Billy settled himself into the most comfortable armchair in his condo. A half eaten sandwich lay on the side table next to him, along with a half finished bottle of coke. The apartment was dark for 10:00am on a Monday morning, but this was due to all the blinds being closed. He should have gone into work today, and perhaps he would later. But for some unknown reason, he’d chosen this moment to open her diary. He lifted the small pink book to his nose, inhaling the scent of warm sweet vanilla. It smelled like her hair. He’d found a pressed vanilla leaf between the cover and the first page, when he’d first opened the book. It was so very Lily.

The book wasn’t large or small. The diary was 4x6, with a hardcover, and less than 2inches thick. It was a pretty ordinary looking book. The only thing that stood out on it was the gold heart shaped lock and the word two that was stitched in white on the spine.

Billy had been surprised that the diary wasn’t bigger. Although it was exactly as he remembered it. She’d written in it during the three years they were together, and unless she didn’t write in it everyday, then he was definitely missing something. He’d been thinking about the two on the spine and wondered if this was the second volume of a set that all looked the same accept for the numbers on the spine. The more he thought about it- after reading the first page- the more convinced he was that that was exactly the case, which meant that his little elf, Kate, would have to provide the rest.

He smiled, as he opened the book and prepared to read.

***

“I’ll be right back,” Nick called from the living room of the villa. He looked down at his phone, and cursed. He’d told Adam, when he called Saturday, that he wasn’t to be disturbed. So why the hell was he calling him now? “What do you want?”

“Well that’s a nice greeting.”

“Fuck off Adam, I told you to only call me if there was something that needed my immediate attention.”

Nick heard Adam sigh on the other end, which caused him to grip the phone tighter. He didn’t particularly like his ‘little’ brother, and he knew the feeling was mutual. Adam seemed to go out of his way to irritate him. It was as if he blamed Nick for their father abandoning his mother. “Adam spit it out and cut the fucking dramatics.”

“Does you’re wife know you have such a filthy mouth?” Adam laughed, “I doubt it. I bet there are a host of things she doesn’t know about you.”

“Adam for the last time neither my wife, nor my marriage, is your concern.”

“True, but I like my dear sister in-law,” Adam said sadly. “But you’re right, your marriage isn’t any of my concern.”  But Billy is another matter. “Symphonic Smells’ CEO wants a face to face.”

“Now?  I’ve been trying to have a face to face with her since we started our bid to buy the company and so far we’ve only dealt with middle men. ”

“Well, Mrs. Collins has changed her mind, but she won’t tell us what she’s changed her mind about, until after she sees the new projections.”

“Nick, are you ready?” His wife called from the other room.

“I need a minute,” shit, he needed more than a minute. “When?” he directed at Adam.

“Tomorrow,” Adam replied without an ounce of emotion, “At nine.”

When did you find out about the meeting,” he calmly asked. 

Adam was a bit surprised at Nick’s calm response. He was so sure that he’d have cursed or showed a little more emotion. “About an hour ago-”

“And you just decided to call me.”

“I debated telling you at all, but then I thought- Nick will want to know.” Adam needed to dig a little…just a little.

“Who the hell gave you the authority to debate telling me something that could be detrimental to my account?”

“You did say not to disturb you. And I was only trying to decide if this was worth it.”

“If it was worth it?” Nick was outraged. Adam acted as if he’d just told him that he’d misfiled a folder, and nothing more. “Mrs. Collins is visiting Newman and you are telling me that you had to debate whether or not to tell me?”

“Look Nick, you told me what you wanted, and I just followed your orders. But look, it doesn’t matter, because I am more than capable of handling the presentation.”

“The hell you are,” Nick said seething. “If you think that I’m going to let you take credit for my work, then you have another thing coming.

“But…”

“But nothing, get everything ready, and I will see you in the office in the tomorrow.”

“Whatever you say…Brother,” he said before hanging up.

Nick tossed the phone onto the bed, and placed his head in his hand. “Shit,” he ground out to the empty room. Lily wasn’t going to be happy with him, and he didn’t want to her to be angry, but she would have to get over it. This deal was too important to Newman, she just-she needed to understand that. She needed to realize what the addition of Symphonic Smells could do for his career. If he sealed this deal, his father would finally come to the realization that he was ready to take over the reigns at Newman.  He just needed to make her see that.  She would have to understand, he would have to make her understand.

“Nick,” She called again.

