Author's Chapter Notes:
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I’m scared, but not scared of living. I don't dare, I won't deny this love. I’ll decide what's best for me. I’m not out of my league. So scared but I’ll never give in. I don’t care what they may say 'bout us. Don’t tell me I’m out of my league. I’m not out of my league.- Ne-Yo
Thaddeus and Ella sat on the dock and talked until after the sun rose above the water. She poured her heart out to him and in turn he gave her many ways to start anew. She took mental notes and knew this would be a struggle. Getting her own freedom wouldn’t be easy. As much as she knew that Suzzette hated her, she knew that she needed her and that need was swallowing Ella whole. She had to go. She had to be free and answer to herself.
Ella tried her best to be careful and acted normal and even more submissive to Suzzette, Serena and Sasha’s demands. No questions or suspicions arose when she didn’t ask questions either. She stayed off of Suzzette’s computer and only texted Thaddeus when it was important. That didn’t last long though. Thad’s tip texts soon became full fledged conversations. Her phone vibrated in her pocket as she left Suzzette’s office. ‘Meet me at 15th & Broadview’, Thad’s text told her and she smiled. What did he have to show her?
She headed straight there before doing Suzzette’s errands, knowing that each one would take a lot of time to complete anyway. She arrived and saw a nice apartment complex that was across the street from a small lake. “Ella! Hey!”she heard Thad call and she walked up to the complex. He hugged her,”How are you?”
“Im ok”she said with a shrug. “Seeing you is the highlight of my day”she admitted awkwardly and blushed
Thad smiled,”This is going to be a highlight for the both of us”he said as he walked her in. “This is Karl”he said as he introduced her to a man behind the front desk. “We go way back and I got you a deal here”
Ella froze. “You mean moving here?”she asked him
Thad saw the fear in her eyes,”I know you have never lived on your own but…just check it out. And if you cant afford it, we can talk about it”he said to her. Ella nodded and she followed him and Karl up to the top floor and looked around the apartment. It was beautiful and it had a great view of the lake. “You are closer to the beach, just a couple of blocks and my office is just 5 minutes away”he said and winked at her
She looked at the brochure, compared to what they normally charge people, she was getting a great deal, but she was scared out of her mind. “This is great, Thad and I really appreciate it….”she said
Thad frowned,”There’s a but isn’t there?”
“In all seriousness, there’s a big one”she said and he laughed. She did too but she did awkwardly.
“Can you give us a minute, Karl?”Thad asked him and he nodded and went back to the front desk. “You look like your scared shitless. Whats this 'big but' you are speaking of?”he asked her. She sighed and walked out on the small balcony that connected to the living room. He followed her out and couldn’t help but stare at her big butt…
“Well the point of getting my own life and being free….it would only be best if I….left Charming right?”she asked him
“Oh? Um, well yes if you would feel that would be better for you. Where did you think about going?”
“I don’t know”she said with a shrug. “Its so complicated…”she said with a sigh as she looked out at the lake
“Its money isn’t it?”he asked her. She nodded. “I got you, El. Until you can get back on your feet, I can spot you. We actually have openings at my firm, if you would like-“
“I cant….Thad…..you cant do this”Ella said frustratingly. Why was he being so nice? Why was he even helping her at all? What was he getting out of this?
“Put your pride aside, El. Im doing this because I care. I swear. Pay me back when you can”
“I cant…its more complicated than that”she said
“How?”he asked her
“I….”she sighed, she felt so embarrassed.
“Come on, El, you gotta trust me. If you don’t….someone else has to help you with this…”
“I have an allowance”she blurted out. “After my dad died….Suzzette’s in control of my money. She gives me an allowance…$100 a week…which is ok. She knows that I am simple and don’t need to spend $300 on Manolo’s everyday like Serena does…but I never really got the chance to splurge on myself so who knows what Im like with money…”she said, her confession turning into a quiet rambling to herself
Thad sighed. This was more serious than he thought. “Let me guess. Her name’s on the account?”he asked her. She nodded. “What else has her name on it?”
“Everything…the house I live in……my car…..my paychecks….everything. She controls everything….”Ella said,”If I put a deposit on this apartment, she will see it”
“Ok, we’ll hold off on this apartment talk until we are sure. We cant promise anything with no collateral and you need to at least have your possessions in your name when you leave. Im no lawyer but I can find one-“
“No we don’t need to go that far”Ella said. “I’d rather leave without her hating me”
“Alright, well…have you got a resume and cover letter together? Have you thought about jobs that you wanted to apply for?”
