Lily stared into the mirror as she removed one circular pearl earring and then the next, as if in a daze. She observed her appearance, hair swept up in a chignon, with tendrils that seduced her neck as they moved by an invisible wind. Her eyes held a myriad of emotions, hurt, betrayal, love, anger, and longing, a bone deep longing that lodged itself in her spine, and buried itself even deeper within her soul. She knew it was irrational to feel this way, but she did, she felt it utterly. She shouldn’t feel it, she had friends, family, and a husband who loved her, and who she…loved. And yet one night, one man, one person could make her feel emotions that she hadn’t felt in years. Maybe she’d felt them, maybe they had always been there, but…for some reason beyond all sanity, it was here, now, tonight.

She took a deep breath, and watched as her chest rose and fell. Her body was like an avatar, and she was just some entity controlling it. She took a breath, the oxygen came in, she knew that, but she couldn’t feel it, she could only see it. She could only see the things around her, and could only feel the emotions clogging her soul, but that was it. It was as if nothing existed outside of her emotions. Everything else, her image, the glass, vanity, the four poster bed behind her laden with a deep teal duvet in a mahogany bed frame or the large picture to her left… her wedding picture, it didn’t exist.

***

“But it doesn’t exist.”

“What do you mean it doesn’t exist?” she asked snuggled deep inside his lettermen jacket.

“Life out there, beyond this planet,” he said, arms held tight around her.

She looked up from her nook on his shoulder, “You’re not an expert.”

“Lily, it’s impossible.”

“It’s not impossible, I mean if we’re here, well, then there could be life out there.” She turned away to look at the stars that lay before them like twinkling diamonds. The sky was so clear out here in the clearing. No buildings, no smog, and very few cars. It was their place, and had been for as long as she could remember. “Billy, anything is possible.”

He looked down at her, his blue eyes growing darker, as he ran one hand through her hair. “No, not anything,” he said in a voice that made her heart flip.

“Like what?”

“Like, no one,” he bent close, letting his warm breath caress her forehead. “No one will love you like I do.”

His lips brushed against her forehead, causing her eyes to close at the closeness, and she sighed, “Promise?”

“This…yes, I may not always do the right thing, and I will never promise inconsequential things. I’m human, and I will make mistakes. But I do know this, that no one will ever love you as much as I do."

“How do you know?”

His eyes darkened to the color of the sky, showing so much intense emotion, that it nearly frightened her. “It’s impossible, no matter what happens between us, where we go, or what we do, I will never love another like I love you, and no man,” he swallowed, and she could see the flash of anger in his eyes, when he continued in a voice that closely resembled a growl. “No man, will ever love you the way that I do, or as much as I do.”

He kissed her then, hard, his lips giving testament to the words he’d just spoken. He took all of her in that kiss. Her heart, which was already his, nearly jumped out her chest, and her soul shattered, then reformed, splitting into two halves, before leaving her body and entwining itself into his. And through his mouth, his sweet succulent mouth, she fed from him, taking his love, his words, and a part of his soul that replaced the missing piece of hers. The kiss ended naturally, leaving them both short of breath, and feverish.

“It’s…impossible.”***

Impossible, Lily remembered her mother’s words that nothing was impossible, not if you worked hard at it, but this, love, it shouldn’t be work. A man should not have to overcome the shadows of another so hard, just to do something better, or be stronger at gaining someone’s affections and holding them in place. It should not be this way. And yet, wasn’t it this way? Before tonight, she would have said no, and aloud, if anyone asked her she still would. But inside, where she held her deepest, most shameless secrets and desires, she would say yes. Yes, it was possible.

I admitted it, but no more, not tonight, she thought lifting her hands to unpin her unruly curls which escaped their bondage piece by piece, until they lay in a wild mass around her shoulders. She looked as if she’d been bedded and bedded well. I love it when you look like this. Your hair, wild and free, imitating the soul of the woman that bares it, she blinked, the thought bringing her fully to the present. She could feel her limbs, and smell the bottles of perfume littering her vanity. She stood and walked to her dresser, removing a simple white shirt, her husband's shirt. She took off the dress, the magenta silk sliding against her skin as smooth as a lover's touch. She threw the dress across the bed, put on the shirt, pulled back the covers, slid in, and buried herself beneath them as if they were protection against the outside world.

