Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Two months later, Evangeline walked out of her apartment and headed towards the elevator. She pushed the down button then pulled her long hair up and placed it in a ponytail. She had finally gotten back into her morning routine of running, and she was feeling great. She was about to begin stretching while she waited when the elevator doors open. Not paying attention, she walked in and ran into John.
“I’m sorry.” She apologized to the other occupant and looked up to see John. “What are you doing here…Never mind…I forgot you live here now.” She turned embarrassed that she questioned him. It wasn’t about her. If the elevator doors hadn’t already closed: she would have stepped out and taken the stairs. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to question you. I know you hate to be…I didn’t know you were back in town…Not that I’ve been looking for you.” She rolled her eyes and wondered if this torture was going to end.
“It’s okay.” He whispered in his husky voice. “I have been back for a week. I haven’t seen you either…and I have been looking.”
“You just finished the night shift?” She looked over her shoulder deciding to ignore his last statement.
She noted that he still had his insomnia problem. There were only two reasons John McBain would be up at this time of morning. He couldn’t sleep or he hadn’t been to sleep.
“I haven’t worked overnight in months.” He stated in a matter of fact tone as he stared into her eyes. “I’m actually walking the dog…if it wasn’t for this little K-9 here, I would still be sleeping like a baby.”
Dog? Evangeline turned around again and looked down his long muscular arm to the leash then to the little white Labrador retriever with champagne shading.
John watched her kneel and call the puppy to her. He wasn’t surprised when the dog happily and playfully ran over to her. He smiled realizing the dog must be starved for attention. He would have to work hard in the area of caretaker. He has never had a pet before. Mikey was the one who begged for the pets and was forced to care for and love them.
“When did you get this cutie?” She asked rubbing the animal underneath his chin and behind his ears. “She is so cute. You look like a Cinnamon or Honey. Did he give you a cute name to fit your cute little self?”
“She is a he…” John corrected now embarrassed for the name he gave the dog. “And, his name is Chance.”
“Chance? Who names a dog chance?” Evangeline glanced up and searched John’s eyes for a second. She instantly understood why he named the dog, Chance. There was a chance he wasn’t going to keep him. Typical McBain. She focused back on the puppy. Before she would have found it cute, now, she was a little irritated by it. She didn’t have time to think much about it because she realized little Chance was going to the bathroom on the elevator floor.
“Chance!” John rebuked and pulled on his leash slightly too strong. “Damnit!”
Evangeline stood and watched as her ex stared at the puddle of dog pee. He glanced from the puddle to the puppy. Apparently, Chance knew his master was upset over the accident and retreated to the corner. The puppy sat patiently with a concerned expression as he glanced from his puddle to his owner. After about a few seconds, the dog titled his head and stared at John. When his master sighed, Chance stood back up on all fours and wagged his tail excited.
Evangeline couldn’t help but giggle. She wasn’t sure how John was going to react because his initial flare of anger concerned her. But, like anything new with John McBain, he needed time to adjust. When his expression softened as he stared down at the pup, she knew Chance was going to be in good hands with the lieutenant.
“You laughing at me?” John questioned with his signature goofy smile. “You find this humorous?”
“No…No, of course not.” She answered as she watched him bend down and pick up Chance, so the dog wouldn’t walk in the pee.
“You see her laughing at us, Chance?” The puppy answered him with a lick on the face and a wiggle in his arms.
The elevator doors opened, and they both stopped laughing. She stared at him for a second and realized she wasn’t ready for this…whatever this was to be over. “How is your grandfather?” She asked before she thought about it.
“He’s much better.” He smiled and stared at her loving. “He’s a tough old wise man.”
Evangeline looked at him and wondered what wisdom the older McBain had offered to his grandson. Instead of satisfying her curiosity, she offered to help clean up Chance’s accident. He watched as she pushed the close button and faced him.
Evangeline placed a hand on John’s arm and rubbed the puppy’s head. She didn’t think much of the action; until she realized John had not responded to her offer. She glanced up and noticed his crystal blue eyes were focused on something else. Following the direction, she realized he was staring at her hand on his arm. Looking back at him, she found him staring at her face. His eyes centered on her lips and like a magnet she found herself slowly moving towards him. Inches away from kissing, Chance decided to steal his prize and licked her lips instead.
Evangeline quickly stepped back, wiped her lips, and grimaced. Looking at the puppy, she started smiling seeing the shine in his beautiful brown eyes. She chewed on her bottom lip and glanced back up at John. She smiled weakly when she saw the disappointment in his eyes. Her attention went back to the happy little pup. She guessed, she should be thankful for the interruption. Kissing John now probably wasn’t a good idea. She didn’t want to give him any false hope.
