Speechless by carolinaheart
Summary:

I'll never talk again

Oh boy you've left me speechless

You've left me speechless, so speechless 

And I'll never love again

Oh boy you've left me speechless

You've left me speechless, so speechless 

-Lady Gaga

"Speechless" 

 

Cassandra Mitchell never could fight the spell that pushed her and Christian Norris together. Their love was sometimes up and sometimes down but always there. And now that he's gone, she has nothing left to say.

 

Disclaimer:  All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. 

 


Categories: Music, Original Fiction Characters: None
Classification: None
Genre: Drama
Story Status: None
Pairings: None
Warnings: Un-betaed , Work in Progress
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 8 Completed: Yes Word count: 9846 Read: 28918 Published: 11/02/10 Updated: 21/10/10
Story Notes:

 


1. How? by carolinaheart

2. Chapter 2- Alone by carolinaheart

3. Chapter 3- Fix You by carolinaheart

4. Chapter 4- Bubble Dreams by carolinaheart

5. Chapter 5- Johnnie Walker Eyes by carolinaheart

6. Loser In Love by carolinaheart

7. Give It All Up by carolinaheart

8. Why you so speechless? by carolinaheart

How? by carolinaheart

 

 Cassandra Mitchell 

 Christian Norris

Christian Norris 


 

 “Okay Jade that’s perfect.” Cassie lifted her slender finger off of the control.

Jade walked out of the recording booth and sat down in one of the empty chairs, “So I did good?”

“Yeah, this one was good. We just have to get the backup vocals done and we’ll be finished with the track.” Cassie pulled her hair into a ponytail with the rubber band she always had handy.

“That means I can go home now?”  Jade picked up a purse lying in the chair next to her. “ We’ve been at this since eight; I just want to catch a nap before I go out.” She ran her hand through her hair before dragging her hand down her face.

“What, you don’t enjoy spending all your time with me and Cass?” Richie asked, he was the producer for the album Jade was working on.

“As much as I love spending all of my time cramped in a both singing the same verse ten different ways, I really just need to see other people.” Jade laughed.

“It’s fine, I don’t want anything more from you. Your free for the night, have fun.” Cassie spun in her chair and waved her friend out.

Richie stood and stretched. At six foot four inches and 300 pounds, he was tall and looked more like a lineman for a professional football team than a record producer. On a bad day, the wrong look made him seem like a killer. But as intimidating as he seemed, he was more like a big teddy bear.

“Cass, I’m going to head out. You coming down with me?” Richie asked.

“Yeah, just a sec. I need to grab my notebooks.”

Cassandra Mitchell was a songwriter. Most of the songs on Jade’s new album, she wrote. Cassie was too shy to ever be in the spotlight, but she was too talented to do anything other than write and produce hit songs for R&B singers. Jade happened to be one of the top artists at the moment, who was also Cassie’s best friend. Every hit Jade had, Cassie wrote.

“I’m ready.” Cassie joined Richie on the elevator down to the street level.

They both walked out onto the bustling New York streets. The studio had been a haven for them both, away from the noise of the busy city streets.

Richie waved to Cassie as he walked away, “I’ll see you tomorrow, bright and early.”

“Okay Richie.” Cassie smiled. She stuck her hand in the air and hailed a cab.

When Cassie arrived at her two bedroom Manhattan apartment, she dropped her keys, purse and Blackberry on the side table that sat next to the door. Cassie prepared to wash the day away stripping her clothes as she walked through her home. She was alone tonight, as she was most summer nights.

As she sat in the bathtub, Cassie couldn’t help but to think about him. His blue eyes always haunted her, whether she wanted them to or not. She laughed as she flicked water up in the air. It seemed like every soulful, heart wrenching song she wrote was about him, including the song Jade was currently recording. Cassie could not understand what made her gravitate toward him.

She got out of the bath after an hour of soaking and dried herself off. Cassie stared at her reflection in the full length mirror. The white fluffy towel she wrapped around her body contrasted with her skin. Her skin, she thought as she touched her hand to her face. That was his favorite part of her. It wasn’t her eyes, her smile, or her ass. It was her skin that always seemed to turn him on. He said she reminded him of melted milk chocolate.

Cassie stopped her daydream to walk into the open living area of her apartment where she glanced around the dark room. She noticed the red flashing light of her phone indicating she had a message. Walking across the room, she considered why she didn’t hear her phone go off from her bedroom. Cassie had great hearing; it came in handy in her line of work.

It was a missed call from him, but no voicemail. There was also a text message, “please call,” was all it said. Curious, Cassie dialed the familiar number not knowing what to expect really. The man never used courtesies such as please and thank-you.

The phone rang for a few seconds before the line picked up.

“Hello,” the voice on the other side said.

Cassie was confused. That was not his voice, she would know. She heard it in her dreams when he was not there. “Who is this?”

“This number was labeled ICE in the phone.”

“Okay what does that mean?” Cassie asked. She was irritated; if he did not want to talk to her then he should not have called or sent a text message.

“I’m sorry. My name is Eric Plumber and this phone was with a man brought in to the hospital today.”

“What? How?” Cassie asked as she sat down in a chair.

“I think it’s best if you come down here.”

“Why can’t you just tell me what happened?’ Cassie asked frustrated.

“Ma’am, you need to come down here.”

“What hospital?”

“Mount Sinai.”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Cassie hung up the phone and got dressed.

She made it to the hospital within an hour. As soon as she walked in the doors, Cassie went up to the front desk.

“Excuse me,” she said nervously tapping her fingers on the counter.

“Can I help you?” the woman asked.

“I was told to come here by a man named, ummm, Eric Plumber. Where is he?’ Cassie asked as she continued to fidget.

“Right, I’ll call him for you.” She instructed Cassie to sit down as she picked up the phone. The woman was on the phone for less than a minuet. She didn’t look up after she finished the call; instead, she continued doing the work Cassie interrupted her from.

After sitting and staring at the desk for fifteen minuets, a man walked out of the elevator and over to the desk. Cassie assumed he was a doctor from the white coat he wore over a pair of blue scrubs. He talked with the woman at the station, who then pointed in Cassie’s direction.

