“Can you tell us about the feelings you were experiencing beforehand? When did you know was the right time for you to start trying to have a child?”

“Well…” I shifted uncomfortably away from the host as I thought of my answer. “I guess it kind of just happened. If you know what I mean,” I shrugged and waited for the crowd’s laughter to die down. “Honestly, we weren't expecting it. I had so much going on at the time, getting pregnant was the last thing on my mind. The absolute last thing.”

And the first thing on my mind was the proposal I had agonized over for days, which was finally complete. Helen Wellesley had happily accepted our advertising plan and we were in the works to do an entire year-long campaign for her. I did a quick little happy dance for myself and felt the joy of completion course through me. It was four-thirty on a Friday, almost time to close it up and have a celebratory drink for myself.

I had a little pep in my step as I headed from the design department in to see Joanie. I was hoping that she’d agree to go out with me tonight and celebrate, as she was still a party animal and would never pass up the opportunity to have a martini.

“Joanie…” I sang her name as I entered her office.

“Hey, darling.” She looked up with a smile, her contacts brown today. “You look extremely satisfied with yourself. What’s going on?”

“We got the Wellesley account,” I said as I did another little dance.

Clapping her hands together she stood. “That’s my girl; I’m so proud of you!” Joanie enveloped me into a hug.

As I began to pull away she lingered for a moment longer than necessary, making me think this was more than just a congratulatory hug. “You’re such a special woman and anyone who doesn’t realize that is a damn fool. They don’t deserve you.” She held me at arm’s length and eyed me with a look of sympathy and I knew there was definitely more to this moment.

“Alright, Joanie, who told you?” I lifted an eyebrow when she finally released me.

The older woman shrugged and gave me an innocent smile. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Told me what?”

I made a noise deep in my throat that said I didn’t believe her for a minute. “Oh yes you do. You of all people know. Who told you about my mother’s unfortunate phone call?”

She sighed regretfully and closed her eyes. “An exotic Brazilian birdy.”

“I knew it! Of course Mateus couldn’t keep his mouth closed.” I groaned.

She watched me with confusion. “Not Mateus. Julio called me a couple days ago and told me about it. Wait, how did Mateus know before I knew?” Joanie asked, her eyes becoming sad.

“No one was supposed to know, least of all Mateus. He just came into my office at the worst opportune moment.”

“Is that so?” The look of sadness was replaced with giddy curiosity. “And did he…console you?” She raised her eyebrows suggestively.

“Joanie! For God’s sake, you work in Human Resources!” I gawked and shook my head.

“I know exactly where and with whom I work. And just because I have to uphold the moral codes and ethical standards of this business doesn’t mean I’m blind. If it was anyone else, I’d have told them that I don’t condone interoffice dating, but not only is that man beautiful on the outside, he’s beautiful on the inside too.”

All of this I knew, but who said I was looking to date Mateus? Who the hell said I was looking to date anyone for that matter?

“Never mind all that. I want to know why you didn’t tell me Julio called you and who told him?”

Julio had finally called me back that day and we discussed everything under the sun except what I really wanted to talk about. I was still a little upset that he hadn’t been available when he was most needed, but I wasn’t in the mood to rehash the past. I was feeling vulnerable enough, so I didn’t tell him and, at the time, he didn’t seem to know anything was wrong. He must have gotten word after our phone call…but he hadn’t called back to see if I was alright. That much bothered me.

“He just wanted to give me a heads up that you might not be acting like yourself, but seeing as I was out of the office that day, I didn’t get a chance to see if you were okay,” she shrugged; then the suggestive twinkle in her eye came back. “But it sounds like you didn’t need either of us that day. And my guess would be the other Brazilian birdy sang like a canary.”

“Of course.” I nodded solemnly for a moment. “And stop looking at me like that every time Mateus is mentioned. He’s my assistant.”

Joanie held up her hands innocently. “I didn’t say anything and I’m done talking about it. I need to get outta here in a minute. The hubby is picking me up,” she sighed dreamily and pulled open her desk drawer to retrieve the purse she’d placed there this morning.

“Big plans?” I tried not to sound disappointed that my girl’s night plan was shot.

“It’s our thirty-fifth wedding anniversary and he’s taking me somewhere special.”

At that, I smiled for my friend. “Wow, congratulations, Joanie! Thirty-five years? That’s a long time.”

