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Chapter 17
One year later
Seth
It’s been about a year and some change that I’ve been doing me and you know what I realized? I really am a conceited, prick asshole. No, really, I am. I know I called myself a prick before, but that’s what I really was…a prick that thought the sun shined and set on his ass. I didn’t really think I was like that, but I was.
I’ve been doing a lot of things to change and talking to RJ once or twice a week has helped. I realized how vain I was and how that turns off many people. I know you’re probably pinching yourself right now, but that’s what I’ve learned. It’s okay to be confident, self-assured and sometimes cocky. But being arrogant and thinking your shit don’t stink is down right repulsive…and that’s why I’ve had a lot of the problems that I am currently seeing a therapist for. That’s what drew me to women like Camilla. Camilla was me in a skirt and as soon as I severed that unhealthy tie, the better off I was...and that's what I did, seven months ago. I realized that she really didn’t care about me as a person. She just cared about my dick and how I made her cum and that’s just not what sex is supposed to be about…at least that’s not what I experienced with Brianna. I made it very clear to her that it was over and she just smiled and said it’s been real and I haven’t heard from her since.
Do you want to know what really helped me facilitate changes in my life? Talking with my mother, my father and my brother, and RJ, who suggested that I write letters to the people that I hurt the most. I wrote my parents, Jackson and Brianna, who has not responded to them, which I for one, don’t blame her for. The extent to which I hurt her was pretty severe and I’m not even thinking about getting her back anymore. Don’t get it twisted…I still want to be with her. I am still in love with her, but I know that I didn’t do right and I wasn’t the best thing for her. Now, I just wanted to make amends for all the pain I caused her and if there's a slim chance of hope, I would like to be friends with her. If I can't have her, then I just want to know that she doesn't hate me. That would make my day. It's all up to her and I have to deal with that.
I know what you’re doing now…you’re scratching your head in amazement and you’re saying what the fuck and I can’t really blame you. I was saying the same thing myself.
It feels good to be able to go to my brother’s house and not be afraid that my sister-in-law is going to shank me. Let me tell you how that minor miracle occurred.
I wrote Jackson a letter and asked him to meet me for lunch. My brother hadn’t totally abandoned me throughout this, but things just weren’t the same. Sure his wife wanted to slice my dick off with a rusty razor blade and place in a mason jar, but that was completely understandable and because of what I did to Brianna, I was banned from their crib. However, after I wrote him this letter, the tide began to turn.
Jackson and I sat in one of our favorite sandwich shops and he just stared at me for a minute. The letter that I wrote to him was dangling loosely through his fingers.
“Seth, this thing was pretty intense,” Jackson replied as he looked at me.
“Yeah. I know I’ve been pissing you off for years with the way I treated women. I was a dickhead,” I replied.
“Yeah, you were. So, you seriously haven’t been with a different girl every week…you haven’t been chasing any ass?” Jackson asked in that “I think you’re full of shit” tone of voice.
“No. I’m sad to say it, but the last time I got laid was 9 months ago. It’s just…it’s been hard, trust me, but that’s what got me in trouble in the first place and I figured I’d go cold turkey for a minute. I’ve been concentrating on work and getting myself together, big bro. Besides, the one that I want I can’t have, so…I’m just not down with that shit anymore, okay?” I said. Yeah, it’s true. I’m practically a fucking monk now.
You can close your mouth now. Flies may go in it. What I told my brother was true…it was hard, but I wanted Brianna and if I couldn’t have her, then I wouldn’t have anyone. Besides, the last time I did get laid, all I did was imagine it was Brianna because when I looked at the chic, things wouldn’t pop off, if you know what I mean?
Yeah. I’m still in shock, too.
“Damn,” Jackson replied.
“Yeah,” I answered back.
