Chapter 15

"Are you hungry?" A.J. asked Julianna once they had driven away from the hospital. "Should we stop somewhere to eat?"

"I can cook something at the house," she said without enthusiasm.

"I don't want you to have to do that. Do you like Chinese food? We can get take-out if you want."

"Sure. That's fine."

She directed A.J. to the nearest Chinese restaurant and stayed in the car after telling him what she wanted. When he returned, she was sound asleep. He didn't wake her until they arrived at the house.

"I don't feel like eating," she said. "I just want to go upstairs."

"All right. When you're hungry, the food will be here."

She nodded and then left A.J. alone in the kitchen.

He ate some of the food and then put the remainder in the refrigerator. He'd bought extra in case Justus and Dara were hungry when they arrived.

He returned to his seat at the kitchen table and thought about their impending arrival. It had been a long time since he'd seen either of them. He hadn't wanted to ask Keesha, but he assumed they wouldn't be too tolerant of him. He'd managed, through his own choices as well as those of other people's, to avoid having much contact with anyone from Port Charles. He realized that was probably about to change.

Thinking about Port Charles led him to pull the picture from his pocket. He took the time to study it more closely and realized he and Keesha looked happy, even though his world had just been turned upside down because Carly had announced that Jason was the father of her unborn baby.

Looking at the picture, he was reminded of how unwavering and committed Keesha had been in her support of him. She had been the only one on his side. Even Robin Scorpio had kept Jason and Carly's secret for far too long, and only when she realized her relationship with Jason was over, did she tell A.J. what she had believed to be the truth at that time.

"Why *didn't* I ever call you?"

He spoke softly to the picture as he touched Keesha's face.

Hearing Julianna's footsteps on the stairs, he returned the picture to his pocket and waited for her to enter.

"Did you sleep?" he asked.

"A little," she said, sliding onto a chair. "Mostly, I wrote in my journal."

"You keep a diary," he said. "That's nice."

"I like to write down my thoughts while they're fresh in my mind," she elaborated.

A.J. nodded. "How long have you kept a journal?"

"Mama gave me my first one when I was ten. She said she was tired of seeing me writing on napkins and scraps of paper."

Julianna chuckled at the memory of her mother shaking her head at her daughter's writing habits.

"Sounds like maybe you're going to be a writer."

"Not stories," she clarified. "But I do write poems, and I'm starting to learn how to write my own songs."

"Really?" A.J. said.

Julianna could tell he was impressed.

"I'm not very good," she admitted, "but I want to learn the craft. It's fun."

"Has your mother ever seen any of your songs?"

"A few. Mama thinks it's great that I want to become a songwriter, but she loves it when I play the piano and sing. Those are some of her favorite and our most special times."

"I would love to hear you play and sing some time, too," A.J. ventured. "I'd like to see the songs you've written, too, *if* you ever want to share them with me."

"I keep my songs pretty much to myself," she said. "My best friend Shelly doesn't even know I've written any. I know they're not that good, but they're very private to me."

"I understand."

"But," she offered, truly not wanting to hurt him, "I will play the piano and sing a song for you some time. When I'm in a better mood. Okay?"

"That would be wonderful," A.J. said and smiled. "Whenever you feel like it, Julianna. No pressure."

"No pressure," she repeated.

"Are you sure you don't want to eat?"

"Well," she said, realizing her stomach was growling. "Maybe I will have some chow mein."

A.J. warmed a dish of chicken chow mein in the microwave and sat with her while she ate.

"Can we call the hospital after I've eaten?" she asked. "I want to find out how Mama's doing and when we can see her again."

"Of course. You call while I clean up."

"A.J., you don't have to wait on me. I can rinse my dishes."

"I know, but I want to."

"Where do you live in Manhattan?" she suddenly asked.

"I live in a penthouse apartment on Park Avenue overlooking Central Park."

"Ritzy area," Julianna said.

She seemed amused more than anything.

A.J. shrugged and then gave her a small smile. "You could say that."

"Mama and I always planned to go to Manhattan to stay for the weekend, but we never made it."

"You should still plan on it. I believe your mother is going to get better and is going to get a new liver. And just think. Now you and your mother will have a place to stay."

"With you?" she asked, trying to wrap her mind around *that* concept.

"Of course. You're welcome any time, Julianna, and so is your mother."

"A.J., I have to be honest. I haven't thought much about the future. I know you're here now, but down the road? I don't view you as my father, and I don't think I ever will. I see you as someone who is just making a stop in my life at this particular time. I don't mean to hurt you, really I don't, but when you start talking about the future, well, frankly, it scares me because all I care about is that my mother survives."

