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Story Notes:
Unfortunately Todd belongs to ABC.  Which means this letter never, ever, ever will be seen on One Life to Live




Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.


 

They moved you today.

I went the hospital early this morning, the way I always do.  And you weren't there.  The guy who let me in said they'd moved you.  Sent you home.  Wherever home is. 

I don't think I ever asked you.  Just one more thing I can't. 

I know you think I'm crazy but I could swear you smiled at me yesterday.  I saw it but I glanced away.  Just a second.  I guess my mind couldn't catch up with what my eyes were trying to tell me. 

That you can hear me.  You know I'm there.

Anyway, I glanced back and it was gone.  I didn't tell anyone.  There's no one left.

It gets worse every day. And I can't fight it without you.  I don't want to. 

I wanted her to be enough.  She's supposed to be enough. But she isn't you.  And I hate her for that. 

They took him away from me yesterday.  All I could think about was how disappointed you would be.

 That I lost him again. 

But like always I held too tight.  And now he's gone too. 

I tell myself to let go everyday.  That even if you came back, there's no way you'd want this man I've become/ always was?  I wanted to believe you could love me.  I think you did love me. 

Did you love me?

Sometimes when I'm alone, I think about the way you used to watch me when you thought I wasn't looking.  Study me like this thing you were trying to pull apart and figure out how it worked.  I wanted to tell you to go ahead-tell me who I was.  Because then maybe I could fix what went wrong. 

And then maybe you could love me.

I miss you.  

I wish I could be like you.  Sleep through this life.  Because awake is too hard and I've never been good at living.  Never been good at figuring out the why in anything. The reason I'm still here.  The reason you're not. 

Did you love me?

 










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