“Look, Seth, I’m proud of you. I can see that you’re changing. The Seth I know wouldn’t have ever went this far. He wouldn’t give a shit. But you do…you finally get it. So for that, I’ll give you a handclap. But I gotta tell you that I showed this to Dav. She’s my wife and I don’t like keeping things from her, but I thought she should see this. I don’t know if it’s the hormones from being pregnant or what, but she said that she’s glad you’re learning from your mistakes, so if you want to come over sometime and play Madden, that’s cool. She won’t kill you, but I can’t say that you won’t get slapped…maybe cursed out. It may help if you brought lilies or a cheesecake…,” Jackson said with a grin as I caught what he said and interrupted him.
I grinned at my brother. “Wait…back up. Dav’s pregnant. I’m going to be an uncle?”
Jackson’s entire face lit up and said, “Yeah. We just found out a couple of weeks ago so, yeah. I’m going to be a daddy, Seth.”
I was happy for my brother and told him so. Jackson always talked about wanting kids and I could tell he was over the moon about this news.
“I can only imagine how mama reacted,” I replied as Jackson laughed.
“She screamed, called all her friends and our family, then she started baking. The weirdest thing I’ve ever seen, but hey…if that’s how she conveys her happiness, then by all means,” Jackson replied.
“What did pops say?” I ask.
“He said congratulations….now you’re gonna get back all the shit you did to us,” Jackson replied as we both laughed.
“That sounds like him. What do you want…a girl or a boy?” I asked.
Jackson was so happy. “I don’t care. Just as long as it’s healthy. Man, I never thought that I would get married, much less become a father. This is just so much, right now, but I love it. I’m so damn happy it’s fuckin’ ridiculous.”
Jackson couldn’t stop smiling and I smiled back at him. “Well, that’s good. You deserve it, big bro.”
“I do, don’t I?” Jackson asked.
“Yeah, you bonehead shit. I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it,” I replied and that’s how the conversation went. We continued to have lunch and talk about what was going on in our lives. But the really important part occurred Saturday when I went over to Jackson and Davia’s to play X-Box with him and hang out.
I rang the doorbell and Davia answered it, looking gorgeous as ever. She sure didn’t look 3 ½ months pregnant, that’s for sure…and she sure didn’t look pleased to see me. Her right hand was propped on her hip as she narrowed her eyes at me. I looked to her hands and saw that they didn’t hold any knives, guns, broken glass bottles or any other weapons, so I breathed a sigh of relief.
“Hey Davia. It’s been awhile,” I replied as I held out the white lilies to her. She took them, without saying thank you. Then, in true Davia fashion, she went off on me right out of the gate.
“And who’s fault is that, he who can’t control his dick? Come in, numbnuts. You’re lucky I don’t have my blade…my good one. Go ahead. I ain’t gonna cut you. I promised my husband that I wouldn’t. Jackson’s in the kitchen,” Davia replied as I walked through the door. I was treading very lightly as I walked into their home. Davia slowly walked behind me, her eyes still narrowed.
“Congratulations, Dav. Jackson told me the news. Pregnancy agrees with you. You’re positively glowing,” I replied as she walked into the kitchen. Jackson saw me, said hello and continued cutting up celery.
Davia leaned on the counter that I had sat next to, eyes still narrow.
“Uh huh,” Davia replied, cracking her knuckles. Why was she doing that?
“So what do you want to have…a girl or a boy?” I asked. Davia still gave me that evil stare with her hand on her right hip as she picked up a piece of celery and dipped it into blue cheese dressing.
“I don’t know. If it’s a girl, we’re gonna school her on how to avoid low down, dirty bastards like you. If it’s a boy, we’re gonna make sure that he doesn’t ho around and slip his pole into many holes like you do. That answer your question?” Davia asked.
I really couldn’t say anything but yes. I mean, Davia was staring at me like she wanted to beat my ass and I guess I really couldn’t blame her. Brianna was like her sister and I hurt her badly.
Then, Davia walked up to me and said, “Before we go any further, Seth, let’s clear the air.”
I took a deep breath and sighed. “Okay.”’ The next thing I know, Davia right hooked me in the jaw, then she slapped the shit out of me.
