Notes: AU, Harmony is a normal town.

The Rebellions of Simone Russell

The first was nature's foreshadowing, a sign of things to come. Or maybe it was a way to make sure things would turn out as they did.

Simone was nothing like her sister. Whitney, with her lighter skin, softer hair, and beauty queen smile was the one people gravitated to. Simone, darker, chubbier and less likely to behave, was complimented on her spirit. She couldn't be called beautiful with Whitney beside her.

The differences between them became more pronounced as they got older. Whitney's hair coiled into perfect ringlets, and ballet and tennis made her graceful. Whitney never fell over her long limbs or experienced a moment of embarrassment due to her body. Simone, on the other hand, was not so lucky. Puberty hit before she entered junior high and often Simone found herself covering her chest with her arms, trying to ignore the unwelcome stares of curious boys and lecherous men.

Dark skin, a small waist, large breasts, ass and thighs. She might have been beautiful elsewhere, but in their small New England town, proud of its heritage of pilgrims and Blue Bloods, she wasn't.

)(

The thought of defying her parents, of defying her father, never occurred to Simone until Chad Harris came to town. Obedience, Simone had been taught, was next to Godliness. Obedience got her small compliments from TC and got Eve to leave the hospital early enough to show up in the middle of school events. Before Chad, Simone was content with the scraps they fed her.

Simone constructed Chad as a typical Byronic hero. He was mysterious, brooding and didn't fit in among Harmony's mild residents. He was from Los Angeles, where anything was possible. Most specifically, he was from the hood, a place where girls with her body would be exalted above skinny bitches like her sister. Chad was the type of man every teenage girl wanted because he added a sense of drama and purpose to their lives.

Chad listened and seemed to genuinely like Simone. It was more than she could say for her parents.

TC hated him, which made Simone like him all the more. Finally, her father was paying attention to her. Sometimes he would look at her, confused, as if he'd never seen her before. In some ways he hadn't. Previously, when he looked at Simone, he saw her as she had been at six, two front teeth missing and her hair in messy pigtails. When he looked at her, he heard the echo of her telling him she loved him, her shy smile making him believe she was asking nothing in return for that love.

Love, for her father, was all about how much he could take, not how much he could give.

Chad wasn't Simone's first love so her heart wasn't broken, merely bruised, when she found out about him and Whitney. Her anger had more to do with Whitney, who'd once again taken something she'd wanted.

Harder than losing Chad was having the blinders ripped off. Chad was no romantic hero, just a messed up boy struggling to be a man. Los Angeles, like everywhere else, was just another place Whitney would be chosen over her.

)(

TC was furious about Whitney and Chad. There were screaming matches that lasted hours, silences that pressed down on Simone's chest, and an oppressive air that remained even when she was the only one in the house. As Eve had always feared, the neighbours discovered the Russells were not perfect. They forgot their own children's sexual indiscretions and fell back on stereotypes in their gossip. Pregnancy and welfare were in Whitney's future, they were sure.

The fights forced Whitney to be honest. She'd come to hate tennis and only played to make TC happy. She no longer dreamed of competing in Wimbledon or the US Open. She wanted to walk the red carpets at the Grammies and MTV Music Awards.

Eve had always been the calm parent, the detached voice of reason. Her fury at Whitney's confession was unexpected. She forbade Whitney from singing and seeing Chad. They were all surprised, Eve most of all, when an argument ended with her slapping Whitney. Holding her cheek, Whitney stormed out of the house. She came back a few hours later, smelling of Chad. Simone knew she wouldn't stay long.

Now that Whitney was a whore, TC's focus shifted to Simone. His baby girl, who'd been hurt by the boy who'd destroyed his family, needed him. Simone needed a strong male influence to curb any further defiance. Before, TC's worth as a father seemed to hinge on Whitney's tennis success, now it was dependent on Simone's virginity. It was proof he still had some authority over his family.

Reese Durkee wasn't the guy Simone thought she'd lose her virginity to, but beggars couldn't be choosers. 

Junior prom was one of the most important events in a high school girl's life. Since freshman year Simone had dreamed of dancing with her date under the cheesy disco ball, her friends envious of her perfect hair and dress. She never imagined she'd show up alone. Even Kay, who was hopelessly in love with Miguel, had a date. People whispered in the halls about how pathetic she was, but her obsession didn't make her less pretty.

Of course, Reese showed up alone. He was pretty cute when he lost the glasses and he had a nice body, but he was boring. Saying yes to him meant hearing a lecture on the history of prom and its importance according to several cultural theorists.