“Hi, I’m Eric Plumber we spoke on the phone,” he said as he stood in front of Cassie.

Cassie stood up and shook his outstretched hand. “Hi, Cassandra Mitchell. The man whose phone you called me on, how is he?”

“Ms. Mitchell, he didn’t have any identification on him, only his cell phone.”

“His name is Christian Norris. Can you tell me what happened to him?”

“He was killed earlier today. A gunshot wound to the abdomen. We did everything we could to save him, but he lost too much blood”

“What?” Cassie choked. “No, no.”

“I’m sorry Ms. Mitchell.”

“Where is he? I need to see him.”

“I was just informed that the police took his body to the medical examiner’s office. They need you to identify the body.”

“I can’t. I don’t think, I can’t deal with this right now.”

“Ms. Mitchell, I called the detectives working on his case. They are on their way down here now. They’ll take you to him. Why don’t you sit down?” Dr. Plumber helped Cassie to an empty chair.

 

Chapter 2- Alone by carolinaheart

Cassie rode in silence with the detectives to the medical examiner’s office where she viewed Christian’s lifeless body over closed circuit television. He looked so cold on the slab, nothing like he had the previous night. She traced his facial features over the screen and held back a sob.

“That’s him, that’s Christian.” She whispered.

The detectives led her out of the office and into the chilly New York City air.

“In order to find out what happened, we need you to tell us about Christian,” said the detective who led Cassie out of the building, she could not remember his name.

Cassie shook her head, “I can’t do this right now. Not tonight. Can I, can I come in the morning?”

“Of course, do you need us to take you home?”

“No I can manage.”

Cassie arrived back at her apartment, alone. The space felt emptier than it had before she left, before her world shattered into so many pieces. Curling up on the couch, Cassie cried until there were no tears left. The tears she shed were twofold. One, Christian was dead; he wasn’t coming back. Two, the last time she saw him they argued. It wasn’t one of their normal fights that ended in mind blowing makeup sex. It was the last fight. There was such finality in it all, and they could never take back the words they had said to each other.

The Previous Night 

It was late. Cassie turned off the lights and put up her notebook. She wasn’t expecting him to come by when he buzzed her apartment. At first, Cassie planned to ignore the annoying sound coming from the intercom by her door. She went to her room and got into bed. But when the buzzing did not stop, she dragged herself from under the covers to find out who was trying to get her attention.

“What?” She asked annoyed as she leaned into the button that allowed her to speak with whoever was outside.

“Cass, Cass it’s me let me in.”

Putting on a robe and slippers, she made her way downstairs to the front door. It was dark in the apartment building’s entry way. Cassie was not able to see him, but she knew Christian was there. She always knew when he was near. She was able to sense him; it was her special gift.

“What are you doing here? It’s late.” She asked. Cassie allowed him to come into the building.

“I needed to see you,” he said.

“That’s nice, but you couldn’t wait until morning?” Cassie pulled herself out of his arms before beginning the walk back to her apartment

“It can’t wait. I can never wait. You’re my addiction.”  He smiled eerily and followed Cassie up the stairs.

She turned the light on in her apartment, sat down and closed her eyes. “What is so important that it couldn’t wait until tomorrow?”

He stood silently and just looked at her. He wanted her, needed her in a way he never needed anyone else. Christian opened his mouth to speak, but Cassie interrupted him before he could finish.

“What the hell is all over your clothes?” She had just noticed he was filthy. As she peered closer, she began to realize what it was.

Christian recognized the look of horror in her eyes. He looked from her to his clothes. Trying to wipe it off would be no use; it would just stain his hands.

“Christian, are you hurt?” she asked, getting up from her position on the couch and walking over to him. Her hands hovered over his shirt. She did not want to touch him for fear that she might make his injuries worse.

“It’s not my blood Cass.” He grabbed her hands and held them in his own.

When it dawned on her what he was trying to say, Cassie tried to pull away. “What the hell did you do?”

“Cassie please,” he begged squeezing her hands.

 Cassie ripped her hands out of his grip and slowly backed away before turning her back to him. “Christian you promised. You said you were done with it, with this particular line of work.”

Never once, in the eight years they had known each other, had she asked exactly what he did, or how he was able to afford half of the stuff he bought. But Cassie always had her suspicions. He was built like a killer. So much power was stored in his muscles. Sometimes Cassie wondered what would happen if he ever lost control.

“I can explain Cass.”

“Why did you come here? What do you expect me to do, hide you from the police? I won’t lie for you”

“Damn it Cassie shut up and let me explain.” Christian yelled throwing his hands in the air.

“Right, you have an excuse. You always had an excuse before why should now be any different?”

Christian was seething as he stared Cassie down. This was not how the night was supposed to go.

“Was it all some big charade, your new job as a ‘security specialist’?” Cassie questioned.

“I had a job, have a job, one that is legal. Two years, Cassie, two years I’ve stayed away from it all. No new jobs, no new hits, it’s just been security for a firm, a legit job Cassie.”  He was lying to her. He hated lying to her.

Cassie voiced her concern about his profession two years earlier. All she asked of him was to keep his line of work out of her life. Instead, Christian told her he would stop altogether. He would work and live within society’s standards. His new lease on life was supposed to be centered on her, his Cassie. It was supposed to just be Christian and Cassie.

“Which is why you come here, covered in someone else’s blood, right your legitimate job? Whose blood is all over you Christian?” Cassie yelled.

“That’s not important,”

“Not important, not important?! Explain to me how it’s not important. How any of this is not important. How long?”

“Cassie,”

“How long have you been back in business?”

Christian closed his eyes and slowly shook his head. He did not want to tell her; it would only make things worse. He never wanted to hurt her; it was always the last thing in his head. Tonight was supposed to be the last time. It was supposed to go smoothly; no one was really supposed to get hurt, not this time.

“I couldn’t take the low pay Cass, it wasn’t I was used to.”

