Moving Forward

Hannah Evangeline Hendricks sat in the den after Matheson and Val had returned upstairs to their room for the night. The day had been an eventful one indeed. She had never imagined in a million years that it would turn out like it did.

Matheson was now a grown man in his own right. Where had the time gone? She looked down at her hands and then back out of the window. Her nephew had always seemed afraid of her and she used to think that it was because his mother had poisoned his mind against her. Talking to him that night made her realize that it was her own sour disposition that had caused him to withdraw and she was filled with regret.

Matheson had shocked her when he had grabbed her and pulled her hair down. He reminded her of his mother at that moment, his eyes flashing with a wildness that she thought only Emily possessed. She should have realized that he was after all his mother's son and was sure to have some of her ways.

She didn't know what caused her to spill her guts in front of a black girl she hardly knew or trusted, but Matheson had taken her hand in his, his large eyes a mixture of Gregory's blue and Emily's green were filled with concern. When she saw that, she began to unravel. No one had looked at her like that for a very long time. Everyone thought that she was hard as nails with no feelings at all, but it seemed that Matheson knew what buttons to push to get her to open up.

She thought about the time when she was twelve that their parents had come to her and Billy and announced that they were having another baby. She had been totally floored. She had thought that they were long past doing 'that' and her father had laughed right in her face when she told them so. Her mother told her that she would understand when she was married that men were passionate beings and that sex didn't end just because you started to get gray hair. It seemed after their announcement, their father came home a lot earlier in the evenings than he had before. He doted on their mother and when Gregory was born, she was surprised at his dark hair and blue eyes. He was a beautiful baby. She and Billy were blond like their father, but Gregory had his mother's dark hair and he was the spitting image of their father.

When she and Billy turned eighteen and Gregory was five, their parents made more fuss over Gregory going to kindergarten than they did of them going off to college. Somehow with the birth of Gregory, she felt that she and Billy became second fiddle. It was even more so after Billy announced that he wanted to be a lawyer and had no interest in working for Hannah's. Billy seemed to take it all in stride, but it irked Hannah to no end. At sixteen she felt that she needed some of her mother's attention, but was unable to get any. It was always about Gregory, the golden child.

She sighed and stood up and stretched. On several occasions she tried to talk to her mother wanting her advice and attention in her teen years, but her mother was consumed with her father and Gregory. She never seemed to have time for her and once she finished high school, she didn't think that her daughter needed any time. After all, she was an adult now and Hannah had heard that more than once. Her mother told her to just go out there and socialize and find a nice man to marry. She had hinted that she shouldn't have a problem since she was after all Hannah Hendricks and that she had a decent dowry to entice a man even though she was a bit plain. The fact that her mother felt that she could only get a man by enticing him with her wealth and her father's feeble attempts to try get men to take her out, hurt Hannah more than she let on. It was at that point that her heart began to harden. Hannah's mother encouraged her to 'spruce herself up' whatever that meant. It had been the 60's and the guys at the college weren't interested in anything but music and sex and parties. They scared her to death. She stayed in her dorm room most of the time.

She graduated from the University of Rhode Island at the top of her class and went on to graduate school. She had top honors, but did that matter? Of course not! "Hannah, have you met anyone?" was always her mother's question and her answer was always 'no' and she saw her father's disappointment!

She stayed away from home as much as possible, traveling and teaching French in high class private institutions. She was paid well, but she didn't really need the money. She still remembered the Christmas she came home and somehow Gregory seemed to have grown up overnight. He was fourteen, tall and handsome; his intense blue eyes made her catch her breath and she knew that he would have a choice of girls to date.

Billy brought Felicia home and announced that they were getting married and his father had announced that he had obtained a business partner. She had been shocked when she saw Emily in the office with her father looking over the books. She appeared to be a mere girl with her long curly bright red hair and Hannah had immediately become suspicious.

Her father seemed to dote on Emily and her mother appeared totally clueless. It seemed that Emily was very well off and had invested quite a bit of money in the bakery. Her father was able to expand and open more stores, buy more equipment and hire more people all because of Miss Emily Matheson!

Hannah couldn't understand why Emily was so engrossed in the business and suspected that she was having an affair with her father. Why else would a nineteen year old woman who had never worked a day in her life be interested in a bakery? When she tried to talk to her mother about her concerns, her mother had just smiled at her and told her that Emily was a sweet girl and it was nothing like that.

