Past Hurts and Present Fire

After much debate, VaLysia decided to wear a simple white sundress and white sandals on her date with Matheson.

She looked in the mirror and smiled. She didn't have much chest so she was fine there. The dress had small spaghetti straps and she could easily wear it without a bra. She had a shawl just in case it was cool in the movie theatre.

She had her twists redone and she wore some white hoop earrings to match her outfit. She wasn't big on a lot of makeup, therefore she only added some burgundy lipstick. She checked herself again for the third time.

She thought about all that her grandmother had told her. Well she wasn't worried. Matheson most likely wasn't thinking about her like that and if he was, well she had pepper spray!

The doorbell rang and she walked downstairs and opened it. Matheson stood before her with a bouquet of yellow roses. He handed them to her.

"Friends?" he asked smiling.

"Of course" Val said taking them. "Come on in."

She took them into the kitchen and got a vase from under the cabinet. Matheson stood in the doorway and watched her as she sat the flowers on the table.

"You look nice" he said to her smiling.

His eyes roamed over her. He noticed that her dress flared out and was just above her knees with small straps that crisscrossed in the back. She had on low heeled sandals with a chain around her left ankle.

"Thanks. You look nice too" she replied.

She tried not to stare. He had on a pale blue oxford shirt and black slacks and his cologne smelled heavenly. She turned to him.

"I'm ready"

She was surprised to see a black shiny BMW convertible in front of her door.

"My, my. Is this yours?" she asked as he opened the door for her.

"Well…yes it is" he replied. "You like?"

"It's very nice. Where are we going?"

He laughed. "You'll see."

VaLysia was surprised that they went to the movies first. She hadn't eaten anything and her stomach began to growl.

"I'll be sure to buy some popcorn" Matheson said laughing. "Have you seen The Book of Eli?"

"No, I haven't been to the movies in a while" she responded.

Val watched him out of the corner of her eye as he drove. Everything her grandmother had said to her kept running through her mind. Why was he doing this? Could he really be attracted to her? Did he think that she was impressed with his money and would just be easy?  Did he ask her out because he thought black girls were easy?  She wasn't sure now what this date was about.

"I've already bought the tickets so we won't have to wait in line" he said as he parked. They went in and were able to get good seats. Matheson handed her the bucket of popcorn. "For your growling stomach" he teased.

Val was totally into the movie and didn't notice Matheson stealing glances at her. He wasn't sure how the rest of the date would go, but so far everything now was going well. He had seen a few people staring, but he didn't care. That was their problem, not his.  He thought that she looked especially pretty.

He put his arm around the back of her seat. She looked up at him and he seemed to be into the movie so she didn't say anything. His fingers brushed her shoulders lightly and she liked the warmth his arm was generating. She didn't even need her shawl.

When the movie was over, she noticed several people staring at them as they walked out of the theatre. You would think people would be used to interracial couples by now. Did she just say 'couple'. Get a grip, VaLysia she thought chastising herself.

"Matheson!"

Val turned around as well as Matheson when they heard someone call his name. Two blonde women, one older and one about their age walked up to them.

"I thought that was you!" the older woman said frowning at Val.

"Hello Mrs. Harris" Matheson replied. He looked at the young woman. "Hello Callie."

"Hi Matt" she said looking from him to Val.

"Oh, this is my friend, VaLysia" he said.

The two women stared at Val for a moment and then turned back to Matheson.

"I talked to your mother" Mrs. Harris said. "We had a very interesting conversation today." She emphasized "interesting" and glanced at Val.

"I know. She told me" he replied dryly. "I didn't realize my personal life was such an interesting topic"

The woman laughed nervously and gave him a playful pat on the arm.

"Wow! I thought you stayed so busy working, Matheson!" Callie said looking a Val again. "I always have such a hard time catching up with you. I didn't know you had time for extra curricular activities! Don't tell me things are slowing down in the store?"  She continued to glance back and forth between him and Val.

"No" he replied. "I just decided that I needed a break."

Callie stared at Val again. "Well, I hope you will keep me in mind next time you need a diversion. You know you promised to take me out on a date."

Val didn't miss her emphasizing the word date. She tried to keep her face impassive.

