cleansing breaths.

“As it seems you are not in a good mood, I guess I should reveal the purpose of my visit and then make a quick exit. I need a favor,” he said with the roll of his tongue, making his accent more prominent. “My cousin is coming into town and—”

“Forget it,” I said abruptly and turned to walk back to my desk.

Closing the door quickly, Julio trailed behind me as he began to explain himself. “You have not even heard what I’m going to say.”

“I don’t need to hear the rest. I’m not going on a date with anyone related to you.”

“That is not very nice, meu amor.” Julio frowned, looking genuinely upset by the comment.

“Yeah? Well, take it up with Joanie in Human Resources. I don’t have the time.”

“Melhor amiga, listen. I’m not asking you to take anyone on a date. HHe needs a temporary job, and since you have a secretarial position that just opened up…”

I began to shake my head. “Do I have the words ‘preferential treatment’ stamped on my forehead or something?”

“You do not understand. He is—”

“Nope, not going to happen. The last favor I did for someone got me saddled with a pre-pubescent twit and a resignation Post-It note."

Having had enough of my evasion, he stood in front of me and secured my chin between his thumb and forefinger, forcing me to match his gaze. “I promise, Alandra, if you give my cousin a job you will not be sorry. My family is very hard working. Just look at me.”

He stood proudly, as if he was the prime example of why I should hire anyone in relation to him. Julio was a proud man; he was also completely out of his mind if he thought I would hire another person as a favor to someone else.

“The answer is no.” I turned away from his touch and moved around him to occupy my chair once again. “It’s not going to happen.”

Julio sighed sadly. “Is there no way to convince you?”

I looked up from my mound of paper work and gave him a look that was supposed to be sympathetic yet partially dismissive. “There’s no way I’m going to agree to it. Look, I know you’re trying to do something good here but I don’t have the time or the patience for this right now. I’ll see if Georgia has an assistant position open in the design department. That’s the best I can do. There’s no room for error at the executive level. I’m sorry.”

I switched my focus to my computer screen where I opened up a Word document ready to prepare a memo Olivia was supposed type last week, but never got around to it. I could see Julio out of my peripheral vision, unmoving. I had hoped that he would leave of his own accord so I didn’t have to continue with my bitch act. However, he was making it very difficult.

“Is there anything else, Julio?” I said in my professional voice that was reserved for my associates, and individuals I didn’t much care for. I hated having to use it with Julio.

“As a matter of fact, there is.”

I raised an eyebrow at the challenge in his stance and the defiant tone of his voice.

“Yes?”

“I’ve made a decision.”

“Regarding?” I asked idly.

“A child.”

That garnered my full attention. My body went stark still as I studied the man in front of me, the man I thought I knew like the back of my hand. The implications of his words weren’t lost by any means and I fought to stay in control of my emotions.

“I think you should leave before you say something you can’t take back.” I spoke lowly and prayed to God that he would turn around, walk out that door and we could forget ever having had this conversation.

Acting as if he hadn’t heard me, his expression remained the same. “What I decide is up to you.”

If not for the complete void of emotion on Julio’s face, I’d have said he was joking. Never, in the years I’d known him, had he been so somber about anything. We rarely ever seriously fought. Sure, we disagreed and had heated discussions about things but they never lasted long. This, however, was one battle that seemed to have no end.

“Are you seriously using my dream of motherhood as…leverage?” I asked in disbelief.

“Think of this as a precondition. You have something I need and I have something you need.” Looking more than ashamed of himself, Julio let his head hang low. This was a side of him I’d never seen before and it completely shocked me.

This ruthless person — who’d stop at nothing to get what he wanted — wasn’t him. It wasn’t him at all. It was always me but I never used that side of myself on anyone I actually cared for. I didn’t like this role reversal one bit.

 “You’re…unbelievable. Get out. Get out right now!” I ground out and pointed toward the door.

“I did not mean to hurt or offend you, meu amor, but this is very important to me and to my family. Please consider it.”

Hesitantly, he reached for me and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. I closed my eyes and stood rigid as I waited for him to step away. I let out a breath I wasn’t aware I was holding when the door shut behind him. I rested my weight on the edge of my desk and blinked away tears.

If this was a prelude to parenthood, I could definitely do without.

Julio and I didn’t speak for the rest of the week. I was sluggish and irritable and pitied anyone who got in my way. When Friday afternoon rolled around, I welcomed the weekend with open arms.

I missed Julio like crazy. I had almost convinced myself that he’d had a lobotomy and that the person in my office wasn’t my Julio. I was tempted to pick up the phone and call him but I resisted. He’d started this war and it was up to him to fix it.

Although, I’d known that I’d taken some cheap shots at him and had pushed him to a limit. Julio was a very family oriented person. On the first of every month he’d send money home to his parents. If someone in his family needed something, whether it was a third cousin’s sister’s friend’s mother’s husband, he was right there to lend a hand.

I should have given his cousin the job, I thought that Sunday morning when I woke up. I knew that I should have just relented and given it to him, but my damn hardheadedness had made me resist. And ironically, with the stress of putting my meetings together and mine and Julio’s impending fight, I hadn’t had time to look for Olivia’s replacement.

It was just too much and I was getting a head ache thinking about it. I needed coffee in my system to jump start my day. The intoxicating aroma of the dark liquid always got me going in the morning. I could smell it now…as a matter of fact, I really could smell it.

When I rounded the corner to my kitchen, there stood Julio with a mug in his hand a fresh pot brewing behind him.

“Hello, meu amor.”

I blinked away my surprise and approached him wearily. “Hi.”

We stared at one another for a long moment before he offered me the mug he held. I gladly accepted with the inclination of my head as a thank you and remained silent.

“I want to father your children,” he said seriously.

Not expecting that confession, I sucked in a breath and almost dropped my coffee.

“Julio…”

“Alandra, I must apologize to you. The other day…it was wrong of me and selfish. What I did was low and I’m ashamed. I would not ever make you choose between my family and a potential one of your own. I will do whatever you need me to do to gain the family you so deserve.”

I bit my bottom lip to keep it from trembling but I was no match for the onslaught of tears that rolled down my cheeks. I set the mug down and stepped closer to wrap my arms around my best friend’s shoulders. I let my body wretch with a sob as he held me tightly. He cooed softly in Portuguese and stroked my hair gently, willing my tears away.

I took a step back and held him at arm’s length. “I’ll give your cousin the job, only because I’m desperate and I know that if he’s anything like you, he’ll do his best. I’m sorry I was so stubborn about it the other day. It was just terrible timing all around. I should have done it sooner but you know me…”

“If you were a stallion, the best trainer would not be able to break you.” He smiled and kissed my forehead.

I gave a watery laugh. “You know me so well.”

His smile suddenly dropped and he resembled the man in my office a few days ago. He became solemn and reclusive. “I am so sorry, meu amor, about what happened the other day.”

I palmed his cheek and caressed his stubbled skin with my thumb. “Apology accepted.”

“Let’s not ever fight like that again, yes?” 

I nodded and pulled him into another embrace. “Don’t ever become that person again. I didn’t like him very much.”

“I did not like him either. I promise I will never become him.”

“Good,” I sniffled and quickly reached for a paper towel to clean up myself. I probably looked absolutely ridiculous. “So, tell me about this cousin of yours and what I can expect from him as an employee.”

Julio unveiled his thousand watt smile and began to tell me about his very talented little cousin whom he was convinced would be the best thing to ever happen to my company.

“You’ve made it public knowledge that you’re estranged from your mother. Has your relationship changed now that you’re going to be a mother yourself?”

I smiled tightly at the host and laid a protective hand over my stomach where my child kicked actively. “My mother and I still don’t see eye-to-eye on certain things. But that doesn’t make her any less the person who gave me life. I just decided afterward that I was going to be a different person and make a life that was strictly mine. She doesn’t like that fact very much and that’s the reason why we’re estranged.”