"I guess I got carried away with the idea that you would want to see where I lived. I understand it's not a priority in your life."

"I just think we need to take things one day at a time. We don't know what's going to happen with Mama, and that's where my concern is."

"You're right. Let's just concentrate on Keesha getting well."

*~*

When Julianna called ICU, the nurse on duty told her there had been no change in her mother's condition.

"When can we see her again?"

"Tomorrow morning. Dr. Williams left instructions that you can visit her in the morning for ten minutes and in the afternoon for ten minutes."

"Okay. Thank you."

As soon as Julianna relayed the message to A.J., the doorbell rang. Julianna answered it, and seconds later heartfelt hugs ensued.

"I'm so glad you're here," Julianna gushed. "I know Mama appreciates it, too."

"Is your father here?" Justus asked.

Julianna nodded. "He's in the kitchen."

"How's your mother doing?" Dara asked, as they headed in that direction.

"I just called the hospital. The nurse said she's the same. She has an infection, but it hasn't gone to her liver, thank goodness. She's in ICU."

"She's never been in ICU before," Dara said, alarmed.

"I know." Julianna frowned. "Mama is really sick. I'm so afraid she's not going to make it."

Dara and Justus shared a concerned look before Dara took Julianna into her arms and hugged her again.

"We have to stay positive," she said to the young girl. "Keep the faith, baby girl. Okay?"

"I've been trying to," Julianna said. "I'm so glad you guys are here."

"And we're going to stay for as long as you and your mother need us," Justus said.

They reached the kitchen and saw A.J.

"Hello, A.J.," Justus said, keeping his voice neutral.

"Hi, Justus, Dara. It's been a long time."

"Hi, A.J.," Dara said, following her husband's lead.

"Sit down," Julianna said. "We have Chinese food, if you would like some, or I can cook you something."

"We're fine," Dara assured her. "We ate on the way here."

"Can we get you something to drink?" A.J. offered.

"Maybe later," Justus said. "Right now, we want to hear about Keesha."

Julianna told them what had happened.

"What is her doctor saying?" Dara asked.

"He said the infection isn't in her liver but that Mama couldn't undergo surgery if a liver became available because she's too weak."

"I'd like to talk to Dr. Williams tomorrow," Justus said.

"I want to go to the hospital in the morning," Julianna said. "The nurse said we can visit for ten minutes. Maybe he'll be there?"

"Maybe. If not, I'll call his office."

A.J. saw an opening and decided to take it. "Before Keesha got sick, I was trying to find out as much as I could about liver transplants. I never got a chance to mention this to Keesha or Julianna, for that matter, but General Hospital in Port Charles has the capability to perform liver transplants. I realize Keesha couldn't have one done now, but I'm believing she's going to pull through this."

"We all are," Dara said.

"So if the opportunity presents itself, maybe we could mention this to Dr. Williams, too, just so he's aware of another possible avenue?"

"I guess it wouldn't hurt. He never mentioned GH to us when we talked about Keesha being on the list for a new liver."

"Mama would have to go to Port Charles if she were to have the surgery?"

"That's one of the possibilities," Justus said, "but it does make sense."

"Keesha asked me not to mention her name, but I've talked with Nikolas Cassadine. He was very helpful. I was going to try to set up a meeting with Dr. Ellen Burgess-Harmon, the chief of staff, if Keesha said she wanted to proceed, but with her getting sick..."

"That changed everything," Dara said.

A.J. nodded.

"Maybe we should still mention it to her doctor," Justus decided. "The more options the better at this point."

"That's how I was viewing it, too," A.J. said.

"Is there anything you need, Julianna?" Dara asked.

She shook her head. "Just for Mama to get well."

Dara nodded, smiled and tenderly brushed Julianna's hair with her fingers.

"We got a suite at a nearby hotel," she said. "You're welcome to stay with us, Julianna."

"Thank you, but I think I'll stay here."

"A.J., where have you been staying?" Justus asked.

"I have a room at the Hilton, but I've stayed here a couple of nights, too."

When Justus' eyebrows shot up, A.J. quickly explained.

"I slept on the couch in the living room."

"Where are you staying tonight?" Justus wanted to know.

"I hadn't thought about it," A.J. admitted. "If Julianna wants to be alone, I could go back to the hotel."

"You don't have to," Julianna spoke up. Her words surprised Justus and Dara. "I'd like it if A.J. stayed here."

"Is that really what you want, Julianna?" Justus asked.

"Yes," she said. "Plus, I think Mama would be happy knowing that A.J. was here. Mama has enjoyed having A.J. here. I can tell. It's okay with me if he stays. We can keep each other company."