“McBain, I hope you are feeding Chance more than just coffee.” She decided to break the silent.
“I give him crackers too.” He mused still feeling disappointed over the missed opportunity.
Before either one of them could say another word, the elevator doors opened on her floor. He glanced up, and they both realized she pushed his floor and not hers.
“Stay here.” He ordered. “I’ll go get something to clean Chance’s little mishap up.”
“Okay.” She agreed as she watched him glance at the elevator pad. He glanced over the buttons until he saw one that would prevent it from closing without any assistant.
Evangeline watched as he walked down the corridors and wondered what his apartment looked like. John wasn’t one for decoration or settling in. She smiled as she wondered if he even had furniture.
John wasn’t sure how he was going to play things, but he knew he felt complete from the short time he had been in her presence. He had to make a move now to get her back. He glanced down at the puppy he was holding who was looking back at the elevator.
“Hey, she’s mine.” He informed the puppy who glanced up then looked back down the hall.
After several minutes, Evangeline looked at her watch and realized it was taking John a minute to get some paper towels. She finally decided to walk down to his apartment. She left the elevator doors open.
She had opened her mouth to call out for him while she pushed his door open, and she heard him say Natalie’s name. She wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, but she didn’t want to interrupt either.
“Natalie, I think you should call your Uncle…I can’t help you solve your problems.” Evangeline watched as he placed Chance on the microfiber plush fabric sofa beside him. The puppy jumped off the couch and headed straight for her. Her attention was half on John’s conversation and half on checking out his apartment. She speculated if Marcie or his Mom helped him furniture the place. “Natalie, our relationship did mean something to me, but I can’t be that man anymore…yes, she does have a lot to do with it…us being friends never worked out for me…or for you if you are honest with yourself. It’s not healthy…I will jump through hoops if that is what it takes…It’s none of your business if I’m seeing Dr. Crosby again. How did you find that out anyway?”
Evangeline snapped her head in his direction when she heard he was seeing Dr. Crosby again. She didn’t know Bo ordered for him to see the police psychiatrist again.
“Bottom line Natalie. Us being friends didn’t work. Call your Uncle Bo or perhaps you can call on someone else in your family. I can’t help you…Okay I won’t…Bye Natalie…Why? Because now, I don’t think you can honestly be just friends, and I care enough not to hurt you again…Yes, I love her…That’s none of your business, but if she gives me a second chance, I’m not going to put her through that anymore. Evangeline will know where my heart is. She deserves that and more…I’m not trying to hurt you.”
John sighed and turned to see what Chance was doing. When his eyes came in contact with Evangeline’s, he smiled and held up his finger gesturing for a minute.
Evangeline noticed that he wasn’t upset that she was in the room and heard his conversation. She also noted he didn’t seem uneasy about it either. He almost seemed pleased.
“Natalie, I’m sorry, but I have company and need to go…my life is none of your business…I’m not trying to be mean. You won’t let me be polite. Call your Uncle Bo…then I will tell him about our little conversation. Either way, I’m not playing these little games with you. I only need to be there for one person now.”
John ended his phone conversation and offered her an apologetic smile.
“Sorry.” They said in unison.
“What are you sorry for?” He smiled looking at her adoringly.
“I-I wasn’t…I didn’t mean…I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop on your private phone conversation.”
He shrugged and glanced over at the phone. “Please, don’t apology. I’m a open book for you.” He saw the doubt in her eyes from his statement. He wished he knew how to change it. “I’m sorry I kept you waiting. I came in to get the paper towels and the phone rang…I thought it could be Michael or my Mom.”
Evangeline glanced at the phone as so did he. That was a new one. Before he would have said, he thought it could have been the station.
“You know Natalie.” She simply nodded to his statement. “Hold on one minute. Let me go clean the elevator, and I’ll be right back.”
“Okay.” Evangeline said in a small voice. She should leave, but she wasn’t ready. Not yet. Not after hearing him tell Natalie she was more important.
“Make yourself at home.” He said starting for the door. “Hey?”
She looked at him and asked what.
“I mean it. Make yourself at home…okay.” He smiled and disappeared.
While John was cleaning the elevator, Evangeline decided to really take note of his new place. It wasn’t a bachelor décor, but something about it whispered his essence. She stepped over to the built in shelves and smiled when she saw the books of poetry. McBain was coming out of the closet. She glanced down at her feet and saw Chance looking up at her.