My mother had also been the reason for my late start and foul mood on Monday morning. I’d stayed up late putting finishing touches on a proposal for a meeting I had later in the day and she’d called last night to check up on me, but I knew it was a cover. She needed something and I knew exactly what that something was.

I’d let her pretend to care about my wellbeing for a moment, and then subsequently told her to cut the formalities. She had ended up in Florida with a man who was five years my junior. By the way he’d wined and dined her she’d thought it was true love — and a means to get her hands on more money — so of course she had accompanied him back to Miami, only to discover that he had just about blown through his trust fund. Apparently, he was looking for a nice sugar mama to help him continue living the highlife. And because my mother played a socialite so well, he’d been fooled right off his surfboard.

“I hope you have enough sun block to last you a while,” I deadpanned.

“You’re not going to wire me money to fly back?” Her voice wavered and I could hear the onset of tears.

“Hell no, I’m not wiring you shit.”

She gasped. “Alandra Denise Meyer, where do you get off speaking to me like that? I gave you life! I—”

I snorted humorlessly. “Let’s face it, mom. I made a life for myself. You were just the incubator.”

I heard her gasp for a second time and reveled in the sensation of hurting her, like she’d hurt me so many times over the years.

“Alandra…I love you. I can’t even believe…why are you being so hurtful?” The raw emotion in her voice had me shutting my eyes and urging myself to stay strong.

This was all an act. I had to hand it to her; she knew how to tug at my heart strings. It was a shame she had never openly pursued a career as a thespian. She would have had an Oscar by now.

“Cut the bullshit. I’m done playing these games. I have an early morning and I don’t have time for you,” I said with finality and started to close my cell, but not before I heard her condescending words echo through the receiver.

“You’re worthless as a daughter! I hope your business fails and when you have nothing left, you come running back to me for help. Do you hear me, Alandra?”

Trying to keep my temper in check, I brought the phone back to my ear. “I heard you, mommy dearest. Fortunately, you have nothing to offer me if my business does fail. But, just in case, why don’t you hold your breath until I call.”

For the rest of the night, her words resonated in my head and as much as I’d tried to keep her from affecting me, she had. She would always be my mother, no matter how many times I prayed she wasn’t and I would always have a part of her in me.

Even Folgers couldn’t pull me out of my funk as I entered the building and remembered that Julio’s cousin was supposed to make an appearance and get acquainted with the rest of the office today.

An impending dread settled in the pit of my stomach.

Not that I hadn’t been looking forward to meeting his cousin, just the thought of him screwing things up put me in a worse mood. I couldn’t afford mistakes, especially with my biggest clients coming in a few days. I needed everyone to be on their A-game. And what a great example I was setting, running in with a bagel hanging from my mouth, my patent leather pumps secured in one hand and the top three buttons of my blouse undone for the entire world to see my cleavage.

Luckily, I have time to right myself before Julio or his cousin arrive, I thought as I passed my empty receptionist desk and began to enter my office.

I nearly dropped my belongings when I caught sight of Julio leaning leisurely against my desk, smiling over the shoulder of a man only inches shorter than him. I stood in the doorway and watched the exchange between the two. They both gestured wildly as they continued their conversation in fast disjointed Portuguese, not noticing I had intruded on them. Every so often, Julio would place a hand on the other individuals shoulder and give it an affectionate squeeze before pulling away. If I wasn’t so sure that this was the cousin Julio had bragged about, I would have been able to tell that the two had a connection of some kind. Although, Julio was affectionate by nature, he tried to reserve touching for those he truly cared for. Many people in L.A. had not initially taken kindly to his friendly contact, not understanding that it was a part of his makeup.

I hated to spoil their moment, but my lips were going numb around my soggy bagel. I cleared my throat, catching both of their attention.

When I caught Julio’s gaze, his delight turned into amusement. “Meu amor, here, let us help.”

I was relieved when he took the bagel from my mouth first. “Thank you,” I sighed and let the younger gentlemen take my purse and laptop bag that were hanging from my shoulder. He kept his head bowed so that his sandy blond hair fell into his face, and all I could see was the faint outline of a smile on his thin pink lips. I wondered why he was avoiding eye contact, but chalked it up to nerves and tried to forget it. It was then I suddenly remembered that my blouse was open and exposing the tops of my breasts. I quickly dropped my pumps and secured the buttons into place. I cleared my throat to rid myself of the heat I could feel creeping into my cheeks.

“Aren’t you going to introduce me?” I directed the question at Julio, who had the same amused expression.

“Alandra Meyer, please meet my cousin, Mateus Vardel.”

I thrusted my hand out to shake his. He took a moment to observe it before he finally lifted his head and pale green eyes hypnotized me. The light stubble on his face made him seem more rugged, more handsome even than Julio. It was apparent that they were related in some way by the downward tilt of their eyes and the gaunt shape of their jaws, but I could see ample youth and optimism in Mateus’s emerald orbs.

“I am very pleased to make your acquaintance, Miss Meyer.” His quiet bedroom voice settled over me like warm syrup over a hotcake. I felt almost intrusive that it allowed me to imagine what he may have sounded like in the early morning.

“Like wise.” I did my best to conceal the affect his voice had on me but I’m sure I wasn’t doing a very good job. “Julio, would you do me a favor and show Mister Vardel his desk while I…situate myself?”

“Of course. Take your time, meu amor.”

Once the door closed behind them, I closed my eyes and chastised myself. What the hell is wrong with you? You act as if you’ve never seen an attractive man before. Get it together! I pressed a hand to my chest and took a deep breath.

I made sure to survey myself, swiping my hands over the front of my skirt to eliminate any foreign bodies. I readjusted my blouse — just to be on the safe side — and collected my thoughts before I wretched open the door and plastered on a friendly smile. I approached Mateus who was sitting behind the desk, becoming familiar with the computer.

“Finding everything alright?”

Never taking his eyes away from the screen, Mateus made a noise deep in his throat that was supposed to be confirmation but instead sounded more like a luxurious moan after having taken a bite of a succulent peach.

I had to get a grip.

“Well, I have a meeting with my agent in an hour.” Julio leaned over and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, then turned to impart some final advice in Portuguese to Mateus. Whatever he had said had the younger man chuckling and shaking his head.

I’d have to ask Julio what his parting words were later. Once he was gone, I turned to Mateus.

“I’ll have Jason set up your email in just a second. For now, I’ll take you around and introduce you to a few of the other folks you may have to deal with in the coming days.”

He stayed relatively quiet as I showed him around the office. It was obvious his attractiveness and exotic charm weren’t lost on my female employees. I rolled my eyes while giggling and snickering ensued after we’d depart from one division and enter the next.

HR was our last stop and I’d hoped the head honcho there, Joanie Duff, had gone to lunch but as luck would have it, she’d decided to order in. There’s absolutely no hope of Mateus getting out of here unscathed, I thought.

Joanie was ten years past mid-life and still going strong. Nothing about Joanie was real, except for her personality and work ethic. She was the stereotypical epitome of an L.A. girl — dyed, botoxed, and surgically enhanced. I’d almost felt sorry for Mateus when she laid her blue contacts on him.

“Is it Christmas already?” She batted her fake eye lashes and stood from her chair with a lazy flirtatious smile.

Joanie had absolutely no shame and I thanked God Mateus wasn’t familiar with current sexual harassment laws in the state. Joanie would have been on the Most Wanted list, if there was one.

I tried to contain a chuckle and shook my head. “Joanie Duff, meet Mateus Vardel, my new assistant. He also just happens to be Julio’s cousin.”

“I need to get my butt to Brazil,” she sighed dreamily and held out her hand for him. He took it without hesitation and kissed the back, surprising both Joanie and I.

“If you do ever visit my country, I would be more than happy to be your guide.” He said in a way that would have made Casanova himself proud.

Dazed, all Joanie could do was nod.