“I did….its kinda small. A couple of mall summer jobs and internships….I just wanna dance, Thad. If I could, I would just jump on a cruise ship and dance in a big feathered hat and thong if that’s what it took for me to get out of here”
“I think your thinking about Vegas”Thad joked. “You want to audition for a cruise ship? I can try to find something for you? However, it’s the middle of the summer and they wont hold auditions until the spring maybe”
“I just want to dance”Ella said. “I don’t wanna make another spreadsheet. I don’t wanna stare at another computer. I don’t want to do someone else’s work for them”she said
Thad nodded. “I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before”he said. “Put a dance resume together and a headshot, practice an uptempo and a ballad to dance to and audition for my management company. I can sign you”he said excitedly
“Really?”
“And if the others don’t like you? I have the final say”he said to her. Then his phone buzzed. He sighed,”I have to rush to a meeting. Work on that for now and text me if you need anything”he said to her
She smiled and hugged Thad close to her. “Thank you so much, Thad. This means so much to me. No one ever goes out on a limb for me”
“I would give up a limb for you”he said to her. His eyes widened when he realized that he said that out loud. Hers did as well. He wanted to pull her close, to kiss her pain away. He wanted to take her on a cruise ship and take care of her like a man should. He wanted to go joyriding in a car and sing “Purple Rain” with her at the top of their lungs. His wanting for her created an urge in him that he couldn’t ignore. He leaned into her and she just stared at him wide eyed. He put his arm around her small waist and pulled her closer. She looked up at him with eyes that had a mixture of emotions. She was pleading him to kiss her but scared of the consequences and slightly curious. He leaned closer and she closed her eyes…..
“ELLA! WHAT’S THE STATUS ON THE CATERING!?”Suzzette’s voice rang in the air
Thaddeus jumped back away from her and she did so as well. Her phone was in her pocket and her walkie talkie volume was on the highest volume ever. She needed a new phone but Suzzette refused. With shaking hands, she pulled her phone out of her pocket and pressed the small walkie talkie button,”Um….Im here now discussing with them now”
“WHAT’S TAKING THEM SO LONG?”
“They are busy today”Ella said as she turned the volume down and gave an apologetic look at Thad. He sighed and laughed a little. “We are working it out, Suzzette. Don’t worry. I’ll call you only if there’s a problem”
“Well good, there better not be any problems! Opening night is in less than 48 hours! I don’t need bullshit!”Suzzette said firmly, but no longer yelling.
“There wont be, I’ll make sure of it”Ella said. She waited and then there was no answer. That must have been good enough for her. “Sorry about that”she said to Thad.
“You should invest in a new phone…one that wont yell at you”Thaddeus said with a laugh as they walked out of the apartment together.
*
Thaddeus texted her an hour later and told her that he and the other heads of the management company could see her on Monday morning. It seemed like enough time to anyone else but to her, that wasn’t enough time to choreograph two pieces when she was running around doing everything for everyone else. It was after midnight when she was looking through her planner to see if she could schedule any time for herself and she realized that now was the only time. She wanted to cry. The only time she had to herself was only when everyone else was sleeping and this was considered an early night for everyone. She tip toed to Serena’s dance room and closed the door and turned on a couple lamps. She then put in “Purple Rain” and sat there and listened to the soundtrack to get some inspiration. She soon started to relax as she listened to “Let’s Go Crazy”. She closed her eyes and saw Thad’s face. This song reminded her of all the crazy things that he would say to her to make her laugh. Prince’s guitar solo made her smile and she played air guitar along with him. Then “Take Me With You” came on. It was a duet with Prince and his then on/off screen lover, Appolonia. She smiled as she laid down on the floor with her eyes closed. She saw this movie so many times and she saw Prince and Appolonia riding on his motorcycle together in her mind's eye. Then it was her and Thad riding on a motorcycle, heading to a beach, her long hair billowing behind her as she held onto his waist. Did he own a motorcycle? That would make him even sexier. Then “The Beautiful Ones” came on and she smiled, this was one of her favorites. Her father’s as well.
