She sat on the bed with a thump. Lily could feel a massive headache coming on. She couldn't believe the things Nick had said to her. He'd been so...cruel and hurtful. She had never seen this side of him. Lily knew that he was ruthless in his business dealings, but he had never been that way with her.

She lay back on the bed resting her head on the mound of pillows that were propped against the headboard. Sleep, she just wanted to sleep. Sleep would erase everything, and her mind could be blissfully blank. She was about close her eyes, when she heard the door open.

"Baby," Nick called from door. "Lily?"

Reaching over Lily turned on the night stand lamp. "Nick I'm tired. I have a headache and I am not about to argue with you again." She couldn't handle anymore, not tonight. He was pushing her and pushing her, and if he kept it up, she was likely to say something that she would regret.

"We need to talk."

"Nick please can't it wait."

"No it can't," he said in a voice that broke no argument.

Lily sighed. "What, Nick, what is so important that it can't wait until morning?"

"I don't know maybe our marriage."

She laughed, "O my god, do you really think that the problems in our marriage are going to be solved by you berating me." She sat up, "Go ahead. Please continue to throw my past in my face. Do whatever you need to do, to make you feel better. And for the record it won't help our marriage." 

Nick sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "What do you want from me? What can I say that will make you stop looking at me as if I'm the most untrustworthy man on earth?" He asked, moving toward the bed.

"I need some time. "

"Haven't I already given you plenty of time?"

"And what the hell is that suppose mean?" She said getting angry. Her head was pounding, but she ignored the pain. He wanted to do this...fine they would, and when it was over, one of them would be truly sorry.

"When are we going have kids," he asked, sounding as if he were asking when they were going to buy a new toaster.

Lily closed her eyes. She should have known. Their marriage was mostly a happy one, aside from Nick always putting her last, him expecting her to drop everything for him, and the constant issue of when she going to have their kids. Nick had brought up starting a family only six months after they'd married. She had yet to graduate from college, but that hadn't seemed to matter to him. She'd told him that she wanted to graduate first, and then maybe they would work on it sometimes after that. She'd wanted to be a young mother. Her mother had been a young mother, and she wanted to follow in her foot steps.  She'd imagined herself having her first child by twenty-four, just enough time to have started a career, or continue on with her masters.  Lily had never mentioned her dream to Nick, because he hadn't been the man she'd imagined having children with.

A few months after their talk, her mother, Druscilla Winters, was killed in the plane crash, along with her business partner, Colleen's father, Brad Carlton. Lily had been devastated. She and her mother were extremely close, even after Dru had tried for almost a year to keep her and Billy apart.  Lily never ever wondered if her mother loved her. Druscilla had been amazing when Billy left. She had never once said "I told you so." She'd held Lily and let her cry on her shoulder, gave her space, when she needed it, and brought her cans of whipped cream to consume-even if she had found it repulsive. She did it, because it made Lily feel better. It didn't actually make her feel better, but it had made her smile. Drucilla had been tough as nails, extremely intelligent, and had her own special brand of wisdom that usually hit home.

Loosing her mother was another turning point in Lily's life. She'd gone from having no career to running a magazine. It had not been easy to wrestle control from the previous Editor and her staff, but she had. Lily, Colleen, and Kate had banded together and saved the once struggling Magazine. Lily had not had time to have a child. She'd barely had time to graduate, how had he expected her to have baby? But he had, and he still did, and she...and she would, but...not now.

"Lily," Nick called, snapping her out of her musings. "What, you still don't know?"

"I told you that I had..."

"Don't, don't you dare use the magazine as an excuse. That magazine could run itself. You act as if you're having my child means that you have to stop working."

  "Doesn't it? Isn't what having the Newman heir would mean?" She continued at his silence. "Me being a stay at home mom, having lunch with the ladies at the country club, having your meals on the table when you get home, at only god knows when, while wearing a pair high heels and a cocktail dress."

"I have never asked that of you, and I never would," he said. "You act is if being a stay at home mother is the worst thing in the world. My mother" he hit his chest, "was stay at home mom."

"See," she said, standing up. "That's exactly it. You say that you won't ask that of me, but you love to bring up how Nikki stayed at home. She may have stayed at home, but she didn't raise you. She sent you and Victoria off to boarding school, until you were each in high school."