Simone had thought she was higher than Reese on the social food chain. It sucked to be proven wrong. She and Reese sat side by side on the gym bleachers, watching Kay slow dance with her date while sneaking looks at Miguel and Charity.

"Want to get out of here and get drunk?"

"What?" She couldn't have heard right. It sounded like Reese's voice, but the music was loud. She might've been overhearing bits of the conversation going on behind her. Reese Durkee drank milk and water every day and wine coolers when he felt adventurous. He couldn't have said such a thing.

"You heard me." He leaned in closer. He smelled like Old Spice and fruit. His father, the Russell's family dentist, smelled the same way. Reese had said more than once he wanted to go MIT and work for NASA, but it wasn't hard to imagine him taking his father's place in the strip mall on Main Street.  A lot of people wanted to leave Harmony, but few did.

"We're under-aged," Simone reminded. "No one's going to sell us anything stronger than soda."

"That's taken care of. I've got some of my dad's vodka in my car. I was going to share it with everyone but . . ." Reese glanced at Miguel, Charity, Kay and her date, dancing dangerously close to each other. "Why should they get to have all the fun," he said.

Simone was about to say that being in a love triangle or, a rectangle at the moment, couldn't be any fun, but stopped herself. They were teenagers, being involved in any kind of drama was fun.

"Alright, let's go."

The stupid thing to do, Reese said, was to get drunk on school grounds, so they drove out to Harmony Heights Cemetery. The police rarely patrolled this part of town, and best of all, there was a patch of forest behind the cemetery, a perfect spot for risky teenage activity.

Simone spread the blanket from Reese's car under a large oak tree. When she was done Reese tossed her a bottle of Stoli. The vodka burned her throat and made her sputter and cough. She was surprised when Reese gulped the liquid down as if it were water. Simone looked at him in askance.

"Guess I'm not as innocent as I look." He handed her the bottle.

"Guess not," she murmured. The taste of the liquor was more bearable on the second round.

Reese laughed, muttering something under his breath.

"What?"

"Maybe I am innocent."

"How so?" Simone smiled. Her body was tingling. She relaxed against the tree, enjoying the feeling of being giddy and calm at the same time.

"I've never. . . I've never had sex," he admitted.

"Neither have a lot of people. Miguel and Charity are waiting until marriage or until they get a sign from God. Kay's waiting for Miguel to sweep her off her feet, and me, well, no one's knocking on my door, asking to deflower me." Simone hadn't thought she'd had enough in her to sound so bitter.

"No one's knocking on my door either," Reese laughed. "I can't wait until I get out of this town."

He sounded sure he would. It became a little easier for Simone to picture him in Cambridge.

"We could have sex," she said offhandedly, taking a swig of the vodka. She passed the bottle back to Reese. He nearly dropped it.

"I mean, why not?" Simone's became excited when she realized she'd actually come up with a good idea. "We don't like being virgins so let's do something about it, get it out of the way. I don't believe in waiting for my one true love and I'm sure you don't either."

Simone laughed at Reese's raised brows.

"You're not joking, are you?" Reese asked cautiously.

Simone grabbed his tie and pulled him to her. The kiss was sloppy and wet. Neither of them minded.

Reese pulled away, his face placid. "There's been no satisfactory evidence that there's such a thing as soulmates. With over six billion people on the planet it's most likely we're compatible with a large number of people," he said.

Simone guessed he was agreeing with her.

Simone would've preferred not to lose her virginity in the backseat of the Durkee's minivan, but it was either that or the cold ground. It was awkward, painful, and at the end a little bit pleasurable.

"I'm sorry," Reese said afterwards, pulling on his shirt.

"What for?" Simone asked absently while trying to find one of her barrettes. Reese hadn't turned on the overheard light and she had to feel for it with her hands.

"You didn't. . . you didn't get to come. Most girls don't their first time, but I still feel kind of bad. I could've done more."

Reese, ever the perfectionist. Simone was strangely flattered.

"It doesn't matter. As you said, most girls don't get off the first time." She found the clip and slipped it back into her hair.

"Yeah, but. . . maybe I could make it up to you?"

"How?"

"I could try again. I mean, we could do it again and I could do better."

Simone stared at the dark outline of Reese's body, trying to gauge the truthfulness of his words. She knew what boys were like. Didn't matter if they genuinely liked a girl or not they'd fuck her just because they could. The sex, not the girl, was what was important. He was a geek, but Reese was still a boy.

But Simone couldn't dismiss the earnestness in his voice. It was possible Reese thought sex was something you did with girl instead of something you did to her.

