Chapter 35

"So how did it go?" Dara asked as soon as Keesha and Julianna arrived at the house.

Justus was curious, too.

"It was...interesting," Keesha said. "Monica seemed too reserved; Alan was unbelievable."

"It was horrible," Julianna spoke up. "If that's the kind of treatment my father endured all the time, then I can see why he hasn't been back in so long. I'm glad he got us out of there."

Dara saw spunk and anger spilling out of Julianna.

"Are you A.J.'s new champion?" she couldn't help but ask.

"He's my father," Julianna said, speaking in a lower voice. "And tonight made me realize how fortunate I am to have a father who just wants to love me. His father ridiculed him in front of us. My father didn't deserve that, not when he was doing this because I asked him to. I felt so bad for him."

"Sounds like you've softened where A.J. is concerned," Justus said, eyeing her with interest as he waited for an answer.

"I have," she said, looking from Justus to Dara. "I realized tonight that I love him. I'm happy he's my father. I didn't want to let myself feel anything for him, but I do."

"Are you sure it's not just pity?" Justus asked, needing to make certain of the young girl's feelings.

"No. If it were pity, I could almost understand what my grandfather was saying to him. He’s living in the past. I know the type of man my father is today. He's not at all how they described him. I think his father wanted him to grovel or something. My father didn't make any demands on Mama or me when he showed up in Philadelphia. The difference I saw between my father and his father shocked me. Mama and Michael kept asking me to give Daddy a chance, but I didn't want to because I thought if I did, then he would change and start making demands on me, too. But I realized tonight that's never what he wanted. All he wanted was to love me and to make sure I knew he loved me. He may not have the love of his parents, or at least his father, but my father will always have my love."

"Sweetheart," Keesha said, hugging her daughter, "I couldn't be prouder of you. Thank you, baby girl. I know your father is one happy man."

"I'm happy, too, despite our visit," Julianna said. "I hope you're happy."

"I am. I admit I'm still stunned by Alan's reaction to seeing A.J. after all this time, but I was very proud of A.J., too. He wasn’t arrogant or defensive. He didn't make any cutting remarks. He didn't play their game, but he didn't leave without offering an olive branch. They're welcome to contact him any time. I just don't think he'll be paying any more visits to the mansion. At least not any time soon."

"Mama, is it okay if I go to my room?"

"Of course, sweetheart. I know you must be tired."

"I am. I think I might call Michael, though, and Shelly, too. Is that all right?"

"It's fine. Just make sure you're not on the phone all night, okay?"

Julianna smiled. "Okay. I love all of you."

"We love you, too," Dara said, after Julianna hugged her mother.

The trio headed to the kitchen once Julianna had gone upstairs.

"You got your wish, girlfriend," Dara said as she poured tea into mugs.

"None for me, honey," Justus said. "I...I have an errand to run."

"Now?" Dara questioned.

"Yes. It's something I need to do. I shouldn't be long."

"You're not going to the Quartermaines, are you?" Keesha asked, ready to talk her cousin out of that idea.

"No," Justus said. "I'm not going to the Quartermaines. This is just something that I thought about and have to take care of. I'll see you soon."

"What do you suppose *that* was about?" Keesha asked.

"Keesha," Dara said, looking perplexed, "I have *no* idea."

*~*

The moment A.J. admitted Justus into his suite, he inquired if Keesha and Julianna were all right.

"They're fine," Justus assured an anxious A.J.

He pointed to the chair at the table.

"Go ahead," A.J. said.

Justus sat down at the glass-topped table; A.J. took a seat across from him.

"I heard things got dicey at the mansion."

"Of course they did," A.J. said.

He gave a small, bittersweet laugh.

"It would've been too easy if things had gone smoothly. Those types of visits are for the prodigal son, right? And we both know that's not me."

"A.J...."

"I'm fine with the outcome. Really I am. I don't need my parents' approval, and now I have a chance to build a solid relationship with my daughter. I'm happy. My happiness would be complete if Keesha could get a new liver. That's where my focus is. On Keesha and Julianna."