"I'll keep that in mind" he replied cooly. "Now if you'll excuse me, we have somewhere else we need to be."

He grabbed Val's arm and headed for the exit door.

"What was that all about?" Val asked after he pulled off. "They were looking at me like I was a piece of trash off the sidewalk. Are they friends of yours?"

"No!" he snapped. "They are friends of my parents."

"Even Callie?"

Matheson grinned. Was she jealous? Why did the thought of that please him so much?

"No, Callie is the daughter that they have been trying to get me to take out since we were both in middle school. I'm not interested in her that way, but she keeps on trying to wear me down."

"She's very pretty." Val replied unconvinced.

"Not my type." Matheson responded.

VaLysia stared out the car window. If she wasn't such a big chicken, she'd ask him about his type. Why wouldn't a beauty queen like Callie not be his type?

"I hope you like steak" he said as he pulled into the restaurant parking lot.

"I love steak" she replied eagerly. "I'm starved."

"Good. Then you'll love Cagneys" he replied.

Val was impressed as they walked in and was led to a table with candles. She thought that it was very romantic. She sat across from him and thought that he was so handsome. She glanced around the room and then back at him. He was watching her and she felt herself blush under his stare.

They quickly ordered and she was fascinated as Matheson told her about his habit of critiquing restaurants.

"It's a habit I picked up while in Culinary School." he said. "I always check the place settings, the order in which they take our orders, and the service. We were taught the right way to do things and I always compare what I was taught with what I see happen."

Val was enjoying the evening more than she thought possible. Matheson was interesting and funny. They shared stories of Mavis and how she had affected each of their lives. They found that they had a lot in common including their love of chocolate and late night snacks. Before she knew it, Matheson was paying the bill and he was leading her back to the car.

"I have a surprise for you." he said once he got in. "I forgot and left it at home so we'll have to run by my apartment."

VaLysia was immediately apprehensive. Thoughts of what her grandmother had told her ran through her mind and she wondered if he was just trying to get her there for another reason. Well she had her pepper spray just in case!

Matheson pulled up to his apartment building and quickly came around and opened the door. Val tried not to appear tense and watched his movements as he walked into the apartment and threw his keys on a nearby table once they were inside.

"Have a seat. I'll be right back" he said taking the stairs two at a time. Val watched as he ran up them and then turned and looked around. The apartment hardly looked lived in. The walls were bare and there was only a sofa and chair in the living room with a lamp beside the sofa. She walked around and was about to go into the kitchen when she heard him coming back down stairs.

He walked over to the sofa and with his hand behind his back. He was grinning impishly like a little boy.

Matheson sat on the sofa and patted a place beside him for her to sit down.

She sat down leaving a large space between them.

"Here you go" he said handing her a gift bag that he had behind his back.

VaLysia took the bag and pulled out a small photo album. She opened it up and saw an old picture of a black woman with a young white child by her side. She flipped the pages and saw the woman and the child again and then she came to the picture of her grandmother when she was younger with her mother standing beside her. She looked at Matheson who was grinning.

"Where did you get these?" she asked surprised.

"From my family's album" he said turning back the pages. "I made copies for you. I hope you like it."

"This is Mavis' mother" he said pointing to the dark woman. "And this is Mavis! Can you believe it? I thought it was one of my relatives at first. Here's a picture of your mom and Mavis. There's even a picture of your mother and father with you in the belly!"

He looked at her when she wasn't responding and was surprised to see tears in her eyes.

"What's wrong, VaLysia" he asked surprised.

"Why?" she asked looking at him. "Why are you doing this?"

Matheson was confused. "What do you mean?"

"Why are you being so nice to me...buying flowers...taking me to dinner...giving me this? I need you to be honest with me Matheson." He watched as the tears ran down her face. Why did you go through all this trouble?  It's not as if you like me or anything? Tonight was so nice...but I need to know your real motives. Just be honest with me please!

He stared at her not understanding what she meant. "I...I want us to get along. I haven't been out in a while...I wanted to have a nice pleasant evening. I wanted to make up for that first day when we met."

