Chapter 37

A.J. awoke early the next morning, surprised to see Keesha sitting up in bed staring at him.

"Good morning," he said, tossing back the covers and moving to a sitting position on the makeshift bed.

"Morning," she returned, her voice soft.

"Were you watching me sleep?" he asked, a teasing glint in his eyes.

Keesha held up her right hand and smiled unabashedly. "Guilty as charged, Mr. Quartermaine. And may I say you looked absolutely adorable."

He laughed and then returned her smile. "You're in good spirits."

"I guess I am," she agreed. "I slept very well. Thank you for staying with me. I liked knowing you were here."

"I'm glad I could help," he said sincerely.

"Did you sleep okay?" she asked.

"I slept just fine. I was so tired I think I could've slept standing up."

He rose from the chaise lounge and stretched his muscles.

"All I need is a cup of strong coffee and a hot shower, and I'll be fully awake."

"I hope you're not rushing off."

"Unfortunately, I am," he said, his voice conveying his disappointment.

"Why?"

"I have to give a command performance at my parents' house."

"You talked to them?" Keesha asked, surprised.

"I went to visit my grandparents at the cemetery. Dad showed up. He almost scared me to death. Literally. We went back to the hotel and did some more talking. I'm not really sure what's going on, Keesha, but I need to try to make peace with my mom."

"What about your father?"

"I want to make peace with him, too, or at least come to some kind of a truce, but whether that will be possible, I have no idea."

"Come back here when you're through."

"I plan to. Julianna extended your invitation last night. I'd love to spend the day with you and our daughter."

"We'd love it, too," she assured him with a smile.

He hated leaving her, especially so early in the morning, but after giving her a lingering good-bye kiss, he told her he would see her soon.

*~*

After returning to his hotel room to freshen up, A.J. arrived at the mansion as scheduled. Reginald admitted and ushered him into the living room where the usual breakfast buffet awaited.

"Some things never change, hey, Reg," A.J. said and laughed.

"Whatever you say, Mr. Quartermaine."

Reginald rolled his eyes as he left the room.

A.J. shrugged and after pouring a cup of coffee, he helped himself to an apple danish. He had just taken a seat on the couch when his parents walked in.

"Good morning," he said, rising to greet them.

He warmly embraced his mother and nodded towards his father.

"I'm happy you're here, A.J.," Monica said, sitting next to him on the sofa.

Alan sat on the arm.

"I know you're upset with me, too," A.J. acknowledged. "I want to try to make things right between us. All of us."

"Even though your reason for returning to Port Charles wasn’t to see us?"

Monica couldn't keep the hurt from her voice.

"Yes. I admit I had serious reservations about contacting you and Dad, even though I was in town, but thanks to my daughter, we are in touch. You probably know Dad and I talked last night. We didn't come to any agreements but, Mom, I am deeply sorry that I never called you after I left. A lot of it was my stupid pride, but some of it was genuine anger, too. I honestly wasn't sure I could be civil to you, and especially to Dad, if I did call. And I didn't want to use any sort of a confrontation as an excuse to start drinking again. I was scared. I was afraid we would get into an argument and that would make me turn to alcohol. I was still struggling a lot with my newfound sobriety and, believe me, it wouldn't have taken much for me to fall off the wagon. I really wanted to change. For myself. Not for anybody else. That's why I didn't come back, and that's why I didn't call. I wish I could have been stronger, but I wasn't. Can you forgive me?"

"That's my goal, A.J. I want to be able to forgive you. Totally and completely. I understand what you're saying. I do. But you need to realize what your father and I went through after you left."

"Tell me," A.J. said, sincerely wanting to hear his mother's side of the events that had occurred.

"It's true I didn't stop your father from throwing you out of this house, but that didn't mean I agreed with his decision. If you remember correctly, you know I tried to get everyone to calm down that night and listen to reason. I wanted us to work out our differences, especially where Jason and Courtney were concerned. I was angry with Alan for a long time, especially when the days turned into weeks and we had no word from you. A.J., I tortured myself wondering where and how you were. I couldn't keep the thought at bay that maybe you were lying hurt somewhere unable to ask for help or even worse, that maybe you were...dead. It's a parent's worst nightmare, and now that you have a daughter, I hope you can appreciate the hell your father and I went through."