She realized the puppy has been by her side since he hopped down off the couch. Cute.
“You didn’t take him as a poetry reader either.” She smiled and turned her attention back to the shelf. He had a few law enforcement books and manuals. Walking further down, she noticed his CD and cassette collections of his favorite Blues singers and Jazz musicians.
“Would you like a tour?” His husky voice asked from behind her. She closed her eyes and composed herself before turning around.
Once she was facing him and looking him directly into his eyes, she knew she had to get out of there.
“I-I should go.” She whispered glancing from his lips and eyes.
“It won’t take long.” He commented taking in her Flowers in Springtime scent. He closed his eyes for a second then found himself copying her actions by looking at her lips and eyes. “It’s only a two bedroom apartment.”
Evangeline was about to lean in and kiss him until she realized he said a two bedroom. A reality hit her that shocked the hell out of her. She pushed passed him so she could think and breathe. Exhaling she walked over to the couch then turned back to him to start her inquisition as he would say. She hated the need she had to figure out John McBain. It always left her feeling like a failure.
“Why would you go from a one room hotel place to a spacious two bedroom apartment. If I didn’t know better McBain, I would say you were getting ready for a family.” She joked semi-impressed with his decision. She looked at him when he didn’t say anything. She read his expression and realized her joke was right on the money. She gasped when she saw that not only was she on the money, but this upgrade was for her benefit. She couldn’t believe how easy John was becoming to read. He was slowly losing the title of closed off and emotionally challenge with her. He was turning into the man she always knew he could be. Pushing some hair behind her ear, she chewed on the inside of her left cheek. “You got the two bedrooms for me.” Her eyes went to the floor as she gathered her thoughts. Why would he need a two bedroom for her? What could he possibly been…Her eyes shot up at him. “You got the two bedrooms because you…you thought I was pregnant.”
With a sheepish smile, John walked pass her and offered her something to drink.
“John, you got the second room for a nursery.” She grabbed his arm preventing him from leaving. “Why? I was with Cristian.”
John’s eyes automatically went to her hand where she touched him. He felt the heat from the gentle connection and wondered if she did too. Slowly moving his eyes up her arm, his glaze finally fixed on hers. Instantly, he knew she felt it too. And, instantly, he knew he had a future with her. He just had to take the leap. He had to trust in what they had.
“I never stopped wanting you.” And with his eyes he added “Or loving you”. “I-I prayed…I pray you’ll…give me another chance.”
Evangeline studied him for a moment. God, she loved him. Before she knew it, all her feelings for him engulfed her, and she pulled him into a passionate kiss.
John quickly matched her kiss and pulled her closer to him by grabbing the back of her head. He missed how good she felt in his arms. He missed this. He missed her. As usual their kiss rapidly escalated to the next level, and he demanded himself not to go there yet. It was too soon. His eyes rolled into the back of his head as she buried her hands into his hair. God, this woman was intoxicating. He loved the feel, taste, and smell of her. Feeling his body betray his brain, he broke the kiss.
“E-Evange…Evangeline.” He gently grabbed her by the arms and forced them apart. “Wait.”
Evangeline looked at him confused and rejected. She stepped back and ran her hand through her hair. Grabbing her chest with her free hand, she cursed herself silently. She didn’t mean to kiss him, but the thought of him willing to raise another man’s baby because of his feelings for her was overwhelming. Then again, the action would have been typical McBain. He was always ready to step up and take care of things…even if it wasn’t his responsibility. He was always ready to carry the cross.
“You don’t want me?” She asked questioning why he would stop what was happening.
“Try a harder one, Hon.” He chuckled running his hand over his flushed face. “As long as I have breath in my body, I’m going to always want you…I would love nothing more than to taste you…feel you…lose myself in you right now.”
Evangeline blushed as she stared at him and saw the truth in his words. She knew it would have been explosive and wondered why he stopped them. She felt deep down inside that it would have been like no other sexual experience they had shared together. That she was sure of. And, she knew he was too.
“I told you before we were going to do things differently this time.” She examined as he looked up at the ceiling. She smiled when she realized he was still fighting for control over his hormones, desires, and need. “I want you to know that it’s more than just sex. This time Evangeline…I promise to give you everything I have inside of me.”
She started to speak, but she couldn’t. She wanted him more in this moment than she ever wanted him. Seeing the reaction of his confession in her eyes, he smiled then asked if she was going on her run still. Still not being able to speak, she shook her head no. He asked if he could show her something. She nodded and watched as he disappeared in one of the back rooms then reappeared seconds later.