***

Billy tossed back the warm glass of scotch, the contents burning his throat as it went down, doing nothing to heighten his senses, which where dull like they'd never been before. He stood, staring down at the blinking city lights of Genoa City, from one of the three large arch windows of his newly acquired penthouse. He felt blind, as if he couldn’t see anything. He was void of any and all emotions; it was as if they’d gone on vacation. He could only feel, the physical, the glass in his hand, his feet on the chilly wooden floor, and his heart, which was beating at a rate that he’d experienced only a few times before in his life. And each beat, each staccato, each time it raced, had been because of her. The first time he saw her. The first time he’d spoken to her. The first time he’d asked her out. The first time he’d kissed her. The first time he’d made love to her. And beyond all those moments, faster than every other time, was the first time he’d told her that he loved her, and knew it to be true. But this feeling, the feeling of his heart pounding mercilessly against his ribcage, like a wild animal trying to escape its cage, happened one other time…only one other time. The day he left her, the moment he’d said goodbye and walked away.

He turned from the view, resting his head against the cool glass and shut his eyes. What did it matter? Opened or closed, he couldn’t see. He was blind, blind to everything, and everyone, but her. He’d known he would see her tonight. But she hadn’t known. She hadn’t been prepared to see him. She’d handled herself the best she could, well after the incident, given the circumstances, but it was telling, there in her brandy colored eyes, the surprise, the sadness, the anger, and the hurt. The hurt that he’d put there. He should have warned her, or even told his sister Traci, or his niece, who was her best friend, to tell her, but he hadn’t. He’d wanted to see her reaction to him. He didn’t want her to have a chance to compose herself. He wanted to see it, her thoughts, and emotions, raw on display for him. He was a sadist, because he’d perversely enjoyed seeing it. It gave him joy, that although seven years had come and gone, she still felt something for him. He didn’t deserve her emotions, not even her hate.

Billy sighed, as he walked away from the window, through the dark apartment, and up the stairs, where he entered his bedroom that was illuminated by a single lamp on the bedside table. He sat on the edge of the bed, and striped down to his boxers. He pulled up the comforter, lay back on the navy sheets, and stared up at the white vaulted ceiling.

***

“Have I told you how stunning you look tonight?” Nick whispered in his wife’s ear.

Lily smiled, “Maybe one or two hundred times.”

“Well I hope to reach three hundred, before the night's over.”

“At this rate you’ll reach it in thirty minutes or so.”

“Oh please, could you two please give it a rest?” said Kate, who was standing to Lily’s left.

“You’re just jealous,” Lily joked.

“Of you two?” she said staring at her business partner/best-friend, and her “white knight in shining armor” complex having husband. “I’d stand a better chance of being jealous of two pieces of igneous rock. They at least know what it’s like to be near something hot.”

Lily laughed, and Nick scowled, which only caused Kate to roll her eyes. “I think,” Lily said sliding her arms around her husband’s waist, “that we are more like certain spices, subtle to the taste, with just enough kick, to give you the perfect flavor.”

“Well, I just think…”

“Sweetie,” Kevin said sliding his arms around his fiancé’s waist. “I don’t believe they want to hear it.”

Kate leaned back into his embrace, “I suppose not,” she sighed.

“Besides, this is our engagement party. We should be mingling and acting like a happy couple.”

She turned in his arms, “We are a happy couple,” she said kissing him.

“Hmm, where is that famous sarcasm now?” Lily asked batting her eyelashes at Kate, who pulled away from Kevin and scowled at her.

“Well this is my engagement party. I should be the center of attention, not you."

“Of course, we know how you love being the center of attention,” Nick drawled.

“As it should be,” she quipped.

“Okay children, does mommy need to call a time out?” Lily asked.

“No,” they mumbled unison, as Lily and Kevin grinned at each other.

“Ah Chloe, Kevin, I wanted give you my personal congratulations on your engagement before I depart for the evening.”

