By the time Deidre and the girls returned home, it was late in the evening. As soon as she got inside, she got Tess and Gabby bathed and tucked into bed. She also instructed Rachel to head to bed as well.

After making sure her three daughters were sound asleep, Deidre poured herself a glass of wine and sat down on the couch with her legs curled up to the side of her. Their dog Bear lazily walked over to Deidre and jumped up on the couch and rested his head in her lap. She turned on the television and absent mindedly flipped through the channels in search of something to distract her from the current situation.

Rachel shot up in bed and looked around her dark room. She had a bad dream, but she could not remember what it was about. But the seven-year-old was still scared enough to look for her mom. Rachel got out of bed and tiptoed out into the hall. Hearing voices from the television, she decided to go down stairs to the living room. She found her mother asleep on the couch; the light from the TV danced across her face. Rachel moved closer to Deidre. She sat on the coffee table, which she was not supposed to do, and watched tears fall down her mother’s face. Deidre was crying in her sleep.

“Mommy.” Rachel whispered softly. Deidre did not move. “Mommy.” She said again only a little louder.

Deidre began to awaken. She opened her eyes and blinked a couple of times to get her bearings. When her eyes had adjusted to the low light, she saw Rachel sitting in front of her.

“Rachel, what are you doing up?” Deidre asked uncurling and placing her feet on the floor.

“You were crying and you were sleep.” Rachel said not answering the question.

“What?” Deidre asked confused.

Rachel touched Deidre’s face where her cheeks were still wet. “Are you sad?” Rachel asked.

Deidre smiled and mentally shook her head. Rachel was observant and so caring. “Yes sweetie. I’m very sad.”

“Because daddy doesn’t remember us?” Rachel asked.

Deidre nodded her head.

“I’m sad too.” Rachel said.

Deidre reached out and pulled Rachel off of the table and onto her lap. She snuggled with her oldest daughter on the couch, something she did not get to do as often since the twins were born.  “I know you’re sad too. It’s okay to be sad. Is that why you are up and out of bed?”

Rachel shook her head, “no, I had a bad dream.”

“Do you want to tell me what it was about?” Deidre asked.

“I can’t remember now. But I was very scared.” Rachel replied.

“It’s okay to be scared and it’s also okay to be sad. I have an idea. Why don’t you sleep with me tonight?”

“Really?!” Rachel asked surprised.

“Yeah, you know I get kind of lonely at night when daddy’s not here and my bed is too big.” Deidre said. “Come on.”

Deidre and Rachel headed upstairs to Deidre’s room.

The next morning the Walker household was comparatively quiet. Deidre was in the kitchen cleaning up breakfast while the girls were in another room watching a movie.

The doorbell rang. Deidre wiped her wet hands on a towel and moved toward the front door. Before she had the chance to open it for the new arrivals, Hannah stepped in to the house.

“Hello,” Hannah called into the empty room. She did not see her nieces, nor were there loud noises vibrating throughout the house. “Is there anyone here?”

“Hey,” Deidre said making her way out of the kitchen, “what’s the point of ringing the doorbell if you’re going to just let yourself in?”

“That would be my fault dear. I didn’t know Hannah had the key.” Catherine said walking in behind her daughter. Her husband David soon followed.

“Catherine.” Deidre smiled.  She then walked over to her mother-in-law and the two embraced in a long hug. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Thanks sweetie. I just don’t know how much help I’ll be.” Catherine said as the two began to walk over to the couch.

“You just being here is already helpful. God, I’m being so rude. David it’s really good to see you too.” Deidre said.

“Oh, no worries Deidre. You’ve got a lot going on right now. Just point me in the direction of my little granddaughters, and I’ll get out of your hair.”

“I have a feeling their in the play room watching a movie. Am I right?” Hannah asked.

“Yeah they are. How’d you know?” Deidre said.

“It’s way too quiet. And the only time those three are that quiet is when they’re watching a movie. Come on dad; I’ll take you to them.”

After David and Hannah left, Catherine and Deidre got comfortable on the couch.

“So,” Catherine said, “tell me how you’re doing.”

“I thought you’d want an update on Scott.”

“Hannah filled me in already with what’s going on. I plan on going up there myself later on today. But right now, I want to know how you are doing. I’ve known you for what is it, six years now. You are a strong woman, and you’re stubborn. Combined, those two traits don’t leave you with much time to stop and let things out.”