“So you lied to me just now, the sudden influx of cash wasn’t a raise was it?” Cassie asked. “I knew, oh god I knew. But I didn’t want to believe it because you promised me.”  

Christian’s appearance at her apartment confirmed what her heart tried to ignore for the past few months.

“It started out as a job here and there. Mostly I was intimidation.”

“Right, someone’s going to hire an experienced hit man for intimidation only.”

“In the beginning I told you who I am. I told you I live outside the law. You knew what you were getting into.” Christian said.

“No, I didn’t. By the time I figured it out, it was too late. I was already too far in your pull, stuck in orbit around you.” Cassie said. She finally sat down. “You promised me. I thought … I honestly don’t know what to do any more Christian.” She bowed her head and fought the tears that were threatening to fall.

The couple remained silent for a while before either moved or said anything. Cassie closed her eyes.

Cassie snorted, “I always thought it was ironic.”

“What’s ironic Cassie?”

“Your name, Christian. You’re entire person is a lethal weapon.”

“Cassie,”

“But what type of person does that make me? I fell in love with a murderer, and I’ve ignored it for so long. I tried to make excuses, tell myself that what I suspected, couldn’t be true.” She lifted her head to look him in the eye. “This has to end, really end. You can’t lie to me anymore Christian. I can’t have you here if you’re going to lie to me.”

“You’re right I can’t lie to you anymore. But I can’t not be who I am either Cass. I’m done trying to be who you think I should be.”

“Then we’re through. It’s over, for real this time.” Cassie stated.

Christian nodded his head.

“Then, I think you should go.” Cassie stood up from where she was seated and left him alone in her living room.

I can’t believe what you said to me

Last night we were alone.

You threw your hands up,

Baby you gave up, you gave up

End Notes:
So the rest of the chapters should end with some lyrics from the song Speechless.
Chapter 3- Fix You by carolinaheart
Author's Notes:
Thanks to those who've read and reviewed so far. It makes me smile.

The apartment was quiet and dimly lit. Cassie was in a dreamless sleep on the couch, until she moved and fell to the floor with a thud. She narrowly missed the coffee table. Opening her eyes, she used the table to help herself off of the floor. Everything from the night before felt like a terrible nightmare. Her life was not real; it could not be real. For Cassie, the only real life that existed was one where Christian was still alive. She would rather have him walking around seething mad at her, than know he would never lean on her buzzer waking her up in the middle of the night.

As she looked around, Cassie discovered the light in the apartment was coming from the window through the curtains. It was morning. Day one with out Christian and there were so many things that needed to be done. Before she went down to the department to meet with the detectives, Cassie had to inform Richie and Jade of the change in plans. No recording for the day, maybe not the next day either. Perhaps she could never help Jade finish recording the songs she wrote.

Shaking her head trying to dislodge the unwanted thoughts from her head, Cassie reached for the phone and called Jade. She would be happy Cassie was not forcing her to sing one verse ten different ways.

“Hello?” Jade asked from the other line.

Cassie could not say anything.

“Who is this?”

Cassie still did not respond.

“Look if this is some lame ass joke, it’s not funny. Do you know what time it is?” Jade asked getting frustrated.

“Jade,” Cassie said.

Cassie’s friend could tell something was not right. It had been a long time since Jade had heard Cassie sound so disenchanted with life.

“Cassie what’s wrong are you alright?”

“Yes… no, I… He’s gone,”

“Who’s gone, Christian?”

“Yeah.”

“Good, I told you he was a no good son-of-a…”

“He’s dead Jade,” Cassie interrupted.

Jade promptly shut up and tried to comprehend what Cassie said. She had never been Christian’s number one fan. In fact, Jade always begged Cassie to get rid of the man. Sure he could be somewhat charming when he wanted. But Jade could always see what Cassie tried to hide. For Jade, Christian was a no good piece of shit who hurt her friend and colleague on multiple occasions. That being said, she still would never wish him dead.

“Cassie, I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, of course you are.” Cassie laughed coldly. She knew how Jade felt. The woman voiced her opinion at every opportunity. She always told Cassie that a relationship with Christian was not worth the amount of effort she put into it.

“I may not have liked the man, but I didn’t want him dead Cassie. I never understood why, but you loved him. Do you need me to come over?”

“No, thanks Jade. Can you call Richie and let him know I can’t come into the studio, so we’ll have to halt recording for a day or so.”

“Well, obviously Cassie. But I can still come over. I can bring food or something. Anything, I’ll do anything to help you out. You’re my best friend.”

“Unless you know how to bring the dead back to life, there’s nothing you can do. I have to get dressed. The detectives working on Christian’s murder need to talk to me. I have to go.”

“Wait, he was murdered?! Why would anyone want to murder him? He was a security specialist.” Jade asked in disbelief. Cassie never told anyone about Christian’s line of work. No one ever really asked.

“Yeah. Jade, I really have to go now. I’ll call you later.”

About an hour after her conversation with Jade, Cassie found herself standing in the hallway of the bustling police station. She was not lost; she just did not know where she was supposed to be. Looking around, she tried to find the detectives she spoke with the day before.

“Ms. Mitchell.”

Cassie turned her head at the sound of her name. She saw one of the detectives waving her over.

“Hi, I don’t remember your name Detective…” Cassie said.

“It’s Parker, Detective Parker. Why don’t you sit down in here where we can talk?” He held the door open and ushered Cassie into the room.

“Ms. Mitchell, how did you know Christian?” Detective Parker asked. The night before, he and his partner ran Christian’s name through the system, and nothing came up.

“He’s, he was, my boyfriend.”

“How long have you known him?”

“Eight years.”

“Did the two of you ever have any problems?”

“What couple doesn’t?” Cassie asked.

“When was the last time you saw Christian?”

“The night before he was killed. He came over to my apartment and we argued. I told him he either needed to stop lying to me or it was over, we were over.”

“What did he say to that?”

“He agreed. Then I left him standing in my living room and I went to bed. I never saw him after that,” Cassie began to break down.

“Ms. Mitchell, where were you yesterday?”

