Chapter 11

After Julianna had served each of them a dish of ice cream, she returned to her seat and told them she wanted to hear about Jason.

"A.J., you don’t have to do this," Keesha said. "I can talk to Julianna about Jason some other time."

"No, Keesha," he said, his resolve firm. "I think she should hear what happened from me."

"What’s the big mystery?" she asked, definitely intrigued.

"Jason Quartermaine," A.J. began, "was everything I wasn’t. We couldn’t have been more different if we’d tried."

"They’re half brothers," Keesha clarified, trying to help A.J.

"True," A.J. said, "but it was more than that. I developed my drinking habit pretty early in life. I had the spoiled rich kid routine down to a science."

"A.J.," Keesha gently admonished, "you’re not giving yourself a fair shake."

"I’m being honest," he said. "Yes, there were other factors involved, family was a major one, but still, the choices I made were my own, and I had to live with the consequences. I didn’t do too well in that department for a long time," he went on to explain to his daughter.

"So Jason is the good son," Julianna deducted.

"Oh, yes. Even to this day, as far as I know, although the family hasn’t seen him in a very long time."

"Why haven’t they?" she asked.

"Because one night, while I’d been heavily under the influence of alcohol, I did a very stupid thing which changed my brother’s life forever. By extension, it also changed your mother’s life forever, too."

"What did you do?"

"I got behind the wheel of my car."

"Oh, no!"

"Yes, I did. Jason jumped in the passenger seat."

"Why would he do that? He knew you had been drinking?"

"Yes. He thought he could stop me or save me, but he couldn’t. I took off, with him still in the car, and ended up crashing."

Julianna’s hand flew to her mouth.

"My brother suffered severe brain damage. He’d been studying to be a doctor, to follow in our father’s footsteps, but of course that dream came to a crashing halt. No pun intended."

"Your family must have been devastated."

"Oh, they were. They most definitely were."

"But it was an accident," she said. "You didn’t mean to do it, right?"

"To hurt my brother? No, I didn’t. But that didn’t matter. What mattered was I had harmed him. He had no memory of Jason Quartermaine, so he gave himself a new identity. He became known as Jason Morgan, which he is, as far as I know, to this day."

"How did that affect you, Mama?"

"Jason Quartermaine and I had been together prior to that fateful night. Afterwards, he didn’t remember who I was."

"Mama, that must have been horrible for you!"

"It was," she acknowledged. "But after a time, when I realized he wasn’t going to regain his memory, I got over it and moved on with my life."

"To A.J.," Julianna said, shaking her head. "The one who had caused you to lose the man you loved."

"Baby, you said it yourself earlier. It was an accident. And Jason had no business being in that car."

"So you forgave A.J. just like that?!" she asked, her voice incredulous as she snapped two fingers together. "Why would you take up with him, knowing he had a drinking problem. Mama, it could have been *you* in that car!"

"Julianna, I know this is a lot for you to hear," Keesha said, "but I would prefer if you would concentrate on the present. I really wish you would read an article or two. Your father truly has turned his life around. He talks about his struggles in some of the interviews. He’s not hiding any of this from you. What happened to Jason is unfortunate, yes, but it can’t be undone. Jason has gone on with his life. Would you have wanted your father to never have moved on? I saw how he suffered because of what happened. I witnessed the way his family treated him. Let me tell you, sweetheart, he has paid for that accident. Jason Morgan, who chose a much different life than the one he had, has done some very horrible things, yet, at least while I was living in Port Charles, he was still considered the golden boy. I got involved with A.J. again because I was attracted to him. Yes, Julianna, that’s right. I liked him, and then I fell in love with him. Did I approve of everything he did? No. And I would call him on it. But I enjoyed being with him."

"I loved your mother, too, Julianna, very much."

"But you never once thought about her after she left Port Charles. I sure hope no one ever loves *me* the way you loved my mother."