“Leaving so soon dad?” Nick asked his father, the imposing Victor Newman.

“Yes son, a very important business matter came up that I need to attend to, and unfortunately…” he turned to his daughter-in-law, whom he adored.

Lily groaned, because she knew what would come next. “You have to take my husband with you?”

“Forgive me?” he asked smiling down at her. She was such a tiny thing next to him, he was always careful when he hugged her, for fear that he might crush her. At times he wanted to hold her to him and never let her go. He loved her as if she were his own child.

“Of course, dad,” she said.

“Did I hear my name?” Neil Winters said from behind his eldest child, who groaned at the sound of his voice.

“You, too?”

“Unfortunately, yes.”

“Wow, so you are all abandoning my party?” Kate said and then looked back at her fiancé, who was studiously avoiding her gaze. “No…no! You are not taking him.” She turned around into his arms, “Babe?”

“I’m…”

“No…”

“Sweets...”

“Kevin Fisher if you…”

She was cut off by Kevin, who kissed her, until she felt breathless. She was about to reply until she spotted someone out of the corner of her eye, which gave her pause. No, she thought, it couldn’t be. Not here. Not…Him. She heard them, all apologizing to her, saying how sorry they were, but how this matter needed to be dealt with. She could hear it all, as if it were coming from down a long tunnel. She was so aware, that she even replied to each of them without much thought. But she couldn’t give them her full attention, because most of it was fixed on the gentleman, whose dirty blonde hair peaked out from behind one of the columns in the ballroom of the Genesis Hotel, that had been decorated to look like an ancient Greek temple for the occasion. Anyone could have dirty blonde hair. It didn’t necessarily have to belong to him. And if it was, what was he doing here, at her engagement party? If she knew he was here– and as if on queue, Kate heard her name.

“Lily, I’m so,” she placed a finger on his lips to silence him.

“It’s okay, I understand” she leaned in and kissed him.

“God, I don’t deserve you, but I have you, and I will hold onto you with both hands.”

“It’s just this one time,” she said, but they both knew it was a lie. He’d been working a lot lately. It hadn’t been like this when they’d first married. Nick always worked, being VP of acquisitions and development required that he work longer hours, but it hadn’t really been a problem. Of course he was the Senior VP now, which required more work, and meant that he either wasn’t taking her to social events, or was leaving early, because something came up.

“I’ll make it up to you, promise.”

She smiled and nodded, accepting the kiss he offered as a peace offering.

“Well, you guys better run off now,” Kate said moving towards the exit, which was opposite the dirty blonde hair, bringing Kevin along with her, and praying everyone else would follow. Kate Valentine had good instincts, and they were screaming for her to get the men out of the room first, and Lily second.

“What’s going on?” Kevin asked near her ear.

“Nothing,” she said.

“You’re letting me go, and you didn’t even put up a good fight.”

“Well…”

“Oh good, you’re leaving,” Amber said in rush.

“What? Why is it good that we’re leaving?” Nick asked.

“What, Oh no, I didn’t mean it like that, I didn’t…“ she trailed off lamely.

“We don’t want the other men leaving en masse,” Jana said, “You know one leaves, and the rest will follow.”

Everyone was quiet for a second, before Nick said, “She has a point.”

The other men agreed with his assessment, and departed, but not before apologizing for staying barely an hour. Nick on the other hand, dragged his wife off to the coat room, to say goodbye. He didn’t say it aloud, but the other men knew that he’d need a few minutes first.

“How did you do it?” Jana asked Kate.

“I didn’t, fate did.”

“Well, good timing on fate's half, ” Jana said.

“Yes,” Amber agreed nodding her head, “I can’t believe he’s here.”

Kate groaned, “So my eyes weren’t playing tricks on me?”

“Unfortunately…no,” she replied.

“Well, what in hell are we going to do?” Kate demanded.

“I don’t know, Colleen’s been keeping him busy, but I don’t know how much longer she’ll be able to.” Jana said.

“Yeah, he looked pretty determined.”

