It’s one of those things that nobody ever thinks is happening to them. They think of it terms of eventually and later. They rarely think of it in the here and now. Alexx didn’t think about it much either.

 Not until tonight.

It’s a girls’ night out. Calleigh, Natalia, and Maxine were going out for drinks and had invited her along. Now she’s sitting in an overstuffed chair, sipping on an overpriced drink, feeling utterly out of place. The other three women sit to her right, squeezing together on a couch.

The pounding of the bass doesn’t seem to bother them as they giggle into their fruity drinks and send flirty smiles to the good-looking men that walk past their corner. But the beat, just this side of too loud, is starting to give Alexx a headache and she wishes she could remember what the hell they’re celebrating. At least, she’s pretty sure they’re celebrating.

Finally, one man is brave enough to step away from the pack, nearing them. He sidles up to Valera, his lips practically brushing her ear as he talks over the music. The DNA tech blushes, but smiles and nods in reply. She turns and looks at the others, a large grin on her face. “I’m gonna go dance, alright?”  

Alexx contemplates the dangers of letting Maxine go off by herself with a stranger, but before she can voice any negative opinion, Natalia and Calleigh are flashing encouraging smiles and saying ‘see you later’s.  

As Valera stands, Alexx admires her dress and its plunging neckline. She could pull off something like that – fifteen years ago. Her hands unconsciously finger her modest neckline while she glances at Calleigh and Natalia’s clothing. She uncrosses her legs and tucks her feet to the side, very aware of how her flats look next to the heels her companions are sporting. Suddenly, she feels downright dowdy. 

After a few more minutes, two more men make their way over. They squeeze onto the couch by Calleigh and Natalia, but the two don’t seem to mind. When they’re invited to dance, Natalia readily agrees, but Calleigh hangs back.  

She bites her lip, glancing between Alexx and the gorgeous brunet behind her. “Alexx . . .” 

“Go have fun, honey.” Alexx says over the music. “Dance a few songs.”  

“But I don’t want leave you here alone.”  

“I’ll be fine. I’m due for a trip to the ladies room, anyway.”  

Calleigh smiles and joins the others on the dance floor. Alexx watches her go, oddly reminded of a shopping trip with her daughter.  

(“Are you sure? I see them at school everyday. Didn’t you want this trip to be, like, bonding or something?” 

“Its fine, Jamie. Go to a few stores with your friends. I’ll meet you at the food court in hour or so, okay?” 

“Thanks, mom!”) 

Shaking her head, she stands and makes her way to the bathroom. When she exits her stall, the room is surprisingly empty.

The only other occupant is leaning close to the mirror, reapplying her lipstick.  As she steps up to the sink, Alexx gets a better look at her companion. The girl barely looks legal, let alone 21, and she can’t help but think of young girl she autopsied just last week, who was found dead outside a nightclub.  

The girl inspects Alexx’s reflection, peering at her from under too much makeup and too little clothing. She raises an eyebrow at Alexx and as she walks away, she gives a rude snort of laughter which Alexx knows she was meant to hear.  

When the door swings shut and she’s alone, Alexx raises her gaze to look in the mirror. To really look.  

For the first time, the girl that enchanted Henry isn’t looking back at her.  

This woman is a bit heavier and has a few more wrinkles. This woman isn’t fierce and single – she’s a mother of two and a devoted wife – and it shows. She wears sensible shoes because her feet ache after a long day at work. She dresses modestly and doesn’t even consider chatting up the single men. She takes medication for her knee pain because kneeling over dead bodies is starting to catch up with her. She found a grey hair the other day.  

This woman is old. 

Suddenly, she wants to run out there, throw back a shot, pick a guy, and dance the night.  

She wants the blithe attitude back.  

She wants the stamina back. 

She wants the natural beauty back.  

She wants to see what Calleigh or Natalia or Maxine sees in the mirror. 

She wants the youth back. 

No, she wants her youth back.  

It may be a girls’ night out, but you’re not a girl anymore, honey. With a sigh, she glances at her watch – an eighteenth anniversary present from Henry. (Eighteen years. Where did they go?) The night is young for her group, but for her, it’s edging towards too late.  

She finds Calleigh and murmurs a few apologies and excuses that are drowned out by the music. They hug goodbye and the blonde wanders back to the dance floor. Mobs of people are still trying to get into the club as Alexx leaves. She has to fight for a spot on the curb, but no one fights her for her taxi.  

Brian and Jamie don’t have school tomorrow, so they might still be up. It’s been a while since her and Jamie have had a good talk. And she should get home in time to curl up and watch the late news with Henry.  

As Miami’s bright lights fade into suburbia, Alexx wonder’s what that girl would think of her life now. Would she see it as boring? Unfulfilling?  

It’s not that she doesn’t love her life – she truly does. But as the years pile on, she can’t help but look at her younger counterparts on think I want to feel that way again . . .