“What?” Cassie asked in disbelief. “You think I killed him?”

“Ms. Mitchell, please answer the question.”

“I was in the studio all day, from eight in the morning until around five.”

“Okay. Do you know why anyone would want to hurt Christian?”

“There are plenty of people who would want to hurt him. He knows too much.”

“What do you mean?”

Cassie was confused. She did not know whether or not she should tell the police or not. It would not hurt anything it could only help. But on the other hand, Cassie felt like she was betraying Christian. But can you betray a dead man?

“Ms. Mitchell, what do you mean he know too much?”

Cassie opened her mouth to speak. Instead of looking at the detective, she stared at the wall. “He never told me exactly what he did. Christian always had money; he always wanted to buy me expensive gifts. At first, I thought nothing of it. But I started to get suspicious. I started refusing his gifts. I didn’t know where he was getting them from and I didn’t ask. I never asked, about anything. The last time I saw him he was covered in blood… I didn’t know what he wanted me to do.”

“The night before he was killed he had blood on him?”

“Yeah, I thought he was hurt at first. But he wasn’t. I told him to keep that world out of mine.”

“What world?”

Cassie snapped out of her trance-like state and looked at the detective. “He was a hit man, killed people for money.”

Detective Parker was not expecting that. From what she described, he was thinking drug dealer; defiantly not a hit man. “Did he tell you this?”

Cassie shook her head, “but he never denied it either. He told me he stopped, he swore to me he stopped. Then he showed up at my apartment covered in someone else’s blood.”

“Why didn’t you call the police?”

“I don’t know.  He wouldn’t tell me what happened, so I told him it was over.”

“Did he ever mention anything about his employers?” Detective Parker asked hoping Cassie could give him a lead that would break the case.

“Never. I didn’t want to know.”

“Why did you stay with him?”

“I couldn’t leave; I couldn’t end it.”

“Did he threaten you?”

“No.”

“Did you feel like your life was in danger?”

“Christian would never hurt me.”

“Then why didn’t you leave?”

“I loved him, and I thought if he knew that he’d change. Get a normal job and live a normal life. I thought I could fix him, make everything better. But he wasn’t broken; that’s just who he was.”

Could we fix you if you broke?

 

Chapter 4- Bubble Dreams by carolinaheart

After Detective Parker finished questioning her, Cassie left. She did not want to go home yet, but she did not have anywhere else to go. So she made her way to a coffee shop. Cassie ordered her drink and sat down at the bar facing the window. She stared out into the street and watched all of the happy, healthy, living people walk by. Cassie tried to understand why this was happening to her, how it happened to her. Sitting alone her thoughts began to wander back to the memory of when she it hit her, when she realized that Christian’s less than legal job could put him in a pine box six feet under.  

 

Cassie spent two months in London convincing an up and coming singer that no one could write better songs then she could. In those two months Cassie did not get a chance to really talk to Christian. She was always busy and when she did find the time to sit and try to reach him, Christian was working.

Now, Cassie was home in New York City. She could not wait to surprise Christian; she did not tell him when she was coming home. They had been dating for over two years, and it was serious, at least she considered it to be serious. She did not really know what Christian thought. He never hinted that their relationship was going toward something more permanent, but Cassie hoped.

For Cassie, dreaming about the future was a favorite pastime. The entire flight from London to New York Cassie was picturing what her life would be like. She came up with the typical little girl dreams, the kind that would be played out in a thought bubble in cartoons. She wanted it all: the nice house with the picket fence a dog and 2.5 kids. Cassie could easily picture what their kids would look like. 

After dropping her bags off at her apartment, Cassie went to go see Christian. The doorman at his swanky apartment smiled as she walked up.

“Hi Frank, how are you?” she asked.

“I’m good. Haven’t seen you around lately.”

“I’ve been out of the country. But, I’m back now. Do you think he’s home?”

“He might be. Go on up. I’m sure he’ll be glad to see you.” Frank waved Cassie in.

Cassie rode in the elevator up to his apartment. She fidgeted. Cassie was both anxious and excited to see Christian. The elevator came to a stop as it dinged. The doors slid open and Cassie made her way out into the hall. Her stomach flip flopped as she walked up to his door. She knocked twice, closed her eyes, and hoped for the best.

The door swung open, and light from the room flooded the hallway. Cassie did not get a good look at him because of the blinding light.

“Cassie?” Christian mumbled. He was surprised to see her. He was happy to see her. He just did not want her to see him like he was. Stepping aside, he allowed Cassie to enter his domain. Christian turned his back to Cassie as he closed the door. He rested his head on the door and waited until he heard Cassie sit down somewhere.

“Are you not happy to see me?” Cassie asked, she began to think that this was a bad idea, surprising him. She was back two weeks earlier.

“No,” he slurred into the door, “I’m happy to see you. I just… I thought you would call first.” He continued to stand at the door, not facing her.

“Christian, are you drunk? It’ s only one in the afternoon.”

“I’m not drunk,” Christian said as he turned around to face her for the first time.

Cassie took in his face. He stood still and kept his mouth closed. There was something off about his appearance.

“Christian?”

“Yes?” He moved his mouth carefully and almost not at all.

 When his mouth opened briefly, Cassie could see the metal in his mouth. "What, what happened to your mouth?"

"I broke my jaw."

"You broke your jaw? How did that happen?" 

"I..., I don't want to get you involved Cass. It's nothing." Christian said sitting down.

Cassie got up from the arm chair she sat in and went to sit next to Christian. She placed her arm around his back and leaned into him. "Christian a broken jaw is not nothing. And what are you talking about? What don't you want to get me involved in?"

Christian laughed as he rubbed her thigh. "I've told you before Cass; I'm no good for you."

"What are you talking about?" Cassie asked slightly confused. 

Christian continued to sit quietly and continued to make circles on her thigh.

"You make me happy and I love you, so there's no way you're not good for me." Cassie said placing a hand over his causing the circular motion to stop.

"You and I both know that's not enough to make a relationship work. There are things I do. I can't tell you about them. It would only put you in harms way."