"My sister and I attended the most exclusive boarding school in America. We received the best educations, and I would expect for my children to have the best education."

"But I will not," she said voice rising, "I will not send my children to a private school. Not every child wants to be sent away."

"Because he didn't," it was a statement. "Everything goes back to him." He spat. "I love you," walking forward, he stopped, took her face between his hands, and looked her in the eyes. "I love you. I Nicholas Newman, love's you, Lily Winter, and I am not going to let you leave me over some childhood fancy."

 "I am not-

 "We are going to have kids. The magazine will be fine, Kate and Colleen will handle everything, and you can hire someone as a temporary replacement."

"Nick," she started. He heart was pounding as she stared him in the eyes. She'd never seen him like this, he was so tense. He seemed...desperate.

"Our children will be raised in a way that we decide, and no one else's experience - Billy's or Kate's- will effect our decision." Nick leaned in and kissed Lily hard on her unresponsive lips. He kissed her forehead, and then spoke against it, "I love you. I don't want to loose you."

Lily could feel the tears sliding down her face, "I love you too," she said voice quavering. "But,"

"Go to sleep," Nick said cutting her off. "We can talk about it later." With that he turned, and left the room.

Lily crawled across the bed, and settled in the full down pillows. Her marriage was falling apart, and she didn't know what to do about it.  She lay in the dark silent room listening to the sound of her breathing, while staring at the champagne canopy over the bed. She shut her mind down. She didn't want to think about anything. She willed sleep to come. Her headache was easing, but her stomach was tied in knots, and her heart felt as if it was being squeezed by giant hands.  Lily felt as if she'd been lying there forever, but only fifteen minutes had passed since Nick's departure, before she finally begin to feel the pull of the sandman, taking her to the other side. And just before she made her journey to the Land of Nod, the phantom thought from earlier drifted across her subconscious. But is it enough?

***

"Mrs. Newman, we're here." Lily looked up at the driver who held the door open for her.

Making her way out of the car she said "Thank you," before pausing at the curb to stare up at the tall sky rise. It was a tall sleek gray building that rose over twenty feet in the air. It was smaller than many of the other building in the area, but sexier than the rest. The gray building consisted of cement and glass that looked black in the dark, but was clear, with a light tint. The glass touched just about every surface of the exterior. She knew the view must be breathtaking.

Lily had once dreamed of living downtown, staying in one of the huge high rise condominiums that were scattered throughout downtown Genoa City. All the major corporations were in the downtown area, so real estate developers built condo's in the area to accommodate executives. The downtown area was for the successful, rich, hip, and young. There were restaurants, and of course there was the Neman Fine Arts center, as well as the newly renovated Newman Coliseum. Newman, she thought. It was impossible to escape the last name...her last name.

She sighed, "Marcus," she looked over at the driver, who was waiting patiently for instructions. "You may retire for the evening."

Like any well trained employee Marcus didn't argue. He wanted to, Ms. Valentine had told him to make sure Lily got home, and as far as Marcus knew this wasn't Mrs. Newman's home. He was employed by WCV Publications, so he'd driven the beautiful Mrs. Neman home on several occasions. He wasn't her normal driver. She had a car, so more often than not she drove herself, unless it was really late. It wasn't that late, only a half past eight, but he was under the impression that his bosses had indulged a bit tonight.

"Marcus, did you hear me?"

Marcus looked at the fresh faced woman, who looked like a young ingénue, in blue jeans and a t-shirt and not the wife of Nicholas Newman, who was a member of one of Genoa City's most prominent families. "Yes, Madam," he said, "I will stay until you enter."

"Thank you," she said, before reaching in to the car to retrieve her purse and a bottle. "Goodnight Marcus."

"Goodnight Mrs. Newman," he said, watching her enter the building. As he walked around the vehicle, he couldn't help but wonder what brought her here.

***

Billy frowned, when he heard the knock on his door. Odd that the security desk hadn't informed him that he had a guest. Perhaps it was for someone else? He wasn't expecting any visitors tonight. He hand only gotten out the shower fifteen minutes ago, and was currently wearing a pair of blue and white stripped pajama bottoms, and a white ribbed tank.

He padded down the hall from the breakfast bar- where he'd been enjoying a gyro, while reading over some paper for work- to the front door. He opened the door without bothering to look through the tiny peep-hole.  He was about to ask if the person they was lost, but the words died before he ever had a chance to form them. 

