Chapter 38

"Tom and I are looking forward to meeting your daughter tonight," Skye said to A.J. as she and Emily helped him decorate the suite for his evening with Keesha.

"I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to introduce you," he said. "I'm glad you guys will be at the barbecue."

"Brianna can't wait to see Julianna," Emily said. "We wish you and Keesha were going."

"Spending the evening here will be less stressful, I hope," A.J. said. "But I'm glad Julianna will have family and friends watching out for her."

"She will," Skye assured him.

"Is it okay if people know she's your daughter?" Emily asked.

"Yes," A.J. said. "I think it's fine if she chooses to tell them."

"How does it feel," his sister asked, "to know that your daughter wants you in her life?"

"It's the best feeling," he said, beaming at both Emily and Skye.

Emily returned his smile.

"I know how devastated you were about Michael," she said. "Not just when you found out he wasn't your son, but ever since he was born. I also know I wasn't very supportive of you with regard to Michael when you were trying to be in his life."

"It's okay, Em," A.J. assured his sister. "I know you had your loyalties and your reasons. I'm the one who messed up. I didn't give anyone a reason to support me. I know that now."

"Well, I just want you to know that I do support you and Julianna. And Keesha. I think it's great you two have found each other again. And if these decorations are any indication..."

Emily and Skye looked around at the strategically placed candles, that for the moment were unlit, and bouquets of red, pink, yellow, and white roses that filled the room.

"I want to do something special for Keesha," A.J. said.

The two ladies winked and nodded at each other and then Emily looked at her watch.

"I hate to cut out on you guys, but I gotta go. Bri and Brian are at the mansion. I need to get them cleaned up in time for the barbecue."

"No problem," A.J. said. "Thanks for all your help."

"You're welcome," Emily said, giving her brother a hug. "If Brianna hasn't already told them, is it okay if I tell Mom and Dad that Julianna will be at Mac and Felicia's? Maybe they'll stop by."

"It's okay to tell them. I'll let Julianna know."

"Great." Emily couldn't help but grin. "Enjoy your evening with Keesha. See you later, Skye."

After Emily left, Skye continued working on the decorations while A.J. confirmed his dinner menu with the hotel chef.

"Even though I don't know her, I can see that Keesha is one lucky lady," Skye said approvingly.

"No, Skye," A.J. quickly corrected. "I'm the one who's *very* fortunate."

"Since you're okay with Emily telling Alan and Monica about Julianna being at the barbecue, I take it things went well?"

"They did. I'm okay with where we are right now. I think they are, too."

"What about the Jason factor?"

A.J.'s expression turned serious. "You know, Skye, I've decided not to dwell on him anymore. I was doing great in that department until I found out about Julianna. So many insecurities about being a parent, being a good father and comparing myself to Jason came flooding back to me. I had to stop and remind myself that I can't change the way anyone feels about my brother as opposed to me, so what's the point? Julianna is my daughter, and I love her. We're trying to build a relationship. One of my main problems when Michael was a baby was that I talked about him as if he were a possession. Something that was mine. That I could present as a trophy. It wasn't the way I felt, not deep down inside, but that's how I thought he needed to be viewed and how I needed to be viewed in order to gain my family's respect and support.

"I did not agree with the way Jason and Carly handled the situation, and I definitely did not agree with what Jason was doing, but I have to give him credit for two things. One, I know he loved Michael. That was the bottom line for him. Two, he saw Michael as a person, as a human being in his own right. I know everyone thought I wanted Michael just because Jason had him and then Sonny, but I believed he was my son, and I wanted to be in his life. I made so many mistakes, Skye. I don't want to make those same mistakes with Julianna."

"I doubt you will," Skye said, her voice soft.

"Maybe not, but I know I will make some because I'm human. But the one thing I will not stand for is her feeling second best to anyone because of my family. That is an absolute. My family can feel any way they care to about me, but when it comes to Julianna, I will not allow it. At all. Period."

Skye smiled at A.J. "Julianna is one young girl who I can tell is loved very much. By both her parents. I can't wait to tell her how terrific I think her father is."

*~*

"I'm a little nervous about tonight," Julianna admitted to her parents.

"Why?" Keesha asked.

"Because I won't know hardly anyone."

"Dara and Justus are going to be there," Keesha said.

"Emily and her family will be there, too," A.J. added. "Emily said Brianna is looking forward to seeing you. Skye plans to introduce herself and Tom to you. Your grandparents might be there, too."

"What about the people I don't know?" Julianna asked.

