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Evangeline walked in Rourke’s on her cell phone. She stopped in her tracks when she spotted Natalie and Cristian embraced. Ending her phone call, she rolled her eyes and sighed as she wondered how thick the red head skull was. Chewing the inside of her left cheek, she examined how Cristian held his ex-wife, and she determined her boyfriend was just offering friendship. She was too familiar with how the other woman worked. Natalie would unquestionably read more into Cristian comfort than what is there. When she felt the urge to walk over and slap the red head, she silently prayed for God’s help. Then, again, they were in the right place for it. She was getting furious by the minute. Did Natalie not hear a single word she said earlier?
Suddenly Evangeline realized the reason she rationalized earlier for putting Natalie in her place was void. When she was cruel to Natalie earlier, she thought she was pregnant, but now, she knows she’s not. She glanced around and realized no one noticed she had come in. She slowly stepped back out. Before she could leave, she heard Cristian calling her name. She stopped and smiled at him.
“Hey Cristian.” Evangeline embraced the sweaty boxer as he hugged her then kissed her on the cheek.
“I wasn’t expecting you, Tiger.” Cristian greeted her cheerfully. “But, it’s a wonderful surprise.”
“I needed to talk to you.” Evangeline informed as she glared at Natalie. She knew the other woman knew exactly what she was thinking when she wouldn’t meet her glaze.
“Well, Cris, I have to get out of here.” Natalie smugly looked at her nemesis. “I will see you around.”
“Okay.” Cristian said nonchalantly as he started gathering up his things. “Evangeline give me a minute then I’m all yours.”
“Take your time.” Evangeline said stopping Natalie in her tracks by stepping in front of her. “I need to remind Natalie of that.”
Cristian stopped and frowned. “Huh?”
“Nothing Babe.” Evangeline smiled as she waved at him then crossed her arm in front of her chest. “Natalie will keep me occupied until you are ready.”
“Evangeline, what is your problem?” Natalie snapped and rolled her eyes.
“You are my problem Natalie. Apparently, I didn’t make myself clear earlier.”
“I think you did. You’re insecure about your relationship with Cristian. The same way you were insecure with your relationship with John.” Natalie smiled smugly. “Did I nail it on the dot?”
“You couldn’t be more wrong.” Evangeline glanced over Natalie’s head at Cristian then placed her hands on her hips. She stepped closer to her rival and spoke so she was the only one who could hear her. “I’m not going to let you insinuate yourself into this relationship like you did my last. One quality I liked about John was he is a good listener. And, since you have told me several times how much he is in love with you, let him listen to your damn problems.”
“Cristian is my friend, Evangeline. If you can’t handle that, it’s your problem not mine.” Natalie followed Evangeline’s glaze to the boxing ring then the young Buchanan laughed.
“Just like John was your friend?” Evangeline said sarcastically and leaned even closer, so she could whisper in Natalie’s ears. “I meant what I said. Stay away from Cristian.”
“And, if I don’t?” Natalie challenged not liking to be told what to do especially from Evangeline Williamson. She frowned when the beautiful defense attorney smiled then answered.
“You know Natalie. I should understand your friendship with my boyfriend because I have a similar friendship with your Uncle Todd. I mean Blair is so insecure about it. She thinks Todd will do anything for me.” Evangeline smiled knowingly. “How ridiculous is that?”
Natalie looked at her ex husband’s girlfriend confused.
“But, Todd is so funny. The things he has done in his past. I mean Nora and Blair has been burning my ears about the things he will do for the people he loves.” Evangeline enjoyed the confound expression on the other woman’s face. “How is Jessica’s heart?”
Natalie frowned then asked “Evangeline, what does Jessica’s heart have to do with anything?”
Evangeline glared at the red head, so she could see the exact moment Natalie Buchanan caught on to her meaning. She was an excellent defensive attorney and very good at reading people.
