Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Natalie Buchanan
Natalie stormed into John’s room carrying two empty boxes and singing Shania Twain song “You’re Still The One”. She beamed as she headed to the bedroom. Scanning the room, she saw the items from the safe box in the same place from earlier. She walked over to John’s memorabilia and kneeled down. She placed one box right beside her as she tossed the other one on the bed. She flung her hair off her shoulders then proceeded to deposit the evidence of John’s relationship with Evangeline into the box.
Natalie stopped singing and struggled to hold onto her pride as she saw new pictures of John and Evangeline. She turned one of them over and recognized his handwriting right off. “March 14, 2005 My 35th Birthday. Beginning of making memories with you. Evangeline, I love you too. J.” She rolled her eyes and hurled the picture into the box. She looked at the pile again and spotted a DVD case. She reached for it and read the title as she picked it up.
“Must be Evangeline’s.” She turned up her lip. “John likes movies with car catches, automatic guns, and nudity.” She tossed it in the box. “Not movies that will make a girly girl cry. See John, Evangeline didn’t know you. You like movies that have a high body count and not lovey dovey stuff.”
She couldn’t believe the items she was picking up. John wasn’t the sentimental type, but he held onto the simplest things that screamed Evangeline. When she came across a card, she decided to open it. She looked on the front and back of the envelope and didn’t see any writing. Glancing over her shoulder, she slowly opened the envelope to reveal the card. She inhaled as she pulled out the card and read the cover.
Apparently, it was a card asking for a second chance. She opened it after reading the cover and jumped when a piece of paper fell out of it. She laughed then started smiling when she figured the card and letter was for her. She knew John always wanted a second chance with her.
A voice inside her was telling her not to open the letter, but she ignored it. She adjusted her legs and sat Indian style as she tried to convince herself she wasn’t invading John’s privacy. After all, the letter was for her; she strived to believe. She started reading the letter in her lover’s handwriting.
August 19, 2005
Evangeline,
Natalie choked as she read Evangeline’s name and accepted the letter wasn’t for her. She willed herself to trash the letter, but there was a pull stronger to know what John had to say to Evangeline.
Evangeline,
I’m sitting in Natalie’s hospital room wondering why I’m not in your arms. I feel a strong connection to you at this moment as if you are calling me, but I know that is just wishful thinking. I know you have told me in more than one way its over, but Evangeline all I can think about is the fact I could have been pulling you out of that pit. I know you won’t believe me now, and I couldn’t say it while Natalie was still in danger. I was telling you the truth at Angel Square and at your apartment. You are all I ever wanted. You were furious with me when I kissed you, but I was trying to tell you I wanted you. That I was picking you when I saw you and Natalie tied to those poles. I can’t live without you. I can’t give you all that is inside of me. Not now anyway. Evangeline, I fell in love with you a long time ago. I’m afraid…I’m afraid if I tell you something bad will happen to you. Evangeline, I came to your place that night to get you to listen. You never listened. You only speculated. And, you speculated wrong. I told you. You are the woman I wanted to be with yesterday, today, and tomorrow. That hasn’t changed. It won’t change.
A tear fell from Natalie’s eyes, she tore the letter and card together.
“Lies!” She screamed at the box filled with John’s memories. “All lies!”
Natalie hurled the rest of the stuff into the box without looking at it. She quickly glanced under the bed and her eyes froze on a book. She leaned in and reached for it. When she pulled it out, she was taken aback to see the bold engraved words on it “Journal”.
“John keeps a journal.” She pushed to her knees and crawled on top of the bed. “Okay, John McBain. Let’s get inside your head.”
Natalie silently prayed she would discover John really loved her in these pages, but she knew she wouldn’t as she opened the book. Her hands started shaking and she forced herself to be strong. She opened the book midway and glanced at the top for the date.