I had to hand it to Mateus; he knew how to handle the ladies before they handled him. This revelation made me that much more determined to keep my guard up around him. For the rest of the day, I exuded nothing but professionalism. I found a way to avoid asking Mateus direct questions by simply emailing him from my office — a mere ten feet away. It was a cowardice move but I couldn’t afford to let his husky voice and gorgeous eyes get the better of me. The less interaction we had, the better off all of us would be. It had helped that he was completely proficient with a computer, writing memos, and even helping me edit some of the recent proposals and presentations I’d begun for other potential clients. I didn’t have to hover over him or make sure it was formatting everything correctly. It was as if he’d been born to be an assistant or, at least, gone to school for it. I had gotten more than I had planned to accomplish, thanks to him, and decided to leave early and give Mateus the rest of the day off.

“Is Julio supposed to be by to pick you up soon?” I asked Mateus as I switched off the light to my office and closed the door behind me.

“I am not certain…”

Reaching into my pocket, I secured my cell and pressed Julio’s speed dial number. It rang twice before he answered.

“Hey, we’re done for the day. Mateus needs you to come get him.”

I sent a reassuring look toward the man in question and was surprised that he caught and held my gaze. I hadn’t realized that he’d been watching my every move since I’d put the phone to my ear. I squirmed under his unnerving stare and tried to concentrate on what Julio was saying.

“Sorry, Julio, could you repeat that?”

“I said I’m a little tied up with negotiations. Will you drive him back to my house? You still have my spare key, yes?”

I barely contained a groan. “Yeah, I’ve still got it. You owe me buddy.”

“Isn’t offering you my seed payment enough?” I could tell he was grinning.

“Ha ha. Very funny. When can we expect you back?”

“Hmm, I would say no later than six.”

Six? That was a full three hours and I couldn’t just leave the guy all alone in an unfamiliar setting.

I sighed, knowing what I was about to do would probably come back to bite me in the butt later. “I guess we’ll see you at six.”

“Obrigado, meu amor. You are the best! I will see you then.”

When I hung up, Mateus’s pale green eyes were waiting, watching…absorbing.

I cleared my throat to push away the feeling of being mentally undressed. “Julio is still tied up with work so I’m driving you back to his place.”

He remained silent but nodded his affirmation. His smile was leisurely and he took his time to collect his belongings. When he finally stood, he swept his hands out in front of himself as if to say ‘after you.’ That smile never left his face.

It would be another forty-five minutes before we pulled into Julio’s driveway. His two story neocolonial styled home always put me in a state of awe. I’d opted for a condo in the Hills with a great view of the ocean, while Julio had gravitated toward the suburbs near Riverside. It all looked so…normal. It was such a contrast from the lifestyle Julio lived because of his career choice. If I didn’t know the man so well, I’d have pegged him as the type to live above a busy night club or rent out a penthouse in the Four Seasons Hotel.

“Home, sweet home.” I turned to smile at Mateus, who I’d caught staring again.

I quickly exited the car and made my way to the front door, not really caring if he was following behind me or not. This kid has got to stop with those looks, I thought as I retrieved Julio’s spare key from my purse and unlocked the door.

The sun filtered in from the kitchen to illuminate the spacious foyer. The hardwood floors had first attracted me to the house when Julio had asked me to tour it with him. The stairs leading to the bedrooms and his office were directly to the right and also hardwood encased. A baby grand piano in the center offset the feel of the space and the artsy glass chandelier hanging in the middle of the high ceiling told anyone who entered that the person living here had money. My favorite parts of the home were the sepia-colored photos of family members he’d taken during a trip back home that adorned the walls. I also loved how the house always smelled of cinnamon and cedar. Julio loved the candle warmers I’d gotten him for Christmas last year and had put them to great use throughout the house.

Mateus whispered something in Portuguese but the tone of his voice was of wonderment.

“I know. I get the same reaction when I come in here. It feels like home.” I grinned without looking in his direction and placed my purse by the door while toeing off my shoes.

Mateus remained quiet as I padded toward the kitchen to rummage through Julio’s fridge.

“Are you hungry?” I asked as I opened the refrigerator door. “He doesn’t have much but I’m sure I can whip something up if you’re hungry.”

When I didn’t receive a response, I assumed he had gone upstairs to be alone. I reached for the items necessary for a salad and backed out of the cold space. I turned to shut the door with my hip and almost dropped the food I held as I caught sight of Mateus hunched against the counter opposite me, quietly observing.

“Good Jesus! Don’t sneak up on me like that,” I laughed nervously and continued with what I was doing.

“I apologize.” He said solemnly and bowed his head slightly. “Are you here very much?”

I shook my head, surprised he had initiated a conversation with me. “Not very often. Julio and I usually have dinner at my place because it’s closer to the office and the site where his show is taped.”

He made a sound deep his throat and I had to keep from shuttering as I retrieved a knife to cut the vegetables.

“So, you two have been together a long time?”

I paused mid-chop and looked up. “Together? Julio and I aren’t together. Julio is…” I trailed off, hoping he understood where I was going with this.

Mateus’s confusion never wavered and I suddenly got a sinking feeling. Oh good grief, Julio hasn’t told his family he’s gay.

“Is…what?” He raised an eyebrow and waited for me to continue.

My lord, Julio, I could kill you right now. I groaned inwardly and maintained an emotionless expression as I resumed chopping. “He’s my best friend. Julio and I don’t have that kind of relationship,” I said carefully.

It may have been my imagination but I could have sworn I saw Mateus visibly relax. Dismissing the thought, I continued fixing the salad and hoped Julio made it home soon.

****

At six-fifteen, the front door slammed shut and I jumped from the living room couch. Mateus had excused himself an hour ago to head upstairs to unpack and get himself acquainted with his room, or so he’d said. I had entertained myself with a rerun of The Office as I waited for Julio to arrive home.

Julio called out to me and I made a beeline straight for him. He began to open up his arms to me but I quickly evaded his embrace and grabbed the front of this shirt, dragging him into the kitchen for some privacy.

“Why haven’t you told your cousin you’re gay?” I demanded in a harsh whisper.

The confused amusement in his honey brown eyes suddenly transformed into shame and embarrassment. “I have not gotten around to it…” He said uncomfortably.

“Mateus seems to be under the impression that we’re together.” I glared.

“I am sorry, meu amor.” He hung his head and for a moment he seemed very child-like and innocent. Nothing like the Julio I knew. “I never meant to give him the wrong impression of us. I just...”

I sighed, attempting to reign in my temper. “Darling, you need to tell them. You know they won’t care. They’ll love you just the same.”

He nodded but didn’t seem too convinced. “I’m just afraid they will not understand, or even worse, disown me. I do not know what I would do if—”

“Hey, hey.” I cut him off and pulled him into a hug. “You’re working up yourself over something that hasn’t even happened, nor will it happen.”

“I will tell them, meu amor. I just need time,” he said with a little more confidence.

I pulled away and kissed him softly on the chin. “Of course you will, baby. Of course.”

The scene we created was intimate, and anyone looking from the outside in would have thought Julio and I may have been a couple — lovers even. The way we looked at each other, the way we held each other, everything about us was love and admiration for the other. It was no wonder why the magazines pegged us as an item. But what they didn’t realize was that there was no passion between us. No spark.

I palmed his face and began to say something I knew would make him feel better but I was interrupted by a low accented voice.

“Casa bem-vinda, primo.”

Julio took my hands in his and eased away from my touch to greet Mateus properly. They began speaking animatedly in Portuguese and I couldn’t help feeling left out. I stood watching their exchange and wondered why I was suddenly struck with a pang of jealously.

“Alright, enough with the Portuguese, por favor! Lord only knows what you’re saying about me.” I said, only half joking.

They both stopped and stared with equal amusement.

“Meu amor, we speak of how beautiful you are and how much we would like to take you to dinner.” Julio jested and I swatted him away playfully. “Seriously, we are going out to dinner tonight. I want to show Mateus some of Los Angeles.”

I tried to muster up a smile as I made my way to the door to retrieve my purse. “Well, I hope you guys have fun—”

A callused hand landed on the soft skin of my wrist, halting my forward motion.