Damn. That hurt!
“Ow…FUCK! Why did you do that?” I asked as I held my face. I looked at Jackson who just shrugged his shoulders.
“Because you deserved it, muthafucka! I’ve been wanting to do that for a year and a half. Then your fuckin’ ass didn’t bring no cheesecake. You trying to get back in…you need to lick all of the ass, not just half!” Davia exclaimed. I looked at my brother and gave him a look that screamed help me, you fucker, but the look he gave me said, fuck you, you’re on your own.
“Hey…I didn’t tell you she wasn’t going to hit you,” Jackson replied.
“Damn, Dav! I’m sorry! I’m so fucking sorry for what I did to Brianna. I fucked up with her…I know I did. I hurt her badly! I loved her and I fucked everything up!” I exclaimed and then I got slapped again. I didn’t see that coming.
“YOU FUCKIN’ RIGHT YOU DID! Do you have any idea how that girl cried and how she dealt with the fact that she caught your ass dicking down another broad? Do you know that you broke a major trust and you’ll probably never get that back?!” Davia yelled as I looked at her. Davia was truly pissed off.
“Yes, Davia I know and it gets to me everyday! I know that I lost a good thing because I was selfish and immature and inconsiderate! I know what I did and what it did and I’m trying to live with it! I’m trying to live with it because I know I’ll probably never get her back and I still love her! I never stopped! But, she deserves better than me and I hope she has that. And every time I see her with that dude, it kills me, but you know what? I brought everything on myself. Are you happy? I’m suffering! I’m heartbroken and I’m suffering because of my huge, dumb ass mistake. And you want to know what else? I know it’s what I deserve. It’s what I deserve and I’m trying to deal with it so give me a fuckin’ break…please!” I replied as a silence encompassed the room. Davia’s was trying to calm herself down and so was I. The only sound was Jackson placing chicken drummetes into hot grease for his homemade buffalo wings. Davia and I just looked at each other and then she spoke.
“Well, I’ll be damned. You said please,” Davia replied.
“Yes, I do have manners. I have been home trained,” I replied.
“Well, where the fuck have they been?” Davia asked.
“Hibernating,” I replied.
“Well, we live in Texas. It don’t get cold enough for nothin’ to hibernate, so you need to keep bringing that shit out!” Davia replied, then she sat next to me on the other stool at the bar.
“I hear you. How is she doing, Davia?” I asked. I couldn’t help myself. I had to know.
“She’s living…without you and she’s happy. That’s all I can say. Seth, you have to realize that she’s my friend and my loyalty lies with her. You would know how she was if you wouldn't have did what you did, so I’m not going to give you updates on her. It just ain’t gonna happen, patna',” Davia replied.
I didn’t like it, but I understood. “I feel you.”
“But, what I read in that letter that you wrote to Jackson seemed sincere…genuine…real. I’m a good bullshit detector and from what you said and what I read, it seems as if you really have changed and I’m glad. But, you still have a long way to go,” Davia said.
I gave a sigh of relief. “I know I do. I know. I’ve written Brianna letters and they’ve all come back to me. I’m not trying to get back into her life that way, but I just want to apologize…maybe be friends,” I replied.
Davia looked at me as if I was crazy. “Apologizing to her would be good…if she decides to read your letters. All I can say is keep sending them. And no, I am not speaking up for you or vouching for you. You created all this shit…you need to find your own way to fix it. As for being friends with her…whoo, um, she caught some chick riding you. I don’t know, man…that’s a stretch, but weirder fuckin’ things have happened. But, I have to be honest. You do seem different. Less cocky and arrogant, more humble. It suits you, Seth. It really does and it’s a good start. Look, I have to run to the store, so I’ll see you guys in a few,” Davia said as she walked over to Jackson, who pulled her by her jean loops and kissed her softly on the lips. He looked at her as if she was the only thing in the world that was important, like she was his world…like he loved her.