"I'm sorry, Mom. I really am. Those first few weeks, I wasn't thinking coherently, if at all. It wasn't until after I'd been through detox and had started to feel somewhat better that I realized I hadn't been in touch with anybody. I knew you must have been worried. The only ones I felt even remotely safe contacting were Skye and Emily. And even then, my counselor was with me when I made the phone calls, so that he could monitor my reaction."

"Shouldn't he have encouraged you to call your parents?" Alan asked.

A.J. looked at his father. "He said the decision was up to me, and I did what I could handle."

"You mean to tell me that in eleven years, you never felt ready to contact us?!" Alan asked, incensed.

A.J. stood and crossed to stand near the fireplace. "The honest answer is no, I didn't. Yesterday, before Keesha, Julianna and I came here, I went to three AA meetings. I can tell you the last time I'd had to do that. It was when I found out that Grandmother was ailing and wasn't going to make it."

"A.J.," Monica said, looking at her husband before she rose to stand in front of her son. "You didn't have to go through that time alone."

"Yes, I did. Hearing about Grandmother's failing health was the first major threat I had experienced to my sobriety. To come back here would have been suicide. I'm sorry, but I will believe that until my dying day. I was trying to do the best I knew how, and I was trying to make sure the Manhattan Center became a bona fide success. I put all my efforts and all my energy into making sure I didn't fail. My project was starting to get noticed and influential people wanted to get on board with my vision. I had no room for error, but one night, after learning about Grandmother, I almost slipped. I hadn't been feeling well since Emily had called with the news, and I thought vodka would help. Where that thought came from I have no idea, but it got a hold of me and wouldn't let go. Instead of drinking, I called my counselor. He came to my apartment, took one look at me, and made arrangements to have me admitted to a hospital."

"A.J!" Monica exclaimed.

"It worked out, Mom. I needed the help. I needed to break the cycle of thinking I wanted a drink. But after that episode, I had to put thoughts of you and Dad and the rest of the family out of my mind. I just couldn't let myself concentrate on anything other than what I was trying to accomplish. Seeing my vision become a reality, and a successful reality at that, became my sole focus in life. I wanted my idea to work. I wanted to help people. If that makes me a bastard in your eyes or Dad's eyes or anyone else's eyes, then so be it. But what I'm saying is the truth. I don't need to tell lies and make up stories anymore. I will not minimize or try to gloss over how much damage I did when I was drinking, but I will not allow anyone to make me wallow in my past mistakes, without acknowledging that I have changed. Because I have."

"Yes, A.J.," Monica said, able to admit the truth when she saw it. "I can tell that you've changed. A lot. I saw it yesterday, and I am not trying to undermine you in any way. I just want you to understand that in the process of you changing your life, you left us twisting in the wind. Your father and I did not deserve that. Not for that length of time. And even now, if it weren't for your daughter, you said you probably wouldn't have contacted us. Can you acknowledge how much that hurts, A.J.? Can you try to understand what your father and I have endured as we tried to cope with the real possibility we would never see you again?"

"Yes," A.J. said, thinking about the lost years with his own daughter, "I do understand. And I am very sorry I caused so much hurt and disappointment. To you and to Dad. I'm also sorry I was never able to find a way to contact you without thinking it would cost me too much. Am I forgiven?"

"Yes," Monica said, pulling her son into a tight hug. "I forgive you, A.J., and I want you to know I am very proud of you."

"Thanks, Mom," A.J. said, looking at his father.

Alan was still unreadable to him, but he thought he caught a glimpse of something other than disdain coming from him.

"Dad?" A.J. asked, when Monica had released him. "Is there any chance you can forgive me?"

"I can't deny that you have changed," Alan said. "And I don't doubt your sincerity, but I do have a question for you."

"Ask me."

"Do you plan to stay in our lives, and are we going to be allowed to be in Julianna's life?"

*~*

"You survived!" Keesha said, when A.J. and Julianna walked into her room.

"I did," he acknowledged with a smile.

"Was it bad?" Julianna asked.

"No," he said, looking from his daughter to Keesha. "It actually went pretty well. We have an open invitation to visit any time. Your grandparents would like to get to know you, Julianna. And there is the bonus of having access to the pool, the tennis courts, the hot tub, the sauna..."

"What about the kitchen?" Julianna asked and then giggled.

"Ah, you’ll have to ask your mother about that."

