Chapter 14

Keesha's piercing cry of pain ended any further conversation. A.J. and Julianna raced to her room and gasped at what they saw. Drenched in perspiration and yet shivering uncontrollably, Keesha told them her pain had returned in full force. A.J. wasted no time calling 911.

"The paramedics are on their way," he informed them when he returned to the room.

"So...co-cold," Keesha whispered, her teeth chattering.

"It's the fever, Mama. Help is on the way."

A few minutes later, A.J. heard the wail of the siren and headed for the front door to show the EMTs to Keesha's room.

One immediately began to examine her while another set up the machine to take an EKG.

"Her temperature's 104," the first one announced. "Get an IV going, stat," he told his younger partner.

"Do you know what happened?" the first one asked A.J. and Julianna.

"She wasn't feeling well last night and this morning," A.J. answered. "She has a diseased liver. The home care nurse gave her some medication."

"Can you show me her medications?"

"I'll get them for you," Julianna said.

She returned with her mother's medicine bottles and handed them to the paramedic. He jotted down all the information and gave them back to her. He saw that Keesha almost convulsed in the bed.

"I'm going to give her something that will relieve the pain, and then we'll get her to the hospital. She has an infection somewhere in her body. If it attacks her liver..."

He let the remainder of his sentence hang in the air when he saw Julianna's eyes widen in alarm.

"Why don't you wait outside?" he advised them. "We're going to get your mother to the hospital as quickly as we can."

"Come on, Julianna," A.J. said. "We need to let them tend to your mother."

As soon as they stepped outside, the paramedic closed the door.

"This can't be it," Julianna said, shaking her head. "Dr. Williams warned us about possible infections and how dangerous they were because of Mama's weakened immune system, but this can't be it, A.J. That infection, whatever it is, can't be in Mama's liver. It can't be! It just can't!"

Another cry of pain sent Julianna to her mother's door. A.J. had to restrain her.

"I want to be in there, A.J.! Mama needs me! Mama needs us!!"

"I know you want to be in there, but you can't, sweetheart. Not right now."

"But Mama is in pain! Don't you care?!"

"Of course I care, but we have to let the EMTs do their job. Right now, we'd only be in the way."

"I feel so helpless. I want Mama to know she's not alone."

"She knows, Julianna. Your mother knows we're not going to leave her."

She nodded but didn't say anything. When she heard the click of the door opening, she knew she had to be strong for her mother, who was being wheeled out of the room on a stretcher.

"I'm going with you in the ambulance, Mama," Julianna announced. "I'll be with you. I'm not going to leave you."

"I'm sorry, miss," the younger paramedic said, "but we're going to be monitoring and continuing to work on your mother in the ambulance. Your presence would hinder us."

"I'll take you, Julianna," A.J. said.

The EMTs continued to wheel Keesha down the hallway as they spoke. Julianna followed her out to the ambulance and told her mother that she loved her and that they would be at the hospital soon to be with her.

*~*

"We need to pack some things," Julianna said.

Nervous energy made her scurry around Keesha's room.

"I'll help," A.J. said. "Tell me what she needs."

"Mama likes to have her Bible with her. It's in the nightstand drawer. She also keeps a list of her medications in there. We should bring that, too. I'll pack everything else. I know what she needs."

A.J. walked to the nightstand and opened the drawer. He saw the blue leather-bound Bible lying in the drawer. He withdrew it and placed it on the mattress. He unfolded several pieces of paper, thinking he might find the list of medications. What he saw lying in the back of the drawer surprised him. Along with various papers, Keesha had kept a photograph. It was a picture of her and A.J., taken in front of the Quartermaine Christmas tree in 1997. A.J. stared at it in wonder. He planned to return it to her, but for just a little while, he wanted to keep it. He tucked it into his shirt pocket and continued to look for the medication list.

"Do we have everything?" he asked his daughter a few minutes later, when he saw her zipping up the overnight bag.

"I think so."

Julianna, who had been racing to get the items packed into the bag, took a moment to glance around the room. When her eyes fell on her mother's empty bed, her chest became heavy. She suddenly found it hard to breathe.

"Mama's really sick," she said, speaking as if to herself. "She's in so much pain. This is what Dr. Williams said would happen. He tried to prepare us for this, but now that it's actually happening..."

Her voice shook as she began to tremble with fear. She tried to stop the tears, but they came anyway. Without realizing what she was doing, she reached out for her father. A.J. embraced her lovingly and whispered words of comfort and encouragement. She buried her face in the fabric of his shirt and allowed herself to be consoled by him. A.J. gave her all the time she needed.

"Thank you," she said, when she had calmed down. "I...I guess you can tell I'm feeling overwhelmed."

"We both are," he assured her. "But I'll be here for you and your mother, Julianna. I want you to know that."

"I do," she said and offered him a weak smile.

She grabbed the strap of the overnight bag.

"We need to get to the hospital," she said, not wanting to give herself a chance to think about what had just taken place.

*~*

Once they arrived and found out that Dr. Williams was examining Keesha, they took a seat in the waiting room and filled out the required forms.

"When can we see her?" Julianna asked the nurse on duty when she returned the clipboard, pen and completed forms.

"Dr. Williams knows you're here. He'll talk to you soon. Just take a seat in the waiting room, please."

"What did the nurse say?" A.J. asked.

"She said Dr. Williams knows we're here, and he'll see us soon."

"And Justus? What did he say?"

Julianna had called him on her cell phone from A.J.'s car.