Natalie wondered why Jessica’s heart would matter in all of this. She finally remembered the incident with her Uncle Todd when he tried to steal her heart to give it to Jessica. If Cristian hadn’t saved her, she would be dead, and Jessica would have her heart. Her Uncle Todd has never made it a secret which niece he favored more. And, if he did have a thing for Evangeline, she knew her Uncle wouldn’t have a problem choosing Evangeline over her. Todd was notorious for doing stupid things in the name of love. Well, at least his ideal of love anyway.
“I know Cristian saved you then, but I wouldn’t count on that happening again. He has a tiger he likes playing with a lot.”
“You bitch!” Natalie spate as she recalled Cristian greeting Evangeline as “Tiger” earlier.
“See!” Evangeline pointed her left finger in Natalie’s face. “I knew you weren’t clueless and would understand my full meaning.”
“Okay. I’m ready Babe.” Cristian ran over to Evangeline and wrapped his arm around her waist. “What are you two talking about?”
“Babe, I was just telling Natalie that you have the cutest little nickname for me.” Evangeline kissed her boyfriend on the lips. She couldn’t believe she did something that was a typical Todd move. She frowned inside but smiled at Natalie as she wondered how much of Todd Manning was rubbing off on her. “I’m your tiger, right?”
“Whatever!” Natalie stormed off.
“What was that all about?” Cristian asked concerned.
“I guess she doesn’t like tigers.” Evangeline shrugged and looked innocently at her boyfriend who still looked concerned. After Cristian stared at her for a couple of minutes, she decided to tell him about her conversation. “I told Natalie to stay away from you and deal with her on problems with John without running to you.”
“Evangeline, that was out of line. Natalie is a friend. Beside, you don’t know what her visit was about.” Cristian tried to guide her towards the exit.
“So, you are justifying her running to you with her problems?” Evangeline pulled away from him and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “I’m not going to tolerate Natalie coming to another one of my boyfriends with her problems. Doesn’t she have a boyfriend of her own? You of all people should understand, Cristian.”
“It’s not about justifying her actions. And, I’m not like John McBain. I’m not confused about how I feel about you.” He turned and looked a little annoyed. “Besides, it’s not what you think. I’m just saying you were wrong for jumping to conclusion.”
Evangeline chewed on her bottom lip as she calmed herself and decided to take a different approach with him. “Okay, it’s not what I think. Tell me Cristian. Why was Natalie Vega Buchanan visiting you?”
The sarcasm in her tone was not lost on him.
“Don’t get lawyerly like on me.” He stated defensively and matching her sarcasm. “Natalie stopped by to tell me she was leaving Llanview. She was saying bye…not trying to run to me with her problems with John. ”
Cristian studied her for a minute then glanced back at the locker room door.
“I’m going to grab a shower here.”
Evangeline raised an eyebrow as she realized he didn’t want to be in her company any more.
“I’ll call you later.” His expression and tone was emotionless.
“I have a meeting with Todd later.” Evangeline said flatly as she realized his little attitude towards her. He wanted to be pissed. She’ll give him a reason to be pissed. She knew she didn’t have to add anything more, but she wanted to add insult to injury. “He has to go out of town tomorrow, so we have to do it tonight.”
Evangeline noticed her boyfriend body tensed, his veins popped out of his neck, and his hands started to ball into a fist. She knew he wasn’t going to hit her, but he was trying to control himself from exploding.
“It’s gonna take all night, so take your time in the shower.” Evangeline turned to leave. She was upset with Cris’s reaction, but her mind started spinning as she wondered why Natalie was leaving Llanview. And, was John happy or sad about her departure? Sad of course, she recalled him drowning his sorrow. She had to go find John. She wasn’t sure why she had to go find John, but she had to.
“Evangeline, wait!” Cristian called out to her, but she didn’t stop.
When she walked through the exit, she heard him hit the speed bag with one powerful punch. She knew he would work out his anger on the heavy bag before getting into the shower. She’ll call him tomorrow and apologize. Tonight, she was so angry with him for not understanding. She stopped when she realized she hadn’t told him about the baby. Well, that can wait too. Right, now, she felt an overwhelming need to find John McBain.