“Have a seat Williamson.” John headed for the couch and took a seat. At her hesitation, he patted the space beside him. “Don’t fear.” He pointed to Chance who followed her motion. “You have a bodyguard…guard dog.”
Evangeline smiled as she sat beside John and little Chance sat at the heel of her feet between them.
She glanced at the book on his lap. She frowned when she thought it was a photo album.
“Okay Cookie. You asked to see more pictures.” He smiled when he recognized her inquiring glaze. “So, I asked my Mom for some more photos. She was floored with that request, and I had to tell her about you…don’t make any plans for Thanksgiving.” He teased, and she looked at him frightened almost.
“What?” She asked studying him not sure if he was serious or not. “Why would your Mom want to meet me? W-we’re not – we’re not together.”
“Come on, Evangeline.” Johns held in a laugh as he titled his head. “I mean. My Mom heard wonderful things about you from Mikey, Marcie, and me.” He was about to mention the necklace, but he quickly changed his mind not wanting her to give them back again. “She’s been curious for awhile.”
“John…J-John…” When he burst out laughing, she realized he was making fun of her and hit him playfully on the chest.
“Mom was curious, but I told her I wanted to decorate the new place.” He glanced at her as he watched her relax. “She’ll be coming for a visit soon though…I would like for you two to meet.”
“Maybe.” She looked at him then the photo album. He smiled knowing she was getting impatient. He also noticed the mix feelings she had about meeting his Mom.
“Williamson, there are some rules we need to go over before you get to look at these pictures.” He looked at her and saw the irritation in her eyes that she was trying to mask. “Rule one. No laughing. Rule two. No saying I was cute…Rule three. No laughing.” He studied her face and feigned seriousness. “Can you handle that Counselor?”
“I forgot rule one and three.” She mocked his expression as he opened the book. Sitting besides him and sharing this moment, she felt the same way she did when he gave her his Mother’s pearl.
“Rule one and three, no laughing.” He placed the book in her lap. “Two, no you were so cute.”
Evangeline smiled as her hand moved over the first black and white picture that had “John Tighe McBain at two days old. Born March 9, 1971, in Dublin, Ireland” written in fine cursive. He was a precious little baby boy. His eyes were closed and his little hands were in a fist resting on each side of his little head. He looked so peaceful, free, and wrinkled.
“John, you were so…” She glanced up at him and stifled a laugh, as she remembered his rules. “Irish…you look so Irish. Dublin? I didn’t know you were born in Ireland.”
“Yeah. In my Grandparent’s house.” He informed knowing she was going to break his rules pretty soon. “Dad and Mom were visiting…I was actually early.”
“Couldn’t wait to play sheriff, huh?” She ribbed as she turned the page to reveal more black and white pictures. The first was him at six months in a christening gown and bonnet and on the opposite page two pictures of him at 9 months wrapped in a fleece blanket. The top one was his mother holding him and the second was his father.
John studied her as she became lost in the pictures and read his Mother’s footnotes. She turned a few more pages to see him at four years old holding his seven month old brother Michael Thomas McBain. She smiled when she noted the seriousness in his crystal blue eyes in the color picture. She could see at the tender age how important protecting Michael was. He decided to start giving commentaries on pictures, so he could be apart of the moment. He wanted to show her that he was ready to dissect himself for her. She remained quiet only offering questioning glazes as she turned the pages. He noticed she stopped and leaned in close at one picture in particular.
“Oh, I remember her.” John pointed to a girl in the picture beside Michael. “Carla Davis. She was Mike’s first crush.” He chuckled and sat back as Evangeline continued to study the picture. “He asked me for advice on how to impress her.” He laughed harder as he remembered what he told his little brother. “I told him to give her a lizard.”
“No you didn’t.” Evangeline snapped her head in his direction disgusted.
“Yes, I did.” John continued to laugh. “He told Pop, and I got my behind fired up. It was worth it though. My butt was sore, but I laughed for days.”
“So, who is this girl standing beside you?” She looked at the picture and thought the girl was too young to be his first crush, but she asked him anyway. “Was she your first crush?”
“My cousin Shannon.” He answered looking at the picture then focusing on her face. “I had my first crush late…very, very late in life”
“Really.” She sat back taking an interest in this story. “Do tell?”
“Well, she was someone who was mesmerizing, controlling, and intoxicating.” He said glazing into her dark chocolate eyes.
“Wow, McBain.” Evangeline turned her attention back to the photo album trying to hide her smidgen of jealous. She got beautiful while this “woman” got mesmerizing and intoxicating. “I see you are getting better with words.”