"So this has to do with your work?" She knew what Christian did was illegal, she just never considered how illegal it was. Nor did she think it was that dangerous. Cassie turned her head to look at him and it hit her. What he did was life threatening.

"What am I thinking, of course it's about your work." Cassie stood up and began pacing in his apartment. She was upset and mentally berating herself for not realizing sooner that Christian could be hurt or killed at any moment because of his job. 

He watched her walk back and forth across the room. He was beginning to become upset. She knew what he did was dangerous; he never told her exactly how dangerous it could be. He did not want Cassie involved in what he did. He was always getting on the wrong side of  the wrong people. And if the wrong people found out about Cassie, then she would not be safe.  

Christian bowed his head and stared at the floor. "Cassie,"

She stopped moving around the room and stood still.

"We need to end this." Christian slurred looking up at her. "Now." He closed his eyes and bowed his head back down. It hurt him to say it, but it needed to be said. He could not, would not have her get hurt because of him.

"What? No. I don't want out." Cassie said.

Christian looked up again. He stared into her eyes. "But I do."

With those words, Cassie felt her world begin to crumble. It felt like the thread holding her heart together were being torn apart. This was not what Cassie was expecting when she came home from London. She expected him to be happy to see her, to want to spend some time together. She did not expect him to end things. All of her bubble dreams went flying out the window.

"Okay." 

Cassie was in shock and still processing what had happened as she rode the elevator back down to the ground floor. She should have expected something was up when she could not get in contact with him while she was out of the country. Cassie wanted to cry, but she refused to break down before she made it home. She hailed a cab and left. She did not look back. If she did, then the tears would start, and she could not have that happen. Once they started, they would not stop.  

 

I can't believe how you slurred at me

With your half-wired broken jaw

You popped my heart seams

All of my bubble dreams, bubble dreams

 

 

Chapter 5- Johnnie Walker Eyes by carolinaheart
Author's Notes:
This chapter is a bit shorter than usual, and it took me forever to actually sit down and write it. Gotta love college, its great at getting in the way of my distractions :).

Finally, Cassie decided to go home. Walking through the door, she stripped. Throwing her clothes and not caring where they landed, she reached her bathroom and began to run water in the tub. When it was full, Cassie slipped into the cold water. She closed her eyes, and hoped the water would numb her pain.

It was her own fault, Cassie decided. She was a pusher. The first time Christian broke up with her. But Cassie could not help feeling like it was her reaction to his life threatening job. This time, she had pushed him over the edge. She blamed herself. Cassie ended the relationship thinking it was the best thing for her.

Logically, ending the relationship was best for her safety. Cassie had been close to the source of all of the issues between her and Christian twice before…

 ___________________________________________________________

Cassie was early. Actually, she was on time. Christian pushed their date back a couple of hours; he said he had some business to attend to. The two of them were meeting at a hotel restaurant.

Two months after Christian ended it, they were back together again. Cassie could not stay away, and Christian did not have the strength to keep her at a distance. She knew he was up to no good, but that did not matter. He knew one day he may end up hurting her, but Cassie was his reason for breathing.

 Everything led to the place where Cassie was at the moment, three years after their first break-up looking for him in a crowded restaurant. She spotted him with ease. Christian was nursing a glass of something. He was facing her, but his head was bent in deep conversation with the man sitting next to him.

Cassie made her way to the bar. She stepped up behind him and lightly rested her hand on his shoulder, “hey Christian.”

Christian looked up at her and the color drained from his face. Cassie tried to smile, but she came off looking more confused than happy.

The man, next to whom Christian was sitting, waved over the bartender. He refilled their glasses with what appeared to be a blue labeled Johnnie Walker scotch. The man took a sip as he looked Cassie up and down. She could feel him undressing her with his eyes. Christian leered at the man. It took all of his strength not to physically harm the man. He knew exactly what the old pervert was thinking.

“Christian, are you not going to introduce us?” he asked taking another swig of his drink.

“Milo this is Cassie. Cassie Milo,” Christian said.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Miss. Cassie. Didn’t know Christian here was dating anyone. He always makes himself to be some kind of recluse, living only for the job,” Milo laughed.

Cassie watched as Christian’s knuckles turned white as he gripped the glass tighter. She squeezed his shoulder letting him know that she was fine, before she responded.

“It’s nice to meet you too Milo. I didn’t know Christian was meeting someone here before dinner.”

“Oh, so you two are having dinner here?”

Christian nodded his head.

“Splendid. I don’t have any plans. Do you two mind if I join you?” Milo asked.

Cassie opened her mouth to speak, and let Milo know she was fine with the idea. But Christian cut her off instead. “I wanted this to be an intimate dinner. But if your wife doesn’t need you at home, I don’t see why not.”

Cassie was astonished, that she was not expecting. Usually she was the one always asking others to join them for dinner. Any other time, Cassie expected Christian to tell the man to fuck off. However, she said nothing. The three of them made their way to an open table; a feat Cassie feared would have them thrown out of the restaurant. But no one seemed to care; at least if they did, they did not show it.

Throughout the dinner, no one spoke about the tension between Christian and Milo. They kept up, what Cassie considered, a pleasant conversation throughout dinner. For Christian, the evening sill passed slowly. He was happy when dinner was over and they were ready to leave.

At the end of the night, Cassie and Christian went back to his apartment.

“How do you know Milo?” Cassie asked

Christian looked up, his eyes glassy from the drinks he had with dinner. “He’s my boss.”

“He seems nice and easy to work with, if you’re a man. I was not too comfortable with the way he leered at me, but other than that…”

“Funny,” Christian said as he fell into a sitting position on his sofa.

“What’s funny?” Cassie sat down and leaned her head against his shoulder.

“’Nice is not a word many people use to describe Milo. Terrifying is more fitting.”

“What do you mean?’

“Nothing, Cassie. It’s nothing,” he did not want to worry Cassie too much about Milo.

“Are you afraid of Milo?” Cassie questioned.

“The only thing I’m afraid of is the fact that he now knows about you,” Christian stated.