Evangeline went to the police station first to find John. When she didn’t find him there, she decided to try his room. She walked into Angel Square Hotel and wasn’t surprised that no one was at the desk. Roxy wasn’t the best at just waiting for someone to walk in to get a room. She decided to go straight up to John’s room. When she got there, she knocked on the door twice and was taken aback when it opened.
“John! John!” She called out as she slowly walked in. “John!”
Evangeline noticed several empty boxes and wondered if John was moving with Natalie. She gasped realizing it could be a possibility. Why she didn’t think about John moving with Natalie was a mystery? Of course, John would be leaving too. Natalie said they were in love and things were perfect between them.
She recalled the stare John gave her when she saw him at Rodi’s. Maybe, he was saying goodbye and nothing more. Then, she thought about the song and the words. Goodbye my lover.
“Ohmigod.” Evangeline whispered as she fought back the tears. John was leaving Llanview too. She glanced around the room and noticed his stuff was pulled out of drawers and down from the bookshelves. She glanced over at the bed and noticed he had items scattered on top of it. Looking over her shoulder and controlling her emotions, she slowly walked over to his bed. She knew she was wrong for invading his personal space, but this was going to be her goodbye to him she decided.
She was drawn to his bed and she felt a little weird about it. There were so many good memories here. But, she told herself again when she left John’s place her memories and feeling for him will remain here as well. A little voice inside her laughed because she couldn’t do that when they broke up, and she knew she wouldn’t be able to do it now.
When she got to the bed, she raised her brow after noticing a white piece of string. Then, she recognized the Eagles game ticket stubs. She looked over the remaining items and realized they were memorabilia of her relationship with John. Why did John keep all these memories of their relationship? And, why would he be crazy enough to have them out in the open for Natalie to see them? She glanced at the entry door again to make sure no one has come in. She smiled when she saw the pictures she took with the digital camera the night of his birthday. She bit her bottom lip as she reached for one, and recalled the moment of the night. John was so happy. She was so happy. When she tossed the picture back on the bed, she noticed the writing on it when it flipped over to reveal the backside. She picked the picture up again and read John’s note. She gasped and covered her chest with her right hand.
Evangeline was overwhelmed by the memories. Why would John keep all these things from their relationship? Why would he hold on to them when he loved Natalie? If Natalie found them, she would think the worst. She would think he was still in love with….
Evangeline turned and headed for the door as she chastised herself and blocked out her thoughts. This was wrong. She shouldn’t be invading John and Natalie’s private space. She shouldn’t have come here. She rushed to the door and dropped her tote bag after she passed the couch. Bending down to retrieve it, she noticed a book on the floor in front of the slot machine behind the door. She stood and glimpsed out the door where she was. She slowly walked over to the book and saw the word Journal in bold print.
She initially thought it was Natalie’s and picked it up. Maybe, she wrote something in it to explain why she was leaving town. She walked over and sat down on the couch.
Evangeline knew she was wrong for reading Natalie’s personal thoughts, but she will deal with the guilt later. She needed answers. She wanted answer. When she opened the journal, she gasped when she realized it wasn’t Natalie’s journal but John’s. She knew she should have closed it then, but she felt she had a right more now than before. She spent a year of her life trying to get into John McBain’s head.
June 16, 2006
Well, I’m having another sleepless night. I wonder what Evangeline is doing right now. She’s probably in bed with Vega. I hate that he’s with her. I hate that I’m not with her where I belong. I should have just told her how much I loved her then maybe our lives wouldn’t be so messed up. She’s with Vega, and I’m with Natalie. Natalie is so much in love with me, and I feel like I owe her so much. The one thing I can’t give her though is my heart because Evangeline will always have it. I did try to tell Evangeline once that I was falling in love with her, but she fell asleep.
“When?” Evangeline wondered aloud as she continued reading.
