Road to Redemption

One shot

"Do you hate me?" He asked after a long moment of silence.

She looked up at him with a furrowed brow. "Why would you ask me that? Do you hate you?" She asked softly.

He shrugged noncommittally. "Maybe I would... if I were you... I mean a lot has changed since you've been knocked out." He remarked.

She smiled unable to help herself. No one could simply say since she had been in a coma. It was always ‘since you were gone'... ‘since you've been away'. It was so strange. They acted as if the word was taboo but not Todd. He made it a point to be different. To throw it out there no matter how ugly it was.

"A lot has happened... let's see... you found your son... only to have him taken away from you by none other than Blair for being an unfit parent... then you threw Starr down a flight of stairs after trying to kill her boyfriend... you got thrown out of the house and divorced... tried to steal your daughter's child when you found out she was going to give it up to Marcie and Michael... somehow... and this is what really blows my mind... you somehow ‘found' Marty Saybrooke... and instead of turning her over to the police or taking her to the hospital you kept her locked up away from her family and fed her half-truths about her past... does that about cover it?"

"I also slept with her. You left out that part." He stated."

I was getting there... like you said there's a lot to take in... a lot that happened... I mean I don't... I don't even know where to begin with you. The last time that I saw you... you were looking for your son and had gone missing yourself... You were nowhere near the mess you are now! How did... how did all of this happen?" She asked motioning with her hands at him.

It wasn't the first time he had been asked that question. He had asked it of himself numerous times... "I suppose blaming this all on John McBain wouldn't fly." He stated darkly only half joking.

"Do you blame him? Do you blame him for lying to you? Do you blame Rex for telling you that your son was dead? Do you blame Marcie for running off to Paris, Texas with your son? Do you blame Starr for not staying away from Cole? Do you blame Sam for not being able to buckle his own seatbelt?" She finished with a snap.

He looked up at her hearing the tone in her voice. "I'm not the only one who made mistakes you know... I mean they did all of those things and for some reason I'm supposed to turn the other cheek...but when I do something... something not so nice... I get the book thrown at me and my son taken away from me! I only did what John McBain did to me you know. He took my son... I took his girl!"

"And Cole; so what, he took your daughter so you decided to take his mother is that it?"

"He turned Starr against me!" He shouted.

"Is that really what you think because it seems you did a pretty good job of doing that all on your own? You went after the boy trying to kill him and almost did in your daughter instead!"

"It was an accident."

"It shouldn't have happened!" She shot back not to be deterred. Shaking her head slightly she looked back up at him. "God Todd... what happened? How did you get so lost?"

"If I'm lost... It's because you weren't there to help me find my way!"

"What?" She asked incredulously.

"Oh let's face it. I'm a bastard... I'm a bad guy Evangeline! We both know that... The only time I haven't been quite so bad is when... is when I'm around you... and then you go and get yourself put into a coma! What was I supposed to do huh?"

"So now it's my fault huh?" She smirked. "You are unreal! I suppose I'm the reason you fell for Marty too right?" She asked snidely. She saw him look away and felt a slight twinge of guilt. She knew that Marty was a sore spot. Others in this town may not be able to accept what he believed to be true but she did believe in her heart of hearts that Todd truly cared for Marty.

"Leave her out of this." His voice was low...almost hoarse with something that sounded like tears.

For some reason the sight of the emotion hurt her... she didn't want to acknowledge that it hurt but it did. Seeing that he truly did care about this woman... he cared enough about her that he had tried to make a life with her. He wanted to runaway with her. Rubbing her temples with her fingertips she exhaled deeply. "Todd why are you here?" She asked tiredly.

He could hear the strain in her voice making him look up. She was simply standing there looking at him as though she had never left... as though she had never been in a coma. She looked at him as if he were still the same guy that she used to know. Why couldn't he be that guy again?

It was surreal how one day she was gone and the next she was just back. She had been out of her coma for almost a year now... keeping it a secret so that she could do her physical therapy in private. Layla had been making visits to France in secret to see her.