He watched as VaLysia wiped her eyes and looked away.  Did people do all he had done for her and call it just a friendly date?  Was he expecting something from her?  Would he ruin the best date she'd had in months by pressuring her for sex?

"My grandmother told me that when a white man takes you out, he wants more than just a pleasant evening, especially one of your means. I know I'm not a beauty, Matheson. Are you looking for some sort of payback for tonight? Is this about sex?"

Matheson was stunned. Of all people, he never would have thought Mavis would say such a thing! She had known him all his life! How could she tell her granddaughter that type of thing?

"I can't believe that Mavis would think that I was some type of degenerate!" he snapped. "All this time I thought she cared about me. I thought she knew me! You're telling me that when it comes to taking you out, all she sees is the color of my skin? I bet she wouldn't have thought twice about you going out with a black man who was a complete stranger! She took care of me, bathed me, fed me. I thought she loved me and now I find out that it was just a job to her! I'm just another no good white person trying to ravish her granddaughter! My parents are bad enough with their prejudices, and now I find out she's not much better!"

He jumped up off the sofa, clearly offended and Val got up and followed him.

"I don't think it's like that Matheson! She's told me several times that she loves you. She doesn't think you're a bad person."

He looked at her in disbelief. "Yeah, right!"

"Matheson, she has her issues but I know she loves you. Her own mother was raped by one of your great grandfather's friends right there in the house! She was only fourteen years old. That's why Grandma is so much lighter than her mother. She's half white! Your family knew and did nothing about it."

Matheson stared at her. "You mean Mavis could be kin to me?"

"No, Grandma said that her mother told her that the man was a friend of your great grandfather that came to stay at Christmas. He continued to come and stay there even after my grandmother was born. Your family just hushed it over. That's why my grandmother is so leery about interracial dating. It's not because of you. I guess me telling her that we were going out, sparked old memories or something."

He sat back on the sofa and picked up the album staring at the pictures. She sat down beside him. He flipped through the album again as if looking at it for the very first time.

"Seeing those pictures kind of freaked me out since I had just had the conversation with Grandma today about her mother."

He looked at her. "I didn't ask you up here for sex, VaLysia"

"I realize that now" she replied. "It's been a wonderful evening. Let's not let it end on a bad note."

She smiled at him and he returned her smile. "You have a beautiful smile. You look like Mavis' mother, you know."

She looked back at the album in his hand. "I guess I can see now where I get my dark complexion. My other grandmother used to always call me the mailman's child. She was so mean to me."

Matheson was surprised. "Why? Because you are dark? That doesn't make sense!"

"Well it's a thing in the black community. Some people are color struck. My mother is light and so was my father. I wasn't supposed to come out dark. I was a great disappointment to her."

"That's crazy!" Matheson said.

"That's the way it is" Val said taking the album from his hands. "Other than you, my parents and my grandmother, no one else has ever called me beautiful. It's always about me being too black and my big lips and my kinky hair."

Matheson could hear the pain in her voice and he reached over and pulled her to him.

"I like your dark skin and your hair...and especially your lips." he murmured.

"As I can recall, you didn't like me when you first laid eyes on me" she teased.

"You've grown on me...you've helped me see more than the outer shell of a person" he confessed. "Tonight was the best date I've had in a very long time. I know that I don't want tonight to be our last date. I hope you feel the same way."

She stared at him not knowing what to say. His eyes reminded her of a beautiful ocean on a summer's day. He leaned over and kissed her, pulling her to him. Val's mind was in a whirl as his tongue danced with hers igniting a fire within her. Never had she been kissed like this. Never had she felt like this before. She broke the kiss and stared at him trying to decide if this was really happening or if she was dreaming.

"You're beautiful too" she said touching his face. She pushed his blond hair back from his face and his ocean eyes seemed to hypnotize her. She touched his pointed narrow nose and his thin pink lips. She was amazed at the contrast between his pale skin and her hand. He kissed her fingers as she ran them across his lips which sent shivers over her.

He kissed her again, pulling her down on top of him as he fell back on the sofa. Warning bells were going off in her head, but they became background noise as the music from the dancing of their tongues together overrode her inhibitions. She felt like she was floating over a field of fire. His scent invaded her nostrils and she felt his maleness hard against her stomach which excited and scared her at the same time. She felt his hand under her dress and he was caressing her bottom and the warning bells grew louder causing her to focus through the haze of desire that was overwhelming her.