“Catherine, I don’t have time…”

“Don’t give me that shit, pardon my language, but that’s what it is. You need to let your feelings show. Have a good cry if you need to. But whatever you do, don’t bottle up your feelings. You’re only going to make it worse. So, now tell me how you’re feeling.”

“You sound like my mom when I talked to her last night.”

“Great minds you know.” Catherine smiled.  “But stop avoiding the question. How are you doing? What’s going on in that head of yours?”

“I feel like my husband’s left me. I know that it’s not true and that it’s not his fault. I keep trying to think about it like he’s out of town at a conference and he’ll be back in a few days. But it doesn’t help. Because if he was just out of town, I could still call him and talk to him about anything and everything. If it’s this hard now and it’s only been one day, how the hell am I supposed to handle another few days or a week or even a month. And then I think I’m being selfish because this has to be hard on Scott too. What must he be thinking, what’s going through his head right now. I can’t ask him and I can’t help him work through it. I want to be there for him. But how can I help him when he doesn’t know or trust me. I’m just so damn confused.” Deidre said.

Catherine smiled. “You feel better now that you’ve got that out don’t you?” Catherine said.

“No I don’t.”

“I’m betting you at least feel lighter, like a weight has been lifted.”

Deidre nodded her head. She wiped a stray stubborn tear from her eye. She did not want to completely fall apart.

“Deidre, all of your feelings are important. I don’t know how to really answer your questions or address your concerns but I know that voicing them, getting them out in the open helps. I’m here whenever you need to talk.” Catherine said.

“Thank you.” Deidre said.

Meanwhile, in the Walker playroom, Hannah and David walked in to find Rachel lying on the floor in front of the television. To one side, Tessa was coloring with special markers on special paper; on the other, Gabby was pulling the clothes off of a helpless doll.

David smiled at the scene. Living on the other side of the country, he only got to see his granddaughters during the holidays. He hated it. Family members are always the most important people in one’s life. It was an ideal he had tried to instill in all three of his children. Scott was the one he thought would have a hard time with the concept. But sitting before him engrossed in their play, was the proof that his stepson had learned what David had tried to teach. Now, he wondered how Scott would respond to the situation. In the past seven years, David watched Scott grow into a supportive husband and a father who was wrapped around his three girls’ pinky fingers. It’s funny how everything can change in the blink of an eye, David thought.

“Watch are you watching?” David heard his daughter say. Hannah was sitting on the floor with her back against the sofa between Rachel and Gabby.

Tess and Gabby, each wrapped up in their own world, ignored the arrival of their aunt and grandfather. Rachel, however, looked up when Hannah asked the question.  Instead of responding to the inquiry, Rachel jumped up and ran over to David who was still standing in the doorway.

“Grandpa!” Rachel yelled.

David was ready and opened his arms; he caught the seven-year-old ball of energy and lifted her up. “Hey there Rachel.”

Tess and Gabby looked up from what they were doing. They watched their sister’s reaction and began to get excited as well. The twins both stood up and ran over to David.

“Grampa!” Gabby and Tess said.

David picked up each of the girls and kissed them on the forehead before putting them back down on the ground.

“So now you say hello.” David laughed.

Tess and Gabby giggled before they ran back to their spots on the floor.

“Are you here because Daddy hurt his head?” Rachel asked after she and David sat down.

“Yes sweetie, your Nana and I are here because your Daddy hurt his head.” David said.

“Can you make him remember?” Rachel asked.

“Unfortunately sweetheart, I can’t do that. I think only time can make his head better.” David explained.

Rachel hung her head, “I want Daddy to get better.” Rachel said.

“We all do sunshine.” David said.

“Hey Ray, you never did tell me what we’re watching.” Hannah said hijacking the conversation and trying to steer it into a happier territory.

On Whidbey Island, Scott sat outside staring at the water. It seemed like that was all he could do. Being inside the house only haunted him with memories he should have, but did not. In addition to the framed pictures and photo albums around the house, there were also countless numbers of the girls’ artwork. If Scott was not looking at a framed drawing created by one of the twins, he was looking at a clay pencil holder he assumed was made by Rachel.

The tipping point, however, was the pillow Scott found sitting in one of the chairs. It was obviously decorated by a child using fabric paint. On it was a huge sun and the words, “To Daddy from your Ray of Sunshine.”

Scott wondered how Deidre thought being at their vacation home alone would help. A house filled with mementos of times he did not remember only made for one lonely night.

When he woke up that morning, the sounds that greeted him were from nature and not from cars passing by or noisy neighbors. It was too quiet for Scott. It left him with too much time to think. Mostly he thought about what the future would hold. He was out of commission for at least a week, maybe more. Scott was unsure of what he would do during that time. He knew he could not stay on the island, especially if his memory never came back.