Damn. How did I end up here?
Don’t answer that. I know. I know. Me and my slippery dick.
“Can you get me some more hot sauce and another 12 pack of Heineken, baby?” Jackson asked as Davia kissed him again smiling.
“I sure can. Anything else before I go?” Davia asked.
“Just some more sugar,” Jackson requested as Davia laughed and kissed him again.
“Uh, uh, uh…now that’s what I’m talking about. I’ll see you when you get back. Be careful, sweetness,” he replied as he kissed her once more before she pulled away from him. Davia smiled at him and you could tell that she was head over heels in love with my brother. It was really something to see. She walked right up to him and stared into his eyes, smiling at him. Jackson looked at Davia like I wasn’t even in the room. Talk about some intense shit.
“I will. I love you,” Davia said, as she stood on tiptoe and kissed him softly on the lips.
Jackson kissed her back, with a Kool-Aid grin on his face. “I love you, too baby.”
“I will return…with cheesecake since someone’s trifling ass doesn’t know how to kiss the bootay properly. Seth…keep writing those letters. You never know. Oh, and don't sleep...you still ain't off my beat that bitch with a bat list, so don't get comfy,” Davia replied with narrow eyes towards me as she walked towards the foyer closet, grabbed her purse and walked out of the front door.
I looked over at Jackson who looked at me and then he burst out laughing.
“Damn, Seth! Davia punched the shit out of you! Then she bitch slapped you. Man, why didn’t I have the camcorder at that time? That shit was funny as hell! How does it feel?” Jackson asked as I gave him the finger.
“It hurts. You could have stopped your wife from getting violent,” I replied as I caressed my sore jaw.
“No, like she said, you got yourself into some shit that you have to fix. She’s been wanting to do that to you for awhile and I can’t blame her. You had to clear the air and I think that’s been done. Besides, I have to live with her. I don’t like my baby being mad at me. If I would have jumped in, we would have both had sore jaws…and she would have put me on pussy lockdown, so you can kiss my ass. I like getting it on with my wife. You were on your own,” Jackson stated as I laughed. When I thought about it, it was funny and it was Davia. Brianna was her best friend. I shouldn’t have expected anything less. There was a small patch of silence as I watched my brother cut up more celery. Then, I spoke.
“J…I know I’ve asked you this before, but are you happy? I mean, are you sure that Davia is the right one?” I asked.
Jackson looked up at me, grinned and said, “Yes. I’m happy as hell and I chose the right woman. I thought I was happy just working and I thought what Paulina and I had was a relationship, but it wasn’t. We just fucked and dated…there was no love there, no spark, you know? Davia’s taught me so much, man…love, sacrifice, commitment. She’s just the shit, you know and if I wouldn’t have been teaching that semester, I would have never met her. I knew when I first saw her that my life was going to change and she was going to be the cause. I love the shit out of that woman and now because of her, I’m going to be a father. I know what we have may seem boring, but it’s not. I can look at her across the room and know what she’s thinking just by looking into her eyes. I love waking up to her. I love the chemistry that we have, the passion. Our life may not be exciting to most, but it’s real and it’s ours…and it’s a good one and I’m happy with what I have…for real. I wouldn’t change anything. Not one thing.”
I took in everything my brother said and watched as he talked about Davia. I knew he was thinking about her now because of the look he had on his face. Damn…I wanted that. I really did.
“Damn…I really fucked up didn’t I?” I asked as I grabbed a piece of celery as Jackson turned the chicken in the hot oil.
“You betcha. But hey…I’ll keep my fingers crossed in the event that hell does freeze over and Brianna forgives you,” Jackson replied laughing as I laughed and threw a piece of celery at him.
“Fuck you, J,” I replied as we laughed as I watched him cook.
Damn. I missed this. I’m glad I have this back.
*********************************************************
Brianna
Well, he’s gone and done it. He’s truly done it. He’s went off the got damn deep end. Seth Aldridge has become a stalker.