“Alandra.” Mateus breathed it out as if it were a prayer, meant for only us to hear. “Please come.”

My eyes landed on his hand that began to move upward as he stepped closer. He cupped my elbow and I trailed my gaze up his arm, over his chest, along the column of his neck to his face until we were staring at one another. His pale green eyes held the request his lips had uttered but there was a hint of something else. Something that wasn’t all together appropriate. Yet, I continued to meet his stare head on.

“Yes, meu amor, you are coming with us.” Julio said, breaking the jade spell.

I tore my eyes away from Mateus and smiled at my best friend. “Okay. I just need to change,” I said hurriedly and rushed up the stairs.

Once in the room I usually occupied when I slept over, I went straight to the bathroom to splash cold water on my face. I’m definitely losing it, I thought as I stared at my reflection in the mirror. Either Mateus was a distant relative of Harry Potter or I had been sexually deprived for far too long and his eyes were playing tricks with my head. My guess was the latter but I wasn’t going to completely throw out my theory on witchcraft.

If I didn’t get my libido under control, it was going to be a long night.

 

“Before you became pregnant, was there a ritual you two followed? With my daughter, my husband and I tried moving our bed to different corners of the room.” The host chuckled along with the audience.

“Umm, Julio and I just went out to dinner. We always go to dinner so I guess that was our pre-conception ritual.”

We left Julio’s house approximately forty-five minutes later. Julio decided to drive and I let Mateus sit in the front with his cousin, if for no other reason than to keep him from burning a hole in the back of my head. I tried to keep a steady stream of conversation flowing with Julio so I wouldn’t be caught in a sole discussion with Mateus. We made it into the city and chose a Chinese bistro that Julio and I had been to a handful of times. The ambiance was nice, the food was to die for, and the locale was secluded enough that the paparazzi wouldn’t bother Julio too much. But just in case, the staff was nice enough to place us in a private booth with a silk curtain for seclusion, if we so needed.

I slid in first, not expecting Mateus to follow. Julio sat across from both of us and grinned meaningfully. “My two favorite people in one place. I am a happy man.”

I rolled my eyes as I reached for one of three menus in the center of the linen-covered table. As I scanned the menu, the two men began speaking in Portuguese, prompting me to lower the menu and glare at them both.

Mateus caught my gaze and smiled sheepishly. He understood my expression: speak English.

As Julio began to reply to whatever Mateus had said, he stopped abruptly and reached for his vibrating phone, groaning at the name of the incoming caller. “Excuse me, I’ll be right back.”

Continuing to watch me, Mateus chuckled and shook his head apologetically. “I am sorry, Alandra. It is difficult to speak English when I am around family. I said this is a nice place and wondered if you come here often. He said sometimes and was about to tell me what you liked.”

I’d forgotten that my mouth was set in a harsh line and my eyebrows creased in thought. I let my face relax and scanned the menu again, even though I knew I was going to get.

“We’ve been here a few times. I love sushi so I drag Julio with me every chance I get. He doesn’t mind the raw fish part but he goes gaga over the sticky rice and the potstickers.”

He licked his lips slowly and inched closer to glance at my open menu. “Do you recommend anything?”

Yeah, I thought. I recommend that you not come any closer.

“Well, I usually order the California rolls, but again, I’m a sushi fan. This of course is more Americanized. Have you ever had sushi?”

“Not that I can remember. Brazil is not known for its sushi.” He gave me a boyish grin. “I will try your California roll.”

Proudly, I closed the menu and placed it back in the center of the table. “Excellent choice.” I smiled my approval. “I hope you like it. Sushi really isn’t for everyone.”

“I trust you.” The grin had softened considerably and his bedroom voice was back in full effect.

His piercing gaze stripped me bare. I’d never been looked upon with such intensity and, at the same time, such tenderness. I should have been annoyed, offended, outraged even. But the quiet magnetism behind his pale eyes only made me curious. I wanted to know why he looked at me so intimately. More importantly, I wanted to know what the culmination of these looks would bring if I inquired about them.

“May I start you off with an appetizer?”

I looked up to see a girl no more than eighteen smiling down upon us.

I straightened my back and put space between me and Mateus. “I’ll have a bottle of California Cabernet Sauvignon,” I said quickly.

If anyone had been keeping count, that was cowardice move number two of the day. I was going to drink lots of wine until I forgot about the budding attraction for a man young enough to make me feel like a cougar on the prowl.

When Julio returned from his phone call, I was happily on my second glass of wine.

“Who was that?” I smiled lazily at him and swirled the contents of my glass before gulping it down.

Julio quirked an eyebrow but didn’t question my drinking habits. “My agent, Elise. You remember Roberta, my old publicists?”

“The publicist who’d been doing media damage control after proceeding to anonymously leak information to the tabloids about you? Yeah, I remember that hag.” I sneered and began to pour myself another glass of Sauvignon. “She’s the reason people even know my name. I could choke her for putting my personal business out there like that.”

“Yes, well, she is now trying to write a tell-all book.”

“Can she do that?” I asked, stunned.

He nodded gravely. “She can. However she has to get my approval for facts about my own life. Of course, she is not going to get it.”

“That puts a wrench in her plans for world domination, I suppose? Well, let’s toast to that.” I lifted my glass, not waiting for Julio or Mateus and toasted alone.

This brought a small smile to Julio’s face that he couldn’t sustain for long. “Unfortunately, meu amor, she still has grounds to write this book with or without my permission so long as my name is not in it. She can make accusations and sell them to the papers, however. What Elise wants me to do is lay low.”

Matues, who had remained silent, finally spoke up. “What does this mean, primo?”

“It means that I am advised to take an extended vacation from work. The studio has approved it since I have already tapped a full season of the show. Elise has—”

“So, basically what you’re saying is that woman is running you out of town and Elise is letting it happen.” I said matter-of-factly. “For how long?”

Ever since I’d met Elise two years ago, I hadn’t liked her much. In my opinion, she didn’t have Julio’s best interest at heart. She was only out for herself and the nice pay check Julio supplied for her. He wasn’t the best judge of character but I had to let the guy make his own mistakes. It was just a shame he continued making the same ones over and over again.

“It’ll only be for a month, maybe two.”

My eyes went wide. “Two months? What about our plans? And what about family and all that? You have responsibilities here that you just can’t—”

“Do you think I want to leave?” His voice raised an octave, causing me to sit back in my chair. “I do not want to leave, meu amor. I do not want to run from this, but what choice do I have? I cannot put the ones I love through this media circus, especially with Mateus here.”

I looked to my left where Mateus sat focusing directly on Julio. They peered at one another through long dark lashes, having a full conversation without words.

“Will you be alright without me?”

My head snapped up to stare at Julio.

“I can manage primo.”

I turned to Matues again. It seemed I had no say in the matter of my best friend leaving his sex pistol of a cousin here. “You can’t be serious. You’re just going to up and leave him here?”

Julio reached across the table to touch my hand, rubbing the back of it. “Matues is a man. He can take care of himself.” He kept his eyes on Mateus while he spoke, and then suddenly turned to me. “Besides, there is no one I trust more to see that he has a good time during his visit.”

I opened my mouth to protest but was interrupted by the waitress who began to take our orders. I wasn’t going to give up that easily.

****

A week later, I was still convinced that there had to be another way for us all to get what we wanted while Julio kept a low profile. Unfortunately, the flow of ideas came too little too late because as I sat in my comfy office chair, Julio was flying over the ocean to some secluded resort in the Caribbean.

However, before he’d left, he’d made an appointment with the clinic I was using for my insemination procedure. He’d shown up as soon as the place had opened and done the do. I remember vividly because he’d called me that morning with the surprising news and had tried to give me a rundown of everything that had happened. I’d deemed it a private matter between him, the doctor, and the cup holding his little swimmers. I was just happy that all that was needed was my egg and I’d be headed down maternity highway. Problem was, I was much too busy to get an appointment that suited my schedule this week. I had proposals and presentations out the yin-yang and couldn’t seem to find a free moment for myself.