"I'm sure Michael will make you feel comfortable," Keesha said. "And I think his grandmother Bobbie will be there. She and Felicia are very good friends, at least they were."

"I think they still are," A.J. said.

Julianna frowned as she looked from her mother to her father.

"What is it, sweetheart?" A.J. asked.

"I...I wanted to ask you if it would be okay, like say Brooke Lynn is there, can I tell her that she and I are cousins? Can I say you're my father?"

"Yes," A.J. said and smiled at his daughter. "It's your call, Julianna. If you feel comfortable letting people know I'm your father, I'm fine with that. Does that sound okay, Keesha?"

"Yes," she agreed. "I think it would be good for you to tell those you feel comfortable with."

"I don't want it to be a big deal," Julianna rushed to tell them, "but I also don't want it to be something I'm hiding."

Both parents assured her they trusted her judgment. When Dara peeked in and said they were ready to leave, Keesha and A.J. wished their daughter a wonderful time and told her to have fun.

*~*

From his vantage point in the living room, Michael spotted Julianna the moment she arrived with Dara and Justus. He wasted no time crossing the room to greet her.

"Hey! I’m glad you made it."

"Hi, Michael," she said, her eyes darting across the room at all the unfamiliar faces.

"Looks like everyone who lives in PC is here," Justus said with a laugh.

"There are more people in the backyard, too," Michael told them.

"Shall we head outside?" Justus asked.

"Sure," Dara said.

"If it’s okay, I’ll introduce Julianna to some people in here, and then we can join you."

"Okay."

Dara and Justus were headed for the backyard when Mac saw them and said "hello." He gave Dara a kiss on her cheek and shook hands with Justus.

"I heard Keesha’s daughter was coming," Mac said. "I’d like to meet her."

"She’s here," Dara told him. "Julianna is standing next to Michael. It looks like he’s introducing her to Maxie and Georgie."

"I’ll go introduce myself," Mac said. "Drinks and snacks are outside and so is Felicia."

Mac arrived just as Georgie was introducing Julianna to her fiancé Dillon.

"Nice to meet you," Dillon said.

"And I want to introduce myself," Mac said. "I’m Mac Scorpio, your host for this evening. My wife Felicia is outside. I know she’s looking forward to meeting you."

"Hi. I’m Julianna Ward."

"I’m so glad you could come. I’m sorry your mom and A.J. couldn’t make it."

"My mom has to take it easy. But they send their regards to everyone."

"A.J.?" Dillon spoke up. "As in A.J. Quartermaine?"

"That’s the one," Julianna answered.

"He’s here in Port Charles?"

"Yes. He’s here with my mom and me."

"Cool. I’ve heard of him, but we’ve never met. He’s my cousin."

Julianna looked at Michael who, with an overt nod, encouraged her to say whatever was on her mind.

"Well, then," she said quickly before she lost her nerve, "that means you and I are related, too."

*~*

Keesha’s eyes lit up with pleasure and excitement when A.J. escorted her into his suite and she saw how lovely it was decorated. She inhaled the sweet aroma of the roses and smiled.

"You did all this for me?"

"Well, I did have some help," A.J. confessed.

"But still. This was your idea?"

"Yes, it was."

"I love it, A.J. I really do."

Keesha helped him light the candles, and then they sat down on the divan. A.J. poured each of them a glass of sparkling cider and handed one to Keesha.

"I would like to propose a toast to you and to our daughter," A.J. said. "Thank you, Keesha, for raising Julianna to be so loving and caring and yet independent and strong, too. I see all of your amazing qualities in her, and I know that means she will be okay in this world."

"Don’t forget she’s inherited your amazing qualities, too."

A.J. laughed. "I don’t know what amazing qualities I have, but whatever they are, I hope those are the *only* ones she has inherited."

"I see a lot of you in her," Keesha insisted. "And as she got older, it was that much more difficult not to tell you she was your daughter. I wanted you to see her, A.J. I wanted you to know you had a daughter. But Julianna was so insistent that I not tell you, to the point of defiance. I would get upset with her, but when she would let her guard down, I saw how scared she was, and I would relent. I tried to find out why she was so fearful, but she would clam up. I couldn’t get a word out of her."

"It’s okay, Keesha. We’re in each other’s lives now. That’s all that matters."

"Do you think she’s doing okay at the barbecue? How do you think people will react if she does tell them you’re her father?"

"I believe our daughter is having a great time. I’m sure there will be gasps of shock and questions people will want to ask, but maybe some of them have suspected it, too."