“That son of a bitch,” Kate growled, “Damn him to the pits of hell, he knew…he freaking knew she would be here.”

Jana frowned, “Of all the bloody nerves, I can’t believe he has the audacity to show up here, like this, out of the blue."

Kate rolled her eyes at Jana’s misplaced indignation, “Of course he would. He is Billy Abbott, after all.”

Jana had it right, but still, this was Billy Abbott, and as the silence engulfed the group, they all had the same thoughts. Gorgeous, arrogant, sexy, devilishly witty, Billy Abbott, the love of their friend’s life, and the man who broke her heart, was back in town.

“We have to get her out of here,” Amber said.

“Maybe you can pretend a headache,” suggested Jana. “You know, the stress of Kevin leaving, depressed you terribly and you began to feel pain in your head."

Kate looked at Jana as if she’d lost her mind, which wasn’t far from the truth. Jana was the out there one of their group. She was always having some psychic or mental thing that they all had to listen to, while eating tofu and doing yoga. Kate was surprised that she hadn’t suggested that she tell Lily that her spirit was attached to Kevin’s, and was splitting into small pieces, which resulted in her “headache.”

“Okay,” Jana replied seeing Kate’s look, “Maybe not. Well, you think of something.”

“Too late,” Amber said from the corner of her mouth, as she watched Lily approach, with a quizzical expression on her face. Amber knew that expression, and Lily didn’t waste a second, before she started grilling them.

“Spill it,” she said, arms folded beneath her breast.

“Spill what?” Kate asked, the only one other than Colleen, who could deflect Lily from her purpose. It was probably because, although they were all friends, Colleen, then Kate were her closest friends. They knew her better than anyone, well…just about anyone.

Lily fought the urge to tap her toe they way her mother used to, when she awaited her only child to come clean about whatever misdeed she’d done. “You guys better run off now,” Lily said in a dead on imitation of Kate's voice. “You didn’t even put up a fight. One minute you’re all, this is my party, and I need to be the center of attention.”

“I didn’t quite say it like that, it was more of a…”

Lily waved a hand, “It doesn’t matter. You get the point. So,” she said looking from one to the other. They were all here, well all except for Colleen, which didn’t make Lily, whose stomach was beginning to tighten a bit, relax at all. “Where is CC?”

“She’s,” Amber started.

“Over there,” Jana replied, “with her mum.”

“Traci.”

Lily looked over towards the rear of the hall, and saw Traci and Colleen, who was talking animatedly with her mother. Colleen looked a bit distressed, and Lily wondered if she should go over and see what was wrong. She took step in that direction.

“Where are you going?” Jana asked, bringing Lily up short.

“CC looks troubled.”

“Oh, she’s fine. But, um,” Amber said.

Lily wanted to smile, poor Amber, she could lie with the best of them, but when it came to Lily, she always seemed to find herself tongue tied. The arms that once rested beneath her breast, were moved to her hip, “Okay, what’s going on?”

Amber, Jana, and Kate exchanged glances. It was by silent communication that they decided Kate should be the one to tell Lily. “Lily there is something that we have to tell you.”

“I’m sure it’s not that bad,” Lily said, her words belying the feeling of bees swarming her senses.

“Well, you see, there really is no way to tell say this.”

This is bad…this had to be very bad. Kate was never flustered. She had the composure of a queen who’d spent years in the marines, or fighting battles across the ancient world. Kate could hold her composure while being robbed at gunpoint, and was always quick to act in an emergency, so the fact that she was flustered, gave Lily serious pause.

“Okay…just tell me.”

“Well,” Kate began.

“Hello, Lily,” said a strong male voice from behind her, which heated her senses to boiling, before dousing her body with ice water.

She stopped. Lily just stopped. One by one, all of her senses shut down, until there was nothing left. Just a body and the being inside, everything else had left her. She wasn’t sure how, and she knew that when she looked back on it later, she still wouldn’t know how she’d faced him. Slowly, as if a thousand tiny old rusted wires were moving her limbs, she turned around, looked up, and met the eyes of a man she’d loved more than she’d thought humanly possible, blinked, and then promptly fainted.