In truth when she just showed up in Llanview about two months ago and walked right into the LPD as though she had just been there the day before it made heads turn. She had smiled a typical Evangeline smile and took in the surprised looks with stride. He knew because of course he had been there on some charge that now he couldn't for the life of him remember. Watching her just come around the corner dressed in an all white business suit gave her an almost ethereal glow. For a moment he thought his eyes were playing tricks on him... as though he had conjured her up in his time of need. She had looked at him as though she almost expected him to be there and it had made him smile... the first real smile he had in many, many moons. Before he could say anything to her she was being swept up into hugs and pulled into Bo's office. He hadn't tried to seek her out anytime after that... because in all truth he didn't know what to say. He had been ashamed of the things that he had done and the person that he had become. So instead of allowing her to see him... to question him, he simply left town. He got on a plane that same day and flew to Switzerland. It was better than having to face her... besides how do you face the one person who never stopped believing in you after the things he had done? He couldn't... not then... so he ran. He had run away and never once looked back. He knew that he had been a coward but at the time it was all he could do. Of course she had called and emailed him numerous times but he hadn't written back. He hadn't returned her calls. What was there to say? How was he going to excuse his actions? So he simply dropped off the face of the Earth for a little while.

He didn't think too many people would miss him... perhaps his sister... he knew that they hadn't left on the best of terms but she loved him and it wasn't in her nature to hold a grudge. She just couldn't help but forgive him. He was grateful for that even if he never said it out loud. But other than her... who?

Even Starr... he wasn't sure they could repair their relationship. He loved her... and she loved him but in all truth he understood her better because she was mostly just like him. It was damn near impossible for her to forgive just like her father and that was what truly scared him. Perhaps she couldn't forgive him and in all truth how could he blame her? They were of the same nature. Revenge was apart of their very being... manipulation and deceit. Hell, he's the one who taught her! How could he condemn her for what she inherited innately from him?

So he wasn't surprised that she hadn't called. It didn't shock him at all that she hadn't tried to find him. It didn't hurt any less but he had expected it.

What he didn't expect were the constant calls, emails and text messages from his former best friend. He wasn't sure where they stood. At first he figured she simply hadn't heard about all his heinous acts since she had been comatose but after two months the calls were still coming... the emails never ending. Of course there was a different tone to them... sympathy... there was sympathy in her words...spoken and written. It almost made his physically ill! He hated that she could pity him. He was a monster. How could she of all people still care about him? But then the emails stopped... abruptly and without forewarning. There were no emails... no text messages... no missed calls... simply nothing and it had caught him off guard. So much so that he had gotten on the first plane and come back and just went to her office. He hadn't planned anything, didn't know what he would say to her just that he would make sure she was alright. So he had been waiting for her when she showed up that morning for work because Evangeline always went to work!

When she first walked in she jumped about half a foot in the air. He was sitting in the dark, the shades to her windows were drawn and the lights were off. It had taken her by surprise to say the least. He was just sitting behind her desk in the dark. Flipping the light switch she watched him squint against the unwelcomed brightness.

For a moment she simply looked at him torn between wanting to hug him or slug him. The latter was definitely winning out. "Todd... oh my God... what are you doing here? Where have you been?" She had asked crossing the room and placing her briefcase on the desk.

He shrugged nonchalantly. "Around," had been his reply.

One of her eyebrows arched at his response... Oh she really wanted to slug him.

The conversation had taken its turns until they were about to either throttle each other or burst into an emotional fit... Now here they were... she looked exhausted.

"Why am I here?" He asked her softly. "I... I wanted to see my friend." He remarked softly.

She stared him down. "No."

"No?" He asked.

"You asked me if I hated you... the answer is no. I don't hate you Todd. I hate the things that you've done. I hate that you thought kidnapping and lying could fix your life. I hate that you lost Sam and that you and Starr are at odds with one another. I hate that you are so far from the man that you once were... but I don't hate you." She remarked empathetically. She saw the light slowly come back to his eyes. "I am disappointed in you though. You were given another chance... another chance to do things differently and you just... you just laughed right in God's face! He gave you a chance to make amends... to be different... and you didn't even try!" She stated with a shake of her head.

