Chapter 26

Julianna did not hear anything else Michael said once he spoke the name "A.J. Quartermaine." Michael finally caught on to the fact that Julianna's mind was miles away.

"Jule? Jule, what's wrong?"

"That name," she finally said, her eyes still glazed. "Repeat that name."

"What name?"

"The one you said you thought was your father. Michael, say his name again!"

"A.J.?" he asked, confused. "Is that who you mean?"

Julianna nodded. "A.J. Quartermaine. That's what you said. Right?"

"Yes, that's what I said. Why is his name so important to you? Do you know him? Does your mother?"

Julianna laughed, but it was one of hysteria, not humor.

"Do I know him?!" she practically shrieked. "Michael, you may have thought A.J. was your father for a good portion of your life, but guess what? He *is* my father!"

Stunned by her declaration, Michael could only stare at his friend as she tried to make sense out of something that made absolutely no sense at all.

"How? How is that possible?"

Julianna looked at him with disdain.

"Okay, I know *how*," he amended, "but I mean, Jule, this...this is major. This is...this is..."

"Too weird and crazy for words," she finished for him.

"Yeah," Michael agreed sadly. "I guess it is."

"Please, Michael," Julianna pleaded, not knowing what else to do, "you're my friend, right?"

"Yes, I am."

"Then you have to tell me everything. I need to know what happened in this town, between my father and your mother, almost seventeen years ago. Please. Tell me."

"I only know bits and pieces."

"Tell me what you know. Please!"

"Let me ask you a question first."

"Okay."

"You said you were getting to know your father in Philadelphia, right?"

"Yes."

"And that he's here with you now, correct?"

She nodded.

"Then I think you should go to him, Jule, and find out the true story. Every detail. I don't want to say the wrong thing and mislead you. I would rather you hear the whole story from the one who knows everything that went down."

"I can't," she said, shaking her head defiantly.

"Why not?" he asked, but his tone was gentle.

"I don't trust him enough," she said, looking at Michael with tears in her eyes. "I trust you, Michael. I know you'll tell me the truth as you know it."

Michael reached for her hands and squeezed them. "But I don't know everything that happened, Jule. Your father does."

"I'm scared," she said, looking at their joined hands.

"Of what?" he asked, wishing he could hold her.

"Of my father. Of our relationship. Of what this all means. I knew he hurt my mother. I knew it! I was right not to trust him in the beginning. I was right to try to keep him out of our lives. How could he be with my mother and your mother at the same time? My mother must have believed he could have been your father. That's probably one of the reasons why Mama left this town and why it was so easy for my father to dismiss her!"

"This is exactly why you need to talk to your father. You don't know if any of that is true, Jule. Please. Talk to A.J. Why would he lie to you? You're his daughter."

"As if that means anything," she scoffed, knowing she was probably being unreasonable but not caring at that moment. "I wish he'd stayed out of our lives!"

"I don't think you mean that," Michael challenged.

"Yes, I do!"

"Jule, you were beginning to like your father. You can't tell me you weren't."

"I was, and every time I let him get a little close to me, I end up regretting it. Not this time," she said, pulling her hands away from Michael. Ready for battle, she stood up and brushed the grass off of her jeans. "I will go to him, Michael, and I will tell him exactly what I think of him!"

With determined steps, she marched towards the nearest park exit. Michael dashed to catch up with her. He knew anger and adrenaline fueled her steps.

"Julianna, wait," he said, standing in front of her.

"Get out of my way, Michael. You're right. I need to settle this with my father once and for all."

"I know you’re going to do this," Michael said, seeing the tenacity in her eyes. "Please let me go with you."

"You like him, Michael. Right now, I don’t. You may not like what I’m going to say to him, and I won’t like it if you try to defend him."

"It’s not my place to defend him. I want to be there for you, Jule. My big mouth is what started this. Wouldn’t you like to have a friend with you?"

"Is that what you’ll be?" she asked, her tone wary and uncertain.

"Yes. Absolutely. Jule, I hate that I’ve done this to you."

But she was shaking her head. "You didn’t do anything. My father did. I’m off to his hotel room. I want to know everything that happened. If you come with me, you’re doing it at your own risk."

"It’s a risk I’m willing to take."

*~*

The harsh raps on his door startled A.J. who was on the phone.

"Skye, I have to go. Someone's at my door."

