Author's Chapter Notes:
Strong language!
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter 16
6 months later
Seth
I can’t believe I’m doing this. I really can’t believe I’m sitting in a therapist’s office…for the umpteemth time. This is my sixth intial visit, and quite frankly, I really haven’t told her shit. Why? Because I’m an asshole that’s why.
I know what you’re thinking, so just say it. You wanna say the same thing that my mama said when I told her I was going to counseling. She said, “Well it’s about damn time.”
Yeah, I know it’s a little late, but I did a couple of months of the old Seth to try to rid myself of my feelings for Brianna and guess what? No such luck. I’ve seen her at the Grammy’s and caught her on TMZ with that singy dancy dude Conrad and you know what? The shit bugs the piss out of me. And she looks fucking gorgeous…incredible. Her hair is a lot longer and her body seems a lot tighter. Damn, breaking up does a body good. It definitely seems to be doing Brianna's good because she was already fine as hell, but she's SUPER FINE now!
And I didn't think she could get hotter, but excuse the fuck out of me. She has and she is. Let me stop thinking about that because it only pisses me off and I know what you're thinking...I don't have a right to be pissed off because I messed over her and yada, yada, yada...been there, done that, and I don't need you guys to rub the shit in.
And I don't want you to cut me, so I'm shutting up about that and I'll try to be nice from here on in.
Okay, I know you’re also wondering why I’ve seen my therapist five times, but I haven’t really started therapy. Why? Because I’m a prick, that’s why. The first five times, I must be honest, were complete bullshit on my part. I bs’d the hell out of that woman and I really didn’t get to the reason why I’m here in the first place.
At this moment in time, I’m sitting across from the recipient of said bullshit, my therapist, RJ Landry. I know what you’re wondering. Why does she go by RJ? What does it stand for? Well, I’ll tell you the reason she goes by RJ, and to be honest, I don’t fuckin’ blame her. Her name is Radicia Juniper Landry. From what I understand, it’s a family name. It was her great grandmother’s on her father’s side and her aunt’s and now it’s hers. Lucky lady!
That’s kind of messed up because they named her that…ON PURPOSE!
Damn…she has a fucked up family.
Anyway, let’s get back to RJ, which I will gladly call her because that name seriously has no sexy to it whatsoever. It sounds like a got damn vegetable disease or something.
Getting back to RJ…she’s in her mid 50’s and is a nice looking older woman with dark brown hair and sincere looking grey eyes. She’s supposed to be very good at what she does. For my sake, I hope she's THE SHIT at what she does.
“Hello Seth,” RJ said.
“Hello, RJ,” I said.
“What would you like to talk about today? I mean, are we going to talk today?” RJ asked.
“I don’t know…you tell me? Are we?” I asked with a grin on my face. I know, I know. I’m just like the kid in Meet the Parents who said…ASSSSSHOOLE!
That was some funny shit. But, I digress. Okay, I'll stop clowning and get serious.
“I don’t know, I mean, you’re paying me. We can sit here and just stare at each other for the next 50 minutes or you can talk. It’s your call and your money,” RJ said calmly. I just sat silently for about 15 minutes, tapping my feet and my fingers. Then, I decided to speak.
“Well, since you put it that way, about it being my money I mean, I guess I could talk. I mean, what do you want me to talk about? My job, my social life, my stress level, my boss’ hot new secretary, my mother’s quick reflexes while throwing a shoe at my head, the dickhead that cut me off on the way here, my team member who doesn’t know how to use a breath mint…what?” I asked. I know I was grating against this broad’s nerves and I wanted to see how far she would let me go before she totally went off. Hell, this was the highlight of my day so far. But, she didn’t do what I wanted her to do and that was go the fuck off on me. That would have been fun. Instead, she says…
“Quite frankly, it’s up to you what we talk about, but we haven’t spoken about the real reason you’re here. Maybe you can start there,” RJ said in that eerily, serene, calm voice of hers.
Got damn it. I really wanted to string her along a little more and see how pissed I could get her, but that damn serene and calm persona of hers is wearing me down. Shit. This usually works with my mama, my aunts…hell any female. I usually have them yelling and screaming and throwing shit at me at this point in time, but not her. She has a sincere smile on her face and she looks like she really wants to listen to what I have to say.
