Chapter 14

Seth

A few days later

Let me just say right now that I am pissed…unbelievably pissed. Why do you ask? Because I turned on the TV and that paparazzi show, “TMZ” was on and guess who was walking out of a club in New York with one Conrad Tate with his hands on her hips, his package right on her ass, getting into a limo? Brianna…my woman…my girl…that’s who.

We just had it out because she never told me that they were that cozy. Yeah, she told me they went out to a few clubs to celebrate the end of the taping of the video, but she didn’t tell me that ole boy was so close that he knew what her ass felt like. Then, she tells me that they danced a little (which really meant that the muthafucka was bumpin’ and grindin’ on my girl and my ass all night long) and then he made sure she got back to the hotel safe…nothing else happened. Yeah…right.

It’s not that I don’t believe her…I just don’t trust him…not one bit.

Let’s just say for shits and giggles that nothing happened. But let me tell you what I know.

1) He’s Conrad Tate. He’s a superstar. Now, I’m not a punk or a fan of sticking guys, but the dude is what most women call hot (most women include my mother, Brianna, Davia, Megan…you get the drift).

2) I know that he likes my girl…and not just because of her dancing either. I saw him that day, and I saw the way he looked at her. He wants her. I’m not stupid. I know that look. I give her that look often.

3) I know that he didn’t just ask her to be in that fuckin’ video because of her moves…he thinks she’s hot and he wanted more time (without me being present or in the same state) to get to know her, to get inside of her head without her man around.

4) Brianna’s fine all the time, but when she goes out, she looks hotter than usual. My girl is sweet as can be, but she’s literally sex in motion when she dances …she looks totally fuckable and she smells incredible and that ass…the way my baby moves those hips and that ass makes a fuckin’ man lose their mind…she moves so sexy that you wanna throw dollars at her to make her keep moving that ass the way that she does. Her movements kind of throw you in a trance and you get rock hard (at least I know I do) from just watching her move or dance on you and I know for damn sure that Mr. Singing Star had straight wood the entire night.

I know Brianna doesn’t think anything happened, but trust me…shit happened. The groundwork has been laid and I know that she’s just a tad bit curious about that damn singing pretty boy. That’s what that muthafucka wanted to do. Game recognizes game, playa. I knew what was up…and I didn’t like it…not one muthafuckin’ bit.

And that’s what I told her. She told me that I was being unreasonable and that she works with him and it’s nothing else. She may think it’s not anything, but that’s what he wants her to think. Mr. Singing Man wants her to think that because she has a boyfriend that she’s safe from him. Homeboy wants her to feel as if she’s safe from his advances because she has a man…that cat just don’t know…I’m a seasoned playa…I know all the tricks in the book. You can’t pull one over on me, dog. And now, he’s recruited her to choreograph and dance in yet another video. I can’t tell her not to do it, but I did tell her to watch his ass. She started yelling that I’m being paranoid, but I told her that I know what the deal is and she just needed to be aware that he is going to go in for the kill…when she least expects it.

Right about now, we’re not talking much and to be quite honest, it’s alright with me. She’s all wrapped up in this wedding shit anyway and I damn sure don’t want to hear about any of that.

*********************************************************
Brianna

Four months later…after Falene’s wedding and preparing for Davia’s

What can I say? My relationship with Seth is on shaky ground. I know you guys don’t want to hear that, but it is. He’s getting on my nerves and I’m getting on his. Why do you ask? Because of that club stuff with Conrad Tate, that’s why and because of the last argument that we had about marriage.

I guess I’d better tackle the Conrad Tate stuff first. I know when a man is attracted to me and I knew Conrad thought I was cute (and so was he).

Come on, now…don’t act like yall don’t know that he’s cute. I mean look at him…he’s fine as hell. But, I love Seth and he’s fine as hell, too. I don’t cheat and I wouldn’t think about cheating on him. But he thinks I don’t know that Conrad has a thing for me. I’m a woman…I know this. I knew when we were dancing that night that the rather hard, large package that I felt grinding against my ass confirmed what I knew…Conrad wanted a taste…but he wasn’t getting one. Because I loved Seth…and Conrad knows that I love my man…so he doesn’t have a chance.