A.J. ended the call and walked to the door. Peering through the peephole to see who had knocked, he was surprised to see Julianna. Someone was with her, but he couldn't see enough to determine who it might be. When he opened the door and saw who was waiting on the other side, his face turned as white as the walls of his hotel room.

"We need to talk," Julianna said, striding purposefully into his room.

Michael followed.

A.J. closed the door and his eyes. He asked himself when he was ever going to learn to listen to Keesha. He turned around, hoping he had been dreaming that Julianna and Michael had just walked into his room, but he knew it was real. They were both looking at him, their expressions far too serious for their young ages.

"I know you have questions about seeing us together," Julianna began, "but I need to have my say first."

A.J. agreed.

"I know some things about your relationship with Michael," she began, her voice shaking. "I want you to tell me everything."

"That could take a while," A.J. said, his insides churning. "Why don't we sit down?"

Julianna sat on the divan; Michael sat next to her. A.J. pulled up a chair and sat close to his daughter.

"Tell me about your relationship with Michael's deceased mother."

A.J. had to give his daughter credit. She had the ability to get to the heart of the matter, much the same way her mother did.

"Carly, Michael's deceased mother, and I started out as friends and lovers and ended up bitter enemies."

"Were you with her and my mother at the same time?" demanded Julianna.

"No, Julianna, I wasn't. Your mother and I were not together. I had been drinking heavily the night I thought I might have fathered Michael."

"But you and Carly were together?"

"No, not really. I hate having to tell you all this, Julianna."

"I want to hear it. I don't care how sordid it is. I want the truth."

"Carly was with Michael's father. They'd had a fight. She came to the bar looking for Jason and found me instead."

"That's disgusting!" Julianna cried.

"I know, but that's how it happened. Carly ended up pregnant. She told me Tony was the father, and I had no reason to doubt her until she started playing games with me."

"What kinds of games?"

"After that night, I went back on the wagon. I'd had a blackout. I didn't remember what had happened, and it scared me. I was really trying to get my act together. Your mother was helping me."

"How could my mother have ever been involved with someone like you?!"

She jumped up from the sofa and walked to the bay window. She looked out, unseeing, at the clear blue sky. Thoughts of her mother and A.J. and Carly repulsed her. Her mother was a better person than that. Why had she wanted to be with him?

"I've asked myself that same question many times," A.J. said, standing a few feet behind her. "Keesha was, and I hope still is, my friend. She's the best, Julianna. You don't think I know she deserved someone much, much better than me."

"Why did you get involved with her again?" she asked, keeping her back to her father. "I would've thought you would have been busy with Michael's mother."

"I wanted to be a father to my child, if it turned out I was indeed Michael's father, but Carly and I were adversaries at that point. After that drunken night, I made the statement that if I fell off the wagon one more time, I would go into rehab somewhere far away from Port Charles. When Carly thought I could be the father of her baby, she drugged me, Julianna, left me in an alley for my family to find me, and made me believe I had started drinking again. I was on my way to a rehab clinic when your mother began helping me sort out the details about that night. She helped me, Julianna. She was the one who put the pieces of the puzzle together and figured out Carly's scheme. I hadn't taken a drink. My family was ready to write me off, again. I tried to tell them that my sobriety was still intact, but the damage had already been done. My mother believed me, but I was still viewed as a drunken loser. Your mother was the only true ally I had, Julianna."

"And we know how well you treat your friends," Julianna said snidely, still keeping her back to A.J.

"I know how bad this sounds, but I was fighting for my rights as a possible father to Michael, and Keesha was helping me. We were friends, Julianna, and friendship turned to love."

She whirled around to face her father. "For about all of five minutes! Was it really because my grandfather was sick that Mama left town or was it because of you?!"

"We were together when your mother left here, Julianna. She said she needed to return to Philadelphia because her father was ill. She didn't plan to be away long."

"What did you do as soon as my mother was gone? Hook up with Michael's mom again? Or were you already on to someone new?"

"No, I wasn't with anyone, Julianna. I was trying to get my life together. I was learning to live with the fact that Jason was Michael's father. Yes, I did some horrible things that your mother knew about. She didn't like that I was so obsessed with Michael, but Keesha was still my friend. She got me through some of my darkest days. I'll never forget that, Julianna. I loved your mother. I wish you could believe at least that much."

"Why? Because the evidence of your love is so overwhelming?!"

"Our love produced you," A.J. said quietly.