September 25, 2005
Evangeline came over today and ripped into me. Her sister broke into my place and stole Cristian Vega’s file I had in my closet. Evangeline was the last person I wanted to know about my secret. The look of disgust and hurt on her face repulsed me. I should have listened to Mickey and Bo. I should have let Evangeline in, but now, she hates me. I will never have a chance to get her back. Damn Vega. Damn Natalie. I finally find love again after Caitlin and these two screwed up people are standing in my way. When I was with Evangeline my mind never drifted to anyone but her. I felt guilty at times that I even forgot about what I had with Caitlin with her. I never met anyone like her. I want to be with her one hundred percent, but she won’t believe me without the words. I’m afraid if I say the words to her something bad will happen. My mind still drifts to Evangeline. I can’t help it. What I felt…feel for her is so real? I don’t know why she won’t understand. I don’t deserve her. I know I don’t. She’s pure. She’s beautiful. I can’t help but wonder where we would be right now if I just said the words. Why can’t I say the words to make her happy? To make me happy. Why can’t I make things right? If something happens to her because of me, I could never continue live. Natalie asked Evangeline if she was pregnant. I wish the answer could have been yes. Things would be easier for me. I would always have a part of her then. A part of our love.
Natalie wiped her cheek again then turned the pages closer to the end. She glanced over the pages and saw words and sentences about how John felt about his father’s cold case. She noticed some of the words, phrases, and sentences repeated continuously through the pages. “I can’t sleep again.” “I need to find my father’s killer.” “I promised my father.” “I dreamed about her again.”
The entry for August 24, 2006 leaped out at her as she began to flip through pages. She immediately noticed her name, but as she read his entry she quickly realized his train of thought went to Evangeline.
August 24, 2006
Natalie almost blew my case out of the water with Thurman. I couldn’t believe she could be so reckless knowing how much it means to me to put my father’s killer behind bars. I’m not sure why I put up with her being a pain in my ass. She is cute, and it’s adorable how she wants to be there for me. I wish it was enough, but it’s not. I probably shouldn’t blame Natalie completely. Evangeline came to see me today. She referred to me as her friend, and I was thankful grateful for the reference. I remember when I asked her when we were going to stop acting like strangers. I can’t believe how much I still feel for her. I detest she is with Cristian Vega right now. She told me she was falling in love with him, and my heart stopped. I want her to be happy. She deserves to be happy, but it’s tearing me apart knowing Vega is making love to the love of my life. I see a shine in her eyes because of him, and I want to grab her and show her how I feel. She once told me I was the man that could take her into his arms and make her forget about the rest of the world. I want to do that now. I want to grab her and make her forget about Vega, Natalie, and this mess we are in. I want to get her to forget this past year. I know Natalie thinks I’ve changed my mine about being her soul mate, but I’m not her soul mate. I have created a lonely world for myself, and I don’t know how to get out of. I don’t know how to fix this. Evangeline is with Cristian, and I know he will never let her go. He will never let her down as I did. I think about Evangeline and me all the time. I can’t figure out how or why we didn’t work. Yes, I know, Natalie. I’m watching her sleep right now, and I can’t resent her. Natalie loves me even though I treat her like crap. I can see she is in love with me, and I feel guilty for keeping her from Vega, her real soul mate. I don’t mean to hurt her, but I can’t be the man she wants me to be. I still love Evangeline. I know for sure as of today because my heart was torn into pieces as she spoke of Cristian. She hugged me before she left, and I realized I never wanted to let her go. As she pulled away and smiled at me, I wanted to kiss her lips, but I know Evangeline would never go for that. If she’s with Vega, she will be with him completely.
Natalie turned the page as she refused to wipe the tears on her cheek. She was getting furious with John. He knew Cristian was alive. He felt Cristian was her soul mate, but he still broke them up. He still stood between them. Now, Cristian was with Evangeline. A date popped into Natalie’s mind, she wondered if John had an entry for it.
June 30, 2006
Today Manning invited several people in Llanview to the Country Club to thank them for saving his life. He gave a heartfelt thank you to Evangeline. She was the only one in the room besides his daughter and Vicki Buchanan who believed in him unconditionally. But, that is who Cookie is. I remember once she said if I told her we had a chance she would stick with me for life. I told her we did, but she’s not apart of my life now. I don’t blame her. I know it’s my entire fault, and I don’t know how to fix it. Manning decided he wanted to dance with her tonight. It took everything in me not to go separate him from her when I saw his arms around her. Manning wasn’t worthy to be in Evangeline’s present. Natalie asked if it bothered me, and I lied to her. Well, I really didn’t lie. I replied Evangeline was a big girl, and she can handle herself. I guess I told the truth. I should have told Natalie that I should be the one holding Evangeline in my arms and making her laugh. I haven’t been to visit with her since the accident happened, and I know I should be burnt at the stake for it. I know Evangeline won’t let me help her, and I can’t handle her pushing me away. I know my father is shaking his head at me. He’s probably saying something like, “You love her Johnny, and you need to be there for her.” Or “Don’t let another man do what you should be doing, Johnny.” If he only knew. Vega is probably way better for Evangeline than I am. I’m so dark and hopeless. She has enough of that in her life. I can’t add anything to her life now. I couldn’t when it was perfect. Vega will give the words she so desperately needs to hear. Then, she will realize he’s not the man for her. She will be free, but I still have Natalie. I watch her sleeping and wondered how I let things get out of hand. How did I let things go this far?