“Girl, don’t I know it,” she laughed. “But it’s been such an adventure. Two handsome, smart boys and three beautiful grandbabies; I couldn’t have asked for greater blessings.”

I had always wondered how people like Joanie and her husband stayed together for so long. How could two complete opposites make a marriage work successfully and keep it working with careers, kids, and any number of life’s twists and turns?

Examining my own life, I had no role models to follow as examples of how proper relationships worked. If I learned anything from my mother it was how not to treat a marriage, or people in general. Luckily, I had Julio and people like Joanie who provided sterling examples of how respected human beings were supposed to act.

“Well, you have fun.” I hugged her tightly.

“Alandra, honey.” I turned back to Joanie as I was making my way out of her office, her face somber. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you that day. If that woman ever calls back here, I’ll handle her myself.”

I gave her a gracious smile. “Thanks, Joanie.”

Thirty minutes later, I was packing up to go home and open my new pint of Ben & Jerry cookie dough ice cream. My Friday celebratory excursion was still going to happen; it would just be toned down a bit. My mouth began to water just thinking about the chilly, sweetness lying in wait in my freezer.

I locked my office and turned to Mateus’ desk. “Ready?” I tried to keep from glaring as I watched him wrap up an e-mail, but knowing he had told Julio about my mother’s phone call annoyed me.

He pushed the ‘send’ button and looked up with a smile. When it wasn’t reciprocated, he tilted his head to one side in confusion; his eyes asking a silent question.

Ignoring the look, I strolled past his desk. “I’ll be waiting in the car.” And because I could still feel his eyes on me, I swayed my hips a little extra just to spite him.

****

The ride to Julio’s house was silent, as most of our car rides were. Riding back to Julio’s for dinner and later heading home had become routine over the past couple of days since Julio had left. Tonight, I didn’t plan to stay long. I would drop him off, make sure there was enough food in the fridge, and then make a swift exit. Oh, and in between there, ream him for speaking with Julio behind my back about the incident a couple days ago.

It had begun to rain and I hadn’t worried until I heard the boom of thunder in the distance. I groaned inwardly because the prospect of driving forty minutes home during a thunder storm wasn’t my idea of a fun Friday night. The cadence of the rain droplets landing on the windshield and the quiet swooshing of the wipers was a nice distraction from the discussion we should have been having but weren’t.

“Have I upset you, Alandra?”

The question caught me off guard because I gave no sign — other than the sassy sway of my hips out of the office earlier — that would hint at my semi-fool mood.

I looked over quickly with a raised eyebrow. “Do you think you’ve upset me, Mateus?”

He pursed his lips for a moment. “Well…you are exceptionally quiet tonight. I have a sense that you may not be in the best of moods and I only wondered if I did something.”

The sincerity in his voice only seemed to set me on edge. He sounded almost like a small child ready to accept his mandatory corporal punishment.

I shuddered even considering Mateus and the act of spanking in the same cogent thought.

“I don’t know, Mateus. Did you do something that I may not have liked?” I asked, keeping my eyes straight ahead.

I heard him sigh, as if thinking of what he might have done to bring about my bad mood.

“Does it have something to do with the phone call from the other day?”

I squeezed the steering wheel until my fingers went white as I thought of my mother and her close proximity to my state of residence. “Yes, it does. Can you think of a reason why I would be upset with you because of a phone call that had nothing remotely to do with you?”

“I spoke with Julio,” he admitted, his tone full of guilt.

“You did, and you told him and he in turn told someone else who told me.” My eyes were unblinking and hard as I pulled into Julio’s driveway and put the car into park. “I don’t want everyone in the office knowing my business. Please don’t think because you’re Julio’s cousin that we are suddenly best friends or that you have the right to divulge my personal matters to anyone who will listen.”

I shut off the car and opened the door, not caring that I hadn’t pulled out my umbrella to keep the steady rain from soaking me. I made it to the porch and had unlocked the door before he caught me. The gentle touch of his hand on my shoulder had me wiping around to face him. The hard look I had aimed at him as I turned fell flat when I noticed his shirt was matted to his chest and arms, outlining all of the lean muscles I had only felt under my hands. His hair was sleek and messy, and glistening with small pearls of rain. His lips were moist but I assumed that had nothing to do with the storm that seemed to have picked up in the few seconds since we’d arrived home.

“I am sorry I upset you,” he spoke quietly as he searched my eyes. “I did not realize I was overstepping my bounds by contacting Julio.”

“If I had wanted him to know, I would have said something myself.”

