“So that’s what you rushed over here to tell me. It’s been a fun year but tomorrow you’re leaving.”

One of the risks/disadvantages of cross-cultural relationships --- but didn’t she say that after graduation she planned on staying in London; work on acquiring her citizenship and freaking…

“What am I suppose to do now Zuri when you’re fucking breaking my heart?”

He peered out the window. Outside the dreary English weather momentarily captured his attention – the rain, the wind, the cold. By the time you blinked it may be sunny once more. Inside he couldn’t shake the terrible sense of being abandoned – head downcast, arms crossed, back turned – the weight of her sudden announcement was crushing him. He so wanted to break free from his tiny apartment filled with memories of her and their burgeoning love affair but now add to it this sad, sad chapter.

“Look at me, Peter. Please…look at me.”  She laid a soft palm on his tense left shoulder. He was clad in a tight fitting grey hoodie and white shorts.  

His incensed reaction wasn’t unexpected. No she couldn’t take away his pain but still wanted to explain her reasoning, hoping he’d understand…a little.

“Why?” he asked harshly, spinning around.

His eyes searched her countenance for a semblance of mutual pain. Rather a disappointment beholding her standing so tranquil in her brown sweater, black skinny jeans partly hidden by knee-high boots topped off with a brown and green colored headscarf. Probably unrecognizable to those from her native land of Asha…his muddled thoughts drifted.

“Sielewi,” meaning I don’t understand. During their time together she taught him a couple of words, phrases. 

Nervously she replied, “My – my – my father needs me,” touching her headscarf.

“Nataka kuona wewe.”

His right hand came to rest on the apple of her left cheek, caressing it gently. His nose captured the scent of her White Diamonds fragrance while hers inhaled the scent of his body wash. She closed her eyes then reopened them, expressing the sadness he failed to see earlier.

“My father needs me more. It seems my mother has recently abandoned the family. I need to go home to take care of him and my two brothers. It’s my duty as the only daughter – the first born.”

“Sweetheart what about your aunts, female cousins…”

Clearly he couldn’t grasp the concept of her culture and the responsibilities that come upon someone born within that culture. In this instance the wishes of her father came first before anyone else’s which included her lover’s. That belief had been ensconced into her from birth.

“I shouldn’t have come here,” she interrupted him; “You want me to feel guilty about my traditions.”

She reached for her coat and scarf. You can’t allow her to leave like this!

“Hapana…don’t go…I’m sorry.” He grabbed on to her coat slowly pulling her back.

“Western ways are not our ways, Peter.”

“I do understand that love but…why don’t you tell them?”

“Tell them what?”

“About us…”

A horrified look crossed her face. “You don’t know what you’re asking of me.  My father would immediately disown me then where will I be?”

“With me… for starters! All you’re doing right now is making up fucking excuses!” He stared at her for a moment then continued, “What am I to you? Someone you can hide in the closet? Are you that ashamed of me?”

“And I’ll bet your parents will be thrilled with you bringing home the Black African Woman for a daughter-in-law!”

With that last comment, the conversation reached a stalemate. Peter backed away then strolled over to his bedroom in search of his pack of King Edwards. Whenever stressed he usually lit up a cigarette. He took a long draw then slowly exhaled. The smoke circled overhead before quickly dispersing. Zuri solemnly shook her head, despising this disgusting habit of his. He promised to ease off but at the moment he didn’t give a damn.

“Let me see, I’ve got band practice this evening.” On the weekends he played guitar for a band called the ‘Ozones’. It helped pay the rent and gave him a chance to hang out with his mates. He took another puff and scratched his chin. “Dinner at my parents tomorrow...” He smacked his forehead. “I need to prepare for that interview on Monday.” Next week he’ll interview for his first job as a journalist for the Sussex Telegraph. The job was assuredly his without any doubts.

Tired of being ignored Zuri asked, “What are you doing?”