I was so disappointed when I heard her soft snoring.
“I don’t snore.” She corrected disgusted by his accusation then continued.
Evangeline is like no other woman I have met. She’s even different from Caitlin, and I thought the world of my belated fiancée. I know I planned to marry Caitlin, but I never thought about having children with her. She loved kids too, but I was scared that I wouldn’t be a good father or the job will take me away from them. With Evangeline, none of my fears seemed to matter when it came to my future and life with her. I only want to be the man she deserves.
“John, why couldn’t you see yourself like I saw you?” She wondered aloud as she turned the pages closer to the front of the book. She wasn’t looking for any specific date. She finally stopped on March 23, 2005.
I’m such an idiot. I almost blew things with Evangeline again tonight. I was supposed to meet her old college professor tonight and because of Roxy and Natalie’s stupid games, I let her down again. She said this man was like a second father to her. Why did Roxy have to pull this stupid stunt today? I want to show Evangeline how committed I am to our relationship and future. But, it seems like I forever let her down. Tonight, when I called her home and Michael told me he stole my girl, I didn’t care if he was my little brother. I wanted to kill him. But, then I realized if I was there for her like I should have been no man could take her away from me. It’s crazy for me to admit this, but for a second while I was sitting on the couch with her, I wish she had told me she was pregnant and not sick from a stomach bug. I want to tell her how much I love her, but I can’t get the words out. I can’t see my life without her.
She started smiling then turned the pages until she saw March 4, 2005.
I found the courage tonight to tell Evangeline what I love so much about her. I believe I’m falling more in love with her than I was with Caitlin. I don’t feel guilty about that omission because Evangeline embraces the part of my life, which included Caitlin. She asks about Caitlin in a way that’s sincere. No other female has ever done so. I know it’s crazy, but I often wonder if Caitlin didn’t send her to me. I know it’s foolish, but Evangeline has done what no other female has been able to do since Caitlin. She makes me think. She makes me feel. I will never forget how special Caitlin was to me, but Evangeline is like nothing or no one I have ever met or seen. I truly know what it feels like to have a soul mate with her. If I lose her because of Vega and Natalie, I couldn’t live with myself. I wish I could tell her how I need her to breathe. She’s part of me. I almost told her about Vega tonight, but I was afraid it would lower her expectation of me. I was also worried that she would think I was doing it because I wanted to be with Natalie. I’m a coward and Evangeline deserves so much more than me. So much more.
She turned to the next entry. March 7, 2006
I came home tonight and Evangeline was already asleep in my bed. I decided to write in you before I joined her. I saw Natalie earlier, and she told me she would be working at the station doing Marcie’s old job. I hope she didn’t take the position to be closer to me. I don’t know how many ways to tell and show her my future is with Evangeline, maybe, if she sees Evangeline and me together more she’s finally understand. I love coming home to Evangeline in my bed. I love smelling her scent of flowers in springtime. I love feeling her. I don’t have trouble sleeping when she’s here. She completes me. It’s like all the demons I have inside disappears when she’s around. I’m afraid sometimes how much I feel for her. It’s so overwhelming for me. I don’t understand how she can question my love and devotion to her. I know now God, as long as I live, Evangeline will be the woman I want to be with yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
“John’s birthday.” Evangeline whispered as she searched for the date. “March fourteen.”