“He said that you tried to phone him but he was taking a nap. I assumed…”

“Don’t assume,” I interrupted with a glare that I managed to sustain. “You just make an ass of yourself.”

“That was not my intention.” He bowed his head apologetically and took my hand; a gesture I wasn’t expecting. “I am truly sorry to have upset you in any way.”

I swallowed as he brought it to his mouth and kissed the knuckle. A hot wave of chills settled over me because he never took his jade eyes away from mine.

My inner walls convulsed one good time — enough to make my breath hitch and wonder why I hadn’t launched myself on him yet.

Down girl, I chided myself and pulled my hand away.

“Apology accepted.” I cleared my throat and pushed the front door open.

Once inside, I went straight up the stairs to the second guestroom, where I kept an extra change of clothes for myself. I closed the bedroom door and leaned against it, eyes closed and breathing steady. The only thing out of sync was my heart, which was beating a mile a minute. Never had a man conjured up so many feelings within me. Mateus was able to annoy, arouse, and confuse all at once.

Maybe it runs in Julio’s family, I considered as I stripped off my wet clothes.

Julio was well versed in two of the three. We’d been friends so long it just seemed like a natural thing, and I knew exactly how to handle myself when he did annoyed or confused me. But with Mateus, I didn’t quite know how to go about dealing with him just yet, especially when he aroused without even lifting a finger. One searing look and I was a gooey puddle on the floor.

This was no longer a matter of controlling myself when I was around him. It was now a matter of when I would relinquish control and let my feelings take over. There was an undeniable magnetism between us and I knew I’d let him have me before the summer was over and he went back to Brazil.

After drying off and dressing in wide legged jeans and a lavender wifebeater, I was feeling more calm and self-assured. As I pulled the bedroom door open, a loud explosion of thunder echoed through the house and then suddenly everything went pitch black.

“Oh my God!” I gasped as fear gripped me by the throat. “Mateus!” I called out, trying to control the anxiety in my voice and I began to grope along the wall.

I hated the dark. As a child, my mother would jokingly tell me that if I wasn’t a good girl, monsters would come and take me. She’d chuckle to herself, then turn off the lights and close my door while my eyes darted around my dark room looking for the monsters that I knew were lurking in the shadows. Of course I had grown out of the childish idea that the Boogey Man was waiting in the dark for me until last year when my condo was broken in to. I had arrived home to see my place in shambles and my TV missing. I had invested in a security system right then and there. But the aftermath had left me afraid of the dark and the bad things that sometimes happened there. The intruder had taken not only my television but had also stolen my peace of mind.

“Mateus!” I tried again, this time I didn’t attempt to hide the desperation in his name. “Mateus, where are you?”

“I am here, Alandra. Are you alright?” His accented voice carried from the end of the hallway. His footsteps traveled closer and I breathed a sigh of relief.

I continued to follow the length of the wall so I didn’t end up near the stairs and tumble down them.

“There’s a flashlight in the kitchen.”

“Okay. Come with me.” I felt his hand fumble for mine and hold it tight as he led the way.

We moved slowly through the dark house, careful not to misstep on the stairs or run into walls in the foyers on the way to the kitchen. When we made it there safely, he released his hold and I listened to him shuffle around opening drawers in search of the flashlight.

“It’s in the second drawer on the left of the stove,” I said as I propped myself against the refrigerator. My nerves were still jittery from the darkness.

I could have jumped for joy when a beam of light shot up to the ceiling and illuminated some of Mateus’ face. He shinned the light in my direction and I squinted to help my eyes adjust.

“Do we have candles?”

I thought for a moment. “There are some on the coffee table in the living room. And I think Julio has some in his bedroom.”

“Stay here,” he said as he began to walk out of the kitchen.

Rushing to catch up with him, I reached out and clasped his muscular forearm. When he turned to look at me, I could barely see his face but I knew the expression was one of confusion. He began to protest but I bit off any more discussion with a forceful, “I’m going.”

Sighing, he gripped my hand and led me back up the stairs toward Julio’s room.

****

The living room was bathed in the soft glow of candle light, so were the kitchen and the downstairs bathroom. Mateus was in the process of lighting those candles and checking to see if the hot water was still working. I sat curled up on the couch with my favorite microfiber blanket waiting anxiously for him to return. Though, the house was no longer completely dark, I still wasn’t very comfy being alone in a semi-lit house.