Julianna turned away from her father. Michael saw that her shoulders were shaking, and he believed she was quietly sobbing. He had remained silent, as he'd promised her he would, but when he thought she might be crying, he moved to place his hands on her shoulders and gently massaged them.

"It's me," he whispered. "It's okay, Jule. It's okay."

"None of this makes much sense," A.J. said. "I know that, Julianna. For the next several years, things did not get better. They got progressively worse. I had to make a decision. I had to get away from this town. If I hadn't, I don't believe I would be standing here today, talking to you."

"Why did you continue to drink?" she asked, even though she didn't really want to know the answer to that question.

"Because I was miserable," A.J. admitted. "I lived down to everyone's expectations of me. I know now that their opinions shouldn't have mattered, but back then, Julianna, I placed way too much emphasis on what my family thought of me. And I continued to fight for Michael because Carly told me I was his father. I believed her. I wanted to *be* Michael's father. I would have tried to be in your life, too, Julianna, if I had known of your existence."

"You would have never gotten me," she said, her tone icy. "I would have never chosen you over my mother! Never!"

"I wouldn't have asked you to," A.J. said. "But I would have wanted to be in your life."

"You wouldn't have even cared that I existed," she accused, turning to face her father once more. "You were too wrapped up worrying about Michael and getting revenge. You think my mother would have let me anywhere near you while you were drinking?! My mother would have never done that!"

"I know that. We talked about that. But, Julianna, I swear to you I haven't had a drink in eleven years. I hit rock bottom, and I knew I had to make changes in my life. I was on the path to total destruction. I would've died. I know that."

"You let Carly and your family bring you to that point?"

"Yes, I did. I'm not proud of any of this, Julianna, but it's the truth. I led a very self-destructive life. I couldn't run the family business the way my grandfather wanted me to. I couldn't be a part of Michael's life because his mother married a mobster who made sure my life was a living hell. I wanted revenge so badly I could taste it. I married Sonny's sister, mostly out of spite, and when I went too far with that plan, I lost her to Jason. I thought I was losing my mind, Julianna, and I decided there had to be something better out there. Somewhere. Anywhere. Just not in this town.

"I found the help I needed, and I started making decisions for myself. My failures were my failures, but my successes were my successes, too. I saw many things through a different perspective, a different mind set. I had peace within myself for the very first time. I wish I could describe this to you so you would understand my transition, but I'm not sure I can. All I can tell you, Julianna, is I did some really horrible things, and I had some very horrible and humiliating things done to me. I survived, and I'm here today, ready and willing to have whatever part of your life you want to give me. Am I asking for too much?"

When Julianna didn't answer, A.J. continued. He had to find a way to reach her. He just had to.

"Your mother told me to tell you about Michael. I still don't listen very well. Keesha was right about this, and she's been right about so many things. I didn't tell you because I didn't know how to. I really want you to see me as the person I am today. I'm not blotting out my mistakes or trying to minimize them, but I have made changes in my life. Real changes, Julianna. Changes that, I hope, have made me a better person and that will make me a better father to you. Should I even try any more or have you already written me off as someone who you will never allow to be your father?"

"I don't know," Julianna said, her voice and body trembling. "How many more bombshells are going to be dropped on me?"

"None, I hope. The secrets are out. Yes, there's more I could tell you about what I did and what was done to me, but what I've told you, Julianna, are the lowlights of a very bad time in my life. I'm not that person any more, at least I haven't been in a long time. I struggle every day not to take a drink, but I take care of myself and I do what I know I need to do to get me through each day, one day at a time. It's worked for me, and my goal is for my program to continue to work for me. Will you ever be able to give me a chance?"

"I was giving you a chance," Julianna said, "and then I find out about you and Michael's mom!"

"I should have told you, Julianna. That was my mistake, and I apologize for not telling you. But I had no way of knowing you and Michael knew each other."

"I realize that. I thought you were going to faint when you opened up the door and saw us standing there."

"I almost did."

"A.J., I know none of us is perfect, but I love my mother so much that I can't bear the thought of all that she must have gone through in the names of friendship and love. I can't understand why you would put someone you say you loved through all that turmoil."

"I did it because I was a self-centered jerk. I was. I can admit that now because I've been through enough counseling to know what to call my behavior. I excelled at "Jerk 101," along with "Downtrodden 101," but I had some great people who got me started on a different, and much better, path."

