“I love you,” I paused afraid to breathe just in case he hadn’t heard me.  He stood gripping the rails of the back veranda the wild ivy that had once again taken over the fences in the backyard tickled at the toes of his leather shoes.  His hands were bloodless claws that held on as if they meant to score the unevenly painted and aged wood.

This house was my sanctuary.  One he had invaded without my assent.  My mother had grown up in this very house and often my Nana had sat with me on the ancient swing that hung in the right corner.  With Nana I had discovered the beauty in the night sky and unveiled the mysteries within the clouds.  Whenever life with Leo overwhelmed me this was my retreat.  His tall, lean frame looked out of place.  The tenseness that held him still in the moment did not meld with the majestically broad sweep of the veranda.  Here lay peace and tranquillity in the height of the summer morn.  The uncut grass high and verdant sprawled in the background and gave credence to the house’s untouched look.

“Leo, I said…” I stopped as he turned around with unexpectedly swiftness, advancing towards me.  While I’m sure he reached me rapidly, I could hear each footstep as it met the wooden slats on the veranda my dread stretching time’s silken web.  Each step seemed to echo within me, its resonance setting me trembling.  I looked up as he reached me, I could see the faint blond stubble covering the strong column of his neck and dimpled chin.  I could see his usually faintly pink lips compressed and as bloodless as his clawed hands.  And above the straight nose his thickly lashed green eyes.  How they blazed at me now!

“You love me?”  His British accent hadn’t truly abated in all his years in the States, only softened somewhat.  I loved his raspy voice, it was like an aphrodisiac.  Masculine and piercing.  I couldn’t look into his eyes.  They were incandescent with some unnamed emotion.  One I didn’t know for I had never seen it there before…what it was I couldn’t tell.  My gaze fell again upon those colorless lips.  Lips I had assiduously avoided in private, they had only known the shape of my own lips in the face of an audience.

I had become the most extraordinary performer in the past eleven months of marriage.  I kept my promise to Leo, no one would know that ours was not a love-match.  His public persona and pride could not withstand the virulent scrutiny sure to follow.  After all media moguls were subject to the worst sort of fascination.  Except now the adoring looks had become real for me.  I longed to touch him at my leisure, to kiss him infinitely the way first time lovers do.  But I had promises to fulfill.  One for Leo and one for my grandfather, Gareth, to marry his best friend’s grandson, finally uniting again the company the two men had built together.

I wanted nothing more than to fling myself into Leo’s arms and to press my lips against his, to show him fully how much I did want him.  Fear kept my limbs hostage and I never moved, never touched him.  I was frozen solid.  This affliction, or obsession was eating away at me.  I could feel myself hollowing out becoming empty, void of everything that wasn’t Leo.

I closed my eyes trying to block it out.  It gnawed from my belly spreading its poisonous lust throughout my body, twining its way into hidden recesses of my heart.  My heart sang drunkenly, ‘I love you, I love you, I love you!’  Never realizing that it was a death toll it keened.

“When exactly did you discover that you loved me Rachel?  Was it when you saw Dixie leave my bedroom last night?  Or was it when you discovered that we needed to have a child to inherit the remainder of Gareth’s trust?”  With each word of accusation he stepped forward forcing me into the rough siding.  His stalking me sent a thrill of desire through me, both shaming and entrancing me.  How I wanted to wrap myself around him, to bury my nose into the curve of his neck and inhale his special scent.  I felt his body finally make contact with my own again drawing my notice.  Having captured both me and my attention, Leo bracketed my head between his hands.

My mouth opened but no response was issued, only a muted croak.  I cleared my throat and swallowed mightily, finally I managed to stammer out,”L-l-l-last n-night.”

“Are you sure?  I need you to be very sure Rachel, because if I find out you’re lying,” Leo left that threat to hang like the sword of Damocles.  I felt his thumbs rub along my jaw line on either side.  I was nearly overcome by the urge to turn my head and draw his digit into my mouth, to feel it invade my orifice, even if by force.  I had loved Leo forever.  I can’t even remember when it happened, it just was there always.  Every summer or holiday we spent together only reinforced the feeling.

How easy it was to love Leo.  His charm came so easily to him.  Around him I hardly ever stuttered, though the older and more aware I became, my affliction bled into those times as well.  He was eight years older and was ever careful and watchful of me.  As only children are wont to,  we often made up games and just dreamt time away.  Now that we were adults that easy camaraderie was lost in awkwardness.

“What was Dixie doing in your bedroom?”  The question burst forth, and I was unable to prevent it.  I had to know.  I would make no further admissions or assurances.  I let him see the hurt that roiled through me.  I had nothing more to lose.

He smiled faintly and for a moment fear held me to its bosom, “Nothing.  I told her to get out of my room.  She kicked up a fuss leaving, as I’m sure you heard.”

I couldn’t help but believe him.  In the past several months his ex girlfriend and client had done everything she could to rip us apart.  Not knowing that there was nothing to ‘rip’ apart, Dixie had even once claimed that she was pregnant, only to ‘miscarry’ due to stress.  This weekend’s party had served as the perfect setting for more of her machinations, since several guests had remained overnight. 

“Why?  Jealous?”  Leo queried leaning in to lay his forehead upon mine.  Our breath mingled in the shadows between us.  I closed my eyes against the onslaught of yearning and then I felt the feather-like brush of Leo’s lips.

“Answer me,” he demanded roughly.  His hands slid over my tightly curled tresses tangling his long digits within.  The scrape of his fingers along my scalp set off tiny explosions of pleasure.

“Yes.”  I twined my arms around his neck and pulled him until we were sealed together.  I kissed him chastely, sweetly on the lips.  “I love you.”

“Say it again,” he whispered.  He closed those beautiful green eyes and this time when his lashes swept upwards I thought I knew what expression he wore now.  It seemed to be hope and love mixed with desperation, much like my own I’m sure. 

My cheeks ached from the smile that trembled within, “I love you.  I love you Leo.”  I sought feverishly to rejoin our lips, but Leo pulled back and looked at me with such love.

“My sweet, sweet Rachel.  I never thought to hear you say those words.”

I blushed so deeply I swore that even with my dark skin it shone like a beacon.  I pressed my burning face into the curve of Leo’s neck, his strong hands turned my face to his.

“I want to see your eyes,” he kissed the space above my nose, between my eyes.  My eyelids almost fluttered close.  “I want to see your eyes when I tell you that I love you too.”

I could see his lips forming the words, but it took a moment to truly register.  A long minute in which joy finally rocketed throughout my body lighting me from the inside.  ‘He loved me, he loved me, he loved me’ my heart’s song soared.  A silly grin was pasted on my face as Leo held onto my hand and followed me into the house.  Into the life that awaited there for us, together.