I sighed as I tried to concentrate on the blank Word document I had open. The cursor was blinking at me, almost mockingly. My fingers tapped a cadence on the edge my desk as if the rhythm would help the ideas flow from me. I mentally urged myself to type this proposal for the client of an up and coming luxury resort, but my subconscious was focused on the man sitting outside my door. I could have kicked myself for putting it off until now because it was obvious that I wasn’t going to be getting anything done in the realm of actual work today.

Unable to withstand it any longer, I pushed from my chair and began to pace. I put a finger to my lips as I thought of possible slogans that would help me construct the proposal.

“At Wellesley’s Resort and Spa…” I lifted my hands out in front of me as if to scribe a message in the air. “We make your every dream come true!” I smiled briefly then groaned. “What is this, Disney World? C’mon, Alandra, think.” I used my index fingers to massage both sides of my temple as I continued speaking aloud to myself. “Wellesley’s Resort and Spa, where fantasies become a reality. No, where…reality and fantasy align. My God, that’s so mediocre. We might as well just tell the customer to watch the paint peel.” I took a breath and tried again. “Wellesley’s Resort and Spa…where Kirk and Spock fight for interstellar dominance.” I paused and considered the ridiculous idea of having two intergalactic fictitious characters fighting over a room in a Wellesley suite.

I chuckled sadly to myself and shook my head.

I was beginning to wonder how I had ever become successful in this business with juvenile ideas like that. I needed a break. I just wasn’t functioning properly in this stuffy office. Fresh air would do me some good, I thought. A five minute break was all I needed.

Pulling my office door open, I stepped out into the lobby. Mateus sat typing away. Most likely editing something of mine or corresponding with a client to set up a meeting. He was assimilating well into the daily routine of the office and I had to admire how smoothly the past few work days had gone with him around.     

I paused for another moment as I watched him. It was unusual that he hadn’t looked up yet. It was around this time that his eyes would meet mine and I would pretend coy and look away.

“Mateus.” I tried getting his attention, he remained unresponsive.

My eyes narrowed. Have I done something to offend him? I wondered, moving closer and calling his name again. He was unmoved and I began to seethe. This was my place of business. I was the boss here and anyone working under me was damn well going to show me some respect.

As I began to reach out to tap him on the shoulder, I noticed the black buds secured in his ear and the thin cords dangling from them. I chuckled to myself at how ridiculous the idea of Mateus ignoring me sounded. He wasn’t disregarding me, he was listening to music. In my haste, I had overlooked the subtle bobbing of his head to the beat he was so caught in and the silver iPod sitting pretty on his desk.

“Mateus,” I sang and tapped him simultaneously.

Startled, he pulled the buds from his ears and turned those mesmerizing eyes on me. “Yes, Alandra? I apologize, I did not hear you. What do you need?”

I needed a nice cold shower, that’s what I needed.

I bit my lip and tried to stall, as I’d forgotten why I’d even attempted to get his attention in the first place.

“What are you listening to?” Changing the subject was usually a viable distraction.

He glanced down at his iPod briefly and then back up at me, smiling wide. “Boyz II Men.”

“Boyz II Men?” My neck snapped back in disbelief. “What do you know about them?”

“Alandra, I am twenty-seven, not eighty-two. Why would I not know a great group like Boyz II Men?”

He picked up the small device and handed it to me. Glancing at the screen, I gave a half laugh. Sure enough, it was Boyz II Men’s hit I’ll Make Love To You.

Mateus continued to surprise me with each passing day.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” I waved him away and handed the iPod back. “It’s just…I didn’t know the Boyz had made it all the way to South America. Maybe that’s just the ignorant American in me talking.”

He let out an airy chuckle. “They never officially made it to Brazil but I had a friend who introduced R&B to me. I love how sultry and sexy it sounds. It crescendos slowly, building and building. Then, when you least expect it, you are brought down only to be taken to the peek again. It is very thrilling.”

If I didn’t know any better I’d have said he was no longer referring to music. I cleared my throat and tried to smile, though an undeniable heaviness had settled at the pit of my stomach and was making its way to the apex between my legs.

“You make it sound very thrilling. It’s only music, Mateus”

He shook his head. “No, it is much more than that. Here, listen.” He held up a bud for me to take, the music flowing softly through.

The song had changed, the beat pulsing but the tempo slow. I didn’t recognize the song or understand the lyrics as they were in Portuguese. I’d never heard anything other than American R&B and to hear this brought a smile to my lips. The singer, a female, crooned in my ear as if whispering sweet nothings to a lover.

“Who is that?” I asked, ejecting the bud from my ear.

“My sister, Clara. She is quite popular back home.”

“She has a beautiful voice.”

He smiled graciously, his jade eyes twinkling. “I will pass on the compliment. We are all very proud of her.”

“How did she manage to fall into R&B? With a voice like that…she could do any genre.”

“After it was introduced to me, I introduced it to her. She fell in love with it and the rest, as they say, is história.”

I chuckled softly and nodded. “That is what they say.” I shifted my stance, not realizing I had moved closer than I had anticipated. The subtle scent of his cologne wafted into my senses, causing me to blink away inappropriate thoughts of a bare chested Matues spraying the fragrance on himself.

“So, have you had lunch yet?” I winced at how quickly the question had fallen from my mouth. It was obvious that I was trying to fill the silence that had engulfed us.

“I have not,” he said with expectation in his gaze.

“Would you like to come with me? I was just headed out to take a break and possibly get something to eat.”

He beamed, sweeping his sandy hair from his face. “I would like that very much.”

****

I’d let Mateus choose a small delicatessen I’d never been to for lunch. We’d taken our sandwiches outside onto the patio area where tables and chairs were situated so patrons could enjoy the warm California weather. It was overcast today and not too hot, which I was thankful for.  

I covered my mouth as laughter overtook my body. Mateus was telling stories of Julio’s visits home and some of the mishaps that had occurred. Apparently, on his last trip to Brazil six months ago, he’d been in a skydiving accident, at least that’s what he’d told me and the rest of the world when he’d come off his private jet in an arm cast and sling. Turns out, he had actually tripped over a stool in his mother’s kitchen.

I was going to have to tease Julio about that one later. It was always good to have some dirt on him. Things like that would help keep him grounded and humble.

“I swear, he just spins these wild stories and everyone believes them.” I shook my head as my laughter subsided.

“He was very embarrassed. We all teased him about it; my sister and I, my mother, even his own.”

“I’d be reluctant to tell people of what happened too if I broke my own arm in a kitchen not doing anything remotely dangerous.”

Mateus smirked lazily. “He is human. I think sometimes he forgets.”

“It’s not that,” I said, taking the last bite of my sandwich. “He just likes to keep his private life and public life separate.”

Since I’d known Julio, I’d always admired the fact that he had different personas when it came to different people in his life. There was the showboat, thesbian Julio, who never let anyone see a shred of weakness in him. This person was always willing to amp it up for a crowd of adoring fans; the gorgeous actor that every man wanted to be and every woman wanted to be with. Then there was the real Julio, the guy I knew best; the one who wore his emotions on his sleeve and cried at all of Nicholas Spark’s books and film adaptations. This Julio, I respected his take on family and how important they were to him.

At times, I was even envious, realizing the bond I shared with my own family left everything to be desired. Remembering the conversation I’d had with my mother the other day left me suddenly feeling raw and exposed.

I snapped back from my thoughts when I heard Mateus’ accented, bedroom voice call out to me and felt his hand resting atop of mine. I gazed briefly at our conjoined hands, then at his lips that looked soft and pliable.

“Alandra? Are you all right?” His emerald eyes held curiosity.

“Huh? Yeah, I’m fine.” I forced myself to tear my eyes away as I untangled our hands, and pushed away all thoughts of how kissable his mouth seemed.

