Author's Chapter Notes:
The cold war continues...Nicole's a champ at it. Next Ch. up.
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I cried myself sick and to the point of exhaustion. I continued ignoring Brian's calls. I didn't want to talk to him. And I didn't want to hear his voice. There he was pulling on me, with another woman obviously as his date. It didn't matter what he had to say. I didn't want to hear it.
"Nicole, you are going to tell him?" asked Peyton.
"I don't know if I am. There is no reason to call him up just to tell him ?I think I might be pregnant.' Ok. I will just wait for the test results and then cross that bridge when I get to it."
"So, I am going to be godmother." Peyton delighted in the unknowing.
"P, hold off on that layette just yet."
"You are going to keep it, aren't you?"
"I don't know what I am going to do. The results aren't in. So please enough with the shopping plans."
"I think you are Nicole. I mean you haven't had your period. And, you are few days off from me. You have been eating some really weird shit, and not to mention, moo-dy."
"Considering, my heart has been handed to me, I think I have justified reasons for being a little bi-polar, ok!"
"Look, no matter what, I am here for you."
"I just don't know how this happened."
"Oh no? well let me tell you how hun...see you take an egg and you mix it with sperm and..."
"Ha ha, very funny. I didn't mean biology P."
"Just trying to make you laugh...you are taking this so serious. And the way I see it you're life isn't that complicated."
"How else am I supposed to take this? I could be pregnant, and the father has moved on."
"You don't know that. You are hurt. And for all you know, maybe he's responding to your cold shoulder. There are two sides Nic. I'm sorry; I just can't imagine Brian being cold and heartless as you've described him. I really think you two have to stop interpreting and talk to each other. Tell him what you want. Enough with trying to nail jell-o on the wall Nic. Ego's aside. There is a baby now."
"Wait a minute. I don't know what? Tell me...what is it that I missed?"
"Well, for starters he left that "date" and ran you down at the movies. That didn't appear to be a man strung up on his ex or a new one. Besides, I saw the way he was looking at you. I didn't want to say this because I let you throw him under the bus that night, for all it was worth. But there is something really loving about the way he looked at you. Nicole I think before you close that door, you owe it to yourself and to this baby to have that talk with Brian."
"I will talk to him, if I am pregnant. If I am not, then I don't have to."
"You are. I am willing to bet my Rosewood China that you are with child."
---
The results were a mixed blessing. I kind of believed it...but I guess I was in denial. The doctor confirmed that I was indeed with child. A flurry of expected reactions bombarded my mind, and before I had a second to process one, another rose up, and they all were on one continuous play list.
"But you can't sit here and tell me that you are going to keep this baby from its father, knowing how much Brian loves kids..." Peyton argued. "Promise me you are going to tell him." She continued.
I had planned to call Brian a few days after my doctor's visit. I wasn't sure how I was going to say it. Blurt it out? Write it in a letter? I needed time to think about it. I had made up my mind that North Carolina was a good move for me and the baby. I lied and told Peyton that I had talked to him about the baby. It didn't matter at the time, she was on a visit to see her husband, and by the time she would return he would know.
I had at least come to the conclusion that this baby would be born or at least it would be given the chance at life. Beyond that, I was still in thought. Brian and I were not married, and in my mind an ex-couple. I still had a semester to go before graduation. I wasn't working full time. And if my calculations of my last period were exact, the baby would be born on before March 13, 1998, exactly three months after graduation. Since I was barely six weeks, I decided to wait to tell mi mamá, and I thereby the felt the same with Brian. If I reached the twelfth week mark, then I would make the announcement.
I couldn't keep it from mi mamá. The moment I walked into the house she took one look at me and asked when was the baby due. After I cried a minute, I told her everything. And she wasn't exactly Team Nicole either. It was a mutiny.
Nee-col, cómo el toro. That which meant I was like a bull...stubborn.
"Mi hija, you can't make a decision for the rest of this child's life based on your broken heart. I don't know what happened to you and Brian. But I know you, mi hija. And you tell that man that he has a baby coming."
"What if I have told him?"
"You haven't! I know you haven't mi hija! If you had told him, I know he wouldn't be leaving all of these decisions up to you. And all of this talks about North Carolina. It's foolish to think you can pack that luggage and believe you can walk away from this. You love him. I can see it in your eyes. And he loves you too."
"But mamá, there is another woman in his life. He is seeing other women and his mother hates me. And..."
"Brian is still the father of your baby mi hija. You can't deny him that, no matter what happens between you two. I know a lot has happened mi hija, his father's illness is not easy and I would think after Robbie, you could understand that. You cling to what you know...what is familiar...your friends and family. And who cares what his mother thinks. If she wants Liz, then let her have Liz."
"Mamá."
"I'm just saying. You are showing. I can see it. How long do you think you can hide it?"
"I just want to wait until I am out of the first trimester."
"Excuse me honey, you look like you are already out of it."
There was no lying there. My hips were spreading. My boobs were fuller. And everyone was telling me how rosy my cheeks looked. A dose of reality like a tetanus booster was all I needed to give me the strength to get through the next few days. Peyton would be returning after her two week vacation in Germany. She would be accompanying me on my doctors appointment, the first ultrasound. It was just a few weeks to go. And then, I would tell Brian.
Chapter End Notes:
Thanks for visiting and continuing to read. 