An Illogical Woman Chapter 7: Meeting the Family

 Spock walked onto the bridge to begin his shift. Two standard weeks had passed since his return to the Enterprise from his leave on New Vulcan. He and Nyota had enjoyed a one-month leave from duty to attend the bonding ceremony of his daughter Makeda to her friend Tuven, son of Swylek. He had initially been uneasy about bonding his daughter with another according to the custom of his people given his own less than satisfactory experience with T’Pring, despite his father’s arguments that doing so would demonstrate his commitment to the success of the Vulcan rebuilding efforts. Sarek also reasoned that bonding Makeda to a Vulcan from the colony would assist her in being accepted by Vulcan society. Spock had found such reasoning to be faulty since his own betrothal to T’Pring had done little to endear him to his peers or the Vulcan council. However, when Tuven himself approached his sa’mekh requesting to marry Makeda, these anxieties were greatly alleviated. Spock was well aware of Makeda’s affection for the young Vulcan, as she spoke of him constantly during their weekly three-dimensional chess games. Spock found it most fascinating that a Vulcan youth would so readily accept Makeda in all her human exuberance and warmth.

Now Tuven had joined Spock, Nyota and Makeda aboard the Enterprise for a three-month visit. Tuven’s parents had agreed to the time spent away from the colony as it would further cement the newly formed bond between their children and the visit coincided with their break from schooling. Nyota suspected that they were social climbers eager to do whatever was necessary to ensure that their relatively obscure line was securely aligned with the house of Sarek. However, Nyota was appreciative for Tuven’s friendship with her daughter. Whatever the motives, Spock was grateful for the opportunity to better acquaint himself with the young man who would one day come to claim his ko’fu.

“I tell ya, Jim, someone oughta talk to the boy!”

Spock was greeted with McCoy’s gruff voice upon his exit from the turbolift.

“It can’t be that bad, Bones,” the captain replied before nodding towards Spock. “Greetings, Spock! How’s my favorite niece?”

“I left Makeda in excellent health this morning. She and Tuven are shadowing Mr. Scott in engineering today, an event Makeda has been anticipating for quite sometime.”

“Hmm,” McCoy grumbled. “I bet Tuven had little say in the matter. That little doll has that Vulcan wrapped tight around her cute little finger,” McCoy continued, thrusting his pinkie finger into the air for emphasis.

“I do not understand. It is physically impossible for my daughter to wrap Tuven about her finger,” Spock replied.

“Bones means to say that the boy is whipped,” Kirk explained, unhelpfully.

“Again, I fail to understand your reasoning, Captain. I am not aware of Makeda or anyone else whipping Tuven.”

“I mean the boy has no will of his own,” McCoy said, throwing his hands up in frustration. “He follows that little gal around the ship like a little puppy. Why, the other day I saw them in the rec room playing together.”

“That is not an unusual occurrence, Doctor. The recreation room is set-aside for recreational pursuits. It is quite appropriate for the children to play there.”

“They were playing with dolls!” Bones exclaimed. “Tuven was consulting with Makeda on what pair of shoes would best go with his doll’s dress.”

At this Kirk began to laugh in earnest. Spock looked at the Captain in confusion.

“What red blooded…excuse me…green blooded boy in his right mind plays fashion dolls unless he’s whipped or not interested in the ladies?”

“While I am not positive of what Tuven’s sexual preferences may be, I find it highly unlikely that he is a homosexual, doctor. However, this does not mean that he is…whipped,” Spock replied dryly.

“Well, if you don’t mind, I think I’ll give your future son-in-law some friendly advice from someone very knowledgeable of the wiles of women,” Bones replied.

“I have no objections to you offering advice to Tuven, Doctor. However, I do wonder from whom you will acquire the wisdom that you intend to impart to my son-in-law.”

“Why you pointy eared…”

Kirk’s laughter and the entrance of Scotty and the children prevented McCoy from finishing his colorful statement.

“Are you telling jokes, Uncle Jim?” Makeda asked as she ran over to the captain’s chair.

“I apologize, Captain. We three were on our way to engineering when the wee one begged to stop by the bridge to say hello to her uncles,” Mr. Scott admitted sheepishly as he followed the children towards the captain’s chair. “I couldna’ say no to the bonny lass.”

Spock watched in amusement as the Captain picked up Makeda to sit in his lap, ignoring his long forgotten edict that children were expressly forbidden from the bridge. Doctor McCoy, his gruff exposition on the wiles of women a distant memory, vied for Makeda’s attention, allowing her to play with his medical scanner to take readings of Mr. Scott and the Captain’s vital signs. Spock looked over to Tuven, one of his brows raised in amusement.