Nick took a deep breath, “I’m coming.” He left the small living room, and entered their bedroom, where he stopped at the door and watch as Lily fussed with a large floppy straw hat. She moved it this way and that, turning it left and right, trying to see if she could get it right. He smiled. She was stunning, in another long maxi dress, this one was coral with a halter top that left the top half her back completely exposed. He wanted to run his tongue over every exposed inch of her skin, as he had last night. “It looks good either way.”

She looked at him through the mirror. “You think?” she turned around with a huge smile on her face. “I don’t want to look like a complete dork.”

“You could never look like a dork.”

“Now why is it that I don’t believe you?” she laughed. “Here I was asking if you were ready, when I’m the one who’s going to make us miss our plane.  But I just thought I should wear something with straw to the Straw Market.”

“You look great,” he said avoiding her comment.

“I have been hearing amazing things about the Straw Market. Colleen once told me that it’s a great place to bargain, and you know how I love to put my negotiating skills to the test.”

She said something else, but Nick wasn’t listening. He caught a few phrases, which were all about the shopping.  “Lily we need to talk.” He said, and watched as the smile slipped from her face to be replaced by worry. “We need to return to Genoa City.”

“What is it?” she said rushing over. “Is something wrong? Did something happen to…”

“No,” he said, when she was at arms length. He took her hand and led her to the bed where he pulled her down to sit next to him. “No, it’s nothing like that.”

“Then what is it?”

“I,” he began, thinking that this was going to be harder than he’d previously thought. Standing there watching her joy, and then her worry, had caused his heart to squeeze. She was so loving and caring, and here he was about to shit on all that for business. But it was what it was, he needed to do this. She would understand. She would have to understand. “There’s a situation-”

“No,” She said, abruptly standing up, “tell me anything Nick.” She said looking down at him with pleading eyes, “tell me that we’re returning home for any reason, other than business.”

***

April, 5

Ok, I am getting a little nervous. I’m supposed to meet Billy tonight, but there is no way that I can. My mother will kill me if she discovers the truth. But what should I do? I want to go out with Billy. Every girl wants go out with Billy, but I can’t lie to my parents. Billy is probably going to be mad at me. :(

~~~

Billy glanced up at the clock, only ten minutes had passed since he’d begun to read. She was funny- this wasn’t a surprise to him- he’d always known this- but, she had the cutest way of describing things. He was sure she’d turn beet red if she ever discovered he’d read her diary. His eyes ran over the words, which could only have been written by a feminine hand. He traced a finger over the letters that told of how much she’d regretted skipping their date, and yet knowing that it would’ve been impossible for her to leave the house. In that moment, Billy hated himself. He’d done a lot of things in his life, but he hated that she was so conflicted. Sad that, him feeling this way, when he was putting her in the exact same position as he had ten years ago.

~~~

April, 8 

OMG! Billy still wants to go out with me. He cornered me the hall and asked why I stood him up, and I told him, and he still wants to go out with me. I can’t believe it!!! He said that we would go out, but he didn’t tell me where. I don’t understand, but it doesn’t matter, because He wants to go out with me! And not only that, he gave me a nick name. I’d been wondering why he called me TL, and it turns out that TL is for Tiger Lily. I’m his Tiger Lily. I can’t…I can’t believe it. Billy likes me, I think he really likes me. Ok, that’s my mom, I have to eat dinner.

Billy smiled at the enthusiasm he heard in her voice. He could picture her smiling down at the pages as her hand moved over the words, writing out all of her emotions. Her entries were so different. Sometimes, she would describe the exact event, while others where just an expression of how she felt, and nothing more than a line or two describing the events. It was peculiar, but interesting.

April, 12

I’m at Colleen’s, and I just can’t believe what happened. It’s was like something out of a movie.

Yesterday, Colleen said that we should have an impromptu sleepover, and I agreed, because what else am I doing over the weekend. She and Kate have boyfriends, so it made sense that they would spend the day with them. I asked my mom if I could go, and she was all ‘of course,’ but I need to be home by Sunday for church. There wasn’t anything shocking about this, since my mom is pretty cool, when it comes to letting me sleep over at Colleen’s or Kate’s. Everything up to that point seemed fine, until I came over and discovered that Colleen’s father, Brad Carlton, was out of town! OMG! I was about to freak. If my mother discovered that I spent the night with Colleen un-chaperoned, I would never…and I mean EVER, be able to stay over again.

I told them as much, but Kate was all chill, it’s only for one night, and that Mrs. Carlton would return in the morning, and they would be fine. This, as you know is so very Kate Valentine.