“So why don’t you quit?”

Christian stared at her, not comprehending her suggestion. Sometimes Cassie was so naïve. “It’s not that simple.”

“What, he’s going to have you killed?” Cassie laughed.

Christian sat silently.

“Babe, I was joking.” Cassie said

“Yeah well, it is a possibility.”

“So he’s the type of man who will have you killed?” Cassie’s heart began to race as she tried to control her breathing.

“Or worse,” stated Christian. He looked up at Cassie whose breathing seemed to stop. “Cassie, breathe.”

“That’s hard to do when you find out the boss of the man you love could have him killed.”

“It won’t happen Cass.”

Cassie whipped her head around. “How do you know?” she yelled. “How do you know he won’t decide to one day have someone off you?”

“Off me? Seriously Cassie no one talks like that any more.”

“I’m not joking Christian.”

“I’m valuable to him.”

“What?” Cassie asked.

“He won’t have me killed because I’m worth too much to him. I’m the best at what I do.”

“But what if he does? What if he decides, on a whim to just… ? And when he’s through what then? What will be left?”

“Cassie it won’t come to that.”

“How do you know?’

 “I just know,” Christian reached for Cassie and pulled her down onto his lap and into his arms.

Cassie felt safe even though she knew she should not. She never wanted to leave the comfort of Christian’s arms. 

I can't believe how you looked at me  

With your Johnnie Walker eyes

He's gonna get you and after he's through

There's gone be no love left to rye

Loser In Love by carolinaheart
Author's Notes:
So this took a really long time to write. I'm done for the summer now so hopefully I'll finish this. Hit a writer's block, I have an idea of how everything ends but it's just not all together. If you're still reading thanks.

 

Cassie got out of the bathtub. She sat in the cold water long enough for her fingers and toes to become wrinkled. After putting on clothes, she made her way to the living room where she opened the door of an end table. She pulled out a photo album and began to flip through the pages.

Cassie was not like most people. She owned a digital camera, but instead of viewing her pictures on a computer, Cassie preferred to print them out and place them in a photo album. Christian used to make fun of her for it. He told her she needed to just store their memories on a computer like everyone else in the world. But Cassie liked to have a tangible representation of events that occurred in her life. It made everything feel more real, which was exactly what she needed at that moment—reassurance that her life with Christian had been real.

As she looked at the pictures of her and Christian together, Cassie could not help but to dryly laugh. Her relationship with Christian was complicated. Everything about the two of them together was a contradiction; they were complete opposites. Christian was loud and maintained a presence that demanded attention. Cassie, on the other hand, was quiet and in most situations shy. But he was able to bring out the Cassie most people never saw.  When they were together, Christian could get her to say things she normally would not say and do things she would not normally do. Only Christian could get her so riled up, that Cassie would flail her arms and scream until her throat was raw.

Their arguments were always centered on the same thing, Christian’s job. The more Cassie discovered, the more she began to understand how entangled Christian was in his job. It was not just a job; it was a career, a complicated career from which he could not be easily removed.

There were days when Cassie wanted out; but, for the most part, she was in love. Nothing Christian did could change that fact. She remembered when she realized she loved Christian that she was in love with Christian. 

_____________________________________________________________________

About a month after Cassie met Milo, she and Christian were walking around Central Park together enjoying each other’s company. Since their dinner, Christian became slightly more protective of Cassie, and his awareness when they were out together was heightened. But this day was different. Christian was not scoping out their surroundings; his attention was focused solely on Cassie. Christian had his arm wrapped around her waist, and she leaned into him as they strolled in tandem around the park. He stole glances at Cassie from the side of his eye. If he didn't need to look forward to walk, he would have stared only at her. She wore a smile that reached her eyes as they walked in a comfortable silence.

“What are you thinking?” Cassie asked.

“I am thinking that you look happy.”

“I am happy, and excited,” she said. “I’m collaborating with this new artist. She’s got a great voice and she’s written a few songs already.”

Christian could tell she was excited and he was happy to see her excited. “Really?”

“Yes and she asked for me, said she really liked some of the stuff I’ve done for Jade.”

“That’s great Cass. We should celebrate. How about we go out tonight? I can get us in at Carmen’s.”

"You can get us into Carmen's?! That place has a wait list that goes into next year. It's one of the hottest new restaurants and you can get us in?"

"Well..."

"Well, what Christian?"

"To be completly honest I'm not 'getting us in' I set up reservations a while ago. Who knew we'd actually have something to celebrate when we went," Christian explained.

Cassie rolled her eyes and smiled. He liked doing things like this, and she knew he liked doing it. But it still surprised her every time. It was the little things he did for her, like making a reservation at a restaurant months in advance with no real reason other than to make her happy. "You surprise me sometimes, and I love it when you do."

Christian stopped and turned Cassie to face him, "That's good. All I want is for you to be happy."

Cassie rested her forehead on his chest and smiled again before she looked up, "You make me happy Christian, most of the time. I just..." Cassie stopped and shook her head. "Never mind."

"You just what Cass?"

"Nothing we are having a nice moment and I don't want to... Let's just go. I'm hungry and I need to change before we get to the restaurant."

Christian dropped her off at her apartment informing her he'd be back in a few hours to pick her up for dinner. Two and a half hours passed and Cassie was almost ready she was putting on her heels when her phone rang. She jumped up to answer it knowing it was Christian calling to say he was on his way.

"Hello," Cassie said into the phone.

"Hey, Cass listen something came up. We aren't going to be able to go to Carmen's tonight," Christian sighed.

"What do you mean we aren't going? What came up?"

"I can't tell you that Cassie."

"What the hell Christian? You can't cancel a dinner date like eating at Carmen's and then not give me a reason."

"It's complicated Cassie."

"What's complicated about it?!" Cassie yelled. She was ready to throw her phone against the wall.

"Cassie I've got to go. I'll talk to you later."

"Wait Christian we need..." 

Click. The line went dead. Cassie screamed and finally threw the offensive phone across the room where it hit the wall and broke. 