"I can see that," Justus said, gaining new respect for his cousin. "And that's why I'm here. I need to tell you something, and then I need to give you something."

A.J.'s gaze narrowed. "What do you have to tell me?"

"I hope you'll hear me out because what I have to say isn't easy but very necessary."

"I'm listening."

"Your family was sorely disappointed when you didn't come home for your grandmother's funeral. They thought sure Lila's death would have brought you back to Port Charles, and they knew Emily had told you she had passed on."

"Em did tell me," A.J. acknowledged. "And I struggled with guilt for a long time about my decision not to return. It was one of the hardest decisions I'd ever had to make. But I knew I wasn't strong enough. I knew the emotion and the sadness and the grief would be more than I could handle. I also couldn't handle the questions and the curious looks I'm sure I would have received. I wasn't ready to answer to anyone. I knew the whole scene would most likely have sent me back to the bottle, and I could not afford another slip. Especially in front of my family. If that makes me weak or a coward, then so be it. I loved my grandmother with all my heart. But my love for her wasn't going to be enough to get me through what I knew I would have to face."

Justus nodded. "Believe it or not, one family member understood that. And when he was dying, he begged me to find you so he could talk to you, Grandfather to Grandson."

Justus couldn't have shocked A.J. more.

"Grandfather wanted to see me?"

"Yes, A.J., he did."

"Why?" he asked, unable to believe that Edward would have understood his position. "To berate me for not being at Grandmother's funeral? And for not rushing to his side when I knew he was ill?"

Justus shook his head. "No, A.J. To tell you that he understood why you had to leave and why you had to stay away."

"Grandfather told you this?" A.J. asked, incredulous.

"Yes, he did. When he was in the hospital, he kept asking me to find you, to bring you to him. He said he had so much to tell you. He wanted to know how you were handling the news that Michael wasn't your son. I told him I couldn't bring you to him. He was so angry with me. Right after Edward had gone into the hospital, Keesha contacted me and told me she had been put on the waiting list for a new liver. She asked to see me. She said she needed to decide about Julianna and you. She said she also needed to finalize the papers for Dara and me to receive full custody of Julianna if she didn’t make it. I felt as though I were losing family all around me, so without telling anyone, I took a liberty that I hope you can forgive me for."

"What did you do?"

Instead of answering, Justus stood from the chair and walked to the bay window. He stared unseeingly at the view of the Port Charles skyline in the late afternoon sun. A.J. rose and moved to stand behind his cousin, listening intently to every word he spoke.

"I knew it was only a matter of time before you found out about Julianna. Keesha was determined that you learn about your daughter and that you meet her, and you know how Lil Bit can be when she's determined."

"Yes, I do."

"I couldn't bring you to Grandfather, and I couldn't convince him that you hadn't suffered a setback after learning that Michael wasn't your son, but I told him from everything I knew, you were doing fine with the news. Grandfather needed more. He needed a reason to hold on for just a little bit longer. I hope my decision helped him in some way to hold on and to also find a little peace where you were concerned."

"What did you do, Justus?" A.J. asked again.

He turned around and faced his cousin. "I told him about Julianna. And then I showed him pictures of her. I showed him pictures of Keesha, too, but I didn't tell him about her illness."

"Grandfather knew I had a daughter before he died?"

"Yes, A.J., he did. Like I said, I hope you won't be too upset with me. Keesha doesn't know what I did. If you want to tell her, it's up to you. I can tell you that Edward was beyond thrilled. He started bellowing at me that you had to know you had a daughter. That's when I knew he would be able to hold on for a little bit longer because there was something he had to do."

"What was that?" A.J. asked, still stunned that his grandfather had known about Julianna.

"He wanted to write this to you."

Justus produced a bulky, sealed white envelope from his shirt pocket and handed it to A.J.

"Edward asked me to give this to you if you ever returned to Port Charles and saw your parents. Since both of those events have occurred, I see no reason to continue holding on to it. It's for you, A.J. Grandfather wanted you to have it. I have no idea what he might have said to you. I've just been abiding by his wishes."

A.J. turned the envelope over in his hands. "I'll open it soon."

"If you need anything after you read the contents, let me know."