A.J. breathed an inward sigh of relief when he saw his daughter crack a smile.

"You like those terms I used to describe myself, I can tell."

Julianna shook her head. "I don't know what to think anymore," she admitted.

Michael had ceased massaging her shoulders and stood next to her.

"Before today, I think you were willing to give me a chance," A.J. said.

"I was."

She glanced at Michael who was looking at her with hope on his face.

"And I guess I still am," she said grudgingly. "But only because of my mother."

"I understand."

"Can I talk to Julianna alone for a minute?" Michael asked.

A.J. looked to his daughter who nodded.

"I'll be in the bedroom. Knock on the door when you're through."

Michael waited until he'd heard the click of the door closing, and then he turned to look at Julianna.

"I know I said I wouldn't defend the guy, but Julianna, I have to tell you that there was a lot more he could've said in his own defense. I believe he's really trying to be the father he thinks you want him to be."

"How can he do that when *I* don't even know what kind of a father I want him to be?"

"That's just it. He's playing it very safe because he's not sure, at all, where he stands with you."

"Good. I want him to be guessing about that."

"Why, Julianna? What has he done to you since coming into your life except not be upfront about his past?"

"Isn't that enough?"

"No," Michael said, shaking his head. "I don't think it is. I believe he would've told you everything. Eventually. I think he needs some encouragement, Julianna. And he needs to receive it from you."

"Encouragement for what?" she asked, puzzled.

"Encouragement that you and he will have some kind of a relationship at some point in your life."

"I'm not ready to give him that kind of encouragement," she said, digging in her heels.

"I know you're not, and I'm not saying it has to be today. But you know what would be nice?"

"What?"

"If you gave him a hug when we leave here."

"I've hugged him before," she said, uncomfortable with Michael's suggestion.

"Then it should be easy to do it again," he said and grinned.

In spite of her mood, she found herself smiling.

"C'mon," he cajoled. "You know you wanna. Let's leave here on a somewhat positive note. Okay?"

"Is that what we're doing? Leaving?"

"Unless you want to go a few more rounds."

"No," she said, "I don't. Not today."

"Can I tell him to come out?"

"Sure," she said, lifting her shoulders in a shrug. "Why not."

"Your enthusiasm overwhelms me."

"Go get A.J."

"Yes, Ma'am."

When A.J. returned to the main room of his suite, he waited expectantly for Julianna to speak.

"Michael and I are going to leave," she said.

"Okay. I still would like to know how the two of you know each other."

"We'll tell you," Michael said. "Another time."

"I'm going to talk to my mother, too," Julianna said. "Mama doesn't know that Michael and I are friends."

"Your mother doesn't know you were coming here today?"

"No. I had no intention of coming here until I found out about your relationship with Michael. I wanted Michael to tell me everything, but he said I needed to hear it from you. He was right. I did need to hear this in your words. I'm not cold-hearted, A.J. I saw the pain in your eyes. I can tell that you've suffered, but it also sounds like you made some of the people around you suffer, too. Especially my mother. That's what I can't get past. I'm sorry, but I can't."

"I keep telling myself that when you voice these concerns, they're valid, and I respect them. You know, when I was born, my father didn't believe I was his son. Consequently, there was always something off about our relationship. I knew I had disappointed him many times. When I was trying my best to stay sober, he told me it didn't matter to him. That basically I didn't matter to him. It was just the way he felt. He said his love for Jason came more naturally to him than any love he may have felt for me. That's one of the main reasons I fought so hard for Michael, and why I tried to make things easy for him when he was born. Because I didn't want him to ever doubt that his father loved him. I don't want you to doubt it either, Julianna. I know these words are coming almost sixteen years too late, but I'm speaking from my heart. I love you, Julianna, as your father. I always will. I've never had any reservations that I could love you and care for you from the moment I found out you were my daughter. I wouldn't wish my father's words on anyone. I fought to be somebody in my own family, to be accepted for who I was, flaws and all, but it was never meant to be. I just want you to know that you will always have a place in my life. I will never shut you out, and I will try my best to always be there for you. I mean that, Julianna. I mean that from the bottom of my heart."

Before A.J. had finished speaking, his daughter was in his arms. He held her and stroked the back of her hair as she clung to him, his heartfelt words still running through her mind.

"You're my daughter," he said, his voice thick with emotion, "and nothing is ever going to change that. Please, Julianna. Someway, someday, please find it in your heart to let me be your father."