“What I’m supposed to do – move on with my life,” replied Peter nonchalant.

“Then congratulations for being able to do it so quickly.”

“Zuri you are really acting selfish! You come over here with this most fucked up news…”

“Samahani!” she yelled wanting to subdue his anger.

“Saying sorry is not going to work! Shit!” He kicked over his end table. “Once I believed that you were the best thing that has ever happened in my life but now I wish…I wish I’d never met you. I wish I’d never fallen in love with you,” he bemoaned, taking another draw. At this rate soon he’ll need to light another cigarette. “You are the she-devil in the guise of a gorgeous woman…”

“You don’t mean that,” she tearfully whispered, “You don’t…mean…that.”

Once he would have been moved by those tears fallen from her beautiful dark brown eyes but now it reminded him of his heartbreak. “I feel so fucking brokenhearted and it’s all because of you!” He wanted to tear apart his apartment. “Looking at you now…just get out! Get Out!” his voice cracked.

“Fine! Forget You!” She yelled while hastily putting on her coat and scarf.

Reaching inside her coat pocket her hand felt something familiar. She took it out and threw it on the floor.  His eyes immediately fell on the brightly-colored scarf knitted with red, gold and green strips – African colors.

He picked the scarf off the ground and held it within his grasp. “What’s this?”

“Why do you suddenly care?”

She watched closely as he snuffed out the cigarette in the ashtray and proceeded to carefully examine the scarf.

“Instead of buying you a traditional gift I foolishly believed that I could make something special for you. I… I’m truly sorry for the way things turned out between us. I wish you all the best...” She started crying uncontrollably.

Was it a mistake to fall in love with a man from a different race, culture, country? Today it certainly seemed that way but she couldn’t revisit the past.

Their encounter at the University of Sussex was basically boy put in charge of introducing foreign girl around the campus -- a one year cultural, experimental, exchange of students between Sussex and the African nation of Asha. She found him whimsical, charming but above all he made her feel welcomed. Each morning he greeted her with a delightful smile and in the evenings he waited with her until her car escort arrived.

He majored in journalism while she was a business major. They did share a couple of classes together and whenever the opportunity arose, they stared at one another other. In the beginning she didn’t give it much thought just a few shy giggles on her part. The meaning became quite clear one evening when he unexpectedly kissed her – a quick, soft kiss that left a lingering tingle on her lips. What could her heart do but give in to that first rush of emotion that she never experienced before with the opposite sex? Besides it became fairly easy to go along with their discreet relationship.

***

Foolish, shock, hurt and anger…not enough words to come up with the bevy of emotions circulating through his mind. Very difficult to accept her leaving his side nevertheless he couldn’t bear to see her crying any longer. A choice between her father or her lover must have been one of the toughest decisions she had to make. If she chose to go against her father’s wishes he dared not think of the consequences of this action. He wasn’t going to continue and compound her unhappiness anymore than was necessary.

He pulled her into his arms, never wanting to let her go. “Sorry for behaving like such an ass. I just feel like I’m losing everything because you are my everything...”

Then his lips crashed down on hers. He poured all his emotions into that kiss, sucking hard on her lips. Their tongues intertwined in a fierce, somber exchange of cigarette, English tea, tarts and sadness. Soon the ongoing kiss robbed their lungs of much needed oxygen. Reluctantly their lips pulled apart.

“Ah…Ah…Ah…ah…ah…ah…”

He donned the scarf over his neck saying, “You’ve given me a superb, wonderful gift that I’ll treasure.”

“Don’t overuse it because I know how you can be,” she teased.

“Sorry love but you may need to make and send me another.”

Her cell phone started ringing. She instantly knew that her chaperon had become impatient. “They are calling for me. I must go.”

“When are you leaving?” he asked calmly, caressing her shoulders.

“This afternoon…”

“What? So Soon? Zuri, when did you learn about this?”