She looked at her mother in total disbelief and thought that she was totally naïve! She took a leave of absence from teaching and came back home that spring to try see for herself what was really going on.

Emily was at their house at least two or three times a week. She was down at the bakery, but Hannah didn't understand why she was there since she wasn't baking. She came over for tea and would go with her mother shopping which totally irked Hannah. Her mother hardly ever went shopping with her!

Finally unable to take another minute of the perceived deception, she cornered her mother one evening after she returned from shopping with Emily and told her mother that she was going to confront Emily on the matter. Her mother had taken her into her room and shut the door and sat her down.

"Look, Hannah" she had told her. "I understand your concern, but it's nothing like you're thinking."

"But Mama!" Hannah had protested "Do you really think that she's hanging around here because of the business? Surely you can't be that dense!"

Her mother had smiled. "Honey, I know why she's really here and it's not because of your father."

Her mother had then explained that Emily had come to them before she had even bought into the business and explained what she wanted. She told Hannah that Emily had been very thorough in her research and that she knew that her father wanted to expand the business and that she had ample resources to help him.

Her mother admitted that she had been skeptical at first and had asked Emily point blank why she wanted to become part of the business. Emily had blushed and told her mother and father that she was very much interested in Gregory and that she had fallen in love with him the moment she laid eyes on him when he made a delivery to a party at her house. She had told them that she wanted to marry him if he would have her when he reached adulthood.

Her mother admitted to Hannah that she had been shocked by Emily's confession. Emily went on to say that she realized that Gregory wasn't a man yet and that she was content to wait. She then said that she was willing to put whatever resources that were needed into the business on the condition that they would not tell Gregory about her feelings for him. She wanted it to happen naturally and if by chance he didn't want her, she'd still remain a partner in the business. She then told them that it was a 'win win' situation for them and she was willing to take the chance. She didn't even want them to introduce her to Gregory and if he asked who she was, they were to tell him that she was just a partner in the business.

Hannah was shocked that Emily wanted her fourteen year old brother! Not only that, but that her parents had agreed to such madness! She then began watching Emily more closely, but she seemed to totally ignore Gregory or totally avoid being in direct contact with him when he was in Emily's presence. For a while Hannah thought it was all an elaborate hoax that Emily was perpetrating in order to really have an affair with her father, however one day she caught Emily staring at Gregory in the bakery while he was making some bread. He was totally unaware of her presence and Hannah was in the office helping her father with the books. The raw lust on Emily's face shocked her as Emily watched her brother like a lion watched its prey. Hannah's eyes kept traveling back and forth between Emily and Gregory and suddenly a desire to protect her brother rose up within her.

She began spending more time with him, much to Gregory's surprise. They would spend some time talking in the evenings and she would take him to museums and to the movies on his days off. By the time he was sixteen, he wanted to be with his friends, but he seemed happy to oblige his sister and go out with her on occasion. He was a normal teen who was interested in girls and she doubted that Miss Emily would get her wish to claim him as her own.

Satisfied that things were under control, she left home again when Gregory was seventeen, confident in the fact that Emily didn't stand a chance, especially after Gregory had confessed to her that he liked a girl named Daria. She was dumbfounded however, when Gregory had called her at the age of nineteen and announced that he was marrying Emily Matheson! She had dropped the phone in total disbelief. She never forgot the smug look on Emily's face when she came home and thus began their love/hate relationship.

When Matheson was born, Hannah was surprised that he was the spitting image of her father. Emily had a ruptured uterus and there would be no more children. Hannah remembered her crying for days and her brother looking so helpless while Matheson looked up from his crib in his bedroom and smiled at his aunt.

Hannah had gone to his room while Gregory was trying to console his wife and she had looked down at the baby and he had smiled up at her. She felt her heart melt and she knew at that moment that she loved him. She resisted the urge to pick him up, afraid of the attachment she knew would develop. She told herself that if she loved him, Emily was sure to try to keep her from him. She turned quickly and left the room.

From that day on, she had made up in her mind that she would keep her distance from her brother and his family and would only visit on special occasions. Gregory seemed hurt and confused by her actions and that tore at her heart, but she couldn't help how she felt. She didn't trust Emily. Matheson being a friendly baby would reach for her when she'd visit. He would be in Gregory's arms, but she wouldn't take him. She didn't want to love him, the pretty blonde baby boy with aqua eyes!

