Chapter 33

After Ellen had examined Keesha at her next appointment, she met with her and Julianna in her office.

"I noted an improvement in your condition from your last visit," Ellen said when they had all been seated. "The medicine I prescribed is helping. I hope you've noticed a difference, too."

"I have. I feel better now than I have in a long time."

"Good. That means you're getting stronger and will be able to withstand surgery. We need to keep you that way."

"Have you heard anything?" Keesha asked, her tone hesitant.

Ellen shook her head. "No, I haven't. But we could be sitting here talking, and the phone will ring with news about a liver becoming available. That's how quickly it happens."

Keesha and Julianna nodded.

"How are you holding up?" Ellen asked Julianna.

"I'm okay," she answered.

Ellen sat back in her black leather chair and steepled her fingers. "I've been thinking about something since your last visit," she finally said. "I know how difficult waiting can be. It's very stressful. So I would like to make a suggestion, and I hope you won't dismiss it lightly. If either of you ever needs to talk to someone, I can refer you."

"You mean like counseling?" Keesha asked.

"Yes. Sometimes it helps to talk to someone who is impartial. I'm thinking particularly of Julianna, who may benefit from knowing she has a professional she can confide in."

"I don't need to talk to anyone," Julianna stated, her voice firm.

Keesha gently squeezed her daughter's hand. "It's just a thought, sweetheart. I think I know what Dr. Burgess-Harmon means."

"I just wanted to give you another option," Ellen said.

Her dimpled smile softened her next words.

"You and your mom probably do a lot of talking, right? But, most likely, you don't want to say anything that will upset her. Keesha, I'm thinking you may feel the same way towards your daughter and maybe other relatives, too. A professional counselor's job is to listen to people talk about their desires, their fears, their struggles, their hopes. I just thought maybe it would be a relief if you knew you could talk to someone like that."

"I don't want to," Julianna said, adamantly shaking her head.

"We appreciate the suggestion," Keesha said, "but, for now, I think we're fine."

"Okay," Ellen said, not wanting to push. "Do you have any other questions?"

Keesha couldn't think of anything.

"Then I will see you at the same time in one week."

When Keesha and Julianna stood, Ellen spoke.

"If you aren't too tired, Nikolas Cassadine asked if you wouldn't mind stopping by to see him."

"I'd like that," Keesha said.

"Great. His is the corner office, down the corridor from mine. I'm glad you feel up to visiting him. He's been looking forward to seeing you."

*~*

Nikolas embraced Keesha the moment she stepped into his office.

"It's so good to see you," he said when they had pulled away. "I'm so sorry, though, for the reason you are here."

"Thanks. It's good to see you again, too."

"Is this lovely young lady your daughter?" Nikolas asked.

He and Julianna smiled at each other as Keesha introduced them.

One thing Julianna had to admit was that Port Charles had many fine looking men.

Nikolas seated both of them and then sat behind his desk.

"I wanted to say 'hello' and welcome back to Port Charles. I also wanted to make sure you're comfortable with Ellen. If you have any questions or concerns, please tell me."

"Everything is fine," Keesha assured him. "I like Ellen very much. Her care and manner have been terrific."

"Good. I'm always glad to hear that."

"How about you? Do you like being the administrator of GH?"

"It's hectic, but yes, I do enjoy it."

"Good for you. How are Stefan and Alexis?"

"They're fine. Stefan is in Greece right now with Alexis and Ned's daughter Kristina. I just talked to Alexis earlier. Everyone is doing well."

Keesha nodded. "A.J. told me that you're married and have two children. I think that's wonderful."

Nikolas couldn't keep the smile from his face as he handed Keesha the framed picture he had showed to A.J.

"My wife's name is Gia. My son's name is Nikolas, Jr., and my daughter's is Sonya."

"What a handsome family," Keesha gushed.

She handed the picture to her daughter.

"Thanks. It was great to see A.J. last week. It's hard for me to believe he's here."

Keesha gave a small laugh. "I think he doesn't quite believe either, but he's doing well."

"I would love for both of you to meet my family. A.J. knows Gia, but he hasn't seen my children. Whenever you feel up to it, I'd like to invite you and Julianna and A.J. to our house for dinner."

"Nikolas, that would be lovely. Thank you. I'll talk to A.J. about it. I would like to meet your wife and children."

"Excellent. I hope you'll come for dinner soon."

*~*

Hoping to be able to talk to his cousin, Justus didn't return to work once he had picked up Keesha and Julianna from the hospital. But as soon as they arrived home, Keesha announced she wanted to take a nap. Justus knew their talk would have to wait.

"Mama, since Justus is here, is it okay if I go out for a little while?"

"Sure. Are you meeting Michael?" Keesha asked and smiled.

Julianna blushed. "Yeah. He asked if I could meet him at the park."