"You don't understand what was going on at the time. Everyone in this town... everyone lied to me! They tried to steal my son and then expected me to just turn the other cheek and forgive! My own daughter wanted to hand over my grandchild to the same people who took my son away. How is that not betrayal?!"

"And you thought that the answer was to make her believe that her baby died?" She asked incredulously. "Somehow you thought that wouldn't hurt her?"

"She didn't want it! She didn't want her baby! She didn't care! How could she?"

"Giving a baby up doesn't make you a bad person Todd! She wasn't ready to be a mother!"

"No one was asking her to. I wasn't asking her to become a mother overnight... I offered to raise her baby."

"After you knocked her down a flight of stairs trying to kill her boyfriend," She pointed out. "You honestly believed that she was just going to let you step back into her life and raise her baby?" She asked hotly. "Todd come on... you have to see how wrong that is. You damn nearly killed her because you couldn't control your temper! And then you turn around and put Sam's life in danger by not having him in a car seat... and no matter how many reasons and excuses you think up to justify that, none of them are good enough!" She remarked.

"You don't think I know that?!"

"Do you?!" She asked softly making him look up at her tone. "I mean do you really understand the danger that you put Sam in? Do you get it? You could have really lost him Todd." She stopped for a moment as if truly thinking about her next words before continuing. "Do you remember that night... that night I found you in the elevator? You were so... I mean you were all over the place. I didn't know what to do for you. You were just... you were so lost and hurt. I mean do you remember that feeling?" She waited, watching him. Finally he looked up and there were tears shining in his eyes. "You see... that's what I don't understand. How could you forget that feeling for even a moment? How could you not think about the way it made you feel when you thought he was gone... really and truly gone and still risk his life that way?"

There was a long moment of silence as neither of them could find anything else to say... so much had happened... so much had been done.

"So I heard there was talk about you suing for custody of Sam." She remarked.

He shook his head, dismissing the notion. "No... I'm not. I'm not going to do it." He saw the questions in her eyes and shrugged. "I uh... It's not the right time... I'm not... I'm not ready." He finally admitted softly. It was the first time that he said the words out loud and for some reason it was like a mini-revelation. "I just think... I need some time... I have to work on some things before I can... before I can be his father."

She nodded in understanding. "I hope... I hope that everything works out for you." She remarked.

It was his turn to nod and they both could sense the oddness of the situation. This would be the first time that she wasn't by his side... helping him... comforting him in his endeavor. Before it had been different; she couldn't be there and now... now she just wouldn't be.

"Yeah... thanks." He sighed turning and walking out. Her voice called out to him as he stood on the threshold.

"I know someone... that you can talk to." She stated.

He looked over his shoulder at her feeling a slight thump in his chest. "Really..."

She shrugged absently coming around her desk. "She's in New York... she's pretty good. She helped me a lot... you know after I woke up." She stated.

"I'm a pretty hard guy to deal with... I'm sort of a bastard."

"She could take you." She smiled slightly. He felt the corners of his mouth quirk. It wasn't enough to be a smile but it was definitely a little better than the frown he had been sporting. "I could talk to her for you... see if she had an opening... if you're serious about this." He stared at her for a moment seeing the olive branch that she was offering... she couldn't give up on him... she couldn't walk away from him.

"You think so?" He asked after a moment.

"Yeah I do... why don't we talk about it... over brunch?" She offered already reaching for her briefcase and phone. And before he knew it she was in her coat and staring at him with something that looked strangely like determination in her eyes.

"I'm not going to Carlotta's." He stated.

Looking over her shoulder as she reached out to turn off the light she smiled... "She wouldn't have you anyway!"

He smiled following her out... perhaps the road to redemption wouldn't be so lonely afterall.