Damn it, I haven’t had any luck getting to her for the last five visits, so I guess Seth will be a good boy and tell her why I’m here. At least show her that I have a little home training.
Plus, I feel really sorry for her that she has to live with that fucking name that her parents gave her…the “family” name. I felt that I should give her a break.
Yeah, I know. I’m getting sensitive and shit.
Okay enough of all that…here goes.
“I want you to fix me so that I can get my girl back,” I said as she smiled.
“Fix you? Can you explain what you mean by that?” RJ asked.
“I figure if I come to you for awhile, you’ll tell me how to fix myself so that I can be what she needs and then get her back,” I said. RJ politely smiled and began to speak.
“Well, I’m certainly flattered that you think that I can fix you, but that’s not my job. I’m really here to listen to you, so you can put things into perspective for yourself…help you to facilitate your emotions so that you can fix yourself,” RJ said.
You can’t fix me? Damn. She said that I can fix myself? What shit has she been smoking? If I haven’t been able to fix myself all this damn time, what makes her think that I can do it now? I don’t say that to her of course, but I do say…
“Whatever you say. I can’t believe that I’m doing this. I never saw myself as being the guy that needs to see a therapist. I have a normal life,” I said.
“Many people who have normal lives have problems, Seth,” RJ said, placing air quotes around normal lives.
No, she can’t fix me, but she can be an amateur Vanna White. Bang up job so far, lady. I know that I better get my $125.00 an hour worth, or there’s going to be hell to pay. Okay, I’m going to stop sounding like a little punk ass. Back to the session.
“Yes, but I’m not supposed to,” I said as she looked intently at me.
“Can you tell me what do you mean by you’re not supposed to, because I’m a little confused,” RJ said.
“Well, okay. I’m basically…I’m hot. I mean I have a great job, a great crib, a great life. I mean, the ladies love me and I’m the life of the party. I’m a happy go lucky dude who lights it up no matter where he goes. I’m completely hetero, I don’t have any kids running around out there calling me daddy…at least none that I know of. In a nutshell, I’m the guy that has it all together. I’m not supposed to be here letting you get into my business and making me get in touch with my inner soul and shit. That’s what I mean. Okay?” I asked.
“Hmm. Okay,” RJ says as she nods her head. I wonder what she’s thinking. I don’t have the time to contemplate what she’s thinking about so I began to speak again.
“Anyway, can I start telling you why I’m here before I lose my nerve?” I asked anxiously.
“Of course,” RJ said. I took a deep breath and began to speak. I told her about how I cheated and about my thing about marriage for several minutes, then I just began to talk.
“I’m still in love with Brianna. I still miss her like crazy. I hate the fact that she’s moved on and I want her back. I want to be better for her. I want to understand why I do the shit that I do. She’s worth going through all of this.
I understand that I may never get her back. I messed up…no, I fucked up royally and it’s kind of preposterous for me to think that she’ll just take me back.
It’s been damn near a year. Brianna hasn’t called or made a move to talk to me. I know it’s over. I believe that it’s over. But, I can’t let go. We were too good together. Something that intense and special just doesn’t go away because of an indiscretion, right? I mean, I know that she’s hurting and I placed myself in her shoes and I was a rat bastard to do that to her, but you just can’t turn off your love for someone, right? I mean, it doesn’t work like that. At least that’s not the way I think it does. I’ve never been in love before, so I really wouldn’t know.
So, I know I’ve got some shit with me and I want to fix it because I love her and I want what we had back. So is there something that you can prescribe me or tell me that will help me stop what I’m doing so I can be what Brianna deserves and get her to come back to me?”
I sat there looking at RJ who was listening intently, just staring at me. Then she said, “There’s nothing that I can give you to solve your problem and there’s nothing that I can tell you.”
“Then why am I here?” I asked impatient as the fuck.
“Because you stated that you have problems with fidelity and that you want to work on your issues in regards to fidelity, marriage and trust…that’s what you told me, which is kind of odd because you stated that you shouldn’t be here because you’re the guy that has it all together,” RJ said.