March 14, 2005
Tonight, when I looked across at Evangeline I realized I have fallen in love with her. There is no doubt in my mind anymore. If I ever tell another woman I love her, it will be Evangeline Ella Williamson. Today has been so overwhelming. She gave me the best birthday gift written on a cocktail napkin. You would think with all the money she has I could have gotten something costly. No, what Evangeline gave me is priceless. She wrote she loves me. I was going to say it back, but she threw her hand up before I could. I wonder if she’s afraid to really hear me say the words. She says she wants to hear them, but I wonder. God, I am not worthy of this woman. It’s funny to me I have been saying the words to her all along but not saying the actual words. She doesn’t know, but every time I tell her she’s beautiful in my mind I’m saying I love you. She will probably see the humor in that if I ever get up the courage to let her know. When we got back to my place, she saw the birthday gift my mom sent me. I was able to open up to her and share my memory with her. I could tell it meant a lot to her. I want to tell her so much, but it seems like when I open up the window something inside makes me close it. I wonder if she saw all my demons if she will still love me. If she knew I was the reason my father is dead, could she still love me. Then, maybe, I feel if I don’t open up completely to her she will be around longer. I know one day she’s going to wise up and leave me. She’s too good for me. She wants me to teach her boxing tomorrow. I can’t wait. I gave her some kidney punches tonight, and she took those like a champ. I pray one day she will know all that I feel inside. I know she deserves to know me, and I want to tell her. I just don’t want her to be disappointed or disgusted by the truth. I don’t know how to be her hero. I don’t know how to get her to feel all that I feel. She’s my life.
Evangeline wiped her nose and sniffled as she turned the page trying to remember the day John rescued her and Natalie from the love center. After reading his other entries, she started to wonder if John was truly going to rescue her first. If he was, she understood clearer now why he tortured himself and pushed so hard to find Natalie. Again, his guilt drove him away from his happiness.
She jumped when she heard voices in the hallway. She stood and placed the journal on the coffee table. She waited a minute for John and Natalie to walk through the door, but they never did.
“Get your butt out of here Evangeline Williamson.” She ordered herself. She started for the door and stopped on the threshold. She looked back at the journal. “I can’t take John’s journal.” She rebuked herself out loud. She didn’t want to find out John’s true feelings for her this way.
She sighed and looked towards the heavens. Sometimes, she wished she could do things like Natalie, but that wasn’t her approach. She knew Natalie Buchanan wouldn’t have a problem taken the journal and reading it. “No.” She said aloud and turned from the journal. If it is meant for me to know how John felt…or feels then he will have to tell her on his own. She heard Marcie’s voice coming up the stairs and stepped out of his room. She closed the door and positioned her hand as though she was about to knocked.
“Hey Evangeline.” Marcie greeted as Evangeline started to knock. “John’s not home.”
“Oh, he’s not.” Evangeline turned, ran her fingers through her hair, and faced John’s sister-in-law praying she didn’t look flustered. “I guess I will try the station.” She started to leave and jumped when the perky newlywed offered.
“I don’t think he’s there either.” Marcie informed holding true to her character. The short red head was known for telling people’s business. “He’s probably moving some things over to his new place. You know he’s moving out of here.”
“Yes, I’ve heard he’s moving to Atlantic City.” Evangeline supplied wondering if Michael’s wife would give her any more information.
“Atlantic City? John isn’t moving to AC unless something different has happened since I talked to Michael.” Marcie looked at John’s door, wondered if she was wrong, and then repeated her conversation with her husband verbatim.
Evangeline stood with her hand on her head wondering how to escape without being rude, but she couldn’t think of a single way. She was still nervous about being caught in John’s room that she allowed his brother’s wife to ramble on. As she listened, she wondered if Marcie ever considered being a court reporter or any kind of reporter. But, on another note, the only reason Marcie probably hung on Michael’s every word was she is so in love with him.
“Marcie.” Evangeline interrupted knowing that was the only way her torture was going to end. “I’m so sorry, but Cristian is waiting for me.”
Marcie smiled as she looked at the attractive defense attorney. “You and Cristian got a hot date?”
“Yes.” Evangeline giggled as she lied and realized that Marcie and Michael were both hopeless romantics. “I’m really late, so I should get going.”
“Yeah. We can talk any time. Go love your man.” Marcie beamed. “Cristian is a great guy.”
“Thanks, Marcie.” Evangeline walked off shaking her head and forgetting about the journal. Marcie Welsh McBain was something else, but Evangeline was sure the newly married lady had a friend everywhere she went.