Author's Chapter Notes:
First Chapter.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Every week the team would meet at Ricci's Pizza to go over our project updates. To commemorate our final meeting on the Theory & Practice project, the group opted to go to Mongo's Barbecue. I had never eaten there before so I was willing to expand my horizons. I loved it. I filled my bowl with raw meats and veggies, while watching it grill. "Go Nicole!" Brian said, cheering me on for filling the bowl to it's rim.
"So, this is the last project review until February. I thought it would be nice to go some place different." Brian suggested.
I remember mentioning it once or twice that we could change venues, but pizza is and has always been one of my guilty pleasures. I just thought it would be another pizza kitchen with a barbecue pizza. I was still waiting for the other guys to get there. I really didn't want to start without them. Brian insisted that we go ahead and get started, thinking the rest of the group was hung up holiday shopping.
Brian reached for my bowl and handed both of ours to the chef. It smelled wonderful. The grill was sizzling with our dinner and I couldn't wait to try mine. Since we ordered the One Trip Special, the rice and tortillas were waiting for us at the table. After tipping the chefs, Brian took both of our plates to the table as I picked up our drinks at the fountain. A lemonade for me and Dr. Pepper for Brian.
"So are you ready to dig in?" Brian asked. "Here goes", I replied.
He was right. They were the best fajitas I had ever tasted.
Then his phone rang. He glimpsed at it and then silenced the ringer.
"Wow, this was a great idea Brian. It's a shame the others had to miss" I commented.
We talked for hours about everything. The conversation was light and succinct. At times it seemed awkward because I was a little nervous to be alone with him. I wasn't afraid of him. It just seemed weird. After all of these project meetings, the group would blow the final one of the quarter.
---
Time flew by. Nearly three hours had passed.
Great food! I was full long before Brian. He suggested I box it to go.
"I have to admit something. I hope that you won't be mad." He apologized in advance.
"What is it?" I thought to myself.
"I sort of ditched the group," he continued.
"What?" I asked, slightly bewildered.
"It's my fault the rest of the group isn't here."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I wanted to spend some time alone with you, and I just didn't know how to ask without being too forward. We work together, and I wanted to spend some time with you before the project ended."
I was a little angry, confused, nervous, anxious, all rolled into a ball of emotions.
"I, I don't know what to say." I said, while shocked a bit and flattered immensely.
We were interrupted by the waiter. I was glad for it. Brian pulled out his charge card to cover the bill. I didn't speak while the waiter was before us. I used the distraction to search my thoughts. I wasn't prepared for this.
"Say something" he asked.
I glimpsed down at my drink. He reached his hand out across the table and lifted my chin.
"I think you know that I like you. I am usually more confident and assured of myself," he continued.
I interrupted and turned slightly so my face departed from his hand. "Brian, you have a girlfriend. How am I supposed to feel if she walked in? She works in the same department as me."
"We are just friends aren't we? There isn't...I mean there wouldn't be anything to explain. We are just having dinner," he said while placing the tip on the table. "I am sorry for not asking you directly. I thought you would say no. I guess I went about it all wrong."
"And that gives you the right to take my choice away? You are damn right it's wrong!" I scolded.
"I'm sorry," he apologized.
"I'm not mad. It's just that you've put me in a precarious situation. I mean, it's ok. It's not as if I haven't enjoyed your company. I feel very awkward you know."
"I don't want you to feel awkward. That wasn't my intentions at all" he said sincerely.
"What about your girlfriend?" I asked sternly.
"She's not; we're not like we used to be."
"The last you mentioned, you guys were thinking of taking your relationship to the next level. What happened?" I continued.
"I don't know. We have been together since high school. I guess we were together so long that marriage just seemed like the next step."
"Do you love her?"
"Yes, I love her."
"Then don't you think she deserves the truth about how you feel?"
"What makes you think I haven't told her?"
"I am just saying...just asking a very real question...so don't jump on me!" I smiled.
Smiling back at me, with the most gorgeous dimpled smile, Brian wasn't the same as he was earlier. A more serious man had replaced the carefree one.
"Have you ever felt something, like a connection with someone, and you have no idea how or what you are going to do or say, but you have to do something before you run out of time?" He offered.
"Yes." I said.
"I guess, you would, given that you were engaged once" he recalled.
"Well, maybe you should talk to her. It's normal to feel anxiety before you are about to spend your life with someone." I chastised.
"You don't get it. I have never been unsure about my feelings or who I am, or what I want. But right here, right now, this is the best time I have had in a long time."
"So you want to be let off the hook. Brian, that's wrong!" I blasted.
"I have not just starting feeling unsure. I have been thinking that there could be something more. What I have with Liz is good. But what if there is something greater?" he explained.
"There is always the chance that something greater could be out there. I know that the only thing permanent is death. And all you have is the life you live before you die. In life there are loads of possibilities; opportunities to right wrongs" I followed.