"Thanks. I will."

"I'll leave you alone. I didn't want too much time to go by before I gave that to you."

"I appreciate this, Justus. I really do."

"No problem."

A.J. walked him to the door.

"Justus," he said, when his cousin had stepped outside the suite.

He turned to look at A.J.

"I'm glad you told Grandfather about Julianna."

Justus smiled, nodded and left A.J. alone.

*~*

A.J. sat in the chair his cousin had vacated and stared, for several long moments, at the sealed envelope. He thought he would feel as though it were mocking him, but he didn’t. He felt his grandfather prodding him to open the envelope.

With trembling fingers, A.J. finally did. He pulled out several folded sheets of personalized beige stationery and straightened them on the table. He recognized his grandfather’s scrawl, and as he began to read the contents of the letter, it was as though Edward’s booming voice were present with him in the room.

"My Dearest A.J.," the letter began, "if you are reading this that means you have finally returned to Port Charles and have seen your parents. I know this to be true because Justus gave me his word he would not give you this letter until those two things had occurred.

"So much has happened in the years since you left our family and our home. Your darling grandmother has passed on, and I am writing this from a confounded contraption in General Hospital. I know I will never see my bedroom again, and I’ve made my peace with that. What I haven’t made peace with is what has happened to you.

"I cannot believe that Michael is not your son. Life dealt you many a cruel blow, A.J., and no one knows that more than I do. I know you probably just read that line and thought, no one was harder on you than I was. That’s true, A.J., but it was because I never wanted to see you give up. I loved it when you would want to fight for little Michael, who by the way, is no longer so little. Whatever you may think of me, I loved my family very much. And you were always a part of my family, despite the fallings out we had and the ones you had with your father, Jason and Ned. I tried to keep you in the game. I wanted you to compete with them, to show them what you were made of, but I also understand that alcohol had you in its grips and would not let you go.

"Your parents were very angry with you, young man, when you did not show up or call when your Grandmother passed away. But Lila and I had talked, and she said she didn’t expect you would show. She knew how hard it was for you to be around the family. She just wanted you to be happy, my son. She wanted you to finally have the peace and contentment that she knew you deserved. In the end, A.J., that’s all I’ve ever wanted for you, too."

There was more to read, but A.J. needed to stop. He couldn’t believe this was the same grandfather who had hardly ever given him a break.

"I can’t believe you mellowed this much. And that I missed it."

He spoke his words to the letter he held in his hands.

After letting his grandfather’s words sink in, he resumed reading.

"One of my last wishes was that I would get to see you, but alas, it was not meant to be. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t kept up with the wonderful work you are doing. I wish I could give you a big hug. You have done exactly what we all said you could never do. I know I’ve been guilty of it, too, even when I wanted nothing more than to see you succeed. You made it hard for us to root for you sometimes, but I know your arrogant attitude and your 'I don’t-give-a-damn' mentality was to cover a lot of hurt and bitter disappointment. You made us all take notice, A.J., and you proved to me, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you most certainly did give a damn. I say bravo and that it’s about time."

A.J. allowed himself a smile.

"I’m staring at your picture that accompanied an interview you gave to a magazine that Justus brought me. You look healthy, my son. I’m damn proud of you, and I don’t care who knows it. Everyone in this hospital, who has been in my room, knows you are my grandson. They think I’m old and senile, so they humor me, but believe me, A.J., my faculties have never been sharper. I *know* what you have accomplished, and I know you had to leave your family in order to do it. I also know it couldn’t have been easy, but you finally managed to shut all of us up.

"If your parents were hard on you when you saw them, and I imagine they probably were, at least your father, anyway, don’t be hard on them, A.J. They’re still mourning the loss of four members of their family, six if you count Jason’s wife and Michael. We’ve had our share of problems, I am not going to deny you that, but since you are back in Port Charles, please, A.J., make peace with your family, and yes, I’m including Ned.