“I’m learning.” He said watching her and holding in a laugh. “I actually ended up falling for her…and hard.”
“Caitlin?” Evangeline wondered, as she looked back at him with wide eyes. She frowned when he shook his head no and continued explaining.
“No this was after Caitlin.” He continued to study her and found it cute that she was finally the clueless one. “This one actually ended up capturing my heart. My crush quickly turned into something deeper. It was like nothing I had ever experienced in my life…she was like no one I have ever met.”
Natalie? She questioned with her eyes and was pleased when he shook his head to her unspoken question.
“She is breathtaking, captivating, invigorating, smart, elegant, sexy…oh, so sexy.” She watched, as his eyes slowly sweep over her. She shifted in her seat feeling exposed in a sense. “She has the most beautiful skin you have ever seen. Her eyes are like a dark chocolate magnetic force.” He touched her hair. “Her hair is so shiny and soft. You want to play with it all day long.” His eyes traveled to her lips. “Her lips are delicious, and you want to taste them all night long.”
Instead of his normal off guard kiss, he slowly moved his head towards hers. She closed her eyes as his lips covered hers and kissed her tenderly. His kiss turned more fervent by the second. He cupped her face and adoringly caressed her left cheek with his thumb.
Evangeline was shocked when he cursed and called out the puppy’s name. Following John’s actions, she looked down and started laughing. Chance was biting his master’s ankle.
“I don’t think Chance like me kissing on you.” John watched as Chance looked up then rose up on his two hind legs and rested his front ones against her legs. She picked him up and placed him on her lap. “Hey, you remember our talk?”
She glanced at John surprised that he was talking to the animal like it was a human being. McBain was definitely changing before her. A question popped into her mind and as Chance licked her hands, she pondered whether or not she was going to ask. She sighed then decided to test the waters.
“So, Bo made you go back to Dr. Crosby?” She studied him as she glanced at her then the dog. She saw the hesitation then submission in his expression.
“No.” He answered standing. “I did it voluntarily.”
“Oh.” She replied waiting for more. When he walked over to his bookshelves and didn’t offer more, she knew he wouldn’t.
“Hey. Can you take the day off?” He spun around and smiled.
“I-I guess…” She placed Chance on the couch and pushed some hair behind her left ear. “Why?”
“ You said you wanted to learn about John McBain the little boy.” He baited and saw the interest in her eyes. She was hooked. “I was thinking…we play a little hooky and head up to AC.”
John watched as she calculated his intentions. She wanted to go, but she also knew him opening up would weaken her defense. Her heart wanted to give him a second chance, but her mind was telling her to hold off. Ironic. First go round he listened to his head and not his heart. Now, she was doing the same, but she had reason for her caution. She was afraid of coming up empty if she decided to trust him again with her heart.
“I can show you were the play grounds use to be before the casinos came and replace them.”
“The steel pier?” She recalled from a previous conversation they had over two years ago. Wow. She surprised herself that she still remembered.
“Yeah…I can take you to Asbury Park and get you a cheese steak.” He titled his head as he smiled at her. “Side order of vinegar fries…we could listen to some Springsteen.”
“Okay, McBain.” She stood and Chance hopped off the couch and followed her. “We can do the park, cheese steak, and fries…but, I’m not…NOT spending my hooky day listening to Springsteen.”
“Okay.” He smiled as he conceded. “How about you go get change, and I’ll pick you up in about an hour.”
“Okay.” Evangeline agreed. She bent down, patted Chance on the head, and said good-bye.
Three Weeks Later
“So, Evangeline,” Nora started standing beside her friend. “Tell me how you got John to attend an opera?”
“It was his idea.” Evangeline laughed wondering the same thing. “We have been doing so many wonderful things together…I guess he figured he wanted to add this to the list.”
“Are you two back together?” Nora inquired curious. She had seen them at the Palace once or twice. One time John even had on shorts and was holding a tennis racket. They shared lunch together on numerous occasions. And it seemed every time she called her best friend, she was placed on hold because John was on the other line.
“No. We are just doing what people do.” Evangeline chewed on her bottom lip wondering how many other people thought the same thing in Llanview. “You know…keeping it simple.”
“Evangeline, you got tough guy McBain in a pair of shorts.” Nora faced her putting on her attorney stance. “Are you trying to tell me you aren’t sleeping with John again?”
Evangeline laughed as she looked at her friend. It was hard for her to believe too. They had some close encounters, but John always stopped it before they went to the next level. Accept for that one time, when he said he just had to taste her. She was so pissed off that he wouldn’t go any further; she kicked him out of her condo. “John and I are just friends, Nora…we are enjoying each others’ company while we live life.”