"That's what I mean. I love Liz. I do. But I am not in love with her. I don't want to wake up one day and hate my life because I did what everyone else thinks is the next step for me...for us."
"You should tell her how you feel. You are a great guy. I think you own those feelings and you have the obligation to tell her the truth."
"I have. She just thinks it's the jitters."
"Brian, before Robbie, before we met, I dated this other guy for a couple years after high school. He was the love of my life. We were a very passionate couple. We had our moments. But he betrayed me. And as much as I tried to forgive him, it tore us apart. He tried to get me back, using the wrong words. Until one day, he up and got married to the same woman he betrayed me with. He never told me that he married her. But it didn't matter. I always felt that he wasn't 'with me' you know. I knew at some point that we weren't supposed to be together. It had started feeling like a habit. But I wasn't strong enough to end it. I think you two have a lot to talk about. But if she wants to marry you still, what are you going to do?"
"I don't know," he said remorsefully.
"Look, I have had a great time with you. In another time, or another place, I would, be flattered that you concocted a coup to get me on a date. But I don't want to be considered a home wrecker. I know what it feels like to have your heart handed to you. I wouldn't wish that on anyone" I explained.
I stood up, tied my scarf, and pulled on my gloves. "Oh look it's snowing!" I said, to break up the monotony. Brian blushed at me. "It's going to be o.k. You will make the right decision." I said.
"But not the guy for you...huh?" He asked.
"Brian...come on, stop playing." I said in a sing-song voice.
"I enjoy being with you Nicole. I am not going to apologize for that. It's the best time I have had in ages. I hope that we can do this again soon."
"I just think you have a lot to sort out. And I don't want to get involved in this...drama. Relationships are complicated. One day you have this swirling cloud of confusion, the next it's a clear day after a rain and all is in perspective. I don't want to be the one who gets caught up in the confusion. The timing is just off right now Brian. I think you are a great guy. A wonderful colleague and I couldn't have asked for a better friend. Now let me have the honor of being all of that for you. Talk to her." I concluded.
---
That was the last time I spoke with Brian. The project was finalized and I was sent to Atlanta as a travel coordinator for an engineering firm for three months. I met a lot of interesting people. I dated a couple: Ken and Eric. They were both very different. I wasn't looking for love. I guess the dreamer in me was looking for some sign from Robbie that one or the other, or neither was my step forward. Well, Robbie spoke to me. And it was Eric. The relationship lasted a month after my assignment ended. As much as I knew distance was going to kill it, I let him convince me to give it a shot.
I was right. We talked every day when I was with DEI, the engineering company. I had even considered changing careers. But when I returned to school for another internship, it was all about finishing what I had started. I thought many times that this teaching thing was just something I did when my life was in a different place, that time and space I spent with Robbie.
When I returned to Michigan it was late winter. Eric and I talked less and less. Soon the calls stopped, and we didn't hear from each other any more. I was a little angry at myself. I knew that it would happen.
I wanted to keep dating so I dated a few more times with some very insignificant nameless suitors, and none of them held my attention like Brian Santi, nor displayed his sincerity.
I admit that I really was dating to get passed the feelings I was developing for Brian. I felt he would never do anything to hurt me intentionally. He was nothing like Chance. Nonetheless, he was a still a man. They aren't very good with their feelings or good at reading the women in their lives. Brian seemed like a guy who would do the right thing. He wouldn't hurt Liz. If she cried and put it on him, he would marry her. I was sure he was in marital bliss as I spoke on it. I wanted to call and see how he was doing so many times. But again, my heart needed to be protected. Disappointment was not an option.
I decided to relax a little and do some job hunting outside of Michigan before getting settled into a job.I posted my resume with a few outside districts but I needed to attach my transcripts to a few applications. So one morning on an extremely unpredictable spring day, I drove down to the university to pick up a few copies of my transcripts. I pulled into the parking garage and on my way out of the elevator, I see a handsome guy talking to a very attractive older lady. It was Sheila Stone our senior rep and Brian Santi. We all hugged and spoke briefly about what we were doing currently. Sheila excused herself and there remained, me and Brian.
"Wow, you look great!" He said, flirt-y, fine, and flashing the dimples.
"Thanks. So do you!" I returned, anxiously.
"I can't believe it. I have been thinking about you and here you are. I had tried calling but I guess you changed your number" he spoke.
"Yes, I did." I said with regret.
"Are you in a hurry? Let me buy you a cup of coffee" he offered.
"Ok." I accepted graciously.
We walked to the inside of the campus heading towards the B&N Bookstore. Brian held the door, and I walked inside. I had no intentions on having scones and coffee. I was actually feeling full from the chicken salad and soup I had earlier. Brian had ordered a latté and a blueberry scone for me while I went to the restroom. He had a cranberry muffin and coffee packaged to go by the time I returned. I was a little disappointed because it appeared he was in hurry to leave.