After his at home recovery, Scott was sure he would not be allowed to perform any surgeries until he regained his memory, or learned the newest techniques and sat in on a few operations.

Scott was not sure how long he sat outside. To be honest, he did not really care. He wanted time to pass quickly. The faster his recovery went by, the sooner he could go back to work. At least there, he would be in his element. It was a place that was familiar to him.

The crunching of gravel underneath car tires caught Scott’s attention. He turned away from the water and looked over to the driveway where a car was pulling in. It was Hannah’s car; Scott recognized it from the day before. He watched a figure get out and head toward him as the car then backed out of the driveway.

“Mom, what are you doing here?” Scott asked meeting his mother halfway.

“I came out here to see how you’re doing. My son was in a serious car accident. I need to make sure you’re okay.” Catherine said embracing Scott in a hug.

“Where’s Hannah heading off to?”

“Hannah and David are going to get ingredients for dinner. David thinks a nice home-cooked meal like the one’s from your childhood might make you feel a little less out of place.” Catherine said. “Now tell me how you are doing.” She slipped her arm into the crook of Scott’s elbow.

“I’m fine.” Scott said as he led them to the water’s edge.

Catherine shook her head, “you and Deidre, always trying to avoid the question with short answers. Sweetheart, you can’t be fine. You just found out that your life is not your life anymore. You aren’t the person you think you are. That has to be confusing.”

Scott sighed. He took his mother’s arm from under his own before sitting on the ground. Catherine joined him. “I don’t really know how to handle all of this.”

“The only way you can—one day at a time.”

“You know I never thought I’d have that life. I didn’t want to be married and I definitely didn’t want kids.” Scott said.

“I know. But people change, when they meet the right person they change. I remember you telling me how you thought you were capable of being a father and it was something you wanted to do.  And how upset you were when Deidre shot the idea down. It’s funny what life brings. It’s almost as if the two of you have switched roles. You’re the reluctant party and she’s just trying to get you to open up.”

“I don’t know her mom.”

“I don’t believe you knew her when you set your sights on dating her did you?” Catherine said.

“The only reason I am interested or was interested or… She’s a challenge that’s all.”

“That’s how you thought of her originally. Did she tell you how you started dating? Did she tell you that the two of you were friends first?” Catherine asked.

“Yeah, she explained everything to me.”

“Then you know that’s not true, you thinking of her as a challenge.”

“Mom…”

“Scott, don’t start. You’ve had female friends in the past. There’s Becca and Emi.”

“Emi and I aren’t that close.”

“But you’re friends right.” Catherine said.

“I guess.”

“Then why can’t you try doing that with Deidre. Why not try to build a friendship. It happened naturally before. And I know she is more than willing to take whatever you can give at this point. Pushing her away is not going to help you at all. You need all the support you can get because this is going to be difficult.”

“Mom…”

“Think about it Scott. That’s all I ask.”

Mother and son sat for a while before the car pulled up again.

“Come on, I think your sister and David might need some help bringing things in.” Catherine said standing up.

Scott followed his mother.

While David prepared dinner, Hannah and Catherine watched family movies in the living room and Scott sat alone in his room brooding. As the sauce simmered, David went to talk to his stepson.

“Are you here to lecture me too?” Scott asked as he watched David come in and take a seat.

“I came in here because I’m worried about you.” David said.

“Get in line.” Scott said.

“Do you remember what you told me when your father failed to make your high school graduation after he’d missed your middle school graduation four years earlier?” David asked.

“Yeah. I was pissed off and hurt. It wasn’t that he didn’t show up, it’s the fact that he didn’t even try. The man never tried he refused to meet me half way. I wasn’t asking a whole lot; I just wanted him to be there. I wanted him to try.”

“You also said you were terrified you would be just like him, hurting the people you mean the most to and not giving a damn.” David said. 

“This is not the same, I’m not doing what he did. This is a completely different situation.” Scott said trying to justify his actions.

“Is it? Have you tried Scott; do you plan on trying? At all? Just think about it. I know it’s probably too soon for you to really make an effort, you just got out of the hospital. But when it’s time, for you to start trying, I want you to remember how you felt in eight grade looking for your father in the crowd.” David said.

“I thought you said you weren’t coming in here to lecture me.” Scott said.

“Those words never came out of my mouth. I’m going to check on the food. It should be ready soon.” David got up and left Scott to think about their short conversation.