"May I come in," she asked.

Billy stared down at the petite female at his door, taking in every one of her features.  His body reacted as his gaze lingered over her small pert breast, before returning to her gorgeous amber eyes. "What are you doing here?" He asked stepping back.

Lily walked past him, with the bottle raised in her right hand. "I thought we could have a drink. You know old friends all that." She pushed the bottle into his chest, releasing it for him to take hold off.

Billy had learned to school his features, but he was truly and utterly shocked. Lily, His Lily wanted to have drink?  He knew what it was without having to read the label. Cristal, he shook his head, she always did love the expensive stuff. He closed the door and watched as she looked around his home.

"It's nice," she said, after beat, "now where are the glasses?" She didn't wait for his answer, but went in search of the kitchen.

***

"Hi honey, I'm home."

Nick stared in shock. He was surprised that his mouth didn't fall open. It couldn't be...she couldn't he here standing in his office looking lovelier than the last time he'd seen her almost five years ago. Her blonde hair hung in seductive waves past her shoulders, and her eyes, her ever changing stunning eyes looked cornflower blue in the yellow sheath-dress she wore.

"Well," she did a slow turn, "like what you see?"

Nick's eyes of their own accord traveled down her body, taking in every curve, from her large round breast to the hips that were made for a man's hands to grip, while drove himself as deep as he could inside her. His mouth went dry as flashes of his past, their past in bed, surged into his brain. His body grew heated at the images.

She walked forward. Slowly, like a tigress stalking her prey, and that's exactly what he was. "Nicholas," she purred, "I didn't think you'd be happy to see me, but from the looks of it," she cast her eyes at his crotch, "It seems that you are...very-happy-to see me." She laughed, when Nick frowned, before he returned to his seat.

"What are you doing here, Sharon?" Fuck, thought Nick, as he discretely tried to adjust his pants.

"Business," Sharon said knowingly looking down at the desk.

Nick felt his face grow hot. Shit was he about to blush? He was a grown man. He was...a married man. Nick closed his eyes, and brought his wife into the forefront of his mind. She was wearing a white dress, with a pink flower in her hair. She smiled at him, and the love he saw in her eyes, made him feel like a better man. "We have nothing to discuss," he replied with more confidence that he felt.

"O but we do Nick, we do." She glided towards the desk, retrieving a white business card, from a sterling silver Tiffany case, as she came. She tossed the card onto the desk, before taking a seat.

Nick picked up the card, scanned it, and then cursed. It couldn't be. She couldn't be. "No," he said aloud.

She smiled brilliantly, "Yes."

Nick's heart was racing as he looked down at the card, before slamming it on the desk. "Mrs. Collins I presume.

She smiled, "In the flesh, but it's Miss." She said, and then winked.

***

"This is a nice apartment," Lily said, watching Billy fill her glass with champagne.  "It fits you," she looked around the space, and took in the charcoals, blues, and browns that made up the living room.

"Thank you," he said, sitting on the couch next to her. She hadn't said much since her arrival five minutes ago, other than to remark on the décor. "I didn't decorate it."

"Oh,"

"Jemma, she's my assistant in London, flew in and supervised everything.

"She knows you very well," Lily said trying to keep the stiffness out of her voice. Billy was rarely impressed by people, but he'd said Jemma's name with enough inflection, which made if clear that he was fond of her. "She's good at her job."

"The best," he said, and smiled. "I am not an easy man to please."

"Ah, so nothing has changed" she quipped.

"Many things have changed, but in not in that regard."

"I see you still don't like champagne." She nodded at his tumbler. He'd brought out a decanter filled with a clear liquid that she assumed was vodka.

"It has its place. I just prefer a real drink," he said, saluting her with his glass, before taking a sip. "

"I can assure that Cristal is a very real drink." She relaxed back on the sofa. Her body was slightly angled towards his, with one jean clad leg casually tucked beneath her.

"Only to light a weight like you," He quipped.

"Rappers like Cristal," she said in defense. "They talk about it in some of their songs."

 "They like the label, the cost, that it's expensive. Trust me. They'd take a bottle of Veda Black Ice if they wanted something with a real kick. You should try it." He held out the tumbler to her.