"Oh my, do you have to leave?" I asked.
"No, it's just I grabbed an extra for Liz."
"Oh, how is she? How are you guys?"
"Well, we are friends. We both decided that marriage wasn't what either of us wanted at the time. We decided to take a step back. See how things go."
"I knew things would work out for you. Aren't you glad you had that talk?" I asked.
"Can you believe as beautiful as it was for the past few weeks, snow is in the forecast?" I said, quickly changing the direction.
"Yeah, I know. It's Michigan, right? If you don't like the weather, give it a week, it will change. So what's been going on with you Ms. Mendes?"
"Well...not much. I am taking some time to search for work out of state. You know, feel the prospects. If I ever want to get out of Michigan, now is the time."
"You aren't leaving Michigan are you? I mean I am just getting back in touch with you and you are leaving me again?" he asked.
"I am not leaving you. I am simply looking to see what is out there. Test the waters." I said.
Taking a few sips from our beverages and nibbling on her deserts, Brian continued to blush at me. "What?" I asked.
"Nothing." he responded.
"It's something. What is it?"
"I am just looking. I can't look at you?" he asked.
"It makes me uncomfortable when you do that." I begged.
"I am not going to apologize for admiring your beauty."
"Thank you...So, what's been up with you?" I returned, warmly.
"Well, let's see. My dad has informed me that he is going to be retiring from the company and has since been grooming me to take over."
"Oh. What about teaching?" I asked.
"I know, right. Well, I guess I have a lot to think about in the year. But for the immediate future, I have a ski vacation coming. Say, do you ski?"
"Actually, no. I have never been."
"Hey, you should come. I have a time share. It's plenty of room. There's plenty to do, even if you don't want to ski."
"Are you going alone?"
"Actually, a few friends of mine are all getting together. We are driving up to the slopes."
"I will think about it. And on that note, I have to get to the registrars before they close."
"Can I call you sometime?" He asked, urgently.
"Sure." I handed Brian my card with my new number on it and told him that I would think about the ski trip.
Peyton, a good friend from high school had been ringing me all day. I couldn't wait to talk to her about Brian.
---
"Honestly, I was shaking at the thought Peyton of what it would be like to spend some time with him. Brian Santi was simply gorgeous. I had noticed before. It's just that my eyes are open now along with the possibility of my heart. And I don't want my heart to lose. Brian mentioned that he and Liz had taken a step back. He never said they weren't dating; all the while he was sitting there flirting with me." I offered.
"Look, you like him, why not take the trip? I would love for some s.exy guy to take me skiing. Go! Have fun! You only live once!" she jeered.
Peyton lived right here in Michigan. She had always been my trusted confident for what seemed like forever. But a lot of the reasons we didn't spend a lot of time together was because of our differences in how we approach life. No matter how little we saw or heard from each other, we both knew that when our backs were against the wall, we would always be there in the pocket.
I wanted to go with Brian to the mountains. But I wanted Peyton to tell me no. Instead she was right there supporting me and cheering me on.
---
"Hello"
"Hi beautiful!" He knew it was me? Was he expecting my call?
"Hi, is this Brian?" I asked.
"Yes you caught my voice. What's happening?" he asked.
"Nothing much. How are you?"
"I'm good." he returned.
"No, I was actually thinking about you."
"Really?" He asked.
"Yes. I was thinking of calling you, to find out what I need to pack for the trip."
"oh..."
Chapter End Notes:
Instead of rewriting this chapter, I will explain that the educational plan for a teaching student in the State of Michigan requires that a perspective graduate in the College of Education first complete all Liberal Arts Studies prior to acceptance. At Wayne State University where I completed my undergraduate studies required that all graduates successfully pass a proficiency in Math, Writing, and Critical Thinking. In addition the education student must complete a Basic Skills battery, an additional certification examination in their subject major/minor study, and if they are an Elementary Education student, like myself and 'Nicole/Brian/Neil/Celeste' then you must also take the Elementary Education Exam for certification.
Additonally, you must take three semesters of teaching preparation or internships. The first semester which cannot be audited is called Theory and Practice where the intern meets in cohort group and work through their struggles in a classroom inside their collective district and complete 'onsite' training in a classroom under a supervised teacher. Ongoing projects are required plus a final 'thematic unit'. The second semester (intern gains more experience in classroom management under the direct super. of a licensed teacher) may be audited if the intern has had previous classroom experience. Here is where I was granted an audit because 1) I had three majors and the University wanted me out...LOL. and 2) I was a Special Education Aid for 6 years with Physically or Otherwise Health Impaired Students. The final or third is the END, it's a combination of 1/2 with more responsibility on the intern. It's the best if you ask me. If your host likes you, they give you lots of goodies to get your classroom started. In elementary school a lot of money is invested to run the class and make it fabulous!
So these internships are referred to throughout the first couple of chapters. I hope this helps!