“I told you that because obviously I am the guy that has it all together, but I’m kind of in pieces right now, and you’re supposed to help me put myself back together. Why isn’t this like the movies? In the movies, I sit in the chair, tell you what’s up, you write down some shit, and then you give me the advice I need to fix this. Why aren’t you doing that?” I asked.
“Because we’re not in a movie and that’s not how this process goes. Seth, you obviously sought my help because you feel that you need to change something about yourself. I’m here to help you do that, but you have to want to change. I’m not here to force you to do it, but in order for you to get the most out of it, you have to want it. You have to give yourself 100% to this in order for it to work and that means disclosing your feelings truthfully…something that you have a problem with…am I right?” RJ asked.
Damn, she was good. She was pulling shit out of me that I didn’t really disclose. What the fuck?
“Yeah. I don’t like talking about my feelings, okay. Brianna was the first woman that I’ve ever felt deeply about and she was all about telling me how she felt and slowly, but surely I began to express my feelings to her…maybe not all of them, but some,” I said.
“And you didn’t need me to do that, did you?” RJ asked.
“No, I didn’t,” I said. Hey, I’m not a total screw-up. Maybe there’s hope for me yet.
“You did that before you came here, so that means that you can adapt to different things, that you are capable of change. You just have to want it,” RJ replied.
Then, there was a huge patch of silence. I was processing and I guess she was too. I broke the silence by saying…
“I do want to change. I want to get back with Brianna. But I know I have to work on me first. I know there’s a lot of shit inside of me that hasn’t surfaced to me, but to other people and I just want to be a better dude, man. I just want to be a better me…but with the same sense of humor…and looks…and job…you get my drift,” I replied as she smiled.
“I think I do. Seth, I’m going to ask you something and I want you to answer this as honestly as you can. What do you feel? What do you think Brianna deserves from a man?” RJ asked.
“I feel like I let her down. I know I did and it makes me feel like crap. I did her dirty and she didn’t deserve that. Bree deserves everything good out of life…a good career, a good life, a good man. I never met a woman quite like Brianna. Come to think of it, her mannerisms and some of the things she says kind of reminds me of my mother. Maybe that’s why I was so attracted to her. Oh shit! Does that make me some kind of a perv or something, like that dude Oedipus, because I definitely don’t want to off my pops to get with my mom…that’s just gross,” I said as she smiled warmly.
“I don’t think it makes you a pervert. It sounds like you love your mother and her qualities and that’s what you look for in a woman…that’s all,” RJ said as I let out a deep breath. Then, I just began to run my mouth.
“Cool, because I didn’t want to be that dude that you did a case study about. Besides, I don’t think I’m that messed up, but I have some shit with me. But, yeah, Brianna’s sweet, kind, talented, sassy, quiet. She deserves a man’s love, devotion, and trust and I completely tossed all of that to the wind when I cheated on her not once, not twice, but several times with Camilla. I mean, I asked her to trust me and then I answered her with banging my ex-fling. I would completely understand if she never spoke to me again because that was truly foul on my part. But, I can’t let go. Brianna was the one thing that I didn’t want…I mean, physically I wanted her, but I didn’t want a relationship with her, but the more I got to know her, the more I wanted to be around her. Then, we became friends, and I wanted just her, and I thought I could handle it, although deep down inside I knew I couldn’t and I just let everything that we had go down the toilet. Now the one thing that I didn’t want is the one thing that I need and the truth is, I know that she doesn’t need me…a lying, cheating, fuck-up, but I need her. She made me feel like I was something special even though she was what was special about me, and although she called me an asshole, she always found a way to minimize the amount of asshole attitude that I dished out, you know what I mean? She made me better and I repay her by slinging SJ..."
"SJ? What is SJ?" RJ asked.
"Seth Jr.," I replied as her mouth made a small O when she realized that I was talking about my homie who lived in my pants.
That ain't half of the shit I could say, lady. Some of the things I say could make you piss your pants. But she's nice, so I'm not going to go there. But, I'll continue with the session.