This is what I tried to tell Seth, but it’s like he has glue in his ears. Trying to convince Seth that I wasn’t an idiot in regards to Conrad was like talking to a brick wall. He thinks he knows everything and he thinks I’m not watching out for Conrad…but I am. To be quite honest, I’m flattered that he has a thing for me. The reason? He’s famous, he’s a superstar. I’m just a dancer. He could have anyone he wants, but he has a crush on me, a dancer from Texas. Go figure. I do think it’s kind of cute, but in no way am I encouraging anything. I told Conrad what the deal was and if he tries something, I’ll be prepared for it. Okay, let’s move on to the marriage issue.

Seth does not want to marry me or anyone else for that matter. He thinks that things are fine the way they are and he doesn’t think we’re ready to get married.

I disagree.

He thinks I only want to get married because my friends are all getting hitched.

I disagree.

My argument was that we can’t be single forever and marriage is what people do when they want a deeper commitment. He says that our commitment was already deep and we didn’t have to have a bunch of fanfare and flowers to show that we belonged to each other and that we loved each other. I told him he was full of shit and once people realize that things are working while they’re dating, they move on to that step because it’s natural.

You know what this asshole says to me? Having a hard-on every morning is natural…taking a shit after eating burritos is natural…getting married because a two year mark is approaching isn’t natural…it’s doing what society says you should do and that’s not cool. Wanting to get married because all of your friends are doing it is not a reason to get married.

So, suffice it to say, I’m pissed and this shit is really getting to me. Oh, did I mention that Megan is getting married next April? Yeah, Demetrius popped the question at Falene’s wedding and now I’ll be the only one single (well, I can’t count Dion because she’s a kitty licker and can’t marry her girl, but I love her…even if she is down with the poon tang).

I don’t want to get married right now…I don’t want to get married two months from now. I just wanted to get married in a few years when the time was right. Do you know that this dickhead says that the time may never be right? So, I’m done with the conversation about marriage. I’m tired of fighting about it and having to censor my feelings about Davia’s wedding because he’s not with it. I go out of my way not to discuss any wedding stuff in front of him and it’s tiring. It’s becoming difficult to even hang out with him sometimes because of the way he feels about marriage and that scares me. What if he’s not the one for me after all? That in itself, scares the crap out of me because I’m crazy about the boy.

As we’re finalizing the bridesmaids dresses, I began to think about things, so many thoughts circulating through my mind and I hear snapping or something. Yep, it's snapping. Who's doing said snapping you ask? Davia. She's been trying to get my attention so she decides to snap her fingers in front of my face. It took me a minute to hear her...that's how deep in thought I was.

“Bree…earth to Bree,” Davia replied.

I grinned at her and asked, “Yes maam?”

“Do you think we need gloves with the dresses?” Davia asked.

“Well, it is a fall wedding and that’s what etiquette tells us to do, but hell…the dresses are gorgeous just the way they are. Maybe the gloves will take something away from the silhouette of the dress,” I replied, fingering the beautiful gold bridesmaid dresses that Davia and I picked out. Leenie and Megan had to go back to work and it was just me and my girl, deciding shoes and accessories for the beautiful bridesmaid dresses.

Davia held up a pair of gloves to the dress and grinned. “You’re right, honey. They do take away from the dress. Thanks Bree Bree.”

I smiled, but not really. “No problem.”

Davia gently placed the gloves down and our assistant at the bridal shop took all the things that we wanted away. Davia sat next to me on the couch in the bridal shop and smiled.

“No, there is a problem. Is Seth still giving you shit about Conrad?” Davia asked.

“Not really. It’s the marriage thing that’s getting to me. I mean, his parents are the picture of married bliss and this boy doesn’t believe in marriage. I’m tired of fighting with him about the subject, Simmy. Lately, all we do is fight and I’ve just had it,” I said, finally glad that I could get everything off of my chest. Davia rubbed her hand on my back and sighed.

“Are you saying that you want to break up with Seth, Bree?” Davia asked.