"That sounds fine. Enjoy."

*~*

"You're very quiet," Michael commented to Julianna, after they had walked around the park.

"I'm sorry. I have a lot on my mind."

"Didn't your mom's appointment go well?" he asked, concerned.

"It was okay, but Dr. Burgess-Harmon said something that really bothered me."

"What?"

"She offered professional counseling for my mom and me, but she said she was thinking especially for me. Why, Michael? Why would she suggest counseling?"

Michael shrugged. "I don't know, Jule. Maybe you seemed stressed to her? Maybe she just thought she should mention it."

"I think there was a very definite purpose to her mentioning it."

"Why do you think she brought it up?"

They were standing close together under a birch tree, which provided them much-needed shade.

"I think she recommended it because she knows my mother isn't going to make it."

"No, Jule," Michael said, instinctively reaching out to massage her bare arms with the palms of his hands, "I don't think that's the reason. Not at all."

"Then why else would she mention it?!" Julianna demanded. "She wants me to get used to the idea of 'talking to a professional' because just like they did with you, Michael, they're going to force me to go to grief counseling if my mother dies. But I won't go! I won't!"

Michael saw the tears welling in Julianna's beautiful eyes, and his heart grew heavy. Without either of them realizing what they were doing, Michael pulled her into his arms and held her close as she quietly sobbed against his chest.

"Shhh," he whispered as he stroked her hair. "It's okay, Jule. No one is going to make you go to counseling if you don't want to."

"They made you," she said. "And you said you hated it. I'll hate it, too. I know I will!"

She gulped as she tried to swallow her tears.

"My family forced me to go because they didn't know how to handle my anger. I didn't know how to handle my anger. I was on a very destructive path, Jule. You're not. I doubt anyone in your family would make you do something you didn't want to do."

"But you didn't know you were angry until you lost your mom and Sonny, right?" she asked, looking up at his compassionate face.

"That's true, but there had been signs. My grandmother knew."

"I can't think about my life without my mother in it," Julianna said, continuing to let Michael comfort her. "So how will I know how I'll react?"

"Can you see yourself throwing objects against the walls and breaking glass at every turn?"

Julianna shook her head. "No. I think I'll just be extremely sad and cry all the time."

"That's the difference," Michael said. "I had no sadness in me, Jule, and I couldn't or wouldn't cry. I just wanted to lash out at everyone around me, and I wanted to throw things. I wanted to hurt people. I wanted to hurt myself. That's why I was forced to seek professional help."

He pulled back and gazed into her wet, glistening eyes.

"I can't imagine you ever doing anything so destructive, to yourself or to anyone else."

"I can't picture you like that either, but if you say it happened, I have to believe you."

"Being on drugs didn't help. You don't have that worry either. You're going to be fine. I hope your mom does not die, Jule, but if she should, you will have a wonderful support system. I hope I'm included on that list."

"You," she said, losing some of her inhibition and stroking his auburn hair, "are right at the top of the list. How did I get so lucky to find a friend like you?"

Michael continued to gaze into her eyes. "I was just thinking the same thing."

Their hands stilled as they stared at each other. Making sure it was okay with Julianna, Michael brought his mouth closer to hers. When he saw a flicker of hesitation in her eyes, he drew back.

"Is it okay, Jule?" he asked, his voice barely audible. "Is it okay if I kiss you?"

"I've never been kissed," she admitted, her heart pounding against her ribs from excitement and a little bit of fear.

She wanted Michael to kiss her, but she didn't know what to expect if he did.

He grinned. "Then we'll call this a practice one. If I'm a lousy kisser, it won't count, and you can tell the next guy who wants to kiss you that you've never been kissed."

Despite her agitation, she had to smile. "You never fail to make me feel better. How do you do it?"

He shrugged and laughed. "What can I say? It's a gift."

She stood on her toes and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I would like it very much if you would kiss me. For real."

"Are you sure?" he asked.

Anticipation consumed Julianna at the thought of experiencing her first kiss. The fact that Michael would be the one only made it that much more special.

"Yes," she said, leaning in closer. "I want you to kiss me."

Michael cradled her face in his hands and slowly brought his lips to mesh with hers. She tasted sweet, like very ripe strawberries. He had experience, but never had a first kiss meant more to him. He drew her closer as she ran her fingers through his hair. He felt her stiffen in his arms when he parted her lips, and then he felt her relax when she realized he wouldn't do anything she didn't want.

Julianna knew Michael wouldn't push her, and he didn't. She felt safe in his arms and the feel of his warm, moist lips on hers made her body tingle. The reality of their first kiss was far better than anything she could have imagined. She didn't want it to end.

"Are you okay?" Michael asked, still framing her face with the palms of his hands when the kiss ended.