Baby, baby, baby
What's it gonna be
Baby, baby, baby
Is it him or is it me?
Don't make me waste my time
Don't make me lose my mind baby
She then opened her eyes and was inspired. She started the song over and started to freestyle and soon she began choreographing her ballad piece.
Baby, baby, baby
Can't u stay with me tonight
Oh baby, baby, baby
Don't my kisses please u right
U were so hard 2 find
The beautiful ones, they hurt u everytime
Paint a perfect picture
Bring 2 life a vision in one's mind
The beautiful ones
Always smash the picture
Always everytime
If I told u baby
That I was in love with u
Oh baby, baby, baby
If we got married
Would that be cool?
U make me so confused
The beautiful ones
U always seem 2 lose
Baby, baby,
Baby, baby,
Baby, baby,
Baby,
What's it gonna be baby?
She danced with such passion. What was it going to be like? To leave this hell and truly be all alone in the world? Will Thaddeus be there for her? Through it all? Did he want her? She was sure that he wanted to kiss her but maybe he was caught up in the moment? She knew she wanted to kiss him, she wanted to do more than just kiss him. She threw herself into her choreography, her body moving distinctly off of her emotions.
Do u want him?
Or do u want me?
Cause I want u
Said I want u
Tell me, babe
Do u want me?
I gotta know, I gotta know
Do u want me?
Baby, baby, baby
Listen 2 me
I may not know where I'm going (babe)
I said I may not know what I need
One thing, one thing's 4 certain baby
I know what I want, yeah
and if it please u baby
please u, baby
I'm begging down on my knees
I want u
Yes I do
Baby, baby, baby, baby
I want you
Yes I do
She ended the piece on her knees and she smiled as she looked at herself in the mirror. Although there were tears rolling down her face, she was just fine, she was happy. She loved to dance and this was what she needed to focus on. Her dreams. Herself. And she realized that she knew what she needed. She knew what she wanted. She wanted Thaddeus.
*
Sasha staggered into the house at God knows what time. She was tripping off of acid and she swore that a small group of blue tiny aliens walked into her house and went down the hallway. “Wait guys, you’ll wake up mom”she whispered excitedly to them as she followed them down the hallway. “My room is at the end of the hall, you can sleep there”she whispered to them. She heard music and followed the sound. The sound was coming from Serena’s dance room. What was she still doing up? She could never stay up past 2 am. She was more of an early riser. Sasha peeked in and saw Ella dancing to Prince. She frowned, what was she doing using Serena’s space? Sasha made sure to stay away from Ella ever since she caught her in the parking lot. She was surprised that Ella didn’t narc on her but she was waiting for it to happen. She didn’t trust her. She had to narc on her before it was too late.
*
Ella only practiced after everyone went to bed. It was the only way for her to get any peace and quiet. However, with opening night just a day away, she was swamped and only had a couple hours of sleep. She also had a recurring nightmare the past couple of nights of her being homeless and begging for money. She had to figure out how to get her money. It was absurd! Why couldn’t she have control over it!? She waited for Suzzette to leave the office and then immediately called her bank. “My step-mother is on my account and she would like to be removed”Ella explained. “Im 25 now and she feels she doesn’t need to be associated with it”
“Alright, well if you and your step-mother can come in during our business hours and we can get that taken care of. Just a couple of papers to sign”the woman said to her
“Um, well my step-mother is….out of town….and she wants this taken care of while she is gone”
“Well we need written or verbal consent from her. If you would like, you can download the form off of the website and send it to us, but we need her consent regardless”
Ella sighed. That was the problem. Suzzette would not consent to this. “Ok”she said defeatedly,”Thank you for your time”she said. She sighed. Maybe this was a sign. There were so many obstacles to getting freedom that it didn’t sound so appealing anymore. She was about to text Thaddeus when Serena walked in.
“Ella, please tell me that we got a package from Gucci today”Serena said to her. Ella didn’t say a word, she was texting on her cheap cell phone. “Ella! Earth to Ella!”she said louder. Ella jumped.
“Im sorry what?”
“Geez, are you deaf!? I asked if my dress from Gucci came in?”
“I can check with the guards at the gate, they have been signing off on packages today”Ella said solemnly
“Ok..”Serena said. What was up with her? “Oh and did you happen to know why Thaddeus turned me down?”she asked her. Ella looked at her with a blank stare. “I asked him to the ball and he turned me down. Do you know who he is taking?”