I don’t mean he’s stalking me physically, but he’s been writing these letters. I’ve been getting one twice a week for the last three months and I have thrown them all away. Except for the one that’s in my hand. Just this one. For some reason, this letter plagued me and stayed on my mind.
Maybe it was because of what Davia told me about Seth coming over and her socking his ass in the jaw. She didn’t go into too much detail about what they spoke about and I didn’t want her too. Simmy knew me. She knew I needed to work things out in my own time.
And now I’m tripping about the letter shit because my shit with Conrad is not going the way I thought it would be. Don’t get me wrong. He’s gorgeous. He’s a good guy. The sex is hot like fire. But, something’s missing. Things haven’t been going well for a long time.
Let me begin by saying that this has nothing to do with Seth. It has everything to do with me. Conrad is always on the road. I don’t get to see him as much as I would like to and for a woman like me, that’s not good. I thought I would be able to handle this long distance relationship stuff, but I’m just not cut out for it. I don’t want my man to smother me, but I like to be able to get in my car and go see him and vice versa. The shit’s kind of hard when your man is in London.
And before you ask, yes, I’ve talked to Conrad about this, and I’ve flown to be with him on several occasions, but I have a business to run. Then, he asks me to move to L.A. with him and I flat out said no. I’ve never lived with a guy and everything was telling me that it would be a bad move. I I already gave my all to one guy…I didn’t want to give my life up for another.
So, with that being said, I think I have to break up with Conrad. It would be the best thing for both of us.
And yes, I love him. I told him I loved him. He told me, but it’s not that earth shattering, give my all love, which is sad because he’s such a good dude, but it has to be done. The love that I have for him is like good friend, ride till we die, friendship love. And to be quite honest, I think he knows, too.
As I’m reading this letter from Seth, I realize that what Conrad and I have is not as deep as I want it to be and from what I’ve read, he has changed…but I can’t trust in that. But got damn it, I still want him…a part of me still wants him.
I’m listening to Kelly Rowland’s,Still in Love With My Ex and the words to this song explain my entire damn situation to a tee…well, most of it does.
Still in love with my Ex
Ex (Yeah)
Ex
Ex (Yeah)
I never thought that we would break up for the better
Should've never made the promises to each other
So many things I should've said that you didn't know
Coming in from a past with a heavy load
But I knew that you were a good man
Gave me love, you were faithful - It showed on my hand
I know there are questions in your mind you don't understand
Through the words of this song, I wanna answer them
Honesty (Check)
Conversation (Check)
A shoulder I can lean on anytime I'm feeling stressed (Check)
Good loving (Yes)
The perfect soldier (Yes)
Was about to say "I do," when I know it wasn’t meant
So I
[1] – Searching my mind, trying to figure it out
And thought I was happy but I'm having some doubts
Think I found the answer and I know I must confess
I'm still in love with my ex
And I wasn't ready when I said that I loved you
And in my heart, I know that I gotta tell you
I shouldn't have gone from a situation to the next
I'm still in love with my ex
[Kelly]
Every moment that I stayed, I dug a deeper hole
I was with you but my heart wouldn't let him go
All my family told me, "Kelly he's the one for you"
I know your family love me and I love them too
(I'm so sorry) I'm so sorry for the pain that I put you through
But you shouldn't have to suffer cause I'm confused
So much for looking forward to future plans
Lost the love of my life and I lost a friend
Good to me (Yes)
Security (Yes)
You were all the things I wanted
Checking everything (Check, check)
You were comforting (Yes)
Romantic man (Yes)
How could I have said "I do," when I knew it wasn’t meant
So I
[Repeat 1]
Silence
I've gotta own this
I've gotta own this game
I can't believe I'm saying this..
Saying sorry is the hardest part
[Repeat 1]
Ex
Ex
Ex (Ex)
Damn you Seth…things were going okay, then you had to send me this fucking letter….
Shit. That's a lie. I'm more fucked up than ever now.