She stared from him to the drink and then back again. She'd never tried vodka straight up, and she wasn't sure if she wanted to.

"You know you want to." He teased.

"Said the snake to Eve," She said and took tumbler from his hand. She stared down into the clear liquid for a second, before taking a sip. "Ugg," she squealed. "That's...disgusting, how the hell do you drink that?"

"Easy," he replied, before plucking the glass from her loose grip and tossing back the contents.

She shuttered. "That's just...nasty, really nasty.

"It's an acquired tasted."

"One that I will never acquire," she said making a face.

Billy poured another glass, and watched her out of the corner of his eyes. What exactly was she doing here, and how long he was going to have to wait, until she told him? There was no way she'd come over to shoot the breeze, but then again, he could tell that she's was slightly tipsy. Lily walking around with alcohol was highly amusing, even if he did find it somewhat disturbing. This was not apart of his plan. Yes, he'd told her she would come to him, but they were a little a head of schedule.

"Do you remember when we use to visit Jabot? We'd come downtown, walk around, and look at all the buildings."

"Yeah I remember. You told me that you wanted to live here someday."

"I did. I wanted to live in a penthouse apartment like this one. I wanted to be high up above in the clouds." She laughed. "I knew that I wouldn't be living in the clouds, but I would be close to them. Closer than where I was when I lived at home. Miles Estate," said Lily in reference to the six bedrooms, four bathrooms mansion she grew up in "was massive in size, but only a two story."

"True, but I remember you saying that a condo wouldn't be the best place for kids, because it wouldn't have a backyard."

Her eyes widened in surprise, "You...you remember that?"

"Yep," he said, before taking another sip of his drink. "There are few things about you that I don't remember."

She looked down at her glass, which she'd been steadily sipping from to find is empty. Reaching for the bottle she poured another glass, and then took a long sip, before she replied. "I believe that. You used to always know what I needed, even when I didn't know I needed it." She shook her head, "that didn't make sense."

"It did. To me, it makes sense to me."

"Do you still know?" She asked staring him in the eyes. "Don't...don't answer that," she said with a laugh. "It's too serious."

"And you're not in the mood to be serious."

Lily laid one elbow on the couch and propped her chin on her hand. "Not especially. I'm a little tired of being serious. I sometimes feel that that's all I do. That being ‘serious' is all my life is now."

"It's called being an adult, or at least that's what I've been told."

"Let me guess, Jack?"

"Miss Winters you are correct."

"What do I win?" She asked, with a mischievous gleam in her eye.

"What do you want?"

Lily knew that answering this question could be dangerous, it could lead to consequences that she wasn't ready for. But she didn't want to play it safe. She was tired of playing it safe. She had gotten... No. Lily dropped the thought from her mind before it could fully form. "To be the girl I use to be." It was the truth, a sad truth.  She wanted to be the girl she was before everything changed, before he left, before her life became so...staid.

"And here I thought you didn't want to be serious."

"It's inevitable with us." She smiled sadly. "I'm not her. I wish was, but I'm not her." She took another sip, "I grew up, but we all do. I'm not Billy. I know you came her thinking that the girl you use to know still exists, but she doesn't. And I need you to know that."

"Lily, I know that. But you are still the girl I loved, you've only grown up. And you've hidden a piece of her away, but she's still there. She's still apart of you."

"Is he apart of you?" She asked, watching as he readjusted his position on the couch to match hers. "Is the boy I fell in love with still in there."

Billy looked down at pretty pink toes that peeked out from under her leg. What could he say? The answer should be easy, but at times he wasn't even sure if he was the same kid he'd been in college. Should he tell her the truth or lie? Should he confide in her, tell her that the boy is apart of her, and only she could return him to himself? What should he say? Billy was so confident in every aspect of his life, but no matter how much he tried, it took every ounce of his strength to be the same man with her.

"You don't know...do you" she asked, after watching the slight shifts in expressions on his face. A stranger wouldn't have noticed it. Only someone who knew Billy as well as Lily did would have seen the slight shifting of indecision on his face, even as he'd tried to hide it. It was there, in the small bend of his lips, and the twitching of his brows.

"No, I do know." He said. "But I don't think you want to here the answer."

"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't."

"No. Well, yes." He said. "Fuck," he ran a hand through his hair.