“You son of a bitch, John McBain!” Natalie screamed, slammed the journal closed, and threw it across the room. As the tears burned her cheeks, she ran her hand through her red hair. She looked down at her hands and realized she was shaking uncontrollably. She had to get out of here.
Evangeline Williamson & Cristian Vega
Evangeline and Cristian had returned to there seats when Brian McKnight stopped playing. She glanced at the jukebox and wondered what songs John decided to play. Her lover was right about the music John liked, but she didn’t recall Bruce Springsteen being in the jukebox.
“Do you want something else to eat?” Cristian asked as his cell phone went off. “Sorry.”
Evangeline watched for a second as he answered the phone then she took advantage of his distraction. She looked over at the McBain boys. They were laughing and drinking as though they were celebrating something. She couldn’t help but be curious to what they could be celebrating. She noticed John glancing at the jukebox. Stevie Wonders “Ribbon in the Sky” was playing, but she didn’t see John selecting it. When he went back to eating his meal, something in side her told her the song he selected would be a message to her. She couldn’t explain it, but she didn’t like it either. She studied Cristian then grabbed a cold fry and ate it.
As she chewed, she glanced at John again and observed him looking at the jukebox again. Her eyes automatically followed his actions then focused back on him. As her eyes locked with his sky blue ones, she felt a connection and confirmation the song he selected was for her.
“Hey, Adriana. Hold on. I can’t hear you.” Cristian’s voice shocked her back into her environment. He didn’t notice she jumped. “I’m going to go outside.”
“Okay.” Evangeline touched his arm in understanding. “I’ll be here.”
For a diversion from her ex-lover, she decided to go over to the jukebox. She wasn’t a detective, but she needed a diversion from John McBain. She allowed her fingers to touch the glass covering of the jukebox as she wondered what songs John selected. She noticed the digital indicator flashed G 12 for the next song. Her eyes scanned the selection as she looked for the song.
“James Blunt’s Goodbye My Lover.” She whispered and smiled to herself. “Well, McBain definitely didn’t play that song.”
Evangeline turned and leaned against the jukebox as the song started and wondered who selected the song. There were several couples in the room. She noticed some people sitting by themselves and speculated. When she heard the piano, she figured she’d go back to her seat and wait for Cristian. Prompting her left elbow on the table, she placed her chin on top of her fist. She played with the few fries on her plate as she listened to the words. She never heard the song before. It was kinda sad.
She concentrated on the song and wondered who could be so sad. Lonely. Her eyes glanced around the room then locked with John. She gasped when she found him gazing at her. He chose this song. She looked at the jukebox then back at him. His eyes were telling her he felt the words and was dedicating this song to her. John was playing this song to her.
Evangeline jumped out her seat and turned her back to John. She bit her bottom lip as she fought to clear her mind. She couldn’t allow herself to go there with John. Not now. She listened to the words at that moment. The singer was saying:
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
It was silly to think he really meant those words. He was with Natalie. She was with Cristian.
Cristian! Her eyes shot up and she stared at the entry door for a minute. What was Adriana talking to him about? What was taking him so long? She had to get out of here. She took two steps towards her table and grabbed her purse. When she turned to go, she ran into Cristian.
“Hey, where is the fire?” He teased as he finally realized how flustered she was. “Are you okay?”
“I’m just ready to go Cris.” Evangeline refused to look over in John’s direction again. “I’m…I’m tired.”
“Well, that is expected with your condition.” Cristian dug into his jean pocket and pulled out some dollar bills. Evangeline glanced at the money he threw on the table then allowed him to escort her towards the door.
As she walked out, she felt John staring at her. She tried to walk out the door without looking back, but she failed when she heard the singer saying, “I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow. I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow”.