"I slung Seth Jr. into the one woman that she thought I was through with and knew she had insecurities about. That was lower than low. Then there’s the marriage issue. I don’t have a problem with marriage the institution. I just don’t think that I was marriage material because I’m a screw-up. I knew that eventually I would screw-up what I had with Brianna and her talking about marriage and everything was just justification for me to go out and cheat on her. I hurt her…man, did I hurt her and that wasn’t my intention. If I could turn back time, I would have kicked Camilla out of my office and just talked to Brianna, but she wasn’t listening to me about the marriage stuff and I just zoned out of our relationship. I feel like I lost a piece of myself, RJ and I just want to find it…whether I get Brianna back or not.”
What the hell just happened? A whole five minutes of honesty from yours truly? This seriously needs to be documented.
Oh yeah. RJ’s taking notes. I forgot. My bad.
“Well, Seth, it sounds like you know what you did and you feel what you did was wrong. The one thing that you can do is go deeper into your feelings about your family, your job, your life in general during the next session…before and after Brianna. Are you comfortable with that?” RJ asked.
I sighed, feeling a lot better that I had got what I did off of my chest. “Yeah, that’s cool.”
“Seth…this was a good beginning. I feel like you’re more into this now than you were before,” RJ said.
“Yeah, I am. I just want to know what in the hell is going on with me…that’s all,” I replied.
“Well, you’re definitely off to a good start on your journey to finding that out. Is there anything else that you’d like to get off of your chest?” RJ asked.
“No…I think I’ve let enough off for one day. Maybe next time. Have a good one, RJ,” I said standing and shaking her hand. RJ shook mine back and smiled.
“You too. If you want to make your appointment with Georgia for next week, I have the same time free…if that’s good for you?” RJ asked.
“Yeah, that’s fine. Goodbye,” I said as I walked out of the office. RJ waved to me and I walked out of the office and over to her secretary Georgia to make my appointment for the same time next week. She gave me the little almond colored appointment card with my date and time neatly printed on it and bid me farewell. I walked through the glass double doors of the office building and walked quickly to my car. Once inside, I took deep breaths and placed my head on the steering wheel. I had to get myself together because I was losing it. Brianna consumed my thoughts and I just felt like shit knowing that I couldn’t pick up the phone and call her and tell her what happened or go over to her place and have her console me. My brother was wrapped up in being partner, his cases and his wife, so no go there. My father was out of town on some hunting trip with my uncles, and my mother seemed like she finally lost all patience with me and that’s odd within itself because that lady has the patience of Job, just like Jackson, but I guess I wore her down with all my crap.
Nope, I was in this one alone and I had no one to blame but myself. Maybe that’s how it was supposed to be with me for awhile…handling shit alone.
Damn…that’s a foreign concept to me, but I’m going to have suck it up and just do me for awhile.
Yeah. I’ll just do me.
*************************************************************
Brianna
Three months later
I was rather excited today because Conrad was in town and he was on his way to see me. He surprised me with his call, but I didn’t mind. It was the end of a long Saturday at Dafa and I was tired, hungry and dare I say it…horny? I hurriedly took a shower at the studio and threw on a pair of jeans and a white tank top. I knew it wasn’t my best look, but I don’t think he was going to mind.
It’s been a year and some change since I broke up with Seth and quite honestly, I haven’t really thought about him. I dated a few guys before I decided to do the one on one thing with Conrad and so far, so good. We talk regularly and he sees me when he’s not on the road. It’s kind of difficult not being able to see him in the flesh everyday, but I’ve gotten used to it and we do have webcams.
The Grammy’s were all that and a bag of chips! I got to wear this hot ass Gucci skirt, top, blouse and shoes and Conrad wore this Dolce & Gabbana outfit and we looked hot together, if I do say so myself. We went to all the parties…we danced…we made out…but we didn’t have sex. Believe me, I wanted to, but something wouldn’t let me do it and we didn’t.
Right about now, I really, really like Conrad. I care about him a lot and I really, really want to jump him. I really, really do. As I was thinking about that and looking over some papers in my office, Davia walked over to me eating curly fries out of a white, paper bag.