She quickly broke the kiss and sat up trying to get herself together.

"Look Matheson" she said shakily clearing her throat. "I don't know how to be anything but direct. I'm not a diplomat, so please don't be offended. I like you. I really do. Tonight was great. We had a wonderful time."

"I hear a but in there somewhere" he replied watching her.

"I'm just being a realist. " she said. "I want you to know that up front. Nothing is going to happen between us. I want to be in love when I decide to have sex...and Matheson, I've never been in love."

He stared at her a moment shocked. "Never?"

"No, never."

"You mean you're still a virgin?" he asked in disbelief.

She stood up and straightened her clothes.

"Look" she said turning to him. "You are an only child, the heir of Hannah's. There are certain expectations your family has of you. We both know that I'm not an acceptable choice for you. We need to let it go and just be friends."

"Don't I have a say?" he shot back. "Don't I deserve to be happy?"

Val picked up the album and her purse and didn't reply.

"Look" he said standing up. "I enjoyed tonight too. It was great. I haven't been out in a long time and things turned out better than I had even hoped. I like you too. Why should we limit ourselves because of the dysfunction in our families? There's prejudice on both sides of the aisle here but do we let them sink the ship before the iceberg even hits?"

He came over to her.

"I've never met anyone like you before. I've never really been in love either. I've gone out, but Hannah's has always been there and the responsibility has always overshadowed everything else. I can't live like that forever. I want something more than just the business and I need something more than just casual sex."

"I know you probably have plenty of women-"

He laughed. "Where are they? You mean Callie? I won't let someone else choose for me. I make my own choices. No, I haven't slept with Callie if that's what you're thinking. I haven't slept with anyone in over a year. It's the harsh reality of all work and no play."

He pulled her into his arms. "But I'm tired, Val. I'm so tired of just working and just existing and just getting the relief I need in a shower stall all alone. I need something more. Until tonight, I wasn't sure if that was even possible. I didn't expect to feel this way, but now that I do I 'm not content to just back away. Talking to you, I realized just how much we have in common and I was attracted to you even when we were fighting in the music room.  Am I not supposed to pursue you because you're black? Why can't we continue to go out and see where this leads?"

She looked at him surprised. "You must get plenty of offers, Matheson. I mean you're gorgeous! You have everything a girl could want from a man, it seems. You have the looks and the money!  What could I possibly offer you?"

He laughed bitterly looking at her.

"Looks and money can be a two edged sword. Women see money when they hear about Hannah's and they see stud when they give me the once over. They have their expectations. It's not about me as a person. It's about fulfilling their fantasy. It's about buy me this or buy me that. It's about the expectation of fantastic sex even when you've worked like a dog for sixteen hours. Working as much as I do, well...I can't always be the man they expect. I can't give them the attention they require and I don't always have the stamina they demand. I decided a year ago just to put relationships on the backburner for a while."

Val was surprised at his confession. She knew he must work long hours and she could sympathize with his dilemma.

"Are you saying that you have problems in the area of...you know performance?" Val asked. "I mean...it didn't seem that way a few minutes ago."

"What I meant was that you're being a virgin is a relief of sorts for me. There won't be any pressure from you towards me in that area. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a normal male with normal urges, but when you work as much as I do with the stress that comes with running a business, there can be issues from time to time and some women are just not so understanding of that. They don't want to hear that you're too tired."

He laughed to himself and looked at her shaking his head.

"I can't believe I'm telling you all this! I guess you're just easy to talk to."

He walked over to her and put his arm around her.

"I want to see you again." he said. "Though right now with my schedule I'm not sure when that will be. It may not be until your grandmother's birthday."

Val smiled. She couldn't believe the turn of events. He wanted to see her again! He said that he was attracted to her!

"What will your parents think?" she asked smiling. "They may not like you seeing me, you know."

"I could care less." he replied kissing her again. "I have put all of myself into the business and in helping my father succeed. It's time that I do something for myself. "

He looked at her and smiled. "I'll handle my parents. You just handle Mavis."