"He said he and Dara will be here by tonight."

A.J. nodded.

As the minutes slowly ticked by, Julianna and A.J. became lost in their own thoughts. Julianna jumped up when she saw Dr. Williams approaching them.

"Is my mother okay?" she asked, as soon as he reached them.

"She's asleep," he informed them.

"What's the diagnosis?" A.J. asked.

"Keesha does have an infection. The good news is it has not spread to her liver. The bad news is she is not strong enough right now to undergo surgery should a liver become available."

"When can we see her, Doctor?" Julianna asked.

"I'm keeping her in the ER for a while longer to monitor her condition. Later on, she'll be moved to ICU. You'll each be able to visit her for ten minutes. She needs her rest and antibiotics. I'll let you know when she's been moved."

"Thank you," A.J. said.

A.J. and Julianna returned to their seats in the waiting room.

"That's good the infection isn't in her liver," Julianna said.

A.J. agreed.

"But I know Mama's getting weaker," she added. "That's why she's so sick. If Mama doesn't get better, then she won't be able to have the operation, which means Mama will..."

Her voice trailed off. She couldn't bring herself to say the word.

Encouraged that she had turned to him earlier, A.J. tentatively placed his arm around her shoulders and was heartened when, instead of pulling away as he feared she might, she laid her head on his shoulder.

"We need more time," she said, her voice filled with sadness. "Mama has to recover from this. She has to!"

Julianna closed her eyes, wanting to block out everything. A.J. held her and let her rest, hoping she was drawing some comfort from him.

*~*

Two hours later, A.J. saw Dr. Williams heading their way. He gently tapped Julianna's arm to wake her up. Groggy and disoriented, it took her a few seconds to remember where she was. She stood up when the doctor arrived.

"Keesha has been moved to ICU," he told them. "You can go to the fifth floor. One visitor at a time for ten minutes only."

"Okay. Thank you, Dr. Williams."

They rode the elevator to the fifth floor and then approached the nurses' station.

"We'd like to see Keesha Ward," A.J. said.

The nurse checked her computer and then nodded.

"Who wants to go first?"

"Her daughter would," A.J. said.

"Okay. Follow me, please."

Julianna smiled gratefully at A.J. and then followed the nurse into Keesha's room. Her mother had been in the hospital before, but this was the first time she'd been in ICU. Julianna tried not to freak when she saw how many machines were hooked up to her mother. She took a seat next to the bed and gently held Keesha's warm hand in her own. Her mother seemed to be breathing normally. Julianna knew that was a good sign.

"I know you need your rest, Mama, so I don't want to disturb you. I just hope you can feel my presence and all the love I'm sending your way. I know you're going to get better. I have to believe that, and I do."

Julianna tenderly caressed her mother's hand as she watched her sleep.

"We brought a few things from home that I know you like to have with you. I'll unpack them and I'll tell the nurse so she knows what you have."

Julianna made quick work of the few items she had packed, and then she carefully placed her mother's cherished Bible on top of the table next to her bed.

"I know you will appreciate seeing that when you wake up. I hope you're resting comfortably. I'm sorry you've been in such pain. Feel better, Mama. I love you so much."

Julianna stood over her mother and stroked Keesha's hair with her fingers. She entwined her fingers with her mother's and pressed them together.

"I hope you can feel that, Mama. I'm here with you. Always."

The nurse entered the room. Julianna nodded, knowing it meant her time was up.

"A.J. is going to visit you. Justus and Dara are arriving tonight. I'll visit you again, Mama, as soon as they let me. I love you."

Julianna kissed her mother's cheek and then exited the room.

*~*

"Please do me a favor?" Julianna asked A.J. before he entered Keesha's room.

"What do you need?"

"Will you...will you read Mama the Twenty-Third Psalm before you leave? It's her favorite one, and I think she would really like to hear you recite it to her. I left her Bible on the table next to her bed."

"Sure," he said, familiar with the Psalm. "I can do that."

"Thank you."

A.J. walked into Keesha's room and was immediately reminded just how sick she was. She looked like a waif lying in the bed. But her face was not contorted in pain for which he was thankful. She seemed to be at peace.

He sat where Julianna had and held her hand in his. He also brushed the hair from her forehead.

"Like Julianna, I am hoping we have more time together. I know just how strong you are, sweetheart, and I know you can rebound from this. There is a liver out there for you, Keesha. I believe that with everything I am. We just have to get you well so you can receive it. I know you need to rest, so I'm not going to say too much. Just know I am here and that I will be with you and our daughter for as long as you need me. You are one incredible lady, Keesha Ward, and I know you have more time left on this Earth."

He spent the next few minutes watching her sleep and holding her hand, and then his eyes traveled to the Bible sitting on her table.

"Julianna asked me to read you the Twenty-Third Psalm," he said, picking up the Book. "I don't have much practice at this, as you probably know, but as soon as I locate the Psalm, I'll read it to you. I hope this brings you comfort, Keesha."

He found the Psalm and after clearing his throat, he began to recite the words of the beloved and probably most well-known Psalm out loud. When he finished, he reverently closed the Bible and returned it to the table. He reached for Keesha's hand once more.

"I know with the way you've been feeling, you probably would rather be beside those still waters, sweetheart, and I know you fear no evil. I also know that you believe you will be going to a better place when you leave this Earth. Call me selfish, Keesha, but I don't want you going there for a long, long time. Sleep, sweetheart. And when you feel better, come back to us. Because we need you. So very, very much."