“No…I just want the fighting to stop. I’ve been working so much at the studio and he’s had more work than he knows what to do with, so we don’t get to spend as much time together as we used to and this shit with Conrad and him not wanting to get married…it’s just taking it’s toll on me, that’s all,” I said looking at my nails.

“Don’t let it get to you, Bree,” Davia said.

“Well, that’s easy for you to say…you’re going to marry the love of your life. Everything is moonlight and roses for you,” I said bitterly. Yeah, I’m fuckin’ bitter! I’m in love with a man who told me he doesn’t want to marry me…how the fuck would you feel?

See, I’m cursing too much…I don’t like how this is making me react or feel. Then, I realize what I just said to my best friend and I grab her hand.

“Look, Simmy, I’m sorry I went off on you like that,” I said.

“It’s cool and I’m sorry if my wedding stuff is messing with your relationship,” Davia replied.

“It’s not your wedding…I’m happy for you, Seth is happy for his brother. Your wedding isn’t doing anything…it’s our conflicting feelings…on lots of things. I just didn’t realize how much I didn’t know about him, you know?” I asked as Davia nodded.

“When you began to get deeply involved in a relationship, you find out a lot of things about your partner, some good, some bad. But that’s just part of the process…especially when love is involved. And to answer your quote, unquote, moonlight and roses response, you of all people know what I went through to get Jackson. A guy who couldn’t commit, a man who was straight, then bisexual, then gay. I’ve been through some crap that only soap operas write about…so me getting a good man finally is just God’s way of rewarding me for going through all the strife and pain as I see it. And yes, I’m happy, but I had to work for this happy. I denied it and fought it, then embraced it, then fought like hell for it again…and you gotta fight too, I’m sorry to say. If you want Seth, you gotta fight,” Davia said, giving it to me straight as usual.

“I hear what you’re saying, but I’m tired of fighting…it’s doing something to me. I’m not acting like normal Bree, Simmy,” I said.

“And that’s not good. You never, ever stop being you, Bree, not for anyone. The first thing you have to do is take care of yourself because your students need you and we need you. Also, have you ever sat down to think about what a big feat Seth being with you and being in a relationship without cheating on you is? It’s pretty huge! You never really thought about how much of an adjustment it would be for him just being with one woman and falling in love, huh?” Davia asked.

“No…not really,” I said honestly.

“It just sounds like he’s scared, Bree Bree,” Davia stated.

“I don’t want him to be scared. I just want him to be open to marrying me in a few years…that’s not much to ask, is it?” I asked.

“It is when you think about what kind of shit Seth was doing a year and some change ago. He did a complete 360 with his life when he fell for you…which absolutely was the best thing for him, in my opinion, but you can’t expect him to be ready to walk down the aisle when he’s just getting used to not sticking and moving on the regular with different chicks. It’s a process, Brianna. But, it’s a process that he has to go through and complete. I was under the impression that he was done with the process, but maybe he’s not. The question is, are you willing to just let him keep using all of that as an excuse not to move forward and discuss the future or what? You decide if you can deal with it…you decide. I need to talk to Carrie (our bridal assistant) and then we can go, okay?” Davia stated as I nodded yes.

Damn, Simmy. You always knew how to just go there. Why couldn’t I do that? Every time she speaks like that, she always gives me a lot to think about…always.
*********************************************************
Seth

A few months later…after Davia’s wedding

This is the part where you all begin to hate me. I don’t want you to hate me, but this had to happen. I didn’t want it to…but it did.

I love Brianna, but lately, we haven’t been talking or getting along. What the hell am I talking about…this shit has been going on for months. I mean, it got worse after my brother’s wedding…maybe because I hinted that we weren’t going to be walking down the aisle as husband and wife for a long time. Yeah, I know that was mean, but it was the truth. I’m not gonna ask Brianna to marry me when I’m not ready yet and I don’t feel it yet…I just don’t.

I’m tired of the questions and the nagging about why I don’t want to get married now or a few years from now…I just don’t! I’m tired of explaining how I feel about this or that and as much as I love her, it’s getting on my nerves, and now I’m going to do something that I know I’m going to regret.

“Hi, Seth…working late?” the sultry voice asked from the doorway to my office.