Simone shrugged. "Alright. Why not?" Sex was awkward and embarrassing, but the small amount of pleasure had left her wanting more.

Simone could feel Reese grinning. Slowly she began to smile. Things could've been better, but they could've been worse.

Sex changed everything even though it changed nothing. Physically Simone was the same, but she was aware of her body in a way that she hadn't been before. She now knew it wasn't as limited and limiting as she'd thought before.

For some girls, sex was the opening of doors, a way to enter the world of adulthood. For others, it resulted in the closing off of the world of childhood, and they became nostalgic for a time when their fathers didn't hesitate before they said they loved them. It was the latter for Simone.

Eve found the birth control pills and condoms. Naturally, she told TC without talking to Simone. Most mothers, Simone knew, wouldn't have done that. It made her wonder what it was about her mother that she had to be so honest.

Throughout her father's tirade, Simone sat silently, watching her mother. Eve didn't look at her, staring at her clasped hands. "Let's not tell Daddy about this," Simone overheard her say to Whitney once. Eve never kept Simone's secrets.

"I don't understand why you'd do this," TC yelled. "Do you want to end up like your sister?"

Simone snorted. Whitney had moved in with Chad as soon as soon as she got her high school diploma. She worked at the Blue Note as a waitress and part-time singer. The few times Simone saw her she'd noticed Whitney's infectious smile. It seemed there would never be a time ending up like Whitney would be a bad thing.

)(

By the time the replies to Simone's college applications started coming in, Whitney and Chad had moved to LA. Whitney had quickly given up her dream of becoming famous and contented herself with being a backup singer. The pay was good and she didn't have to struggle like every other wannabe entertainer trying to make it big. At least that was what she told TC and Eve.

Whitney was working as a backup singer, but Simone had seen her in the background of a few rap videos, part of the mass of scantily clad video girls writhing and grinding against each other and the few male extras.

The few times Whitney talked about her other job, she didn't have many good things to say. The shoots were long, most of her time was spent in a small space among women competing to catch the eye of a rapper or a member of his entourage. When she wasn't warding off the attentions of wannabe gangstas, she was avoiding other video girls.

Her work might have been bearable if Chad was around; they'd broken up a few months after the move. "He's not the person I thought he was," was all Whitney would say. Horribly clichéd, but the hurt in her sister's voice told Simone the phrase accurately summed up whatever had happened.

If there was ever a time for Simone to feel like she'd finally got her due where Whitney was concerned, this was it. She didn't feel like that. They were both fucked, had always been.

Los Angeles was Whitney's city, so UCLA was out of the question. New York didn't appeal to Simone and neither did Texas. Atlanta was perfect. She'd applied to Emory, head filled with fantasies of the romantic South and a possible career in medicine. These days she didn't like her mother much, but she admired her as a doctor.

TC wasn't pleased with her decision. Simone was supposed to stay as close to home as possible. She was supposed to come home every other weekend so her parents could oversee her life. She was supposed to become whatever they wanted or needed her to be. Her father didn't say these things out loud, but Simone heard him anyway.

"You're going to regret this," TC said.

The airport was crowded, filled with a thousand other parents sending their children off to college. Simone watched a couple envelope their daughter in a hug. She was young, a freshman like Simone. The girl's mother was crying, dabbing her eyes with a balled up piece of tissue. Eve stood beside TC, reserved and stoic as always.

"In a month you'll calling us, saying you want to come home," TC continued. "You've lived in a small town your whole life. You're not cut out for the big city."

Simone nodded absently, watching the couple release their daughter. The girl gave each of them a kiss before starting towards the security check behind massive sliding doors made of opaque glass and steel.

Watching the girl, Simone was reminded of the scene in the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy and her friends came to the gates of the Emerald City. It felt as if there was something new and fantastic behind the doors, hiding among the travellers and airport employees.

"Look, I've got to go," Simone said, interrupting TC. "I'll call you guys when I get there."

The kisses and hugs were necessary; they were a family, after all.

Like most everyone she knew, Simone had a tendency to reflect on her life during or after the bigger moments. She'd lain in bed the night after the junior prom, trying to connect the various dots of her life, trying to see how one event led to another, finally culminating in the loss of her virginity.

The starting point in all of these reflections always had her realizing for the first or fiftieth time she was inferior to Whitney. The middle always had something to do with her parents, and at the end she always alone, desperately wanting something no one would give.

As the plane took off and her stomach tightened from irrational fear, it occurred to Simone that, so far, if her life had been a story it wouldn't have been her own. It wouldn't be like that anymore.

End