She noted the impatience in his voice. “Late yesterday evening I received a frantic call from my father. The sudden announcement surprised me as well. It was so hard to digest everything he was saying. He was going on and on – sometimes angry and other times very sad. It seemed insensitive to want to argue against my going back to Asha or explain my new life in England.”

He took in a long, deep breath. Immediately he formed a possible theory still he saw it pointless to get involved in another regrettable argument.

She added, “I wish we could spend more time together.”

“I know,” he quickly replied, “May I come and visit you?”

“Of course,” she said yet doubted that he would or could. Too much would be going on in his life for him to keep such a promise.

Her eyes stared so deeply into his… both filled with tears. So many things I’ll miss about you. He closed his eyes feeling her hands stroking his face; his wrapped tightly around her waist. I’ll miss everything about you.

The overwhelming sadness returned. “One day I’ll gaze upon your beautiful face again and hear your sweet voice speak to me.” He leaned in and their foreheads touched then he kissed her full lips softly. “I didn’t mean those things that I said before.”

“I know my love…I know. You’re hurt and I understand.”

“I’m glad to have met such an amazing woman as you. I’ll miss you so much.”

“There are no regrets on my part. Although I must go, the only thing I’m regretting is leaving you now like this. Will you be ok?”

“I can’t answer that truthfully right now because my mind is confused.” He thought about it then ended, “but I believe as time passes I will be. Hakuna matata.” He cracked a slight smile.  

She returned his smile. “Don’t ever change from the man that I’ve come to know and love.” They shared another sweet kiss before she unwillingly withdrew from the warmth of his embrace. She whispered, “Ninakupenda,” placing her fingertip on his lips.

A tear rolled down his cheek. “I love you too…always.”

He didn’t have a chance to say anything else because she rushed out of the apartment. He stood by the doorway frozen. Her essence lingered a little while longer until soon it was gone too… just like her.

He clinched his fists and pounded the side of his head. “Wake me the fuck up because this can’t be happening!”

The differing sounds of the world outside were lost to his mind. A huge void surrounded his soul. He hugged himself as he sauntered to his bedroom. Now he was left alone to plan a future without his love – without his Zuri.

He ripped the sheet off his bed, slowly crawled into it, wrapping her special gift around his neck, wanting to forget. As he closed his eyes he felt her right next to him. Maybe when he woke up he’ll find that it had only been a horrible nightmare.

***

Instead of taking the elevator, she ran all the way down the seven flights of stairs – a good way of relieving some of the emotions that bombarded her mind – none happy, all despair. There has to be a good side except she found it impossible to figure it out.

Reaching the end of the stairwell seemed anti-climatic considering. She swung the red steel door open to the gloomy London skies. Yeah she wouldn’t miss the depressing weather that much. It made things seem even more ominous. The Black Escalade with tinted glass windows sat idling by the sidewalk waiting for her. When the door closed with a thud behind her, she flinched, sniffled, and gathered her thoughts. She opened the car door, slipping quietly inside.

“Why did it take so long to talk to your friend? Why didn’t you answer your cell phone?”

Subira bombarded her with questions but she refused to respond. She felt numb. Everything that illuminated her life had been ripped apart. They were young weren’t they? They would recover…they would…fresh tears started to flow.

“Ah Zuri,” Subira comforted, “I know how difficult it is saying goodbye to a friend but you can still stay in touch.”

Zuri leaned her head on Subira’s shoulder. “I don’t want to go back now Subira. There were so many plans. I was about to create a new life in Sussex. My father always brings dark clouds into my life.”

“Hakuna masika yasiyokuwa na mbu.” (Every cloud has a silver lining) “Today you feel sadness because of your sacrifice but tomorrow is another day which promises great reward.”

My father will never appreciate my sacrifice, she sadly thought. God help me to forget. Forget this Place! Forget Peter! Forget his love… She held on to Subira even tighter. She needed to start the process of forgetting. She feared losing her mind if she didn’t.