“Hey Camilla…and yeah. I have a lot of deadlines…you know how it is,” I said looking at her from head to toe. She was dressed in a s.exy, navy blue business suit and I had to admit, she looked good. She reminded me of my carefree days when I was just busting a nut and jettin’…yeah, those were the days. Camilla walked into my office and closed the door. She walked up to my desk and smiled.

“Yeah, I know. I had some stuff to catch up on since I was on vacation last week. I saw your light on and wanted to see if you wanted to catch dinner with me or do you have to run it past your girlfriend first?” she asked.

“I don’t have to check in with Brianna to have dinner with you, Camilla,” I said as she walked over to my desk, sat in front of me and crossed her gorgeous, long legs.

“Well, what about other things, Seth?” Camilla asked as she slowly licked her lips.

“What are you talking about, Cami?” I asked, knowing full well what she was talking about.

“Like me…someone you used to fuck, sitting in your office, looking at your dick, wishing it was inside me right now, pounding me, making me scream…things like that. Would she be okay with you going to dinner with me if she knew I had those thoughts about her sexy ass boyfriend?” Camilla asked as she walked over to me. I was sitting in my chair and she made her way to kneel in front of me.

No, I can’t do this. I know how this goes. If this girl gets her hands on my dick, it’s all over. I can’t resist her for long. Don’t let her…and there’s her hand rubbing my dick. Damn. It felt sooo good…so good.

“I don’t think she would. Look, Cami, stop! I’m in love with my girl. Come on,” I whispered, but I didn’t do a thing to stop her from taking my boy from out of my pants and into her hands. Camilla looked at me with a s.exy grin as she licked those full lips of hers.

“I know you love her…but something’s not right…especially if you’re letting me do this…and this,” she whispered as the tip of her tongue licked the head of my penis. Damn, that felt good. I felt my hands go to the top of her head.

“Besides…what’s love got to do with it? I’m not trying to mess up your thing, Seth. I just wanna taste you in my mouth again…maybe get a nut…that’s all. She doesn’t have to know, Seth…you don’t have to tell her. You know that I don’t kiss and tell, so what’s the worry? Come on, Seth…work with me…and I'll work you,” she whispered and the next thing I know, she’s taking me into her mouth and sucking the shit out of my dick. My hands went right into her hair and I let her give me one of the best blowjobs ever. Then, I fucked her on my desk. The thing is, I didn’t think about Brianna the whole time this was going on. But after was a different story. I was wracked with guilt and so sorry...baby, I'm sorry. Brianna, I'm so sorry...what did I do?

I fucked up...I completely fucked up!

I love her…I do. Why did I just do something so stupid? I'm so sorry. What the fuck is wrong with me?

*********************************************************
Brianna

A few weeks later

You know how you know something is wrong? You just feel it. Well, for the last few months, I haven’t been seeing Seth or talking to him. He’s been working a lot at work and so have I. In addition to my classes at the studio, I’ve been choreographing more new artists, and I’ve been working on this next video for Conrad. He was flying me out to LA in three months to rehearse and shoot it. When I left before, Seth wasn’t happy, but he was glad that I was growing with my choreography, but he wasn’t pissed. This time, it was like…see you later, baby. I’ll get at you when you get back.

I knew something was wrong. I felt it…something wasn’t right. He turned me down for sex for an entire week and he had been working late a whole helluva lot, which led me to one conclusion.

He’s fucking somebody. I know it. I don’t know who, but he’s fuckin’ around and it ain’t with me.

I was at the studio one Friday evening, finishing my intermediate modern dance class when I received a phone call. I caught my breath, took a gulp of water and told Stacy, my assistant manager to put them on speaker phone in my office. I sat in the chair and said, “Hello, this is Brianna.”

“Hey fire,” Conrad said in that sexy voice of his. I smiled as I settled into my chair.

“Hi. What’s going on? Did the video get moved up?” Brianna asked.

“No, we’re still on the same schedule because of the movie I just finished wrapping up and all of the appearances that I have, so no," he said.

"0h, I'm just surprised to hear from you, that's all. Aren't you in London?" I asked.

"Yeah, but I was thinking about you and I decided to check in on you. Why the surprise? We talk a few times a month?" he asked.