“I do not believe that you are the only one who is whipped, sa’fu.”

“No one has struck me, sa’mekh,” Tuven replied seriously.

Spock’s lip curled into an almost grin.

“It is an odd human saying, Tuven. Come. You may assist me in scanning the region for anything of significance. There must be someone attending to their work.”

*******************

Tuven sat on top of a pile of cushions as he joined the male senior command staff around the table in Captain Kirk’s quarters playing a card game called poker. Tuven was seated next to Lieutenant Sulu, whom had become his most preferred of Makeda’s array of uncles due to his interest in botany and horticulture.

“I can use a logical Vulcan mind on my side,” Sulu stage whispered to him. “Perhaps together I can finally manage to beat Spock.”

All but Tuven and Spock laughed at this comment.

“Unless Tuven can also assist you in perfecting your poker face, I am afraid that you are still at a significant disadvantage, Hikaru,” Spock replied.

“You see, when the boy’s bluffing he gets all red in the ears,” McCoy explained to Tuven. “And on the rare occasion that he manages to get a decent hand, he can’t stop waggling his eyebrows like two caterpillars doing the jitter bug.”

Tuven had begun to learn more human idioms during his two-month stay aboard the Enterprise. Doctor McCoy had been a fount of colorful and confusing expressions. While Tuven would have been utterly confused by the Doctor’s latest use of Standard, Tuven now knew that the McCoy was employing a metaphor. As the game began, Tuven tried to imagine what two caterpillars dancing would look like.  Makeda, he thought, would have found the comparison to be highly amusing.

Makeda. Her uncles had all been eager to advise him on his relationship with Makeda. They were all aware that they had been bonded to one another and would one day wed and felt that it was their duty to offer marital advice, even though they were all unmated.

However, Tuven had listened carefully and taken note of all that was told to him as they were his elders and due proper respect. Despite their seeming inexperience, Tuven had already found some of their counsel to be useful.

Sulu had told him that female human women were particularly enamored of flowers and that a gift of blossoms would help restore the peace after an argument. Tuven and Makeda hardly ever fought, each bending to the other’s will as necessary. However, Tuven rationalized that if flowers were helpful in restoring peace, that they would also be useful to prolong peace. Makeda had been overjoyed by his gift of Edosian Fire Lilies that Sulu had helped him cultivate in the ship’s botany laboratory.  The bright orange and yellow blossoms were her favorite and the gift had earned him a kiss on both of his cheeks.

Makeda’s Uncle Kirk had also offered Tuven advice.

“Women like it when you say nice things about them, even if they aren’t true. Be sure to develop a nice repertoire of compliments that you can use for any situation. For instance, if she ever asks you if an outfit makes her look fat, tell her that she looks great in it even if the outfit makes her look like a Klingon in a bikini.”

“Would not that be the same as telling an untruth, Captain Kirk?” Tuven asked, his disapproval hidden behind his calm exterior. “Vulcans are incapable of lying.”

“First, call me Jim or Uncle Jim,” Kirk replied before looking up to find a female Ebalian ensign enter the recreation room, her bright orange bulging eyes scanning the room for her associates. “Second, it’s not lying if the lady likes the compliment. Watch and learn young one.”

Kirk slid from his seat next to Tuven and sauntered towards the ensign.

“Ensign Vy’Clechtu,” Kirk smiled. “May I say that you are looking very lovely this evening? Did you do something new with your hair?”

The female smiled, revealing two rows of sharp teeth, and smoothed down the fur on her cheeks with an equally furry hand.

“Thank you Captain. I’ve been using a new conditioner.”

Tuven watched as the Captain chatted with the female for a few moments more, eliciting high-pitched squeaks of laughter from the ensign.

“Fascinating,” Tuven breathed as he watched Kirk saunter triumphantly back to the table.

Luckily, Tuven did not have to lie to compliment Makeda. His appreciative comments on her drawings and progress on the lyre won him a hug and an additional kiss on the cheek. Tuven found them both to be very satisfying.

However, not all of Makeda’s uncles gave exemplary advice for male-female relations.

Ensign Chekov had advised him that women enjoyed it when men displayed their superior knowledge of a subject and that such displays engendered their respect.

As they ate the afternoon meal in the mess hall, Tuven observed Chekov displaying his superior knowledge to several female crewmen.

“It is a common misconception, Yeoman Rand, that Albert Einstein was of German descent. In actuality he was born in the willage of Rtishchev. He deweloped the theory or relatiwity vhile on a train to Leningrad.”

Yeoman Rand and her associates laughed at Chekov’s assertion. Yeoman Rand kissed him on the cheek before rising from her seat. “You are just too adorable, Chekov.”