Evangeline and John’s eyes locked. She ignored what she was feeling and walked out with Cristian. She couldn’t think of John now. They have moved on. They were with different people now. This was wrong.
John and Michael McBain
“Bud, I’m going to give you some advice you once gave me about Marcie.” Michael offered smiling before taking a few sips from his drink.
“Really.” John rolled his eyes really not wanting to swallow any advice he had offered to his little brother about love. He watched his younger sibling and wondered how he would act if he was drunk. Then, he became more calculating and wondered how many straight drinks it would take to get his brother drunk. “I can’t wait to hear this.” John laughed knowing what he was plotting.
“You need to go over there and separate Cristian Vega from Evangeline.” Michael laughed too and took a few more sips. He had no clue his big brother was going to set him up. “You remember at the Palace when you told me that about Hayes and Marcie.”
“Can’t say that I do.” John lied taking a mouth size bite out of his burger. He remembered alright starting to feel guilty about what he was planning to do now to his younger sibling.
Michael had just got reinstated to the hospital after Antonio Vega got arrested for Tico’s murder. His little brother was bummed out about Marcie having dinner with Hayes. John laughed to himself. Mikey was so in love with Marcie it was comical.
John was trying to be helpful when he stopped Marcie and reminded Michael to ask her to the party. He didn’t think she would turn him down, and then he tried to redeem himself by trying to have Mikey do something John McBain style. Separate the problem from the equation.
John looked over at Cristian and Evangeline. He would love to walk over now and take his own advice. Words or not. Cristian Vega wasn’t the man for Evangeline. Never in a million years.
“Mikey, I would love to do that.” He played with his food for a moment and decided to cancel his plans. Marcie would probably kill both of them if Michael got pissy drunk. “But, when she asks me why I did it…and she will...what do I tell her?”
“What you should have told her almost a year or so ago.” The younger McBain locked eyes with his older brother and challenged him. “That you are in love with her.”
“Great! And when she tells me she’s having Vega’s baby, then what?” John grabbed his glass and took a few sips. The thought of Evangeline having another man’s baby didn’t agree with him at all. He knew if it was true then he will never have another chance with her.
Michael looked over at Evangeline and noticed she was watching them. He has caught her a few times looking at them. He wondered why she was so concerned about what was going on with them. Or he should say with John. The concern in her eyes and on her face let him know she still cared about John too.
“So, what song did you play?” Michael questioned finishing the last of his drink.
John rolled his eyes at his baby brother then he looked over at the jukebox. He wondered how many more songs he had to seat through before his selection played. When his eyes went over to Evangeline and Cristian, he caught her staring at him. He smiled inside reading her expression. She was curious to what song he had played and if he was sending her a message.
Okay Counselor. Let’s see if we are still connected. I once told you what we had no one could take away. Let’s put it to the test. He smiled inside again when he got confirmation from her eyes that she knew the song was a message from him to her.
Michael looked at John then Evangeline. He also noticed when Cristian put his cell phone to his ear. After a few seconds both McBain observed as Cristian stood and walked towards the entrance.
“Bud, go talk to her.” Michael urged.
John looked at his brother then back at Evangeline when he heard the song he selected start. He was about to stand when his eyes locked with hers and he saw the emotion in her eyes. He decided against going over to her, but he knew she understood what he was doing with the song.
Michael studied John then he looked over his shoulder at Evangeline. He couldn’t help and double check and make sure Cristian was occupied with his phone call. He once told John that his bet was on Evangeline and looking at the two now. He knew he didn’t make the wrong decision. These two were definitely still in love.
Michael frowned when Evangeline stood and turned her back to John. He looked at his older brother and saw the hurt in his face. John always tried to stay in control, but Michael was starting to see evidence of his brother losing the battle.
“Hey, Bro, I will check Evangeline’s medical records tomorrow.” Michael waited for John to look at him, but he didn’t. He just stared at the woman he was in love with. “I think she likes the song.” Michael watched as Cristian walked back in, and Evangeline looked flustered. When John didn’t take his eye off Vega’s woman, Michael prayed the other man would stay clueless. He noticed Evangeline purposely avoided looking in his brother’s direction until she got to the door.
“Thanks Mikey.” John said as he focused on his cold food after Evangeline and Cristian left. He saw in her eyes that he still had a chance. What they shared wasn’t dead? Now, he had to figure out what he was going to do about it. “Thanks.”