"I wondered about that after seeing the questioning look on Bobbie’s face when she met us at the hospital."

"I have a confession to make. When I found out Julianna was my daughter, a lot of my old insecurities that I thought I had buried a long time ago, resurfaced. I began to question whether I would make a good father. I even questioned whether I deserved to be in her life. I wanted to get to know her, but I also wanted to shield her from having to deal with the fact that she was my daughter. Especially from my family."

"After all you’ve accomplished, A.J., why would you have those kinds of thoughts?"

"Because of Jason," he admitted honestly. "When Carly married me and then became pregnant by Sonny, everyone in my family knew the baby wasn’t mine. Do you know how that made me feel? Yes, part of it was because we lived with them and they saw our marriage for the sham it was, but another part of it, the bigger part, was that they *wanted* the baby Carly was carrying to be Jason’s, even though she was my wife."

"A.J., that’s horrible."

"But it’s also the truth. When we stepped into my parents’ home, I truly felt that they would be wishing it were Jason who had returned with Courtney and a child or two that they could fawn over. I feared how Julianna would be treated, and I vowed that she would never be considered second best by anybody, especially my family."

"You have to give Julianna the benefit of the doubt," Keesha said. "She’s smart, A.J., and she knows who she can trust. She can also take care of herself."

"I came to realize that very quickly, and that’s why I’m okay with her choosing to tell people she’s my daughter."

"Julianna loves you, A.J. I hope that’s enough for you."

"It is. Believe me, Keesha, knowing my daughter loves me and wants me to be in her life is more than I ever thought I would have. I will always be grateful to you and to our daughter. I hope you believe me. I don’t want you to feel guilty about *any* of the choices you have made."

Keesha nodded as she set her glass on the coffee table in front of her.

"I’m letting more and more of it go every day," she assured him. "I’m very grateful for the way things are working out. As much as Julianna was scared to have you in her life, I was just as frightened. You could’ve hated me, A.J., and you could’ve made our lives miserable. Thank you for being so understanding."

A.J. set his glass on the table and drew Keesha into the comfort of his strong arms. He kissed the top of her hair and then nestled her closer to him.

"I could never, ever hate you. You were the only friend I had when my world was crashing down around me. More than once. I will never forget all those times you were there for me. I’m just sorry I couldn’t be there for you when you needed me. But I also know I would’ve used you."

"I wouldn’t have let you use me. And believe *me* when I tell you that I have never needed you more than I do right now, and you are here for me. So neither one of us needs to feel guilty, okay?"

"Okay," A.J. agreed.

And then, by mutual agreement, they sealed their conversation with a slow, passionate, lingering kiss.

*~*

"Are you having a good time?" Skye asked Julianna.

She and Tom sat at one of the picnic tables with Julianna and Michael. Michael was enjoying his ribs; Julianna had taken several bites of her hamburger.

"Yes, I am. My father has told Mama and me about you and Tom. I’m glad we finally got to meet."

"We are, too," Skye assured the young girl. "You are every bit as lovely as your father told us you were."

Julianna lowered her eyes. "Thank you."

Just then, Brianna ran up to Julianna and began tugging on her arm.

"C’mon, Julianna. We’re gonna play hide and seek, and we want you to find us."

"Sweetie," Skye said, "Julianna hasn’t finished eating."

"Oh," Bri said, backing away. "Sorry."

"It’s okay," Julianna said, Brianna’s crestfallen face getting to her. "I’m full. I can eat more later."

"Really?" Brianna said, her dark eyes lighting up. "You’ll play with us?"

Julianna laughed. "Sure. Why not?"

Brianna grabbed her hand and began to race. "There’s about ten of us to find."

"Ten?!" Julianna exclaimed. "Michael! Help me!"

Skye and Tom laughed as Michael shook his head.

"I never get to finish a meal when I’m with her. What is up with that?"

*~*

"That was delicious," Keesha said, as A.J. poured her a cup of hot tea. "How did you know I’d been wanting filet mignon?"

"I didn’t, but when I saw it on the menu, I remembered how much you liked it. I checked the entire menu with Ellen, and she said you could eat the food I had selected and to enjoy it."

"I did. Every morsel, down to the last crumb of my New York style cheesecake. Thank you, A.J. This has been a perfect evening."

"You’re welcome. It’s been perfect for me, too."

"We’ve been having a great time keeping things light throughout dinner, but there is something serious I need to tell you."

"Go ahead."