Chekov beamed before looking over to Tuven.

“See. The veemen love it.”

Tuven very much doubted that Yeoman Rand had been impressed by his intelligence or that the kiss he had received had been given out of respect. However, Tuven was too respectful of his elders to say otherwise. Tuven decided not to implement Chekov’s advice. Makeda was already aware of his academic prowess and he did not believe that he had earned her friendship due to his intellect.

Lieutenant-Commander Scott told Tuven that women respected a man that could hold is liquor. Tuven had informed him that alcohol had no effect on Vulcans.

“I know lad. That is why I never challenge Mr. Spock to drinking games. He wins every time. However, the lassies like a man with a strong constitution. A man that can hold his drink can be relied upon when things get a bit hairy.”

Tuven thought that such a supposition was logical. Indeed, if one were faced with a hairy beast such as a wild sehlat, being able to remain in command of one’s senses while under duress was an admirable skill. As alcohol would have no mind-altering effects on him, Tuven chose to put Mr. Scott’s advice to the test by consuming a large portion of the chocolate candies that had been given to Makeda by her various uncles on Valentine’s Day. However, rather than having the desired character building effect, the chocolates merely caused Tuven to grow dizzy and disoriented before he collapsed in a heap.

Doctor McCoy had scolded him a great deal when he regained consciousness in the medical bay. Makeda sat by his bedside, her cheeks wet with tears as she apologized profusely. Tuven assured her that his choice to consume the chocolates was his own and that she had nothing for which to apologize. This did little to relieve Makeda’s guilt and Tuven almost winced at the wave of fear and sorrow that coursed through their bond.

“You could have died, Tuven,” Makeda cried as she clung to his hand.

“I did not die, Makeda, as you can see. The chocolate would not have killed me. It just made me very unwell.”

“Promise me that you will never eat chocolate again!” Makeda demanded, her lips pouted in a severe frown.

“I give you my word, Makeda. I shall avoid the consumption of chocolate products in the future.”

Makeda gave him a watery smile, before leaning in to plant a small kiss on his cheek. Tuven’s weakened state prevented him from suppressing the blush that stained his cheeks and ears olive green.

“Ok, love birds,” Doctor McCoy grumbled as he moved towards Tuven’s bed. “Enough of that. Tuven needs his rest. Why don’t you run off and pester your Uncle Scotty, darling. You can visit Tuven in the morning.”

Makeda nodded her acceptance before squeezing Tuven’s hand once more and following Nurse Chapel from the room.

“Now that the little lady is gone, why don’t you tell me why you decided to scarf down half a pound of chocolate knowing a Vulcan eating that stuff is like a human taking shots of Romulan ale?”

Tuven did not question what “scarf down” meant and proceeded to relate all of the advice he received from Makeda’s uncles to the doctor.

McCoy laughed heartily.

“Let me give you one piece of advice that will serve you well while on the Enterprise. Don’t listen to a word these yahoos say when it comes to the subject of women! Ain’t a single one of them had a steady healthy relationship in the past ten years and none of them have been married.”

Tuven admitted the truth of this statement. He wished he had heard this information prior to consuming the chocolate.

“Now I’ll give you the another nugget of wisdom. You can trust me because I’ve been married and divorced. I’ve got the scars to prove it!”

Tuven’s eyes swept over McCoy, looking for the scars that he mentioned.

“I spent ten years of my life married to a she-devil,” the Doctor continued as he perched himself on the edge of Tuven’s bed. “Now, Makeda is no she-devil. She’s a sweet young lady that for some reason adores the ground you walk on.”

Tuven was unsure if he should feel complimented or insulted. He also wondered why Makeda was so enamored of the ground.

“But, she has got a strong will on her and she leads you around this place like a dog on a leash. Why, you near got yourself killed trying to impress her. Most guys buy fancy vintage cars or lift weights, but you go and eat a pile of poison.”

Tuven wondered if Makeda even liked cars or weights. She obviously did not like it when he ate chocolate.

“Now, ain’t nothing wrong with that when it comes to decisions about what games to play or what flavor cupcake to eat.”

Tuven blinked. He had never debated which cupcake to choose with Makeda. In fact, he had never consumed a cupcake. He wondered if they contained chocolate.

“But when you two get older and think about cementing this bond or whatever, that can lead to big problems. You need to grow a backbone about some things and learn to stick to your guns when it counts, even when a river of tears flow from those big brown eyes of hers. Do you understand what I’m trying to say Tuven?”

Tuven nodded his understanding. Although he knew himself to already be in possession of a functioning backbone and he did not own any weaponry, he was confident that he understood the essence of the Doctor’s advice.