~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~London: 12 hours after the incident~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Jemma," Billy called to his assistant as he walked out of the door of his London office. "I need you to call Matthew and tell him to have the jet ready to leave for Genoa City as soon as possible.

"Yes sir," Jemma said as she watched her boss's retreating form. She could tell that something was wrong. She'd worked closely with Billy for five years, so she knew his moods better than most and she knew that something was wrong.  She'd heard him on the phone only minutes ago and now he was ready leave for Genoa City? Jemma wanted to know what had happened to change is mood, but she would never ask. She knew his moods, she'd seen all of them, and she could tell by the set of his shoulders that something was very wrong. But strangely, she couldn't tell exactly what he was feeling, because she'd never seen him this way before.  Jemma wasn't sure if he was angry, scared or maybe even both. She only hoped everything would be okay.

***

Billy couldn't breathe. His chest felt tight and he was sure that if someone said the wrong thing to him, he might hit them. He was angry, frustrated, and sacred, three emotions that were practically foreign to him. He knew the emotions. He'd experienced them all at one time or another and each time had involved one particular person.  Lily.

He clinched his fist as his chest tightened once more. This couldn't be happening. This really couldn't be happening. Reaching up, he began to unfasten his tie it felt like the damn thing was going to choke him.

"Mr. Abbott I was wondering if..."

"Not now," he said dismissing some lower level executive, who he was sure wanted to kiss his ass with hopes of getting noticed. He was usually amused by brown nosers, but he didn't have time for them today. He only had time for one thing and that was Lily. Lily, the woman he loved. Lily, the woman he left.  Billy clinched his fist so tight that he could feel his nails sinking into his skin. He didn't care. He needed to feel something else, something other than anger, frustration and fear, so pain would do. Pain would calm him, because he needed to be calm when he went to home, or he was going to kill someone. He thought back to his phone call, Billy it was an accident, he didn't... I didn't...it...it was just an accident. 

"Billy," someone called, but he didn't slow his stride as he rounded the corner to the elevator. Sharon's words where playing like a broken record in his head. He didn't...I didn't...accident

"Billy, I know you heard me."

"Yeah, I did," He said pressing the down button.

"Then why didn't you answer?" Jack asked. "And where the hell do you think you're going? We have meeting with the representative from Harrods in twenty minutes."

"It doesn't matter," Billy said staring up at numbers above the lift. He could feel his brother's eyes burning into his head, but he could care less.

"It doesn't matter? What fuck do you meant by it doesn't matter."

Ding

Billy moved to step into the lift, but Jack grabbed him by the arm. "Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you."

"Jack," Billy said in a quiet voice, "You can either come with me or stay here, but if you don't take your hand off of me this very second, me not caring about the representatives from Harrods will be the least of your problem."

Jack eyed his brother for the first time. Billy looked like a trip wire just waiting to cause havoc. Jack had never known his brother to be a violent man. Billy had always used his brains to get what he wanted. The old Billy used to get angry and fly off the handle, but he'd never been violent. The man he'd gotten reacquainted with over the past few months never got angry and if he did, he never showed it. But the man in front of him looked calm, but not the relaxed type of calm. The calm you feel in the air before a hurricane hits; the waiting calm. Jack took his hand away and followed Billy into the lift.

"What's wrong?"

"Lily," he said without pretense and that one word showed Jack something else. Another emotion he couldn't reconcile with his brother, fear.

***

Billy sat back in the cabin of his Gulfstream jet and tried to relax, but he couldn't. Every nerve in his body was wound tight and getting tighter by the minute. He needed to see her now. But this fucking plan wasn't moving fast enough. It had taken two hours for his staff to get the plane ready to take off. He didn't have two hours. He didn't have two minutes. He had to get to her now!

He was a fucking idiot. How could he have left her there? How? Why had he left her to deal with this shit? The shit he caused? "Fuck," he growled and swiped a hand through his hair. He couldn't deal this. He couldn't handle not being there for her, when she needed him most. And yet everything in him screamed that she wouldn't have gotten hurt if he hadn't come back into her life.

"Billy," Jacks said from his seat across the isle. "You need to calm down, we are almost there." 