"That's what I thought. But I'm not her and you're not him, so why are you here?" This was it. She'd asked him this question so many times before, but to no avail. O, he'd danced around the answer, but he hadn't been direct, and she wanted to know. It wouldn't change anything, but she needed to know.

"You're right. I don't know if he's still there, but I know that he must be. Because how could I still feel this way I feel about you?" How could I still love you? Billy thought.

 Lily bit the side of her lip, "I've seen him. Once, I've seen him only once since you've returned, so I guess." She sighed deeply before continuing. "I guess he's still there."

"Thank you."                                               

"No... thank you." She said. "I should probably go home now?"

"If that's what you want."

She looked at him. Her eyes took in his damp disheveled hair, penetrating stare, strong jaw, and the white t-shirt that was molded to his body. She shook her head. "No. I don't want to go home."

"What do you want?" Billy asked. His voice held a promise of gratification.

"I want you to answer the question."

"Is that all?"

"No, but it will do for now."

He didn't want to do it, but it was time. He needed to lay his cards on the table, and she needed to do the same. "I want you."

"That's it," she said slightly confused. "You...you want me?"

"Yes," he replied simply.

"For what," Lily asked, her mind raced in different directions, while her heart beat rapidly in her chest. "You've been trying to seduce me since you waltz back into town."

"This is not about sex." She looked at him skeptically." Yes, I want to make love to you. I want to make love to you until we both pass out. But I don't want it only once?"

"Billy, are you asking me to have an affair with you?"

"No." He sighed. "Let's talk about something else."

"No Billy, let's talk about this."

"We will, when you're ready. I will tell you everything, but only when you really want to hear it."

"I want to hear it now."

Billy shook his head sadly, "No my love... you're not ready."

My love, he shouldn't have called her that, and she should have corrected him, but she didn't. The words felt so perfect, so right. Maybe she was still that girl. "We're not same people. Billy we've changed.

"I know we have."

"Then how can you say you...want me? You don't really know this Lily." She said pointing at herself. "And I don't really know this," she placed her hand against his chest, somewhat surprised that she was close enough to touch him, "Billy.

Billy trapped her hand against his chest, "so tell me. I want to know everything about you, everything that I don't already know, and everything that's changed. Who are you now?"

Lily turned away, but didn't remove her hand. "I don't know." Reaching up she captured a single tear that slid down her cheek. "I really should go." She didn't move, "but I don't want to go."

"Then stay," he said knowing that he should send her home, but not able to say the words. He would regret this. He knew he would regret this, but he didn't care. All he wanted was to spend the night with her, even if it set him back. He wanted to spend the night with her, even if all he did was hold her.

"Ok," she said, and Billy lightly tugged her forward, bringing her closer, he stretched out his legs on the couch, and she climbed in his lap, her back to his chest. "But only for a little while."

Billy slid one arm around her waist, and gave a contented sigh. They use to sit like this in the field, under the stars, for hours.

"What are you thinking about?"

"You," he answered.

  "What about me?"

"Lily, you know who are you? You are one of the strongest women I know."

"I don't feel strong."

"Some of the strongest people don't always feel strong. They believe that because they put others before them, that it makes them weak. It takes a strong person to be the passenger, especially when you want to drive, and you know that you're the better driver."

"But shouldn't the passenger say when enough is enough?"

"Yes. But just because they don't say it, doesn't mean that they're weak. It means that at some point, they forgot that they knew how to drive."

"I'm a good driver," Lily said, and then swallowed back the tears she felt, "I'm a damn good driver."

"I know baby, I know." He said, and then kissed her hair. "Although not in a car," he said to interrupt the tension he could feel beginning to course through her body.

She elbowed him in the ribs.

"Ouch."

"I'm a good driver," she said.

Billy smiled he could tell she was pouting, but he didn't respond. He only enjoyed the moment. He it couldn't last, so he would treasure ever second.

"Thank you," she said, staring ahead at the charcoal gray wall, with black and white framed photos, one in particular that of a younger Billy and his father. "He must still be in there, because somehow, he always knew what I needed to hear."

"Ditto," he said, following her line of vision.  

***
"This has to be a joke," Nick said, staring at the card on his desk.

"I assure you that it's not." Sharon replied coolly. She was going to enjoy her time in Genoa City. She was only passing through. It was going to be short, but memorable.

