It starts as contempt.

It's much easier to ignore other feelings and focus on resenting him. Because Tim's gone and this kid thinks he can waltz in and replace Tim? Her Tim? He has another think coming.

But he doesn't want to replace Tim; he just wants to do a good job. So as days turn into weeks turn into months, it lessens. Her resentment erodes away, bit by bit, like a sandcastle caught in the rising tide. Before she knows it, they've formed a friendship.

She knows him better than anyone at the lab. His other relationships can seem tumultuous, but not them. Never them. They're close. He can tell her anything and she feels safe confiding him.

That's how she got put on his emergency contact form. When Ryan gets shot with a nail gun, she's the first person that gets called. He's stabled when she get there, pulled from the verge of shock according to Eric.

He's awake and alert for the nail removal, desperately trying to put up a brave front. She holds his hand and squeezes back, just that bit harder. The wordless message he conveys with his one good eye makes her heart flutter and scares her at the same time.

The exchange goes un-discussed as he heals. It doesn't change their relationship, either. They still share lunches and go to each other with problems. Which is why Ryan sits on her examine table instead of going to a specialist when he starts having eye problems. She's flattered, even as she tells him he should see an optometrist friend of hers.

He gives her that half-smile and leans forward to pull the antibiotic prescription from her hand. She hold on tight. "Promise to make an appointment."

They're close. She staring into hazel eyes she knows so well, slightly scared of what she sees. His breath brushes her cheek as he gives her a chaste kiss and her hold loosens on the paper. "I promise, Alexx."

"Good." She steps back and he hops off the table.

As he walks out, she can still feel the tingle off his lips on her skin.

That tingle turns in a burn of embarrassment when her boss mentions the prescription she wrote for him.

She confronts him at his apartment that night, desperate to know why. "I went out on a limb for you, Ryan. How could you do this?"

"There's a mole in the lab, Alexx, I didn't -"

"Don't give me any of that bull. The only people that knew I wrote you a prescription were the two of us. Who am I supposed to think let it leak? It sure as hell wasn't me! I could've lost my job over something like this." Despite her best efforts, tears start to well in her eyes. "I feel like there's a knife sticking in my back and you put it there."

"No, Alexx." He's looking at her, his eyes filled with so much emotion, a hand slowly gliding up her arm, up her neck, cupping her cheek. "I swear I didn't do it. It's this goddamn mole; I could never betray you like that. You mean too much to me."

She knows that look in his eyes, certain it's in hers as well. It's not love and certainly not something she's going to lose two decades of marriage over. But the want and desire and need are so raw. She hasn't felt this way in years. He pulls her closer, whispers, "Please."

She lets him kiss her. Losing herself in the swirling emotions and falling into something she knows she'll regret in the morning.

But that's then and this is now and Alexx can't think of anything except the emotions reflected in his eyes.

Henry, poor sweet Henry, doesn't suspect anything when she gets home late that night. He accepts her lie of consoling a recently divorced friend without question and she can feel the guilt bubble deep inside her.

Later that week Henry comes home beaming. He's excited; he got a promotion offer - better pay, better benefits, better hours. "There's one hitch: we'd have to go to California. The job's in San Diego."

"Take it."

"What? I mean, don't you even want to talk about it? Your career, the kids . . ."

"I'm sure they have coroners in San Diego and the kids will adjust. This is your once-in-a-lifetime chance, honey. I want you take it."

He pulls her close, murmuring thankyous and iloveyous. It's an easy out and she doesn't deserve it, but the alternative is too much to bear.

She says her goodbyes at the lab. Each friend is hugged in turn, each harder than the last. By the time she gets to Ryan, the tears are running freely. Except when she hugs him, the tears aren't just from sadness. There's regret, and guilt, and even some love mixed in.

Because she does love Ryan, just not like she should.

"Stay," he whispers into her hair, as he holds her close, their bodies touching for the first time since that night.

"Don't follow." It's part command, part request, but as they pull apart, she can tell that he understands.

It's want. It's desire.

But it isn't love.

And that's just not enough.