When I heard footsteps moving closer, I turned my head to watch Mateus stroll out of the darkness with a candle in one hand and the lighter in the other.

“There is still hot water.”

I sighed in relief. “Thank God. I couldn’t handle a blackout and a cold shower in one day. It would’ve been too much.”

Setting the candle down on the coffee table with the others, he sat next to me and positioned himself so that his knee grazed mine.

“Can I ask you a question?” He turned, setting his soft green eyes on my brown ones.

I pulled the blanket closer around me, even though the house was comfortable in temperature. “Sure.”

“I hope you do not think I am prying but…” he paused as if trying to form the question correctly. “…does the dark make you nervous?”

“The dark makes a lot of people nervous,” I said defensively and focused on the dancing flames.

“I agree but not many people are willing to be someone else’s shadow to avoid being in the dark alone.”

“I’m not afraid of the dark,” I snapped.

He was quiet for a moment. All I heard was the steady cadence of rain outside and my own breathing.

“When I was a boy,” Matues began, “I pretended to be sick so that I could stay home from school; like most children at that age,” he chuckled a bit, recalling the memory. “And one time, I waited until my mother left for her job to go through the pantry to see what candy she had hidden there. The only problem was the food pantry was down in the cellar below our house. I was never afraid to venture down there, so I went in search of some sweets. My father was supposed to have fixed the latch on the door because it had locked my sister in the day before, but he had forgotten.” He turned away from me then and watched the candle’s flames flicker. “And I was too busy enjoying my day off from studies, and the chocolate I had found, that I let the door shut and the latch fall, locking myself inside. I ended up trapped down there for almost an hour without lights; I was so paralyzed with fear. Lucky for me, my mother had come back early because she had left some important papers. I was so happy, I hugged her tight and confessed my lie to her and vowed to never pretend sick again.”

I flicked my gaze up and there he sat staring at me with an unreadable expression.

“The point of that story was to let you know that the dark makes me nervous also. I was a child, yes, but the memory stays with me. I was also not able to sit properly for a few days afterward.”

At that, I laughed. “And here I thought you were just trying to pass the time with stories from your childhood.”

“That was just a bonus,” he winked and leaned forward, his face becoming serious.

I tore my eyes away, debating whether I wanted to open up about my fears. Sleeping with him wouldn’t require me to know him mentally, only physically. But something in me yearned to know more about him and have him know me in return.

I sighed deeply and licked my lips before I began. “Last year, I had a break-in after a long work day. I came home to find throw pillows discarded, my couch flipped, and my TV gone. When the police arrived, they did a sweep of the place and apparently the guy was still in my house when I had gotten there. They caught him a few blocks away, trying to climb into someone else’s home. After questioning him, he told them that he was about to go after me, but when he heard me on the phone talking to the cops he got scared and left through the upstairs window.” I let my head drop. “I don’t know what would have happened to me if…” I couldn’t control the quivering of my voice.

I felt the couch bow under his weight as he shifted closer. His fingers grazed my chin, urging me to look up.

“You do not have to be afraid, Alandra.” His thumb caressed my cheek as he spoke lowly. “I am here.”

I saw something primal and raw in his eyes and I was surprised that it didn’t alarm me. He said nothing at all but I felt everything in his look and touch alone. I titled my face upward as soundless approval. I swallowed and waited for him to lean down. His lips grazed mine briefly, testing the waters to see if I would push him away or not.

As I began to surge forward and press my lips fully against his, savoring his masculine flavor, the house burst with light. The power had kicked back on.

We both froze and sat back to gauge the other’s reaction. It had only been a feather of a kiss, not even mentionable, really. But my lips still tingled and my skin goosebumped. My body felt alive and was begging for another taste.

To hell with it, I thought as I took him by the nape of his neck, and pulled him forward. This time, instead of a sample, I got a full course of his flavor. I heard him groan as I took charge of the angle and tempo of the kiss. Although I was in control, he challenged me head-on, sucking and nibbling at exactly the right moments.

The grip he had on my arm was biting and I knew it would leave a bruise later. But I didn’t care. I let his silk-laden tongue caress mine in a way that brought about a subtle contraction of my inner muscles.

I moaned of my own accord and scooted into his lap where a steel rod beneath his slacks greeted. The change in positions allowed me to rub myself against him in an attempt to sooth the throbbing I was sure we were both feeling. With his hands now gripping my waist, I could feel the subtle nuance of desperation; a race for release.

I was going to give him exactly what we both wanted.