“You don’t want to be back with him?” Nora studied her friend. “Honestly?”
“Nora, I do, but…I’m enjoying watching John live…finally.” She looked pass her friend and saw the topic of their discussion standing in front of the theater door with Bo Buchanan. “If we are meant to be together, it will happen.” She started towards the men with Nora right behind her.
“So, you are really trying to impress Evangeline with the new John McBain.” Bo stated as they waited patiently for the ladies to return from the restrooms. Neither one noticed the women were returning.
“I’m just introducing new experiences into my life.” John answered and wondered what Evangeline’s thoughts were on the subject. He smiled remembering the joy and shock on her face when he invited her.
“Well, this will either be your first or your last.” Bo snickered stopping. “Gabrielle hated it. She learned to appreciate it for me, but it wasn’t something she enjoyed.”
John laughed and wondered about Nora. “And Nora?”
“Nora loves everything about the opera. It has become apart of her soul.” Bo shifted placing his hands in his pockets as he thought about the mother of his son.
“Well, lets hope I can at least appreciate it.” John checked his watched then looked through the open doors of the stage. He followed his friend and boss’s actions and placed his hands in his pant pockets. “And, I hope I don’t fall asleep.” He added smiling weakly at Bo.
“That wouldn’t be good…Hey, John. Thanks for telling me about Natalie’s problem.” Bo studied John’s reaction and wasn’t surprised when he didn’t see any emotions. “I’m glad you’re not letting my niece come between you and Evangeline this time.”
“I’ll never jeopardy my relationship with Evangeline again.” John spoke with confident.
Evangeline and Nora were now in earshot of the gentlemen. Nora stopped and scanned her best friend’s face.
Evangeline chewed on her bottom lip for a second as she processed John’s words. She wasn’t sure what to think of his statement. His words pleased, frightened, and saddened her all at the same time. She cleared her throat to alert the men of their presence.
John glanced up at her smiling and quickly offering her his hand.
Nora and Bo watched as the young couple walked into the room hand and hand like lovers.
A Week Later – Monday Night
“John, I can’t believe you jumped into the dock’s water after my football.” She chuckled into the phone.
“Well, I paid good money for that ball at the game. I should have known your throwing would be like your boy, McNabb.” He sniffed into the phone then smiled when he remembered her calling out for him in fear. “I’m not sure what I was thinking. I’ll send you my therapy bill for the next three sessions.”
Evangeline went quiet. She was taken aback that he was joking about his therapy and wondered if he was ready to talk to her about them.
“You were right.” He sighed answering her unasked question. They have been doing that a lot lately. He knew her and she knew him. Their connection was so much stronger now since they were really communicating. Sometimes, it was scary. They didn’t need words a lot of the time, but he offered them to her to let her know he was committed. He was going to move heaven and earth for her this time. “I went through a lot over the past few years. I needed to talk to someone.”
“What made you realize that?” She asked feeling more comfortable with his willingness to talk. “Natalie?”
“Some.” He answered honestly then explained. “I hurt her really bad because I could…or wouldn’t dissect myself for you. I destroyed my relationship with you, and you were all I ever wanted…I hope she finds love again, but I tried to tell her I wasn’t the man for her…I wasn’t her soulmate.”
“I know what you mean.” Evangeline confessed thinking about Cristian. “I kinda messed things up getting involved with Cristian…I thought it was what I wanted…what I needed.”
John was the one who went quiet now. He wanted to ask her about the baby so many times, but he never mustered the courage.
“I was terrified when I thought I was pregnant, but it opened my eyes.” She answered his unspoken question. “Cristian is a wonderful man. I love him, but I wasn’t in love with him. I want him to be happy. He deserves to be happy. He was there for me when I needed someone and didn’t want to admit it to myself.”
“Yeah.” He said thinking about how good it was to have her in his life even if they weren’t together…yet. He missed his friend. Unknowingly, he interrupted her thoughts and added, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”
“Thank you for saying that. It means a lot.” She was silent for a moment then she thought about something Nora had said a couple of years ago. “John, have you thought about having kids?”
“Me.” He asked surprised and knew she was asking because of them. “Yeah…one day…but, I think marriage should come first.” He tossed the topic out there wondering if her feelings had changed.
They were silent for a moment.
“At Yvonne’s wedding I thought about my own wedding.” She supplied knowing he’ll understand her breakthrough with the idea. “I was surprised that I even entertained the thought.”