After a while, Matheson stopped reaching for her when she visited and then as a child she could see that he was afraid of her. It broke her heart. Now it seemed that it hadn't been Emily at all that had kept him away from her…she had been her own worst enemy.

She looked around and decided to go to bed. She walked out of the den and into the kitchen to get some water and was surprised to see Matheson. He didn't have a shirt on and wore a pair of lounging pants that hung low on his hips. He turned around and smiled at her.

"Going to bed, Aunt Hannah?" he asked raising his arms in a stretch revealing an abundance of underarm hair. He wasn't a boy any longer. He was right. He was all man.

"I guess" she said avoiding his eyes. She could smell his scent from where she was standing…a mixture of soap and something else. She surmised that he must have just showered and wondered where his girlfriend was.

He walked over to her. "Look, we've both have had a trying day. Why don't we just let bygones be bygones?" He stretched his arms out to take her in a hug and she drew back shocked. He hadn't done that to her in years.

Immediately she regretted her actions as she observed Matheson's hurt expression as he dropped his hands to his sides and then turned away.

"Good night, Aunt Hannah" he said heading out of the kitchen.

"Matheson wait" she said grabbing his arm.

He turned and looked at her. His expression was sad at her perceived rejection of him and she wanted to make it right.

"I'm sorry" she said. "I didn't mean any harm."

"You've never liked me, have you? Is it because of my mother?" he asked his eyes guarded.

"No, no!" she exclaimed. "I've always loved you, Matheson"

He scoffed at her declaration. "Loved me? You hardly tolerated me!"

"I was afraid" she confessed feeling herself tear up again. She reached out and grabbed his hand and decided to be totally honest with him.

Matheson looked surprised. "Afraid? What was there to be afraid of?"

Hannah hung her head. "I thought that if your mother saw that I loved you…that she'd use that against me…not let me see you. I couldn't give her that power over me. I…I was the one…you know who would send you those 'secret pal' gifts on your birthday and at Christmas. I wanted to do for you without her knowing it."

Matheson was shocked. His parents swore to him that they had no idea who his 'secret pal' was. For as long as he could remember he received secret pal gifts on his birthday and at holidays. Sometimes he would receive them for no reason at all. He even received encouraging notes from his pal throughout his life when he was growing up. He didn't know how his 'pal' knew the things that he was going through, but he would receive a note in the mail and it would always make him feel better. The notes were always postmarked in Valentine, Virginia and he had even gone to the small town trying to figure out who it could be, but was never able to do so. Now his aunt was telling him that it was her!

"Aunt Hannah!" he whispered "You? You've been my secret pal all these years?"

"Yes, Matheson" she replied not looking at him.

"Who knows that it's you?" he asked. "I asked my parents and the swore that they had no idea but felt it was Gramps or Uncle Billy even though both of them denied it."

"I think Billy figured it out…other than that, I'm not sure" she replied.

Matheson stared at her a moment. This weekend was revealing a lot of things to him. "You really do love me then?" he asked looking at her in amazement. He had always felt that his aunt didn't like him and he never understood why.

"I've always loved you…ever since you were one week old and smiled up at me from your crib" she replied sniffing trying to hold back the tears.

"Love shouldn't be hidden, Aunt Hannah" he replied sadly. "This feud between you and my mother has got to end! It has cost you too much!" He pulled her into his arms and hugged her. He was filled with a mixture of relief and wonder. All this time, she had been secretly loving him, being the aunt in secret that he longed for her to be in public.

Matheson listened as Hannah broke down in sobs. All this time….all the years wasted in fear. He wasn't going to live like that. He kissed her on the forehead. "Things are going to be different from now on, Aunt Hannah." he replied firmly.

She didn't respond and instead pulled back from him and wiped her eyes.

He grabbed her by the chin, forcing her to look at him. "Things are going to be different. We can't change the past, but we can move forward. I'm going to marry Val. I love her. If you love me like you say you do, like you've shown me over the years when I didn't know it was you, you will accept that and be happy for me."

He watched as Hannah wiped her nose with a tissue.

"Well, I'll see what kind of shopper she is before I pass judgment on her" Hannah replied drawing herself up and putting her glasses back on. She lifted the hem of the nightgown that Val gave her examining it.

"Her taste in lingerie leaves much to be desired." her voice had returned with its former haughtiness.

Matheson smiled. Now this was the Aunt Hannah he recognized.

"Then maybe you can help her out in that department" he quipped laughing.