"Justus has just finished telling me about your daughter. Oh, how I want you to know her. I begged Justus to call Keesha so I could talk some sense into her, but he will not get involved in helping me find you or Keesha. He showed me pictures of Julianna and Keesha. She is absolutely beautiful, and she is your daughter, A.J. There is no mistaking that. I pray you two will find each other, and that you will be able to accept each other into your hearts and your lives. Don’t be a stubborn fool the way your father was. I’m asking you to accept your daughter into your life. There will always be time for questions. But you don’t know what the future holds. You have a chance, A.J., a chance for a real family. I can’t get Justus to do my bidding, but son, you had better find Keesha and your daughter. And if you’re lucky, maybe you and Keesha will find your way back to each other. It would do my heart good if I knew the three of you were a family. A real family. The way you could never be with Michael. Everyone deserves a family, A.J. We’ve all had a turn. Now it’s your turn. Go, A.J. Find them. Bring them into your life and into your heart. In the end, love is what matters. And believe me when I tell you, love is never gone."

The tears fell freely down A.J.’s cheeks when he had finished that portion of the letter. There was another note, but he couldn’t read it. All he wanted to do at that moment was to visit his grandmother and his grandfather.

"I owe you at least that much," he said, still believing his grandfather’s presence was with him in the suite.

*~*

A.J. arrived at the mausoleum and placed a bouquet of colorful roses on Lila’s crypt. He read the inscriptions and then said a silent prayer for each of them. Grateful to be alone, he spoke his thoughts out loud.

"I read your letter, Grandfather. Somehow, I think you know that, but I wanted to say it anyway. I will always cherish your words and the love I could feel as I was reading them. There were times when I thought you hated me," he said with a small laugh, "but never you, Grandmother. I knew you loved me in spite of the mess I always managed to make of my life. It was never in me, I guess, to be the Quartermaine everyone expected. In Manhattan, I am known as A.J. Quartermaine, but the name does not come with any preconceived notions. I guess that’s one of the major reasons I’ve done as well as I have.

"Yet, I know any success I may have achieved would not have been possible if I weren’t a part of this family, despite how much of an outcast I felt at times. When things got too heated for me, I headed for the bottle. I figured it was what everyone expected me to do, and I had no reason to try to live up to anything else. I never helped anybody, that’s for sure.

"The best thing Dad ever did was to throw me out. I’d already been cut off financially, but as long as I had one more scheme left in me, that wouldn’t have mattered. I couldn’t tell anybody how much it hurt me to see Jason and Courtney together because I thought no one truly cared about my feelings. I’m sorry, Grandmother, but I felt this about you, too, at the time. I know I got involved with Courtney for all the wrong reasons, as is my nature, but somewhere along the line, I did fall in love with her. But like everything else in my life at that time, I handled it very, very badly. I panicked, and I made a bunch of stupid decisions. So Jason came to her rescue. It took me a long time to get over that, but I did. I have. I hope they’re happy, wherever they are.

"I blew it big time when I never contacted Keesha after she left Port Charles. But, you see, the problem was I would’ve used her, and I would’ve hated myself for that. I can hear you now, Grandfather, and I’m so glad you can’t lecture me. Julianna is beautiful and sensitive and caring. She is her mother’s daughter. I just got lucky but, believe me, I know how fortunate I am. Keesha and Julianna make an awesome, unbeatable team, and I’m thankful they are on my side.

"I won’t blow this chance I’ve been given, Grandfather. I swear I won’t. I don’t know what’s going to happen to Keesha, but I am going to do everything within my power to make sure she lives a long, healthy and happy life if she is given that chance.

"I love both of you so much. I thought about you a lot after I left town, but I knew I had to keep my distance. It just had to be that way, for everyone’s sake. I know I caused a lot of hurt and a lot of disappointment. My only hope is that I’m helping others not to make the same mistakes I made.

"You’re absolutely right, Grandfather. Love is never gone. And as we travel on, love’s what we’ll remember. Julianna sang those words to me a few weeks ago. She has a lovely voice. I remember both of you, and I think of you often. I pray you’re resting in peace."

A.J. placed his hands against both crypts and bowed his head for a moment. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt a strong hand gripping his right shoulder. He turned and looked into the eyes of his father.

"I think it’s time we had a long overdue talk," Alan said.

A.J. simply nodded.