“Me too.” He admitted then quickly clarified. “I thought about it too…I wouldn’t want a really big one…but I think I can do a church wedding. You know, close family and friends.”
“Yeah.” Was her simple answer to his declaration. Feeling a peace about their conversation, she decided to call it a night. “Well, I’m going to let you get some sleep…it’s nice to know you are finally sleeping through the night.”
“Thanks.” He murmured his disappointment of the end of their conversation. He suddenly perked up. “I really enjoyed your company at the game.”
“Thank you for inviting me.” She smiled knowing he could have taken Bo, Antonio, or Michael to the Philadelphia Eagles and Washington Redskins game. “I can’t believe the Eagles lost.”
“Oh, you were very vocal during the game. I’m sure the team heard every suggestion you had.” He laughed knowing she had only been an Eagles’ fan for less than three years. At one point, he thought she was going to go down and assist the coach. “I was very impressed that you had everything down pack.”
“McBain, I just want you to know I’ve been studying up on my Football for Fools and often times Cris would watch the games with me.” She laughed into the phone. “But, somehow I don’t think Cris was that into the games he just did it for me…I am no longer fuzzy on clipping or encroachment.”
“Yeah, I noticed tonight. You could have been doing the play by play.” He encouraged.
“Well, I’ll hold off on that.” She was silent for a moment. “Well…goodnight.”
“Goodnight Evangeline.” He paused then called her name again. She answered and he added, “Today was wonderful.”
Evangeline hung up her phone and walked over to her bed. She picked up the football John rescued for her and considered the possibilities.
Saturday Night
John opened the door and greeted a smiling Evangeline.
“McBain, have I got a movie for you.” She walked in holding up a DVD case. “This movie has great reviews and a high body count.”
When he didn’t reply, she turned around to see him pointing at the TV and DVD player. “I got Casablanca figuring you had a rough week and needed to cry.” He teased.
“Well, since you packed up your mask and cape,” She smirked at him. “I figured you needed something to satisfy the hero within.”
“Funny.” He grabbed the movie and opened the case. “300. I heard about this movie. Some of the guys at the station have watched it…they say it’s pretty graphic and bloody.”
“Just like you like them.” She studied him as he offered her a smile and changed the disc in the DVD player. “So, where is the popcorn?”
“Kitchen.” He glanced over at Chance who was already on Evangeline’s heel. He couldn’t blame the K-9 for falling for the beautiful lady. He was falling deeper himself. He wasn’t sure how she would feel about it, but he knew he was ready to take that leap. He just prayed she was too. “I’ll get it.”
“No.” She held up her hand. “Let me.”
John watched as she went towards the kitchen followed by man’s best friend. When she returned with the bowl of popcorn, she settled on the couch beside him. Chance had stood up on his hind legs as usual begging to be picked up. When his master said a firm no, he sat down between their heels.
While the ending credits were rolling, John held Evangeline in his arms as she cried. Half way through the movie, he invited her to lie against him, and she accepted. He watched as she lifted herself slightly off his chest and looked up at him. He unconsciously wiped the single tear that was rolling down her left cheek.
“Let me guess, Counselor.” He cupped her cheek as he glazed into her dark chocolate eyes. “The 300 were supposed to return home and live happily ever after.”
She smiled weakly as he pulled her face towards him. He covered her lips with a desire to consume her.
His kiss was intense and short. She frowned at him when he stopped the kiss.
“What’s wrong, John?” She questioned as she watched him stand and walk over to the TV and DVD player. She was getting every frustrated with his little tease routine. “Did I just miss something?”
“No.” He turned placing the movie on top of the DVD player then ran his hand through his hair in frustration. He glanced between her and the phone for a second. “Evangeline, I’m in love with you.” He confessed and glazed directly at her. “I want more than just to make love to you. I want all of you. I want all of us…I want the whole ball of strings not just one.”
Evangeline gaped at him until she realized he was dead serious and wasn’t backing down. She should have been happy that he finally declared his love. However, she always wondered how she would feel once this moment happened. Was John implying he wanted marriage with her as well? God, why did he want to talk about this now? She glanced down at the front of his pants and saw evidence of his physical state for her right now. Why couldn’t they just live in the moment? She finally decided that she didn’t need to hear the words from him. She saw his love in his eyes and actions daily. A part of her was content with what they had right now. It was safe for her. She chewed on her bottom lip as she slowly rose from the couch and avoided his glaze. She ran her right hand through her hair as she thought about how to respond. She couldn’t give him a second chance with her heart, so she decided to approach the one thing she knew wouldn’t hurt him too much.