"I'm fine," Julianna said, still reeling from his nearness and the erratic beating of her heart.

She reached for his hand and pulled him with her to the ground. She sat with her back leaning against him. He draped one arm over her shoulder and clasped her fingers in his. As she sighed contentedly, he kissed the top of her hair.

"I really like you, Julianna," he said, hugging her closer.

"I really like you, too, Michael. This isn't too weird, right?"

"I don't think so."

She turned in his arms so she could look at him. "Your life has been a lot different than mine. But that's okay, isn't it?"

"I think so. I still have times, Jule, when I'm angry. But the episodes are few and farther between. I would never want to scare you."

"As long as you tell me what's going on, I don't think you'll scare me."

Their heads had been moving closer to each other until they were mere inches apart.

"I want to kiss you again," Michael said.

As soon as the words had been spoken, Julianna gladly obliged.

*~*

When Justus peeked in on Keesha a few hours later, he saw that she was awake.

"May I come in?" he asked from the doorway.

She nodded.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay. The nap helped."

"Good."

He pulled the chair from the vanity table and straddled it next to her bed.

"I need to talk to you about something serious. Is now a good time?"

"Sure."

"Unless my guess is wrong, you and A.J. have been getting along lately."

Keesha smiled and lowered her eyes. "You're not wrong."

"He's been treating you well?"

"Very well. I'm enjoying spending time with him."

Justus nodded. "What about Julianna? Have her feelings changed?"

"I think they're in the process of changing," Keesha said. "She doesn't hate him, but she hasn't accepted him as her father. Yet."

"But you seem to think she will."

"I do. I don't know when or how it will happen, but I'm confident it will. She likes A.J. She's just not ready to acknowledge him as her father."

"If that should happen," Justus said, "what will you do?"

"What do you mean?"

Justus rubbed his forehead with his hand. "I *really* hate talking about this, but it's something I don't want to leave unresolved. If something should happen to you, Lil Bit, do you still want the stipulations in your Will to take place regarding custody of Julianna? Or will you be making a change if Julianna tells you she's accepted A.J. as her father?"

"I have to be honest, Justus. My fondest wish is that Julianna will accept A.J. as her father. I'm believing in my heart it will happen, but when it might, I have no idea. A.J. understands and respects the decisions I have made, especially regarding our daughter. He's not pushing for more than either of us is willing to give him. For now, I want my Will left the way it is. If something were to happen to me tonight or tomorrow, I know Julianna would want to be with you and Dara. And I know, as things stand right now, living with you and Dara is what would be best for her. But you have to promise me something, Justus."

"Anything," he said, moving closer to his cousin.

"If something should happen to me, please don't make things difficult for A.J. Please."

"I won't. If you say he understands and accepts the terms of your Will, then I believe you."

"But you can't keep him away from Julianna either. If she doesn't want to see him, that's one thing. But I want him to have as much access to her as he wants and needs. Promise me that you will accommodate him. Promise me that you won't purposely keep A.J. from seeing his daughter."

"I won't, Keesha," he said, his tone serious. "I promise you I won't."

*~*

Later that evening, A.J. dropped by unexpectedly. Keesha was happy to see him.

"How was your appointment?" he asked, after taking a seat on the edge of her mattress.

He'd had a mixed reaction when he asked about Julianna, and Keesha told him their daughter was having dinner with Michael at "Kelly's."

"It went well, although I think Ellen upset Julianna. I haven't had a chance to talk to her about it."

"Why? What did Ellen say?"

"She suggested we may want to go to counseling. Especially Julianna. Our daughter was not happy about that idea."

A.J. frowned. "Do you know why Ellen suggested it?"

"Mostly because of the stress we've been under."

"Do you think it would be a good idea for you or Julianna to seek professional help?"

"No," Keesha said, reaching out to hold A.J.'s hand. "I don't want counseling, and I know Julianna doesn't either. We're fine, A.J., and we will continue to be okay."

He nodded, accepting her wishes. "Did you see anybody you knew at the hospital?"

Keesha smiled. "Yes, but it was on purpose."

"Who did you talk to?"

"Nikolas. He looks wonderful. He invited Julianna, you and me to have dinner with him and his family. I'd like to go."

"I would, too. Let me know when you think you'll be up to it, and I'll call him."

"Maybe this weekend. How about Saturday night?"

"If you're sure."

"I think I'll be okay. I'll just make sure I rest a lot that day. Mention Saturday to him and see if that would work."

"I'll call him tomorrow." After a slight pause, A.J. spoke. "Keesha, there's something else I need to talk to you about."

By the tone of his voice and the tightening of his hold on her hand, she knew the topic would be a serious one.

"What is it?" she asked, brushing the hair away from his forehead.

"I've made a decision about contacting my parents. Keesha, I need to do it as soon as possible."