I told her that it didn’t matter. Did she not know who my mother was? Did she not realize that one night un-chaperoned could have me grounded until I graduated…COLLEGE!!! Diary, this was serious, and Colleen was all, you should stay, and your mom’s not going to find out, and I was like HA! You guys do not have Drucilla Winters for a mother, I do, and I will just be going.

I was so close, so very close to leaving, but then, I heard…Billy.  And I couldn’t believe it. He didn’t say anything witty, or charming, he said five words- just five words that made my heart skip a beat and changed everything….EVERYTHING!

~~~

    “You owe me a date,” Billy said aloud, closing his eyes, thinking back to that day, when he’d been listening to her freak out about staying without a chaperone. His Lily was such a good girl, and god he loved her for it.

~~~

 I turned, and there he was, standing in the entrance of the living room, in khaki pants, and a blue button down, that made his eyes pop. He was staring at me with such intensity, that my stomach felt queasy, and I was sure that a thousand butterflies were now fluttering around in there.  I couldn’t speak, oh no, I think I might have even stuttered a bit, but he didn’t seem to notice. He was just so, intense. He looked at me, not through, me but at me, and I couldn’t take my eyes off him. Everyone was quiet, Colleen, and even Kate, the last was close to a miracle. Finally, and almost as if he planned it…which is ridiculous! He said- that this was the time of our date! And I just… really…I mean seriously…could NOT believe it. So one minute I was standing in the Carlton living room, with my mouth open, and then next Kate was pushing me through Colleen’s bedroom, door, while Colleen kept asking about US. US=me and Billy. Me and Billy! Okay, but I’m getting ahead of my self.

***

“Lily,” Nick said, and reached for her arm, but came up with air.

 Lily moved towards the sliding glass door. The sound of the ocean was the only thing to permeate the stiff silence in the room. She watched as the oceans hit the shore, while couples strolled hand in hand down the beach. She looked up at the clear blue sky, and saw a pelican swooping down. She followed his decent towards the ocean, where it skimmed the surface, and just as quickly darted back up to the sky. Its mouth filled with water, and probably a fish or two. She sighed. It was free, so very free, and she wished that she could do that. Swoop down, and take what she wanted, and fly away without consequences, but there were always consequences. No one was immune from them, not her or her husband.

“Lily, say something.” Nick implored, slowly walking up behind her. He watched as her shoulder tensed at his voice, and silently swore.

***

What?  I asked, when Colleen demanded that I say something, I told her that there wasn’t anything to tell. And of course, she didn’t believe me, so I had to tell them everything…well almost. I didn’t tell them about how Billy had held me in his arms, not once, but TWICE!  Well three times, if you counted the first time, after he let me go, and then when I tried to get the bracelet and…never mind, because later…okay getting ahead on myself again. So after all that, Colleen and Kate, were all OMG, and I was all, I know OMG and we sort of screamed, because this was the first time I’d been asked out. Colleen said that she shouldn’t have this reaction, because it was her uncle, but that she was happy that someone had finally noticed me. I wasn’t particularly happy about that last part, it was just…so Kate, who even glowered at Colleen after she’d said it. They’d had a tiff, but then I’d broken it up and told them that I understood what Colleen was trying to say. Which of course was a lie, I mean, Colleen is my best-friend how could she say something like that??? It was as if she believed that I wasn’t cute enough for a guy to ask out. Oh btw, I should have mentioned that she’d seemed really surprised that her uncle had asked me out. I didn’t tell her, but it sort of hurt my feelings. I know it’s stupid, but it did.

~~~

Billy frowned, his hand tightened on the diary as he reread the crossed out passage. Colleen better be damn happy, that he hadn’t known that she’d hurt Lily’s feelings. But to be fair, CC hadn’t known either, and he knew enough to know that she’d been speaking without thinking. CC would never intentionally hurt Lily. And he could somewhat understand her surprise. It hadn’t been as if he and Lily actually ‘known’ each other. He’d been a senior about to graduate, while Lily had only been a freshman. CC hadn’t been the only person shocked by their relationship, but she’d never given them anything but support, so it was odd reading about her reaction to them.