“Are you sure?” He asked with a hint of amusement as if he’d known exactly what I was thinking about.

I only nodded and tried to pick up the conversation where I’d left off. “If you live here long enough you eventually end up acquiring another persona; one public and the other private. It’s a special individual who can control them both.”

“And who are you outside of your public persona?” He scooted closer, waiting for an answer.

I opened my mouth, ready to reply, but found that I didn’t have an answer. I hadn’t really thought about it. I was just…me — daughter to an absent, selfish mother, friend to a popular actor, and boss to a team of kick-ass business associates; one of whom had a mouth at which I couldn’t stop staring.

Idly glancing at my cell phone, I recalled the time and gasped when I found that we had been out longer than I’d expected. The time had flown by and I hadn’t even noticed.

“We need to get back to the office. I still have work.” I stood and brushed away crumbs from my skirt.

“I am sorry if I took up too much of your time.”

 “No, you didn’t,” I reassured him as we threw away our trash and headed toward the exit. “I like talking to you.”

With a faint smile playing on his lips, he opened the driver’s side door for me once we’d made it to the car. “I also enjoy talking with you.”

We stayed quiet on the drive back. I’d come to find that words were rarely needed when we were together. I found that I liked our comfortable silent moments; they always gave me time to think about the man seated next to me.

Fifteen minutes later, we were back in the office and at our respective desks. Even though I had taken a longer break than I’d wanted, I now felt like I could conquer this proposal; make it my proverbial bitch, if you will. I clapped my hands together and began to type away.

A knock at the door a while later pulled me back to reality. I wasn’t sure how long I had been in the zone but when I came to, I had a full page typed out.

Smiling from ear-to-ear, I instructed the person to come in.

Mateus poked his head in sheepishly. “Excuse me, Alandra but there is a call for you.”

“Who is it?”

“It is a woman, she will not say who she is but she says it is important.”

“Probably Helen Wellesley, wondering how the proposal is going,” I mumbled and gave Mateus a hopeful smile. “I’ll pick it up.”

“Are you sure? I can have her call back if you are busy.”

The consideration he displayed always touched me, and turned my insides into mush. “Yeah, it’s no problem. Thank you.”

Still grinning, I picked up the phone and pressed the appropriate line. “Alandra Meyer.”

“Well, don’t you sound all high and mighty.”

The feeling of accomplishment suddenly turned to stone-cold anger at the sound of my mother’s voice. She always had a knack for bringing me down.

“How the hell did you get this number?” I growled.

“Who was that that answered the phone?” She asked, disregarding my initial question. “He sounded yummy. Is he a mail-order…secretary?” She cackled at her own joke, while my anger grew ten-fold at the mention of Mateus.

“What the fuck do you want?”

“Don’t speak to your mother that way, Alandra. Lord only knows where you got such a mouth.”

“You’re no mother. A manipulative con-artist, yes; a mother, hell no.”

Her sugary sweet voice suddenly turned as emotionless as mine. “You always were unkind, even as a child. It’s a wonder why I try to keep in touch with you at all. You’re ungrateful.”

“It would make no never mind to me, mommy dearest, if you simply stopped trying. As a matter of fact, I encourage it.”

“I know you don’t mean that.” Her pretend sweet and concerned mother routine was back in full force. “I’m just trying to make amends, which is why you’ll be happy to know that I’m in Phoenix.”

I stood from my chair because the constricting feel of material made my skin crawl. “How the hell did you end up in Phoenix? You know what? I don’t care. I don’t want to see you. I want you to stay as far away from me as possible. If you call me again, I swear I’ll take out a restraining order against you.”

I slammed the phone down on the receiver and pinched the bridge of my nose. My mind was heavy again and I knew I wouldn’t get anything done today. I brought a hand to my chest to calm the beating of my heart but nothing could stop the tears that began to well up in my eyes.

She was too close for comfort. I didn’t want her here. I didn’t want her tainting the strides I had made in my life with her poison.

I needed Julio. He could calm me down and reassure me that Loretta wasn’t going to take what was mine. I pressed his number on my cell phone as I swiped at angry tears that cascaded down my cheeks.

The phone rang, and rang, and rang but he never answered.

I’m alone, I thought as I placed my cell back on the surface of my desk. I’d been left alone to face my biggest demon and the one time I needed Julio, he wasn’t there. The realization brought about more tears.

“Alandra?”

I turned abruptly at the sound of Mateus’ voice, as I wiped embarrassingly at fresh tears. I cleared my throat and threw up the wall of professionalism.

“I was just about to call you in to discuss the meeting I had set for next week.”

He continued to watch me from the doorway, saying nothing. He pushed the door closed behind him, never taking his eyes away, as he moved closer. The need to escape flashed briefly but disappeared once he was in my personal space. Silently, he wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his stubbled chin on the top of my head.

Stunned and embarrassed, I stiffened. He must have heard my shouting match, I thought as he continued to hold me in place.

Blood pumped wildly to my head, causing me to sway a bit. The intoxicating scent of his cologne was overpowering, as my face was settled in the exact spot he had sprayed. I closed my eyes briefly and hesitantly let my arms wrap around the solid muscles of his back.

I never let anyone see me like this, except for Julio. But with his absence, his cousin seemed to be the only other likely candidate.

“I am so sorry,” he whispered into my hair. “I never should have—”

“You didn’t know,” I said as I stepped back and held him at arm’s length.

He shook his head to dismiss my comfort. “I will do a better job of keeping that person from hurting you. I promise.”

Genuinely affected by his second display of concern of the day, I reached up and cupped his cheek. When his eyes locked on mine, something passed through me.

Julio and I had been in a similar position before but this time, it felt different being held and holding as we did. The sudden urge to kiss him struck me. Let it happen, my inner thoughts whispered. Those lips were so close and inviting and his piney, masculine smell was doing things to my insides.

It would have been so easy to let him take me but I knew I couldn’t. Not when I was feeling so drained and empty.

I stepped away fully and wiped at the last of my tears. “I appreciate that. I need a minute to myself, if you don’t mind.”

He paused for another moment, his expression unreadable, before he nodded and made his way out.

How easy it would have been to let myself get lost in him, I thought once I was alone again. Mateus was dangerous; a beautifully handsome kind of dynamite that I couldn’t help but to ignite. I knew, soon, there would be an explosion between us. I had resided myself to that fact only a minute ago. I didn’t know where or when but I did know that it would be like the Fourth of July.

“Can you tell us about the feelings you were experiencing beforehand? When did you know was the right time for you to start trying to have a child?”

“Well…” I shifted uncomfortably away from the host as I thought of my answer. “I guess it kind of just happened. If you know what I mean,” I shrugged and waited for the crowd’s laughter to die down. “Honestly, we weren't expecting it. I had so much going on at the time, getting pregnant was the last thing on my mind. The absolute last thing.”

And the first thing on my mind was the proposal I had agonized over for days, which was finally complete. Helen Wellesley had happily accepted our advertising plan and we were in the works to do an entire year-long campaign for her. I did a quick little happy dance for myself and felt the joy of completion course through me. It was four-thirty on a Friday, almost time to close it up and have a celebratory drink for myself.

I had a little pep in my step as I headed from the design department in to see Joanie. I was hoping that she’d agree to go out with me tonight and celebrate, as she was still a party animal and would never pass up the opportunity to have a martini.

“Joanie…” I sang her name as I entered her office.

“Hey, darling.” She looked up with a smile, her contacts brown today. “You look extremely satisfied with yourself. What’s going on?”

“We got the Wellesley account,” I said as I did another little dance.

Clapping her hands together she stood. “That’s my girl; I’m so proud of you!” Joanie enveloped me into a hug.

As I began to pull away she lingered for a moment longer than necessary, making me think this was more than just a congratulatory hug. “You’re such a special woman and anyone who doesn’t realize that is a damn fool. They don’t deserve you.” She held me at arm’s length and eyed me with a look of sympathy and I knew there was definitely more to this moment.