She sat alone in her misery for about an hour before she decided to call Jade, who came right over with ingredients to feel better daiquiris.

"Here sweetie," Jade said as she came out of the kitchen with a strawberry mango daiquiri in hand.

"Thanks for coming over. You're the best."

"That's what I'm for, well that and to make you a ton of money. But that's neither here nor there." Jade plopped down on the couch and began sipping her own drink. "So he canceled on Carmen's. That's nothing new Cassie. He's done stuff like this before."

"I know..."

"I don't understand why you don't just drop his ass. The sex can't be that good?"

"It is, but that's not why I stay, why I stick with it."

"Then please inform me, Cassie. What reason is there to stay with a man who treats you like this."
"Jade he can be very sweet."

"Yeah and right after his sweet stint he tramples on your heart.You let him do this to you, my god Cassie you are such a loser. So he can be sweet, and charming at times and he is sexy as hell, but nothing he does, nothing he is can be reason enough to stay. To have your heartbroken because he's disappointed you again."

"I'm in love with him, Jade."

Jade sat with her mouth open for a few minutes before she responded, "Oh, okay."

The two friends sat quietly for a moment. Jade raised her half empty glass.

"What are you doing Jade?"

"I'm making a toast. Lift your glass."

Cassie looked at Jade as if she had lost her mind.

"Just raise your damn glass Cassie."

Cassie rolled her eyes but lifted her glass to Jade's.

"Here's to you Cassie, and every person like you. Lame ass people in love with jerks who break their hearts and who end up at some point crying on their couches drinking liquor all messed up. May the drinks and friends like me, help make everything better. We can't keep you from being in these relationships, but we can be there for you when it all goes wrong."

"Thanks, I guess." Cassie asked confused but with a small smile on her face. As terrible as Jade's toast was, it made Cassie feel better, knowing Jade would be there for her no matter what happened in the end with Christian. She was in love with the man, Cassie knew that. But she also knew that at some point her relationship with Christian would come to a crossroad and decisions would have to be made. 

 

And I know that it's complicated

But I'm a loser in love so baby

Raise a glass to mend

All the broken hearts

Of all my wrecked up friends

Give It All Up by carolinaheart
Author's Notes:
So... this chapter has been a long time coming I know. And it's shorter than my usual chapter. Hopefully with my spare time this week (FALL BREAK!!!) I should have the last chapter posted. So, read and enjoy. 

As she lay in bed praying for a dreamless sleep to come quickly, Cassie reminisced on the short period of time she and Christian were not together. Those two months were hard for Cassie, but she got through them with the help of Jade and a few other close friends. They encouraged her to go out and meet new people. 

 

It was a couple months after their break-up when Cassie saw him in one of the many clubs she frequented with Jade. Clad in a pair jeans, a white shirt and a leather jacket, Christian was sitting at the counter with a glass of, what Cassie assumed to be, scotch. Several women surrounded him and he was flirting with each of them. Cassie saw one of the ladies (although Cassie thought they were more skank-like than lady-like) take Christian by the hand and pull him onto the dance floor. She felt almost sick to her stomach as she watched the woman grind with Christian, the man Cassie was not quite over and still in love with.

“Do we have to stay?” Cassie asked Jade as she turned around to leave.

“Yes we do. It’s been two months since you broke up with him. Besides, there are plenty of men here who would die to take you out on the dance floor. Why don’t you give them a chance, and give Christian a taste of his own medicine.” Jade suggested.

“I’m really not sure about this Jade.”

“Here, have a drink.” Jade thrust a shot of tequila in Cassie’s hand.

It took two shots and a martini before Cassie was comfortable enough to go out on the dance floor. But once she did, there was no stopping her. Cassie wasn’t sure how many men she danced with that night, but she was sure she felt Christian’s eyes on her the entire night. And to be honest, at the time, she did not care. All she wanted was to feel better; drinking and dancing with different men gave her that.

Before the night ended, Jade made sure her friend was sufficiently drunk. The next morning Cassie woke up with a headache and an aversion to light. She rolled over and looked at her clock and then to the empty space on the other side of her bed. At least I didn’t sleep with a complete stranger, Cassie thought. She closed her eyes again as she started to remember images from the night before. The picture of Christian surrounded by women crept into her head and Cassie groaned. She did not want to think about Christian. She especially did not want to think about Christian moving on.

A few days later, Christian called Cassie. Seeing her in the club with other men put things into perspective for him. So, Christian asked if Cassie would meet him for coffee. 

Cassie waited at the Starbucks down the street from the studio. She was nervous. Cassie agreed to meeting Christian because she missed him, and she wanted to work things out. But she also knew there were a number of tissues that the two of them needed to address before moving forward. 

As she sat at the bar facing the street, Cassie sipped her mocha and watched the sidewalk for Christian’s form.

“Hi,” he said as he sat down at the table.

Cassie smiled. “Hi to you. How have you been?”

“I’ve been okay.” He looked down at the table a few seconds before he spoke again. “I missed you Cass.”

“You were the one who ended it Christian.”

“I know but that doesn’t mean I didn’t miss you.”

“It didn’t look like you missed me a few nights ago,” Cassie said.

“Cassie...”

“What are we doing here?” Cassie interrupted.

“Let’s try this again Cassie. We can make this work.”

“I... I’m not willing to try if you’re not willing to accept some changes.”

“What do you mean?”

“You were right. About your job being dangerous. I don’t want to be involved with that. I don’t want you to be involved with that either.” Cassie explained.

“Cassie, this is my life...”

“And these are my stipulations. If we are going to do this again, we are doing it my way. You have to give it up Christian, all of it. The money, the jobs and the secret meetings, you have to be willing to give it up.”

“Cassie, what you’re asking...”

“What I’m asking is no more than what I would do. Christian I can promise you, in a heartbeat, I’d trade everything I have just for this to work; for us to be together again...”

“Cassie...”

