Author's Chapter Notes:
Hi. Some really loyal readers at TST wanted a peek at the past. So I brought it in here. Hang around for the sequel and you shall see more. Final one on it's way. For now, it's 23. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
I could see a little round tummy as I peered at my reflection in the full length bathroom mirror. And for the first time, I was in love with my baby. This was the baby I had hoped would be shared with Robbie after we would marry.
My life was finally on track. I had returned to school a more serious student, met and became engaged to a wonderful man who was determined that I save myself for our wedding night. It was going to be perfection.
Then came the day I received the phone call that shattered my world and displaced my dreams. Robbie, who had been born with a congenital heart defect, had suffered a heart stroke in his sleep.
I couldn't believe it. It was like a nightmare. It felt like a very bad joke was being played on me. First the tumultuous affair with Chance, and now I had lost the love of my life Robbie. Who do you blame for that?
How could this wonderful man twenty-nine years young, a healthy athlete, with such a kind heart be gone away? He had so much to live for. We had so much to live for. He was my soul mate, my protector, my guardian, my lover, and best friend.
I could only imagine in the days that followed everything I had lost...the life we would never get to share. There would be no graduation for us, no marriage, no house to come home to...and no children. I even found myself imagining what making love to him would have been like.
Robbie and I had shared many intimate moments, kisses, and would pull back from the throes of passion. Our wedding night would be so special! It wasn't as if we were virgins. We simply decided to commit to each other and we never regretted it. But after Robbie died, I was tormented with the thought that he would be gone from me forever, and I would have nothing of his to hold on to. I guess that was what made the mizpah so special.
I was so scared that when I started to develop feelings for Brian, that I was betraying Robbie's love...our commitment to each other.
Would I ever be able to have a love that completed me the way Robbie's did?
I fell asleep holding the necklace in one hand and his obituary in the other.
---
I awoke from the sound of the doorbell. I wasn't expecting anyone.
To my surprise it was Brian.
"Just a second," I replied. I couldn't let him see me like this. I had sleep hair, and my tank was so revealing of my form. I hurried and pulled on the first thing I could find which was a fleece pullover with the front pocket.
"Hi." I said with a mix of surprise and anxiety.
"Hey, can I come in?" He asked.
I didn't say no. I took the chain off the door and stepped aside for him to enter.
"When I saw you at the movies a few weeks ago, I thought I would hear from you." He started his interrogation.
"Brian. I don't want to do this again, ok."
"A lot has happened. And all I wanted was to see you. We needed to talk this out. We still do babe."
"Talk what out Brian?"
"Us."
"There is no us!" I said and plopped into the recliner.
"Oh no?" He returned.
"I think it's best considering you still have feelings for Liz and you've obviously started seeing other women."
"Liz and I are friends. I told her and the gang that she and I are over. I was stupid at times about this entire thing. I didn't think about how it seemed to you. I won't bother trying to say how much of a friend she has been because that is weak and a sore spot for you. I love you. And I don't want to lose what we had...I want us to try to make this work. And that other woman I am seeing...that happened to be my sister Heyden."
"There isn't anything to try to work for...your sister?"
"Yes...my sister. I wanted you two to meet each other. That day I saw you at the cinema was all about you. I had actually forgotten for a second that she was there and that I wanted you guys to know each other. Anyway, it was her last day on leave. I had promised to give her break from mom. And well with dad needing so much of our support right now...Nicole why haven't you been taking my calls."
"Ok. So I made a bad call. How was I supposed to know that? And still that doesn't erase the statue your mom has erected in Liz's honor...and how you frequently pay tribute to it."
He moved closer towards me. "I am sorry about dismissing your feelings over this. I have just been so focused on my dad, the dealership, school...and trying to keep it all together, and be with you. I haven't been a good boyfriend. I know that. And I am sorry. But you have to know that you have been constant in my thoughts. I often asked myself if I deserve you. I was afraid that if I said the wrong things that you would think I didn't want to be with you. So I didn't say much of anything. I let you have your say. But I am going to ask you again... are you saying no, that there is no reason at all...anything for us to fight for Nicole?"
In that very moment his eyes pierced through my soul. I fought hard to hold on to my resolve. "Does he know?" I thought to myself. "Who did he hear it from?"
I got up to go to the kitchen for a glass of water. He followed me, standing at the entry of the kitchen. I kept wiping my tears and tried hiding them. "Do you want something to drink?"
"Yes." He obliged.
When I reached up into the cabinet for a glass, he was right there behind me. I could feel his warm breath upon me, breathing in the scent of my hair, the steel form of his chest against my back and his arms circling my waist. I pulled away suddenly.
"Stop!" I cried, and jerked away.
"Why?"
"Because, we can't," I said and continued fighting off his advances.
"So, how is Peyton?"
"Peyton?" I asked.
"Yes, Peyton...How is she doing?"
"She's fine...doing well." I was puzzled to know why he was making small talk about Peyton and pacing the tiny space of my kitchen.
"Yeah?"
"Yes. She's good. She's visiting Joel right now. She should be back on Friday." I said, speaking over my shoulder.
"You know, I may not have been there for you, and perhaps I have been a complete fool where Liz is concerned and thus warranting you to stop taking my calls...but keeping this away from me Nicole... and...I thought that Peyton was your friend."
"She is my friend. So what are you talking about?"
"...well, I guess you aren't much of one to her!" He said, slamming the water goblet on the counter top.
"Thanks for the water. And let me say this. You have every right to raise my child, our child. But you aren't going to keep me from him or her."
He knew!
And with that he walked out the door. I froze in silence but snapped back at the sound of the door slamming shut. All I could think was that Peyton must have told him. I couldn't even be mad at her when I lied to her about telling him in the first place.
Well now he had known. And I didn't have to tell him. But I certainly didn't feel any better about it. That wasn't my intentions to let him come to me after hearing of it from someone else.
---
Peyton got home that Friday and didn't call me. I thought she was angry because she had every right to be. How did protecting my privacy turn me into a troll? Well, let's just say Peyton gave me a piece of her mind and threatened to throw me under the bus if I lied to her or Brian again about the baby. And when she had finished reaming me, she handed me my souvenirs...well, the baby's. She said I had to earn mine.
I still hadn't heard from Brian. It was going on two days now. Strange, I had gone from turning the ringer off and saying good riddance to actually feeling sick from the cold war. I guess he was angry with me for keeping the truth from him. I was going to tell him. I was just scared. So I guess we were even.
I thought in that moment, "This poor baby has no chance of being rational with both parents being emotional fire breathers."
Chapter End Notes:
A little reflection of the past while glimpsing at the future. Thanks for reading. Next and final one up! Thanks so much for supporting. I enjoyed sharing.