"I know," Billy practically barked at his brother. He appreciated Jack coming with him. He'd been stunned when his brother said that he would reschedule the meeting Harrods and return home with him. Billy knew he must look really bad for his brother to agree to do that.

"I know you're scared..."

"I'm not sca-

"Yes you are." Jack interrupted. "The woman you love is in the hospital, and although Kate told you that her injuries were minor and that she's doing well, you still need to see for yourself." Jack was grateful that he'd been able to talk Billy into calling Kate for an update on Lily's, while they waited on the plane to get ready. Jack had originally told him to call Colleen, but for some reason, unknown to him, Billy hadn't wanted to talk to her. Jack silently wondered if Billy weren't angry with their niece for not calling him with the news or an update on Lily. At that moment Jack hadn't cared, because Billy had needed to talk to someone after Sharon had given him the news that Lily wasn't badly hurt.  

"How the fuck is she doing well if she's in the hospital? A hospital she wouldn't be in," Billy took a deep breath and said the words he'd yet to say aloud, "If it weren't for me."

Jack was surprised by Billy's words. He'd known that Billy was angry, but he hadn't realized the person he was angry with was himself.   "It's not your fault."

"Really Jack? Because I feel like everything that has happened is my fault?" He didn't give Jack a chance to reply before he continued. He needed to say it all now, because he might never get the courage to say it again. No, he would say it again, but only to her and he would hope that she would forgive him.

"I should have stayed away. She was happy, well maybe not happy, but she was content. But I missed her, and I loved. I...I love her. God, I love her so much and I couldn't stand it anymore. I needed her and didn't care if she was married." He said grounding out the last work. "I didn't care that she...loved him." His hands were clenched into tight fist. "No, nothing mattered, at least not what she wanted. I had to have her, like some obsessed love sick egomaniac."

Jack listened. It was all he could do, because he didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to calm the beast that was raging inside his brother. The only thing he could do was comfort him and keep him out of jail, because if Billy saw Nick, Jack was sure that he would probably kill him. "Billy there was no way you could have known that this would happen."

"Jack I was cocky. Cockiness is a bad trait to ever use in business, and I used it in my personal life. I was so sure that Nick was this daddy's boy, so I underestimated him and now, the woman I love his paying for it."

"Billy, you were not the one who decided to argue with her in a stairwell." Jack said. "That was Nick. Her falling down those stairs is on Nick, not you."

"No Jack, see that's where you're wrong." Billy's said. His eyes were the blue of the Pacific Ocean at twilight. "Nick and I are both to blame for her fall, because I brought Sharon in to this."

"Sharon was business."

"Sharon was personal, but I used her desire to get out of the business, as well as her need to cement Noah as a Newman, as a way to get Lily back. Lily would have never fallen down those stairs, if she hadn't over heard Nick and Sharon in his office." How had he been so stupid, when he knew Sharon liked to play games? "I should have told her the moment I found out, but I didn't."

"Why?"

"I thought she was happy." Billy had learned from CC what a great marriage Lily and Nick had. He knew from small tidbits here and there that Nicholas Newman was admired for his beautiful and loving wife. "I hated Nick the moment I found out. I wanted to run and tell her, but then her mother died, so I waited and then dad died..." He trailed off still finding it hard to discuss his father's death. "I threw myself into the business and rarely ever looked back." Until the day I saw her picture in a magazine, the once vibrant fire that lay behind her eyes barely flickered.   

Billy slumped forward and placed his elbows on his knees. "What if she had died?"

"Billy, don't do this." Jack said.

"Don't do what Jack, tell the truth?

"It's not the truth, because she didn't die. 

"But she could have. Jack she could have easily broken her neck on that fall and you know it." Billy said looking down at his knees. His heart nearly stopped at the thought. "She could have died. My TL, My Tiger, My Lily, could have died. And Jack," Billy shook his head and swallowed. "Jack, I finally realize that I could live without her as long as I know she's alive." A single tear rolled down his cheek and he quickly wiped it way with the back of hand. "But if she'd died," he continued in a low voice. "I would have destroyed Newman Enterprises and everything and everyone associated with them. There wouldn't be a brick left in Genoa City, with the name Newman on it. And if anyone got in my way," Billy lifted his head to look his brother in the eyes. "I would have burned Genoa City to the ground, until all there were only ashes left.