“John, you know how I feel about marriage.” She finally turned to him and couldn’t read his expression. “And, I’m really not sure how I feel about children…I was terrified when I thought I was pregnant with Cristian’s baby.”
“What if you were pregnant with our child?” He inquired determined not to let her run from the best thing that has happened to the both of them. He wanted her and only her. If he had to spend the rest of his life waiting for her, he would for fill that destiny. “How would you feel if you were pregnant with my child, Evangeline?”
Evangeline opened and closed her mouth then looked up to the ceiling and said a silent prayer. She wasn’t ready to bare her soul to him. She wasn’t ready to let down the invisible wall that was around her heart for protection. “John, how could I give that question any justice? We aren’t even dating.”
“Okay.” He turned and left the room.
She looked down at Chance who was right at her heel and frowned as the dog glanced in the direction his master disappeared in. She smiled when John returned with a black and gray wool varsity jacket with set-in leather sleeves. He walked over to her and stopped in front of her. Her smile widened as she examined the jacket. He had Johnny Mac on the right chest area and LPD in big letters on the left. On the right arm she noticed a football player holding a ball and on the left side she noticed 04.
“Cookie, will you do me the honor of wearing my varsity jacket.” John asked holding the jacket open for her to step into it. “I’m ready to take that leap and give you all I have inside of me…you get 100% of McBain.”
“I can’t believe you actually took the time to have a jacket made for me.” Evangeline couldn’t help the tears that started to flow down her cheeks. As she held John’s glaze, she saw determination in his eyes. He was going to breakthrough to her heart again.
“John, I’m sorry. I see you are trying,” Her glaze went to the floor as she paused and said a silent prayer. She told herself she could do this and looked him directly in the eyes. She finished her train of thought. “I see you have changed. But, nothing has changed for me. I’ve read your journal and I have a clearer understanding on why you did what you did. Maybe, if I would have known before, it would have been easier for me to understand why it was hard for you to say the words.” She looked at him and wanted to stop, but she forced herself to continue. “In our relationship, you were honest with me, and that meant the world to me. Neither one of us offered that to Cristian or Natalie and we hurt two people that cared deeply for us.”
John just stared as she spoke.
“I’m so happy you finally can say those words to me…I’m not trying to play games with your emotions, but I won’t lie to you…you are the only man I want, but I don’t know how to let down the wall I have up to protect my heart.” She wiped away a tear. “When we broke up, I felt like someone ripped my heart out and I didn’t know how to survive…I never felt that before…and I can’t allow myself to feel that again.”
“I know I hurt you, but…” He stopped feeling all his hope departing from him as he lowered the jacket. He stared into her eyes and finally after a few minutes, he saw all the pain he caused her lingering in the distance. She was good at putting up a front, but the pain was there…haunting him…haunting them. He lowered his eyes to the floor.
“But what John? You know I heard your conversation with Natalie, but what happens when the next Natalie comes around…or another demon buried deep down in you surface…what about me then?” She glanced away when she saw the hurt from her question in his eyes. She didn’t want to hurt him, but she had to protect her heart. He never intentionally wanted to hurt her, but it always managed to happen. She wasn’t going to make the mistake again to give him the opportunity to crush her. She inhaled then exhaled and asked him a final gut-punching question. “What guarantee can you give me that I won’t find myself in the same situation as I had before? Where you feel the need to play the hero? Where you will put another woman’s need ahead of mine?”
He looked back up with tears forming in his eyes.
“I still see the guilt you have from the pain you caused me.” She wiped her cheeks again. She tried to do this. She tried to let him in again completely. “Maybe, we both need to stop hurting each other.”
“Evangeline,” He tried his voice cracking. He sniffed forcing himself to control his emotions. “I want you…us because I love you. Me feeling like I owe you is because I didn’t cherish you when I had you. With every part of me, I want to be with you yesterday, today, and tomorrow…I do owe you, because you are the woman who saved me…but, it’s more than that. We are more than that.”
She watched as a tear rolled down his cheek. When he stepped forward, she stepped back.
“John, the only thing we can have is friendship.” She looked at him sadly. “I can’t handle anything more.”
“I can’t handle just being your friend.” He swallowed his pride. “I know when the shoe was on the other foot, I tried to convince you to continue being my friend…” He smiled weakly. “But, you’re so much stronger than I am…Evangeline, I want the strings and rings with you.”
“Then prove it.” She challenged him. After a minute of silence, she walked over to the couch for her purse and left him standing in the middle of the floor.