~~~

Anyhow, Colleen and Kate helped me pick out an outfit. I didn’t wear anything special, just a pair of jeans and a long sleeve white cotton pullover- under a Polo shirt. I’d wanted to wear something cute, but the weather still isn’t great for April, but it’s getting warmer everyday. Kate said I looked casual and cute, and since Billy wasn’t dressed up, then why should I? Billy didn’t seem to mind. He actually said that I looked cute. He said it several times tonight! He told me at the door and then later, when he took me to the field.

~~~

She looked adorable. Billy could still see her clearly standing at the foot of the stairs, in fitted blue jeans, a purple Polo shirt, and black ballet flats. Her wild curls pulled back into a ponytail, while a thin purple headband kept any fly-a- ways down.  She’d looked as if she’d just escaped from the set of a Tommy Girl photo shoot. Once again he’d found himself entranced, by the little elfin creature, but when she smiled, that tentative smile, he’d been hypnotized and would have followed her to the end of the world. “What was it about you Lily Winters that made me feel as if I’d finally found a true home?” He shook the thought from his head, and glanced at the clock.

***

 “What do you want me to say,” Lily said turning to face him before he could touch her.

“I don’t know?”

She stared at him. He looked upset, and she supposed he was. But under that, she could see that he was anxious and just a tad…impatient. He wanted to get back to Genoa City in a hurry, but he couldn’t because he had to deal with her. She could make it easy for him, and she would. She was just so tired, so very tired of fighting a loosing battle. “What time does the plan leave?

Nick was surprised that she asked. He was expecting a fight. He was expecting her to tell him that he’d lied to her, and that the company was more important to him than her. In the few minutes he’d had to prepare, several different scenarios went through his head. But this wasn’t one of them. “Lily,” He took a step forward, but she walked around him and went to the closet.

She opened the door, and pulled out her suitcases. “What time does the flight leave?” She threw over her shoulder as she began pulling clothes off hangers. She felt empty, so very empty. It was as if he’d torn out her soul, and left it to dry out in the wind without anything to anchor it down. Marriage needed and anchor and she didn’t have one. They didn’t have one, and she honestly didn’t know what to do about it.

Nick sighed, “One, the plane is supposed to leave at one.”

She paused for a second, and looked at the alarm clock on the bedside table, “Well, we don’t have much time, do we?” She returned to her task and worked like a mindless drone, grab, fold, insert, grab, fold, insert, grab, fold, insert. She shut down her mind, her emotions and her heart. It was a trick she’d learned first after Billy had abandoned her, and then after her mother died. In both cases people constantly asked her how she was feeling, and if she needed anything. She’d learned a long time ago that she could get through anything, without anyone’s help. Without realizing it, she’d put up walls, some of the same walls she’d helped Billy to remove from his life. Hell of job she did with that one.

Nick watched her- he didn’t know what to say. He had never seen her life this before. It was as if she’d checked out on him, as if…no, he wasn’t going to even think about that. “I’m sorry.” He said for something to say.

“Of course you are,” she zipped up the first suitcase, and moved to the next one, “Of course you are.” She said, putting her shoes in. She hadn’t packed many pairs, so this took less time than the clothes. She moved from the closest and went into the bathroom, and began to pack her cosmetics and toiletries.

He’d been standing in the same spot just watching her. He knew she was angry. He just wished that she would show some type of emotion, “Fuck.”  He walked to the closest and began packing his own bag.

***

Billy drives really, REALLY fast! And why shouldn’t he, when has a really fast car. He drives jet- black…hmm…Ferrari…no…It’s… an umm…Mustang…whatever, it’s a really fast car. 

~~~

“A Mustang?” Billy said feeling incredulous. He was in love with a girl, who hadn’t been able to tell the difference between, a Mustang and Porsche Turbo? He would have laughed if it weren’t so insane. How can you compare the two? Let it go Abbott. He really wanted to ask her about this, but he couldn’t because she’d know he knew. Maybe he’d just ask her if she could remember what kind of car he drove. He chuckled. His Lily was such a girl. He remembered how she’d clutched the seat belt as he speed down the empty road heading to the field. She’d looked a bit green by the time they’d arrived and he’d promised himself that he would drive slower on the way back.

~~~

I thought I was going to be sick, by the time we made it to the clearing. And I still don’t know how I ate half of my cheeseburger, when the world was spinning, and my already queasy stomach, was near about to boil over. I felt as if I would vomit at any moment, but somehow- God I am very thankful to you-I didn’t. Billy pulled out a blanket and we had picnic underneath the stars. Billy is unlike any guy I’ve ever met. Not like I know a lot of guys, but Billy is different. He’s not who I thought he would be.