"After talking with Julianna and Justus, I’ve added a codicil to my Will."

"Regarding me?"

Keesha nodded. "I’ve added a stipulation that if Julianna decides to be with you, at any time while she is still a minor, she will be allowed to live with you. Dara and Justus understand, and they won’t stand in her way."

"You know I would love to have our daughter with me, but what I really want, Keesha, is for you to pull through this."

"I know. But I have to make sure my affairs are in order, just in case."

A.J. nodded. "You amaze me, Keesha Ward. I’m very thankful I have this chance to be with you again."

"What did you think when you received my letter? You never told me."

"My first thought was that I was too shocked to think."

They shared a laugh.

"But once I realized the letter really was from you, memories like you wouldn’t believe came flooding back. I was truly overwhelmed. I remembered your passion for causes, and I thought, even hoped, that maybe you wanted to be a part of the Center I want to build in Philadelphia. When I arrived on your doorstep that day, that’s pretty much what I had on my mind. Plus, the whole idea of seeing you again after so many years did cause me to be a little apprehensive. But when that door opened, my life changed forever. And I knew you had sent me your letter for an entirely different reason."

"I’m so grateful you came to us, A.J."

"How could I not?" he asked, his voice husky with emotion. "You always gave to me, Keesha. You never took. How could I not honor the one request you ever made of me?"

"One request?" Keesha teased.

"Yes."

"Well, then, is it okay if I make another?"

"Make as many as your heart desires."

"Play some soft romantic music, A.J., and then dance with me. Please?"

*~*

"Julianna fits right in with everyone, doesn’t she?" Bobbie asked Monica as the two women helped Felicia clean up.

"It seems that way," Monica said, her voice wistful.

"What?" Bobbie asked. "I saw her talking to you and Alan earlier, so I just assumed..."

"No, she was fine with us. She’s such a darling girl. I just wish we could spend more time with her."

"What’s stopping you? Ask her out to lunch or to shop. Invite her over."

"I did, but I know Keesha is her first priority. She doesn’t want to commit to anything she might not be able to do."

"I know Keesha has a standing appointment with Ellen on Tuesday mornings. But other than that..."

"She said she would let me know. I think she wants to make sure Keesha is okay or that Keesha will be able to come."

"I think her reasons are legitimate. If she can do it, I bet she will spend more time with you."

"I hope you’re right. I really want to get to know my granddaughter. I think she’s a wonderful young girl."

"That’s the consensus," Emily said, joining the other ladies in the kitchen.

"Was there much talk about Julianna being A.J.’s daughter?" Monica asked, concern in her voice.

"Not that I heard. I think some people suspected."

"I started thinking that, too," Monica said.

"Mommy!" Brianna yelled, coming out of the family room. "You should hear Julianna. She’s singing to us!"

The adults converged on the family room and heard the dulcet tones coming from Julianna. She was entertaining the group of kids with songs she remembered when she was their ages. No one was more in awe of her talent than Michael.

"You’ve been holding out on me," he told her when they were alone.

"I didn’t mean to start singing," she confessed. "It just sorta came out when I heard the kids."

"You have a lovely voice," he complimented her.

"Thank you."

"You should talk to Brooke Lynn. It’s too bad she couldn’t be here. She might have signed you to a contract on the spot."

"I don’t want that!" Julianna said, horrified. "I sing purely for pleasure. It’s not what I want to do with my life."

"But if you have such a magnificent, God-given talent," Michael reasoned, "shouldn’t you share it with the world?"

*~*

"This has been wonderful," Keesha said.

She sighed contentedly as A.J. held her in his arms while they swayed to the soft jazzy beat of the music.

"I agree."

"But," she said, her tone conveying her disappointment, "I should be heading back to the house. I’m getting tired, and I want to make sure I can go to dinner tomorrow night."

"Then to the house you shall go."

They danced until the song ended, and then Keesha pulled back to look into A.J.’s compassionate eyes.

"One more request, if I may?"

"Of course you may."

"Stay with me again tonight?"

He smiled and cupped her face with his hands. "I’ll gladly grant you that request, Ms. Ward."

As Keesha continued to stare into his eyes, it took every ounce of her willpower not to tell him just how much she had fallen in love with him. Again. Or maybe still. It wouldn’t be fair, her mind cautioned, if she could never follow through after making such a declaration. But just because she determined not to utter the words at this particular time didn’t make them any less true. Would he ever know, she mused, and what would he do or say if she ever did get a chance to tell him?