********************************************************
A week later, I found myself at Falene’s house with Simmy (Davia’s nickname), playing with Falene’s 1 ½ year old daughter, Sydney. She was so cute. She looked like Falene and Bryce. She got Falene’s hazel eyes and Bryce’s temperament, thank God.
I was holding Sydney by her hands and she was standing on my thighs, giggling and laughing. She was such a beautiful baby, I thought.
Simmy grabbed a handful of cheetos and shoved them into her mouth. That girl was definitely taking the eating for two thing literally.
“I’m glad to hear that you and Conrad parted ways as friends. It would have been a shame if he would have gotten hurt,” Falene said.
“That’s the last thing I wanted to do. The thing about it is, we had a good thing, but we both agreed it wasn’t THE thing we were both looking for, you know. I’ll still work with him and we’re still going to be good friends, but we’ll never go down that road again. It’s sad, but at least we’re still cool,” I replied as Simmy stuffed more cheetos into her mouth.
“Yeah. Bree Bree, you know I love you right?” Davia asked as I sighed.
Aw, shit. When she asks that question, it’s never good.
“Yes, Simmy…and I love you, too,” I replied.
“Okay. Did you break up with Conrad because you still got feelings for Seth because of those damn letters?” Davia asked.
Oh, yeah. I almost forgot. I didn’t really send all the letters back without reading them. I read a few and the last one was a doozy. I guess I could let you guys see it…since I was going to give it to Davia and Falene to read anyway.
“No. What Conrad and I had was at a standstill because there was no deep love there. We were kind of going through the motions the last couple of months. But, I won’t lie…that last letter really did me in and caused me to see that I still love the bastard. Leenie, could you get it out of my purse?” I asked as Falene took it. Davia leaned closer to her and they began reading.
Dear Brianna,
I hope that all is well with you. I don’t know if you’re going to read this or even open it for that matter, but I’m writing it anyway.
I miss you. I know you may not want to hear that, but I do. Not a day goes by when I don’t think of you. You’re the first thing I think about in the morning and your face is the last image I see before I go to sleep. I can’t help it. You do that to me.
Brianna, I want to let you know that I’m sorry. I’m truly, deeply, sorry. You had faith in me. You trusted me with your heart, your body, and your love and I did the unthinkable…I cheated on you. You have no idea how sorry I am. I remember the look on your face when you walked in…the hurt, the disgust, the loss…I saw it all and I felt it. More importantly, I deserved to feel it. I’m always thinking about Seth first, and everyone else later. That’s what got me into the predicament that I’m in. That’s what made me lose you.
You want to know what I’ve realized about myself? That I’m a self-centered, arrogant bastard. I was never good enough for you. You knew it from the start. I knew it. But, because I was used to getting my way, and I had to have you, I went after you and I got you. Brianna, you were my first love and my first relationship…and I fucked it all up. I hurt you in the worst way and for that, I’m sorry.
You may not ever forgive me or even trust me ever again, and although that hurts me, it’s only what I deserve. I did the deed and now I’m paying for it. You were a good woman to me, Bree and instead of talking to you about my feelings, I did what I do best and that’s fuck things up.
Brianna, you deserve a good man…someone’s who’s honest, truthful, faithful, passionate and totally in love with you and I know for a fact that I’m not the one for you…at least not yet.
I also learned something else. I’m never going to be right for anyone, especially you until I get Seth together and that’s what I’ve been doing for this last year and a half. I’ve been trying to do damage control with myself. I had a lot of issues that I had to work on and believe me, they were eye opening and made me very ashamed of the person that I was. But, I’ve been trying to do better. I think I am better. I haven’t been with anyone for almost a year. I know you don’t want to hear that, but it’s true. I told you, I needed a complete overhaul and that’s what I’ve been doing…trying to change.