“Hey Bree Bree. I guess you don’t want your Arby’s now since Conrad is coming to scoop you up. No matter…I’ll eat it,” Davia said with a grin as she grabbed my bag. Greedy heifer. Always has been, always will be.
“He wants to take me out to dinner, so that would be a no,” I said with the biggest grin on my face as she took out her italian toasted sub and bit into it.
Davia gave me another grin and asked, “So, I guess that means you’re happy that he’s coming?”
“Yes, yes, and yes again,” I said.
“Good. While he’s here, why don’t you give the man them drawers while you’re at it, because you’re way too uptight,” Davia said as I laughed.
“What?” I asked innocently, but Davia knew me and wasn’t going to let that slide.
“Don’t what me heffa! You’ve been ornery and impatient for the last few weeks and I figured it was two things. 1) Your rabbit broke or 2) you still haven’t given the man any ass. I say, let him go with you to get another vibrator and let him use it before or while you give him that funk, that sweet, that nasty, that gushy stuff. That right there is some good times, girlie…good times,” Davia said with a grin as I laughed.
"My kitty isn't funky or nasty. It maybe sweet and gushy, but it's not funky and nasty," I said with pride. Davia just patted me on the shoulder and stuffed another curly fry into her mouth.
How many of those fuckin' things was she gonna eat?
"Bree Bree...when you're in the middle of a one hour or two hour sex-a-thon, if your kitty cat is still April fresh, then he ain't hittin' it right. You gotta smell badussy for the sex to be off the chain," Davia stated.
“You are a freak, Simmy…a bonafide supafreak!” I replied.
Davia winked as she bit into her sandwich once more. “Yeah, well at least I’m a happy, bonafide…get it bona-fide…supafreak who gets a good stiff dick on a regular basis. You, on the other hand seemed to have closed your punnani when you closed the door in Seth’s face.”
I watched as Davia shoved curly fries into her mouth and sipped on her lemonade with a smile. “Now, look who has selective memory. I recall a certain someone giving up the stiffy for almost two years,” I said.
“And if you recall sweetie, I walked in on my supposedly hetero boyfriend, who I found out was bi as I kicked his ass, screwing another dude in the ass…along with a woman, so I think my giving up the hard knock life was a must. You, on the other hand…well, I understand what happened, and I’m not trying to minimize what happened to you, but nothing could be as damaging as what I went through…trust me. Look I know you loved Seth and all and that’s why you gave him the ass, but shit, what’s love got to do with it when you’re dating a sexy ass singer and trying to get a nut? Nothing. Besides, you need to try some new dick. It wouldn’t hurt,” Davia replied as I sighed. Yeah, it was pretty rough for Davia, but she wasn’t in love with bi boy. I loved Seth and seeing what I saw…well, I don’t need to go into that again, do I? Besides, I’ve gotten over it. At least I think I have.
I don’t think about him anymore, that’s for sure. The only thing that’s on my mind lately is God, Dafa and Conrad. If it wasn’t for prayer…I wouldn’t have gotten through any of that mess.
“It’s not like I don’t want to make love to Conrad. Something always gets in the way and I haven’t seen him for months in person. You don’t know how hard it is,” I said.
Davia grinned as she popped another curly fry in her mouth and chewed. “I’m sure it’s very hard…trust me, I’ve looked at dude’s crotch…he’s packin’. You won’t be disappointed. Speaking of disappointment, guess who’s been participating in some couch time? Your ex-slut man Seth.”
My head whipped up as I looked at Davia. What the hell? “Excuse me?”
“You heard me…he’s been going for awhile now. Jackson and Mama Pat says he’s changed considerably. I wouldn’t know because I haven’t laid eyes on the sorry sack of shit, but hey! I guess dicks do know when to pull out,” Davia replied as I shook my head.
That girl…some of the things she said would turn most people’s hair white. Good thing I’m used to her.
But this development regarding Seth was quite…surprising. I always knew that he had some shit going on with him, but I never knew he would take the time out to figure out what that was and fix it.
Good for him. I don’t want anything bad to happen to him. I mean, I did love him, so if this is going to help better him, kudos to him.