“Let me finish Christian. I would quite my job; I would stop writing songs for artists. God Christian, I’d even stop singing along to songs on the radio. I’d  get some standard boring nine to five job as an accountant or something if it meant that you would not leave me. ‘Cause if you did, I don’t think my heart could take it again. I don’t think... no I know I could never love anyone the way I love you Christian.”

 

Cassie wiped the tears from her face that had begun to fall. She was not able to spend more than two months apart from him then. How could she possibly spend an entire lifetime without Christian now.

 

And after all the drinks and bars that we've been to

Would you give it all up?

 

Could I give it all up for you?

 

 

 

 

 

 

And after all the boys and the girls that we've been through

Would you give it all up?

 

Could you give it all up?

 

If I promise boy to you 

 

That I'll never talk again

And I'll never love again

I'll never write a song

Won't even sing along

I'll never love again  

Why you so speechless? by carolinaheart
Author's Notes:
So I finished. Yay! Thanks for sticking with it.

A week had gone by and Christian’s case had gone cold. After questioning Milo, the detectives had no new leads. The medical examiner’s office released the body to Cassie. Christian’s only relative was a great aunt who lived in a Florida nursing home.

Somehow, Cassie managed to make the proper arrangements. From the medical examiner’s office, Christian’s body was sent to a crematory.

Two weeks passed, and Cassie still had not returned to the studio. She sat in her apartment staring at the black and gold urn on a side table that held Christian’s remains. She could not control her thoughts. They kept returning to the fact that Christian would never grace her presence again. He would never argue with her again or even talk to her again. And that idea left her with nothing but pain.

Cassie was half-way finished with a pint of Chubby Hubby ice cream when she heard the banging on her door. She did not move from the spot where she was sitting. Instead, she ate another spoon-full of ice cream. But the banging continued. Finally the door opened and Jade stepped in.

“Why is it so damn dark in here?” Jade asked turning on the light.

Cassie rolled her eyes, “Why do you think?”

“Look I know you’re upset and that you’re mourning, but sweetheart you’ve got to move on. Life goes on.”

“Jade I don’t think I can. My boyfriend was murdered. Do you get that?” Cassie asked.

“Yeah, I get that. But you are still here. And damn you we are finishing my album. You can go on hiatus after that.” Jade sat down beside her friend and stole Cassie’s spoon and ice cream.

“I can’t go back into the studio. I’m definitely not ready for that.”

“Don’t give me that crap Cassie. You’ve already written the songs, and we’re almost done with the album. I know you’ve got it in you.  And another thing. That,” Jade pointed to the urn with Christian’s remains, “needs to go.”

“It’s not going anywhere Jade.”

“I don’t mean throw it out. Do something special with his remains. Go to the Grand Canyon or Niagara Falls or even India. You can’t move forward with his ashes in your apartment, in your life.”

___________________________________________________________

After another week alone in her apartment, Cassie booked a flight to Arizona. She was going to release Christian’s remains over the Grand Canyon. There was no specific reason Cassie chose the Grand Canyon. The national park was just the first place that popped into her head.

As Cassie stepped outside of the airport and into the sweltering dry heat of Arizona, she instantly began to sweat. She waited on the curb for the bus service that would take her to get her rental. Cassie booked her trip for one reason, to go to the Grand Canyon and release Christian’s ashes. She had no other plans.

For the night, Cassie stayed in a hotel located in Flagstaff, AZ, the city in which her plane landed. The next morning her alarm went off. She rolled over and covered her head with the pillow. Cassie was not ready to face the day, but she had to.

After getting dressed, she grabbed a quick bite to eat at the hotel’s complementary breakfast bar before heading out. She had a lot to think about as she drove through Arizona to the South Rim of the Grand Canyon. She thought about how she felt her life was supposed to be. Cassie had hoped that she and Christian would one day get married. Now, that possibility was not an option.

Cassie’s eyes began to tear up. She pulled the rental car over to the side of the road and sat for a few minutes. Trying to calm herself, Cassie watched other cars fly by on the highway as she attempted to focus on happy memories she had of Christian. Those thoughts were enough for Cassie to keep going for the moment.

After driving alone in a car for almost two hours, Cassie arrived at the Grand Canyon National Park. She looked out across the great gorge. This was the perfect place to let go. Cassie opened Christian’s urned and tilted it on its side. She watched as the wind caught Christian’s remains. The ashes seemed to dance in the air away from Cassie and down into the depths of the canyon. She hoped Christian was at peace with the wildlife of Arizona as company.

As she drove back to her hotel, Cassie still felt heavy hearted. But she knew releasing Christian’s ashes was a step forward. Laying in bed at the hotel, Cassie recalled the last night she saw Christian. Then it hit her, he chose this, she thought. The night Christian walked out of her apartment and consequently out of her life, he chose to walk in the company of death.

Even though Cassie made the realization about Christian’s choice, his death still hurt like hell.

___________________________________________________________

Cassie returned to New York where she helped Jade complete her album.

“That’s it,” Cassie said after Jade sang the last note of the last song on her album. Three months had passed since Christian’s death and it took longer than expected to finish the album. But they did.

“I’m so happy that we’ve got this finished,” said Jade coming out of the booth.

“You and me both.” Cassie said.

“So, where are you headed now that you’ve finished working with Jade?” Richie asked as he leaned back in his chair.

“I don’t really know. I think I’m going to just play it by ear. Maybe I’ll do something like that chick did in Eat, Pray, Love. Although my story might just be Eat.” Cassie smiled.

It had taken Cassie a while to be in a place where she could smile again. But Jade was happy to see that she was getting there. Cassie was still closed off, but her friends could tell she was trying. And as Jade suggested, Cassie decided to take some time off before trying to go back to work full time writing. Though, as far as she was concerned, Cassie did not think she would ever find the inspiration to write songs again.

 

Will you ever talk again?

Oh boy, why you so speechless?

You've left me speechless so speechless


Some men may follow me

But you choose death and company

Why you so speechless? Oh oh ohhhh

End Notes:
So when I started this story I never thought about making a sequel. But now, I'm thinking about it. I have some ideas in mind. I guess we'll see. Thanks again for sticking around.
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