~~~

“And how did you think I would be,” Billy said, some what tentative about discovering the answer. It was really silly. They dated, and then fell in love. And yet, he felt nervous about her first, well third impression of him. But this one- before the others- was the one that really counted. He remembered thinking that she was the best thing since Nextel. Yeah, it was corny, but hey, he loved his phone. That beep, beep sound it made, alerting everyone nearby, so that they could listen in on your conversation, and yet you thought it was cool, when in fact it was very rude. But it was the thing, and he’d always had to have whatever the new it toy was.  He always wanted what was new, the MP3 player, the iPod, the touch, the pad, and he’d owned every must have phone, from the Razor to the Blackberry, to the iPhone.  He loved to upgrade, but when it came to women, unlike many men, he knew that no matter how many years would come and go, that Lily would only get better with age. She was like an aged bottle of Brandy, something to be kept, and savored slowly over time.

~~~

He’s not who I thought he would be. I suppose I thought that he would be… I don’t know, maybe arrogant? That’s the only thing I’d ever really heard about him. Oh yeah, and that he was a trouble maker, who had been kicked out of boarding school, which was why he was now attending Walnut Grove. I wanted to ask, but I was too afraid and I want him to like me. Even with everything that I’d heard, I really wanted Billy to like me. But I didn’t to have worry. Billy was kind and very sweet and….just AMAZING!!! He knew that I hadn’t been feeling well after the car ride, so he told-not asked- me to lie down. Yeah, he’s a little bossy, but he was right. He told me to look at the stars, while he pointed out different constellations. He just talked to me, while I lay on my back relaxed in the empty space. I feel sort of guilty, because I know his food got cold, but he didn’t seem to care. Once I was finally feeling better, and we ate the burgers he’d picked up for us at a burger stand on the outskirts of town.  We talked about school and our teachers and dance, which he seemed really interested in. He wanted to know how Mrs. Parker was treating me, but I said no different that she treated anyone else. He seemed to accept the answer, as if… I don’t know. It was a little weird, but I guess he just wanted to make sure that she wasn’t giving me a hard time. But why would he, unless he likes me, likes me, likes me. I mean I like him, like him, like him, so maybe he likes me, likes, likes me, like I like… OMG!  I think Billy Abbott really likes me! He didn’t kiss me, or even make a move on me, but he was just….AMAZING!!! And he’s so cute, and nice, and sweet, and so… different. I can’t believe people can be so mean and say the things about him that they say! Billy is a good person, and I like him…I like him a lot…I like him A WHOLE LOT!!!   

~~~

 Billy placed the book on the table, a smile pasted on his face, yes, he’d like her too. He’d liked her a lot.

***

“Mr. Newman, we’ll be landing in Genoa City in approximately ten minutes.” The flight attendant, Suzanne said.

 “Thank you” He replied with a nod.

Nick glanced across the isle to his wife, who was stretched out across two seats, with her back to him. She hadn’t said much, but her silence spoke volumes. God, why was she being like this? And why wouldn’t she let him explain? He wanted to tell her that they would return, that they would come back, but he knew that she wouldn’t listen.  He had already attempted to engage her in conversation on several different occasions, but he might as well have been talking to a conch shell for the response she gave. He didn’t know what to do. A part of him wanted to shake her, while the other part thought that maybe this was her way of coping with the situation. Maybe she was trying to get over it, and didn’t want to cause a fuss? He was probably reaching with those last two, but then again, maybe not. Lily wasn’t a drama queen. She was level headed, intelligent and although sometimes she could be extremely emotional, she wasn’t argumentative. He closed his eyes, and breathed deeply. She would get over this…she had to.

Lily stared down at her nails, she needed a manicure. She loved getting manicures. She loved the way her nails felt, after they were cleaned and polished. She liked the way they looked against her gray steering wheel, especially if she’d gotten color. She rarely used color on her nails, because it never lasted. Oh it was nice the first few days, but after that, the polish would begin to chip. It was sort of like her marriage. It had been nice the first year, maybe even the second year. As far as she could remember it might have only been the first two years, and not even the entire two years. They both worked, and with her getting the magazine where it needed to be, she’d spent a lot of time at the office, but so had he. The difference was that she’d always made time for him. Her marriage was the most important thing in her life. Her family was everything to her, and Nick was a big part of her family. And yet, she wasn’t a big part of his. Newman Enterprises was his family’s business, and it came first, it had always come first. It had just taken her longer to see that. But she’d love him. She loved her husband. Not the way she loved before, but, she loved him…she loved him a lot. But did she love him enough?