Then, I heard a knock at the door and I heard, “Hey sweetheart.” I looked up to find Conrad in a grey vintage t-shirt and jeans with a bouquet of flowers that consisted of roses, tulips, and lilies in various reds and pinks. It was so beautiful. I instantly lit up and my heart began to race. He looked so good.
“Hey!” I exclaimed. I was so happy to see him. The way he looked at me and the way I looked at him…hell we almost caused a forest fire in my office.
“Hello. Hi Davia,” he replied and I swear Davia licked her lips. I nudged her and she said, “Oh hey Conrad…witchafineass ,” under her breath.
“Huh?” Conrad asked giving us that devastating smile of his.
“Don’t worry about her. I think she’s tired. She taught an extra class today,” I said as I narrowed my eyes at her. She merely winked and sipped on her drink.
“I’m not interrupting anything, am I ladies?” Conrad asked in that sexy voice of his. Davia smiled at him, grabbed my bag of food (because she had eaten hers already) and her black duffel bag and slung it over her shoulder.
“Nope, I was just on my way home to my hubby. Nice to see you Conrad. Bree, aren’t you gonna take Conrad to the store with you? I hear they have a sale on remote controlled cli…,” Davia began with a grin, but I pushed her out of the door.
“Bye, Simmy, love you,” I replied as I closed the door on her. I heard her laughing as I walked into Conrad’s arms. He felt so good and smelled so good. He hugged me closely to his body with the flowers still in hand.
“What was she talking about?” Conrad asked.
“Knowing Simmy’s mind, I don’t know. Oh, are those for me?” I asked as he gave me the flowers.
Conrad smiled as I sniffed them. “Yes, they are. Now are these for me?” he asked as he gently took the flowers from my hands and placed them on my desk.
“What?” I asked as he pulled me by the waist towards him. His face leaned lower into mine as he whispered, “These,” and slowly placed his lips on mine, kissing me thoroughly. It started out slow and sweet and ended up fast and passionate.
The next thing I knew, I was sitting on my desk and Conrad was kissing my neck and whispering into my ear.
“Umm…I’ve missed you,” he whispered as his teeth gently caught the end of my ear, then the tip of his tongue lightly swiped it. I moaned and wrapped my legs around his waist.
“I’ve missed you, too,” I whispered as he pulled away from my neck and placed his lips back on mine.
“You didn’t answer my question, baby? Are these mine?” he asked as he pulled my bottom lip between his and gently sucked. He knew that I loved that and I moaned loudly in response.
The way he was kissing me…he could have anything that was on me. “Yes, they’re yours…umm,” I whispered as he kissed me once more then, moved his head back to my neck, his lips lightly kissing it. His hands grabbed my behind and I felt his hardness grind into me. I grinded back and he looked at me once more.
“I didn’t think I was going to miss you as much as I did,” I replied honestly as he kissed, bit and licked my neck.
“Oh yeah? Well, I knew I was going to miss you and…umm, you taste so good, sweetheart. I wonder how the rest of you tastes,” he whispered as his tongue curled along my neck, making me hold his head in my hands to keep him closer to the task at hand.
“Delicious…why don’t you see for yourself?” I asked.
“I plan on doing just that. I want you so fuckin’ bad right now, Bree…you have no idea,” he whispered and I just got completely wet. The fresh panties that I just put on were no good anymore.
“I want you, too,” I whispered as he looked me in the eyes, wanting to make sure that I knew what he was getting at. I did and I made sure he knew because my hand drifted right along his package, eliciting a sexy growl from his lips…and what a nice package it was!
“Thank God…but not here, baby…at least not this time. I wanna do this right. You think we can make it to your place in ten minutes?” he asked as I licked my tongue along his ear and heard him groan, fuck baby and grab my ass tighter.
“Nope…but we can make it to your suite in five,” I whispered.
“Good fuckin’ point. Let’s go,” he whispered.
“Yes…let’s,” I said as we walked our horny asses out of the door.
All I have to say is…all night and the next morning with Conrad was worth it. My body needed it and so did his, and it was everything I wanted and more. It was sooo good and sooo…whoo! and I definitely smelled badussy, so at least we were on the right track.
It was definitely worth it. It most definitely was.