“Alright, Joanie, who told you?” I lifted an eyebrow when she finally released me.

The older woman shrugged and gave me an innocent smile. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Told me what?”

I made a noise deep in my throat that said I didn’t believe her for a minute. “Oh yes you do. You of all people know. Who told you about my mother’s unfortunate phone call?”

She sighed regretfully and closed her eyes. “An exotic Brazilian birdy.”

“I knew it! Of course Mateus couldn’t keep his mouth closed.” I groaned.

She watched me with confusion. “Not Mateus. Julio called me a couple days ago and told me about it. Wait, how did Mateus know before I knew?” Joanie asked, her eyes becoming sad.

“No one was supposed to know, least of all Mateus. He just came into my office at the worst opportune moment.”

“Is that so?” The look of sadness was replaced with giddy curiosity. “And did he…console you?” She raised her eyebrows suggestively.

“Joanie! For God’s sake, you work in Human Resources!” I gawked and shook my head.

“I know exactly where and with whom I work. And just because I have to uphold the moral codes and ethical standards of this business doesn’t mean I’m blind. If it was anyone else, I’d have told them that I don’t condone interoffice dating, but not only is that man beautiful on the outside, he’s beautiful on the inside too.”

All of this I knew, but who said I was looking to date Mateus? Who the hell said I was looking to date anyone for that matter?

“Never mind all that. I want to know why you didn’t tell me Julio called you and who told him?”

Julio had finally called me back that day and we discussed everything under the sun except what I really wanted to talk about. I was still a little upset that he hadn’t been available when he was most needed, but I wasn’t in the mood to rehash the past. I was feeling vulnerable enough, so I didn’t tell him and, at the time, he didn’t seem to know anything was wrong. He must have gotten word after our phone call…but he hadn’t called back to see if I was alright. That much bothered me.

“He just wanted to give me a heads up that you might not be acting like yourself, but seeing as I was out of the office that day, I didn’t get a chance to see if you were okay,” she shrugged; then the suggestive twinkle in her eye came back. “But it sounds like you didn’t need either of us that day. And my guess would be the other Brazilian birdy sang like a canary.”

“Of course.” I nodded solemnly for a moment. “And stop looking at me like that every time Mateus is mentioned. He’s my assistant.”

Joanie held up her hands innocently. “I didn’t say anything and I’m done talking about it. I need to get outta here in a minute. The hubby is picking me up,” she sighed dreamily and pulled open her desk drawer to retrieve the purse she’d placed there this morning.

“Big plans?” I tried not to sound disappointed that my girl’s night plan was shot.

“It’s our thirty-fifth wedding anniversary and he’s taking me somewhere special.”

At that, I smiled for my friend. “Wow, congratulations, Joanie! Thirty-five years? That’s a long time.”

“Girl, don’t I know it,” she laughed. “But it’s been such an adventure. Two handsome, smart boys and three beautiful grandbabies; I couldn’t have asked for greater blessings.”

I had always wondered how people like Joanie and her husband stayed together for so long. How could two complete opposites make a marriage work successfully and keep it working with careers, kids, and any number of life’s twists and turns?

Examining my own life, I had no role models to follow as examples of how proper relationships worked. If I learned anything from my mother it was how not to treat a marriage, or people in general. Luckily, I had Julio and people like Joanie who provided sterling examples of how respected human beings were supposed to act.

“Well, you have fun.” I hugged her tightly.

“Alandra, honey.” I turned back to Joanie as I was making my way out of her office, her face somber. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you that day. If that woman ever calls back here, I’ll handle her myself.”

I gave her a gracious smile. “Thanks, Joanie.”

Thirty minutes later, I was packing up to go home and open my new pint of Ben & Jerry cookie dough ice cream. My Friday celebratory excursion was still going to happen; it would just be toned down a bit. My mouth began to water just thinking about the chilly, sweetness lying in wait in my freezer.

I locked my office and turned to Mateus’ desk. “Ready?” I tried to keep from glaring as I watched him wrap up an e-mail, but knowing he had told Julio about my mother’s phone call annoyed me.

He pushed the ‘send’ button and looked up with a smile. When it wasn’t reciprocated, he tilted his head to one side in confusion; his eyes asking a silent question.

Ignoring the look, I strolled past his desk. “I’ll be waiting in the car.” And because I could still feel his eyes on me, I swayed my hips a little extra just to spite him.

****

The ride to Julio’s house was silent, as most of our car rides were. Riding back to Julio’s for dinner and later heading home had become routine over the past couple of days since Julio had left. Tonight, I didn’t plan to stay long. I would drop him off, make sure there was enough food in the fridge, and then make a swift exit. Oh, and in between there, ream him for speaking with Julio behind my back about the incident a couple days ago.

It had begun to rain and I hadn’t worried until I heard the boom of thunder in the distance. I groaned inwardly because the prospect of driving forty minutes home during a thunder storm wasn’t my idea of a fun Friday night. The cadence of the rain droplets landing on the windshield and the quiet swooshing of the wipers was a nice distraction from the discussion we should have been having but weren’t.

“Have I upset you, Alandra?”

The question caught me off guard because I gave no sign — other than the sassy sway of my hips out of the office earlier — that would hint at my semi-fool mood.

I looked over quickly with a raised eyebrow. “Do you think you’ve upset me, Mateus?”

He pursed his lips for a moment. “Well…you are exceptionally quiet tonight. I have a sense that you may not be in the best of moods and I only wondered if I did something.”

The sincerity in his voice only seemed to set me on edge. He sounded almost like a small child ready to accept his mandatory corporal punishment.

I shuddered even considering Mateus and the act of spanking in the same cogent thought.

“I don’t know, Mateus. Did you do something that I may not have liked?” I asked, keeping my eyes straight ahead.

I heard him sigh, as if thinking of what he might have done to bring about my bad mood.

“Does it have something to do with the phone call from the other day?”

I squeezed the steering wheel until my fingers went white as I thought of my mother and her close proximity to my state of residence. “Yes, it does. Can you think of a reason why I would be upset with you because of a phone call that had nothing remotely to do with you?”

“I spoke with Julio,” he admitted, his tone full of guilt.

“You did, and you told him and he in turn told someone else who told me.” My eyes were unblinking and hard as I pulled into Julio’s driveway and put the car into park. “I don’t want everyone in the office knowing my business. Please don’t think because you’re Julio’s cousin that we are suddenly best friends or that you have the right to divulge my personal matters to anyone who will listen.”

I shut off the car and opened the door, not caring that I hadn’t pulled out my umbrella to keep the steady rain from soaking me. I made it to the porch and had unlocked the door before he caught me. The gentle touch of his hand on my shoulder had me wiping around to face him. The hard look I had aimed at him as I turned fell flat when I noticed his shirt was matted to his chest and arms, outlining all of the lean muscles I had only felt under my hands. His hair was sleek and messy, and glistening with small pearls of rain. His lips were moist but I assumed that had nothing to do with the storm that seemed to have picked up in the few seconds since we’d arrived home.

“I am sorry I upset you,” he spoke quietly as he searched my eyes. “I did not realize I was overstepping my bounds by contacting Julio.”

“If I had wanted him to know, I would have said something myself.”

“He said that you tried to phone him but he was taking a nap. I assumed…”

“Don’t assume,” I interrupted with a glare that I managed to sustain. “You just make an ass of yourself.”

“That was not my intention.” He bowed his head apologetically and took my hand; a gesture I wasn’t expecting. “I am truly sorry to have upset you in any way.”

I swallowed as he brought it to his mouth and kissed the knuckle. A hot wave of chills settled over me because he never took his jade eyes away from mine.

My inner walls convulsed one good time — enough to make my breath hitch and wonder why I hadn’t launched myself on him yet.

Down girl, I chided myself and pulled my hand away.

“Apology accepted.” I cleared my throat and pushed the front door open.