“I have no idea”Ella said solemnly, even though she felt happy inside, for the first time today. Was that a sign that he liked her?
“Hmmmm…..ok”Serena said and walked off. She walled into the kitchen and saw Sasha making a cup of coffee. “Rough night?”
“You know it”Sasha said as she scratched her throat
“Have you noticed that Ella has been….off lately? She looks like hell-“
“Who cares?”Sasha said. “Why would she be sad? She looked happy the other night”
“Spill”Serena said
“She was dancing to Prince….in your dance room at like 3 am the past couple of nights. I didn’t know she could dance like that-“
“She was using my dance room!?”Serena said. “That bitch! That’s worse than what I overheard her saying on the phone!”
“Spill!”Sasha said
“She was calling someone asking them to take mom off of one of her accounts. She lied and told them that she was out of town”
Sasha smiled,”We gotta tell Mom”
*
The big day arrived and Ella looked more like hell with each hour that passed. The nightmares kept her up at night as well as her late night rehearsals. She needed a change. She needed a vacation. She just needed to get away. She was at the club all day helping set up and decorate and now she was rushing home to help with whatever emergency Serena spoke of. She walked in and heard their voices. “Im here”she said non enthused.
“These need to be washed”Suzzette said as she gave her a pile of clothes
“My dress needs a little altering”Serena said,”Not enough boobs for Thaddeus”she said and winked at her. Ella wanted to slap her.
“I need some help with my body paint”Sasha said. “Isnt this awesome? It glows in the dark”she said as she spun around. She was wearing short shorts and a sparkly bustier a la Selena. She had stars, peace signs, hearts and chaotic squiggly lines all over her body. “I need you to get my hard to reach places”she said. Ella nodded. “Oh and I need you to make some calls for me….but that can wait” Ella nodded again.
She left the room and sorted the clothes and threw them in the washing machine and put the dry clean only’s in a bag and threw them in the washing machine. She altered Serena’s dress so it would show off her chest area. She wanted to vomit from not only having to stare at them while she talked about Thaddeus licking whipped cream off of them but also the fact that she was doing this for Thaddeus and she had a feeling that she was intentionally showing off in front of her. She must know about the chats, why else would she act so obnoxious? She then helped paint Sasha and helped do her hair. She also did the same with Suzzette and Serena as well as helping them decorate their masks. Since it was a fairy tale theme, everyone was wearing formal wear, tiara’s and masks. It was like prom all over again. However, her first prom was better compared to this. By the time she was done with them, she literally had 10 minutes to get herself together and get back to the club. “Do you all need anything else? I have literally 10 minutes to get ready and help Thaddeus set up-“
“I need you to call my bank”Sasha said. Serena laughed. Ella stood there awkwardly. What was so funny?
Suzzette rolled her eyes. “The bank calls can wait, Sasha, honestly…”she said,”Nothing else is needed from you, Ella. Go ahead and get ready”she said to her. Ella nodded and went upstairs to her room. She looked at herself in the mirror and didn’t like what she saw. She was going to need a couple of Red Bulls when she got to the club. She put on her simple black dress and put her hair up in a bun. Then she remembered Belle’s request and let her hair down. She put on some mascara and lipgloss. She heard movement outside her door as she got her purse. “Did one of you need a ride?”she called.
“No”Suzzette said as she closed Ella’s door. “In fact, you have been working so hard, Ella, that you deserve the night off. Tonight is the perfect night”
Ella looked at the door with an alarmed look on her face,”Are you sure-“ then she heard it lock. She ran to the door and tried to open it. She was locked in! She pounded on the door. “Suzzette! Let me out!”
“Tonight is perfect for a night off. The girls have been saying that you have been feeling off lately and that can only explain why you are calling MY bank and lying to get me off of MY account!?”Suzzette said
“That’s my money and I should be in charge of it!”Ella yelled
“Not in my house!”Suzzette said. “Sit in your fucking room and think about what you have done!”
“And forget about Thaddeus, he is out of your league!”Serena added
Ella heard them walk away and she pulled on the door and continued to bang on it. But no one could hear her. She sank to the floor and cried. She didn’t know what was worse. Being locked in here all night or having to deal with Suzzette’s wrath when the night was over….
*