I smiled. "I know, it's just that..."

"Oh...I see. Were you thinking about me? Do you miss me?” Conrad asked teasingly. He always teased me like that, but the truth is...I did miss him. We talked often, most of the time about business, but sometimes we talked about other things as well.

“I’m too busy to miss you,” which was the truth.

“Uh huh…right. So, how are you doing, ma?” Conrad asked.

“I’m alright,” I said, so far from the truth that it was ridiculous.

“It doesn’t sound like you’re alright…you sound like you’re distracted. I’ll let you go, Bree if…” Conrad began, but I stopped him.

“No…my bad. I’m just having one of those days, you know? So, I know you’re calling me to ask how I’m coming with the choreography…don’t worry, it’s coming and what I have so far is hot,” I stated.

“Oh, I know that…I’m not worried about that. I called because…I missed you,” Conrad said and I smiled. I know I shouldn’t have, but I smiled.

“You miss little ole me?” I asked as he laughed.

“Yeah. I had fun with you in New York and I haven’t talked to you in a month, so yeah. I mean, we are friends, right? It is okay for me to just talk to you just to see how you are, isn’t it?” he asked. If that wasn’t sweet, I don’t know what is.

“Of course it is,” I said.

“I’m just sayin’…you’re good people, Bree. You’re cool as a fan, ma, and…you’re a nice chic, Bree. I just like talking to you. That’s why I called. Wait, hold on, fire,” he said as I heard someone tell him he had five minutes.

“I’m sorry about that, sweetheart. So, you haven’t been to L.A. have you?” he asked.

“Nope. I’m really excited. I know I may not get to do a lot of sight seeing since I’m going to be there in a strictly professional capacity,” I said smiling as he laughed.

“Yeah, strictly professional because you know I’m a slave driver,” he said sarcastically.

“Yeah, you do make me work hard…but it’s all worth it in the end,” I stated.

“It definitely is…maybe when you get here, I can take you out for a few days to show you around…since I have a good in with the boss and all,” Conrad said as I laughed.

“That sounds like fun…count me in,” I said, feeling better the more I talked to him.

“Good. I’m going to make sure you have a good time, sweetheart. Don’t worry. Hey, Bree, I have to go. I’m glad I got to talk to you. You made my day. I hope your night gets better, ma,” Conrad said and I smiled.

“Thank you…I feel better. I wonder why?” I asked.

“Yeah, me too. I’ll holla at you soon, pretty. I’m out…later,” Conrad said.

“Bye,” I replied as I hung up the phone. During that entire call, I didn’t think about Seth one time, and that in itself was not good. I picked up the phone and called his cell phone to see if he wanted to have a late dinner with me. He didn’t answer, and usually when he doesn’t answer his phone, it means he’s busy with work.

I decided to just go to his job and bring him something to eat. Something had been eating at me all day and it kept telling me to just show up at his job…just show up.

Well, what I found was exactly what I thought. I went to his office and found that bitch Camilla riding him in his chair. I slammed the door, dropped the food on the floor, told him we were through and left. He tried to run after me, but I was too quick. I cried so much that I could barely see as I drove. I don’t remember how I got home, but I did. He called me, he came to my house, he knocked…I just didn’t answer. I let him tell me about how he was feeling closed in and he didn’t want to hurt me and how much he loved me, but things just weren’t right and yada, yada, yada.

I didn’t have anything to say to Seth as he stood outside my door. I opened it and let him see my tear soaked face. I let him see what he did. Then, I punched the shit out of him and I said, “I hope she was worth it. Now get the fuck out of my face and stay the fuck out of my life!” I slammed the door, I locked the door and I just went to bed and cried myself to sleep. I didn’t think he would hurt me. I didn’t believe that he would cheat on me, but I knew what Seth was about when we met, but he changed…but I guess some things don’t go away. But hey, they say all good things must eventually come to an end. And we were through.

I’m going to get through this…I always do. Just like my girl Chrisette Michelle says,

Ima be Ok,
Ima be Ok,
I’ll survive,
I’ll be fine,
I won’t cry no way

But that’s bullshit…I have to cry. I can’t help it. I have to cry.