Once inside, I went straight up the stairs to the second guestroom, where I kept an extra change of clothes for myself. I closed the bedroom door and leaned against it, eyes closed and breathing steady. The only thing out of sync was my heart, which was beating a mile a minute. Never had a man conjured up so many feelings within me. Mateus was able to annoy, arouse, and confuse all at once.

Maybe it runs in Julio’s family, I considered as I stripped off my wet clothes.

Julio was well versed in two of the three. We’d been friends so long it just seemed like a natural thing, and I knew exactly how to handle myself when he did annoyed or confused me. But with Mateus, I didn’t quite know how to go about dealing with him just yet, especially when he aroused without even lifting a finger. One searing look and I was a gooey puddle on the floor.

This was no longer a matter of controlling myself when I was around him. It was now a matter of when I would relinquish control and let my feelings take over. There was an undeniable magnetism between us and I knew I’d let him have me before the summer was over and he went back to Brazil.

After drying off and dressing in wide legged jeans and a lavender wifebeater, I was feeling more calm and self-assured. As I pulled the bedroom door open, a loud explosion of thunder echoed through the house and then suddenly everything went pitch black.

“Oh my God!” I gasped as fear gripped me by the throat. “Mateus!” I called out, trying to control the anxiety in my voice and I began to grope along the wall.

I hated the dark. As a child, my mother would jokingly tell me that if I wasn’t a good girl, monsters would come and take me. She’d chuckle to herself, then turn off the lights and close my door while my eyes darted around my dark room looking for the monsters that I knew were lurking in the shadows. Of course I had grown out of the childish idea that the Boogey Man was waiting in the dark for me until last year when my condo was broken in to. I had arrived home to see my place in shambles and my TV missing. I had invested in a security system right then and there. But the aftermath had left me afraid of the dark and the bad things that sometimes happened there. The intruder had taken not only my television but had also stolen my peace of mind.

“Mateus!” I tried again, this time I didn’t attempt to hide the desperation in his name. “Mateus, where are you?”

“I am here, Alandra. Are you alright?” His accented voice carried from the end of the hallway. His footsteps traveled closer and I breathed a sigh of relief.

I continued to follow the length of the wall so I didn’t end up near the stairs and tumble down them.

“There’s a flashlight in the kitchen.”

“Okay. Come with me.” I felt his hand fumble for mine and hold it tight as he led the way.

We moved slowly through the dark house, careful not to misstep on the stairs or run into walls in the foyers on the way to the kitchen. When we made it there safely, he released his hold and I listened to him shuffle around opening drawers in search of the flashlight.

“It’s in the second drawer on the left of the stove,” I said as I propped myself against the refrigerator. My nerves were still jittery from the darkness.

I could have jumped for joy when a beam of light shot up to the ceiling and illuminated some of Mateus’ face. He shinned the light in my direction and I squinted to help my eyes adjust.

“Do we have candles?”

I thought for a moment. “There are some on the coffee table in the living room. And I think Julio has some in his bedroom.”

“Stay here,” he said as he began to walk out of the kitchen.

Rushing to catch up with him, I reached out and clasped his muscular forearm. When he turned to look at me, I could barely see his face but I knew the expression was one of confusion. He began to protest but I bit off any more discussion with a forceful, “I’m going.”

Sighing, he gripped my hand and led me back up the stairs toward Julio’s room.

****

The living room was bathed in the soft glow of candle light, so were the kitchen and the downstairs bathroom. Mateus was in the process of lighting those candles and checking to see if the hot water was still working. I sat curled up on the couch with my favorite microfiber blanket waiting anxiously for him to return. Though, the house was no longer completely dark, I still wasn’t very comfy being alone in a semi-lit house.

When I heard footsteps moving closer, I turned my head to watch Mateus stroll out of the darkness with a candle in one hand and the lighter in the other.

“There is still hot water.”

I sighed in relief. “Thank God. I couldn’t handle a blackout and a cold shower in one day. It would’ve been too much.”

Setting the candle down on the coffee table with the others, he sat next to me and positioned himself so that his knee grazed mine.

“Can I ask you a question?” He turned, setting his soft green eyes on my brown ones.

I pulled the blanket closer around me, even though the house was comfortable in temperature. “Sure.”

“I hope you do not think I am prying but…” he paused as if trying to form the question correctly. “…does the dark make you nervous?”

“The dark makes a lot of people nervous,” I said defensively and focused on the dancing flames.

“I agree but not many people are willing to be someone else’s shadow to avoid being in the dark alone.”

“I’m not afraid of the dark,” I snapped.

He was quiet for a moment. All I heard was the steady cadence of rain outside and my own breathing.

“When I was a boy,” Matues began, “I pretended to be sick so that I could stay home from school; like most children at that age,” he chuckled a bit, recalling the memory. “And one time, I waited until my mother left for her job to go through the pantry to see what candy she had hidden there. The only problem was the food pantry was down in the cellar below our house. I was never afraid to venture down there, so I went in search of some sweets. My father was supposed to have fixed the latch on the door because it had locked my sister in the day before, but he had forgotten.” He turned away from me then and watched the candle’s flames flicker. “And I was too busy enjoying my day off from studies, and the chocolate I had found, that I let the door shut and the latch fall, locking myself inside. I ended up trapped down there for almost an hour without lights; I was so paralyzed with fear. Lucky for me, my mother had come back early because she had left some important papers. I was so happy, I hugged her tight and confessed my lie to her and vowed to never pretend sick again.”

I flicked my gaze up and there he sat staring at me with an unreadable expression.

“The point of that story was to let you know that the dark makes me nervous also. I was a child, yes, but the memory stays with me. I was also not able to sit properly for a few days afterward.”

At that, I laughed. “And here I thought you were just trying to pass the time with stories from your childhood.”

“That was just a bonus,” he winked and leaned forward, his face becoming serious.

I tore my eyes away, debating whether I wanted to open up about my fears. Sleeping with him wouldn’t require me to know him mentally, only physically. But something in me yearned to know more about him and have him know me in return.

I sighed deeply and licked my lips before I began. “Last year, I had a break-in after a long work day. I came home to find throw pillows discarded, my couch flipped, and my TV gone. When the police arrived, they did a sweep of the place and apparently the guy was still in my house when I had gotten there. They caught him a few blocks away, trying to climb into someone else’s home. After questioning him, he told them that he was about to go after me, but when he heard me on the phone talking to the cops he got scared and left through the upstairs window.” I let my head drop. “I don’t know what would have happened to me if…” I couldn’t control the quivering of my voice.

I felt the couch bow under his weight as he shifted closer. His fingers grazed my chin, urging me to look up.

“You do not have to be afraid, Alandra.” His thumb caressed my cheek as he spoke lowly. “I am here.”

I saw something primal and raw in his eyes and I was surprised that it didn’t alarm me. He said nothing at all but I felt everything in his look and touch alone. I titled my face upward as soundless approval. I swallowed and waited for him to lean down. His lips grazed mine briefly, testing the waters to see if I would push him away or not.

As I began to surge forward and press my lips fully against his, savoring his masculine flavor, the house burst with light. The power had kicked back on.

We both froze and sat back to gauge the other’s reaction. It had only been a feather of a kiss, not even mentionable, really. But my lips still tingled and my skin goosebumped. My body felt alive and was begging for another taste.

To hell with it, I thought as I took him by the nape of his neck, and pulled him forward. This time, instead of a sample, I got a full course of his flavor. I heard him groan as I took charge of the angle and tempo of the kiss. Although I was in control, he challenged me head-on, sucking and nibbling at exactly the right moments.

The grip he had on my arm was biting and I knew it would leave a bruise later. But I didn’t care. I let his silk-laden tongue caress mine in a way that brought about a subtle contraction of my inner muscles.

I moaned of my own accord and scooted into his lap where a steel rod beneath his slacks greeted. The change in positions allowed me to rub myself against him in an attempt to sooth the throbbing I was sure we were both feeling. With his hands now gripping my waist, I could feel the subtle nuance of desperation; a race for release.

I was going to give him exactly what we both wanted.