Keesha shook her head at both of them, but then she laughed, too.

"It’s up to you, Julianna," she said, "but I would think twice, three times, four times before I stepped foot in the Quartermaine kitchen."

"I can give you a guided tour," A.J. offered.

"I think I’d like that," Julianna said sincerely. "It’s such a nice day. Let’s sit outside on the patio. I’ve set up a pitcher of iced tea and slices of a lemon bundt cake I made."

"Sounds good to me," A.J. said, looking at Keesha.

"I’d like to sit outside, too," she said. "I need the fresh air."

*~*

"You are such a wonderful hostess," A.J. said to his daughter once they had been seated and served.

"Thank you."

"When Julianna was little, she used to have the best tea parties in the neighborhood, didn’t you, honey?"

"Mama," Julianna said, embarrassed.

"Tell me about them," A.J. encouraged his daughter. "Please."

"All right," she said, not looking directly at either parent. "When I was six, I started a tradition. Once a month, on a Saturday, I used to invite three friends over for a tea party. They could bring one stuffed animal or one doll, but they couldn’t bring both. Mama would help me set up the family room with a table and chairs and some decorations, usually balloons. I called it a tea party, but we usually drank some kind of fruit punch and ate cookies or cupcakes. And then we would play together. It was fun."

"Everyone couldn’t wait for their turn to be invited," Keesha added. "And Julianna usually baked the treat herself."

"With your help."

"It sounds like a wonderful time," A.J. said.

"Yeah," Julianna said, thinking back to how much fun she used to have and how much her mother had always helped and encouraged her, "it was. It really was."

"So you’ve been baking and cooking since you were six?" A.J. asked.

"With Mama helping me. I didn’t start doing any cooking on my own until Mama got sick. But I would bake sometimes when I got home from school and surprise Mama with dessert when she got home from work."

"You’re so thoughtful," A.J. said, squeezing his daughter’s hand.

"We had a pretty good routine," Keesha said. "We would do a lot of the cooking on the weekends. I was fortunate to have a Monday through Friday schedule, unless I was called in to cover someone’s shift at the hospital. Julianna would get dinner started when she came home from school. There wasn’t much for me to do by the time I got home."

"Do you miss working at the hospital?" A.J. asked Keesha.

"Not really. In the beginning, I did, but then I got so sick, I knew there was no way I could even think about going back, so I didn’t let myself dwell on what couldn’t be. I just wanted to feel better and get well."

A.J. nodded in understanding. "Do you two miss Philadelphia?"

"I do," Julianna said. "I mean, I like it here, but it’s not our home. I love our house. And I miss my friends."

"It’s been nice to come back here," Keesha said. "It hasn’t been as bad as I had feared. But like Julianna said, this isn’t our home. You must feel the same way, A.J. Especially staying at the hotel."

"I do miss Manhattan and my apartment," A.J. acknowledged. "But I’m not sorry I came here. Yet," he added with a small laugh.

"You just have to stay out of trouble, Mr. Quartermaine," Keesha teased.

A.J. laughed. "I’m trying my best, Ms. Ward."

Julianna couldn’t help but notice the looks her parents were giving each other. If I weren’t sitting here, she thought, I bet they’d be kissing. After several moments had passed without conversation, Julianna decided to break the silence.

"Michael invited us to a barbecue."

Keesha and A.J. stopped gazing at each other and turned their attention towards their daughter.

"He did?" A.J. asked.

Julianna nodded. "Well, actually, he’s invited, too. His cousins’ parents are having a barbecue, and they’ve invited us. That’s what Michael said."

"Which cousins?" A.J. asked.

"Maxie and Georgie. Mac and Felicia are having the party."

"How nice," Keesha said. "When is it?"

"Tomorrow night."

Keesha frowned. "I think I’m going to pass. I want to make sure I can make dinner at Nikolas and Gia’s the following night. What about you, A.J.?"

"I think I’m going to have to say ‘no,’ too. But if you want to go, Julianna, I think you should."

"I agree," Keesha said. "It’ll be fun for you, sweetheart."

"Michael said Dara and Justus were invited, too. If they go, you’ll be by yourself, Mama."

Keesha and A.J. shared a look.

"Don’t worry about your mother," A.J. said, his eyes twinkling. "I’ll make sure she is definitely not alone."