"Just like Jason that night, Julianna," Keesha said, trying desperately to help her daughter understand, "I made a choice, too. I chose to be with A.J. and to give myself to him, and I don’t regret that decision because it brought you into my life. Was I disappointed that he didn’t keep in touch? Of course I was. Was I distraught when I learned he was drinking again? Yes, very much so. Would I have kept him out of your life and mine? In a heartbeat. But that was fifteen years ago. A lot of things have changed, baby, and now is the right time, in my view, for your father to be in your life. Did I think this was going to be easy? No way. I knew how strongly you felt about your father not being in your life. But do I regret that he’s here? No, because he has shown me he cares about us, wants to be with us, help us, and most importantly, Julianna, he has shown me that we can trust him. One day, baby girl, you are going to understand what I’m saying. It is my fervent wish and prayer that I am still alive to see that day because I know, when you finally realize that you have *your* father in your life and decide to accept, and yes love him, for who he is, it’s going to be one of the happiest and most cherished days of your life and your parents’ lives.

"Your father is right there, Julianna. Don’t you see, sweetheart, that he’s been willing to put himself on the line for you. He wants you to question him, he wants to help erase your doubts, your fears, he wants to open up to you, but he also wants you to open up to him. He wants to be here for us. Can you let him? If not for yourself or your father, then for me? Please?"

Julianna had tears in her eyes by the time her mother finished her impassioned and heartfelt speech.

"Mama, you know how much I love you and how I would do anything for you, but you seem to have unconditional trust in A.J. and unconditional forgiveness towards him. I don’t. I’m sorry, A.J.," she said, turning to look at her father, "but I don’t see you as worthy of forgiveness. I think my mother should be livid with you for abandoning her, but that’s not the kind of person she is. You single-handedly ruined her relationship with Jason. Who knows what would have happened? Yes, maybe they wouldn’t be together to this day, but that choice was taken from her. By you and your stupid drinking problem! Who knows what else you have destroyed with your drinking, not only for my mother, but also for other people. My mother thinks you have paid, but I’m not convinced that’s true. I think my mother has been way too easy on you. My mother is tired. I think you should go now."

"Yes," A.J. said, rising from his chair. "I think you’re right. I have some things to take care of in the morning," he said to Keesha, "but I’ll call to see how you’re doing."

"I’d like that," Keesha said. "I’m sorry this turned into such a rough night for you."

"I value what our daughter has to say," he said, his eyes encompassing both Keesha and Julianna. "Like you, Keesha, I knew this wasn’t going to be easy. If you never accept me, Julianna, I will learn to live with your decision. Goodnight. I’ll call you tomorrow."

"Julianna, please walk your father to the door. I’m going to say goodnight, too."

"Goodnight, Mama," Julianna said, her voice subdued. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

*~*

Julianna and A.J. walked silently down the long corridor to the front of the house where she turned on the porch light and unlocked the door.

"May I tell you something?" A.J. asked.

Julianna nodded.

"Tomorrow morning I’m meeting with two consultants who may be able to help me with your mother’s pending liver transplant."

"Does my mother know?"

"No. I thought it best not to tell her until I know for sure what these gentlemen may be able to do. Once I know what I’m dealing with, I want to tell your mother. I’d like for her and me to meet with her doctors if there’s something that can be done that isn’t already being done or considered."

"That sounds like a good plan," Julianna acknowledged.

"You’re welcome to be as involved as you would like. I don’t want to leave you out of anything."

"I want to be there if you meet with Mama’s doctors."

"That’s fine. I’ll let you know the latest when I call tomorrow."

Julianna nodded again. A.J. opened the door and stepped out into the warm, breezy night.

"Goodnight," he said, and then turned to descend the steps.

"A.J.?" his daughter said, causing him to cease walking.

"Yes?"

She swallowed hard before speaking. "I...I know my mother appreciates everything you’re doing for her."

He nodded. "I know she does, too."

He had taken another step when his daughter’s voice stopped him again.

"A.J.?"

He turned and waited to hear what she had to say.

She fumbled with the doorknob as she spoke. "Instead of...instead of calling, why don’t you...you know...come by to tell us what you found out. I...I can make us something tasty for lunch. Okay?"

"Okay," he said, his voice not revealing anything of what he was feeling. "I’ll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah. And A.J.?"

"Yes?"

"Drive safely, okay?"

He allowed her a small smile. "I will. I promise."