"If you're sure..." Justus said, still perplexed by Julianna's decision but not wanting to cause trouble.

"I'm sure."

"Well," Dara said, "it's been a long day for us. If you don't need anything, we're going to head for the hotel."

"I'm fine," Julianna said, rising from the chair to give each of them a hug and a kiss. "Thank you so much for being here. I love you."

"We love you, too, baby girl," Dara said. "We'll call you in the morning to find out what time you want to go to the hospital."

"Okay."

They said goodnight to A.J. and then Julianna walked them to the door.

"We'll talk more tomorrow, okay?"

She nodded.

"I almost forgot," Dara said.

She pulled out a business card from the hotel and handed it to Julianna.

"There's the phone number. We're in Room 515. If you need anything at all, you call us. We don't care what time it is. Got that?"

"I got it. Thank you so much."

"We love you," Justus said, enveloping her into his muscled arms. "We're going to take good care of you and your mother."

"I know."

They said their good-byes. Once the car had pulled away, Julianna locked up the front door and then returned to the kitchen.

"They're very protective of me," she said, by way of explanation.

"I think it's great," A.J. said.

"They only want what's best for me."

"I saw that. Believe it or not, Julianna, I want what's best for you, too."

"I know," she said, "that's why I told them it was okay if you stayed here."

"Is that really what you want?"

"Yes. If it wasn't, I would have said so."

"Okay. I just wanted to be sure."

"I knew this was going to be awkward, but they are my family, A.J. They're Mama's family, too. I know Justus is your cousin," she added. "Mama explained the relationship to me, but he will go along with what I want as long as he knows I won't be hurt. Maybe you and Justus can work out your differences."

"Maybe," A.J. said, although he didn't feel hopeful at that moment.

"He only wants to see Mama and me happy. That's all he's ever wanted."

A.J. nodded. "I'm grateful for him and Dara. Truly I am."

Julianna smirked. "You don't look very grateful, but what about this? How about if I play a song on the piano for you? I might even sing."

"Do you feel up to it?"

"Yes. Music helps me to relax. C'mon," she said, walking out of the kitchen. "Let's go into the living room."

While A.J. sat across from her so he could watch her fingers as they flew across the keys, she turned on a few lights, and then she lifted the top of the piano bench and removed some sheet music. She placed in on the holder in front of her, got comfortable on the bench, and began to warm up her nimble fingers and her voice. When she felt confident, she turned to her father.

"This is one of my mother's favorite songs," she said, her voice suddenly quiet. "I think I'm beginning to understand why."

She began to play and sing. Her lilting voice amazed A.J. He couldn't believe what a lovely singing voice his own daughter possessed. She sang with passion. She sang with feeling. If A.J. closed his eyes, he could almost see Keesha's grandmother, Mary Mae. The strength, conviction and the purity of Julianna's voice mesmerized A.J. When he finally realized what a beautiful singer his daughter was, the song was almost half over. It was then that the words hit him, and suddenly, he knew why Julianna had said it was one of her mother's favorite songs and that she was beginning to understand why. He realized it epitomized everything Keesha stood for and believed in. He couldn't help but to believe that Keesha thought about him when she heard the song. He listened carefully as Julianna sang the song one more time. Just for him.

*~*
Kiss today goodbye,
The sweetness and the sorrow
Wish me luck, the same to you
But I can't regret
What I did for love, what I did for love
*~*
Look my eyes are dry
The gift was ours to borrow
It's as if we always knew,
And I won't forget what I did for love,
What I did for love
*~*
Gone,
Love is never gone
As we travel on,
Love's what we'll remember
*~*
Kiss today goodbye,
And point me t'ward tomorrow.
We did what we had to do
Won't forget, can't regret
What I did for
Love

*~*

When Julianna had finished the song, she closed the cover on the piano keys and turned to look at her father. The tears in his eyes surprised her.

"That was absolutely beautiful, Julianna. You have a wonderful voice. Thank you for sharing your gift with me."

Emotional herself, she nodded and stood to go to her room. She was exhausted and hoped sleep would come. At the doorway, she stopped and looked at her father.

"Can I tell you something, A.J.?"

"Yes."

"Mama loved you, and I'm beginning to think she still does. Why didn't you ever think about her?"

Julianna left A.J. wondering if those words were going to haunt him for the rest of his life. Alone in the room and with the lyrics to the song his daughter had so brilliantly sang still swimming in his head, he pulled the picture from his pocket and stared at it for the longest time. He could draw only one conclusion.

"I have to be the biggest idiot who was ever born."

(Song credit: "What I Did For Love" - from the musical "A Chorus Line")