Brianna, I want to thank you for breaking up with me. I want to thank you for loving me. If we would have stayed together, I know that I wouldn’t have changed. It’s sad, but cheating on you helped me. It helped me learn that I ain’t shit and I need to change. It also helped me realize that in order for me to be a man that can love a woman as wonderful as you, I have to be a man in every aspect. I look at my brother and my father and that’s what I want to be…not exactly like them, but real men. I want to be a real man for you, baby.
Baby, you are a splendid, beautiful, magnificent woman and I wish you nothing but the best in life. I know you may not believe what I’ve said, but it’s the truth. The truth is I want you to be happy. The truth is, I want to be with you. The truth is, I still love you…but I know it’s not right.
Brianna, even if we never get another chance, I would like to be your friend. I think that’s where I went wrong. I was too busy trying to be a lover and I wasn’t really a friend. If I was your friend, I wouldn’t have cheated…it’s that simple.
I know that you don’t trust me and you may never trust me again, but I would like it if you could find it in your heart to forgive me. I’m so very sorry for hurting you. The only thing I wanted to do was be with you and love you, but I didn’t do a very good job at it. But, I know that I could be a good friend to you, if you give me the chance.
You have taught me so much…I’m becoming a better man and it’s all because of you…because I owe it to myself to be a real man…I owe it to you.
Brianna, my numbers haven’t changed. I still live in the same condo…the one you picked out because you fell in love with the kitchen and the closet. I would really like to talk to you if you’re up to it. If not, then I completely understand and I wish you nothing but happiness.
I still love you…from the bottom of my heart, from the tips of my fingers and toes. Please forgive me and know that you have my heart…always have, always will. Take care of yourself, Brianna. I pray that nothing but blessings come your way.
With all my love,
Seth
Ms. Sydney decided that she didn’t want me to hold her anymore, so she crawled off me and toddled on those chubby, caramel legs of hers to her pink and white checkered blanket that was full of toys. Davia and Falene put the letter down and sighed long and loud. After a few minutes, I spoke.
“Yeah…that was the same thing that I thought, too,” I replied.
“I know he fucked up, but the Seth in this letter sounds like a fuckin’ pod person,” Davia replied.
“Since when does he apologize and feel sorry? You sure this ain’t some shit to get back in where he used to fit in?” Falene asked.
“No. One thing I know about Seth and he does not say shit that he doesn’t mean. He just sounds so…sincere…genuine. I can’t just go back to him after what he did…that’s insane,” I replied.
“But you do want to see him, don’t you? I know you do. It’s written all over your face,” Davia replied as I sighed.
It’s been almost two years and some change. That letter has definitely brought out my curious side.
“Yes,” I replied.
“Well, then see him. Look, you guys know my track record. In the past, if a guy cheated on me, I just let it slide. When I got tired and broke it off with them, none of them ever told me they were sorry or wrote me a got damn letter. I’m not saying that you should put your guard down, but what you and Seth had was some special shit. Maybe you need to see him, just to clear the air. If you know that you can’t go back to that, so be it,” Falene replied.
“But listen to your head and your heart…not one or the other. Understand?” Davia asked.
“Yeah. I think I’m going to call him. Shit…I still love the bastard. I still love him,” I said as the tears fell down my face. Davia got to me first and pulled me close, with Falene hugging the both of us.
“Don’t worry…I still have my muthafucka gutter and my nine. If he acts stupid, just call me and I’ll come and regulate,” Davia said and I laughed in between my crying. Crying…I thought I was done with all of that.
The thing that’s getting to me is he put all the blame on himself. Yes, he fucked another woman…more than once. But, I was doing the impossible…I was trying to change someone who wasn’t ready and I was pushing something on him that he clearly wasn’t ready for and for that, I need my ass kicked. I need a huge foot right up my ass.
I’m not justifying his cheating, but you know what? It was the wake-up call that I needed…the jolt that I needed to grow up a little, so for that, thanks Seth.
Shit. Seth Aldridge…why did I miss him? Why did I still have feelings for this man? Why did I still love him? Why?