"How could you be the CEO of Symphonic Smells? The CEO also owns the company, there is no way you had enough capital or the credit start up the company."

She smiled. "O how time fly's. It's so easy to forget, isn't Nick." She waited a beat for his reply, but none was forth coming. "I invested the money your father paid me. You know the money that he paid me to go away?"

"My father couldn't have given you that much."

 "O but I a sure you the great Victor Newman spared no expense getting the ‘trash'" she made quotations, "out of his son's life. Especially when he was marrying the sweet, innocent, pure as freshly fallen snow Lily Winters."

Nick stood. "You and I weren't a together, when Lily and I started dating."

"Officially, Nick, we weren't officially together, but there were plenty of times, when we where together. It's not as if Lily doesn't know...some of it."

Nick's could feel his heart speed up at her words.  Sharon had been his drug of choice. She was sexy, sultry, and maddeningly beautiful. She'd been on a scholarship to Genoa City University, and he'd fallen hard the moment he'd laid eyes on her. She challenged him, and made want to cut the ties that bound him to the Newman name. She'd been his free place to go, but she'd also been trouble. She'd wanted the Newman wealth without his parent's constant judgment. Neither had approved of their relationship, which had made Sharon want to flaunt it in front of them even more. Sharon had been a rebellious vixen, who had taunted him, until he gave in to her every whim, and tried things that he'd only imagined. He'd smoked cigarettes, tried pot, extacy, and coke, participated in several ménage trios, and drank copious amounts of alcohol. His life had been spinning, and he'd enjoyed every bit of it. They would argue all the time, break up, and she'd have a new guy before the end of their first week. It drove him insane, how easily she replaced him. He'd always go back to her, and she'd laugh, taunt him again, until he'd want to hit her. They would argue and then fuck all night, until both were too tired to breathe.  Insanity is what she was, that's what they were, until they graduated, and stepped out into the real world. It all changed, well not all of it, they still argued and fucked, but they had left the rest behind in college.

"Hello," Sharon said snapping him out of his reverie.

"Why are you here?"

"I came for out meeting."

"Cut the shit Sharon, I know you. So tell me why you're really here?" Nick's eyes were hard, not a flash of longing in them. He needed her gone and now. She was bringing back memories that he'd long tried to bury.

Sharon sighed. Shaking her head, she tapped her clutch against her thigh. "Look, I don't have time for this. You wanted a meeting with the CEO of Symphonic Smells." She stood up. "I'm the CEO, and Nick, there really' isn't much for us to discuss." She made her way towards the door. It would be pointless for her to stay any longer. Nick was shocked by her presence, and wouldn't believe anything she said. They had things to discuss, important things, but he needed to pull himself together first.

"You walk in my office, tell me you're the head of a multi-million dollar company, and expect me to take you at face value?"

She paused, one hand on the door handle. "No, Nicholas. You would be a fool to take me at face value, and although you try your damndest to act the fool, we both know that you aren't. So I expect you to do your research and call me when you're ready to talk about business" she opened the door, "and other things.

"If, and that's a big if, you are the CEO, business is the only thing we have to discuss." Nick stood in front of the desk, his arms folded across his chest, in a faux lounging position. One would need to be relaxed to pull of a true lounging position, and he was anything but that. His body was tight from a mix of nerves and lust, pure agile lust. He hadn't been able to take his eyes of her ass as she walked away. If an ass could be gorgeous, hers was. It was round, firm, and enticing, just like every other part of her.

"O Nick," Sharon tsked, "Now you're really showing your foolishness, and here I thought I'd seen it all earlier. But you and I both know that we have something very personal" she emphasized the last word, "to discuss." She stepped out of the office and turned, "Have your assistant phone mine, after you've...smartened up a bit." She made to leave, "and don't take to long. You really can't afford to keep me waiting." She turned on her heels and left.

Like a lost puppy, Nick went to the door and watched until she waved at him over her shoulder in tootles jester. He slammed the door. How the fuck had she known he'd been watching? And what the hell was he going to do about it? Shit, his marriage was already rocky, and now Sharon's reappearance   would tilt the boat. "Fuck," he yelled, anger, irritation, and resentment getting the best of him.

You and I both know that we have something very personal to discuss. Her words replayed themselves in his head. Sealing a fate that would not be denied, no matter how hard he'd tried.