Chapter 40

Keesha, A.J. and Julianna arrived at General Hospital in record time. Julianna had called Dara and Justus, who appeared shortly after with Keesha's bag. As soon as a baby-sitter could be arranged, Nikolas and Gia planned to be at the hospital.

Ellen greeted and led them to the room she had reserved for Keesha. Two nurses, two orderlies and a doctor, who was in a wheelchair, waited for them.

"This is Dr. Matt Harmon," Ellen said, unable to keep the pride from her voice. "He assists me with any liver transplant operation, and he just happens to be my husband."

"Hello," he greeted them.

"We're going to give you some privacy with Regina and Katie," Ellen said. "Then we need to run a few tests to see if you're a match."

"And if I am?" Keesha asked, finally voicing the question that had been plaguing her since Ellen's phone call.

"We get you ready for surgery," Ellen said. "I know that statement is over-simplified. I will answer all your questions once we know if you are a match, okay?"

Keesha nodded.

Ellen asked that the room be cleared except for the nurses. Julianna hugged and kissed her mother and told her she had a good feeling about all of this.

A.J. squeezed Keesha's hand and gave her a kiss on her cheek. Keesha reluctantly let go of his hand and watched him and their daughter leave the room.

A few minutes later, the orderlies wheeled Keesha to the lab for her tests. Julianna, A.J., Dara and Justus waited anxiously for her return. Nikolas and Gia caught up with them after Nikolas had spoken briefly to Ellen while the technician was working on Keesha.

"According to Ellen, everything is on track," Nik told them.

"Mama's going to be fine," Julianna said. "I don't know why I feel that way, but I do."

A.J. smiled at his daughter and told her to keep the positive thoughts flowing.

"Ellen asked me to tell you that you'll be able to stay with Keesha until she goes in to surgery if she's a match. We have a room set up for people who are waiting while the transplant surgery is taking place. It's equipped with long couches so you can sleep if you want to. There's a TV in there and all the snacks and beverages you want."

"That's pretty amazing," A.J. said. "I was expecting to have to sit on one of those hard plastic chairs for a few hours."

"Not for these kinds of operations. Ellen has thought of everything for this program."

*~*

Within the hour, the orderlies returned Keesha to her room. Julianna and A.J. stepped inside after Ellen told them they should know the results very soon.

"You rest, okay?" Ellen said, placing her hand on Keesha's shoulder.

She nodded.

"I still can't believe this is actually happening," Keesha said to her daughter and A.J., once they were alone. "I feel like I'm dreaming and any second I'll wake up in my bed."

"This is real, Mama," Julianna said, squeezing her hand. "You might be getting a new liver!"

Keesha looked at A.J., who noticed that idea didn't seem to be comforting her.

"I have so many questions," she finally said. "I thought I was prepared for this, but now I realize I'm not. The tests to determine if I'll be able to receive the liver were relatively simple, and yet, my life hangs in the balance. A big dose of reality hit me in the lab. This may be my only chance. What happens if it doesn't work?"

A.J. hated seeing Keesha torture herself when he knew she didn't have all the information she needed.

"Do you want me to get Ellen?" he asked. "I'll demand that she answer all your questions, whether or not you go in for surgery. You should know everything about what you're facing, Keesha. You shouldn't have to be guessing like this."

"No, it's okay," Keesha said. "I was just thinking out loud. I know Ellen will explain everything to me when the time is right."

*~*

Justus spotted Ellen walking briskly down the corridor holding a file folder in her hand. He thought he saw the beginnings of a smile on her face.

"You have the results?" Nikolas asked as soon as she got near enough to hear him.

"Yes."

She waved the file folder in the air.

"It's a go. I'm going to answer all of Keesha's questions and then get her ready for surgery. Matt is already preparing the operating room."

With broad smiles on their faces even as they knew there were risks involved, Dara and Justus hugged each other; Nikolas and Gia did the same.

"Keesha gets her second chance," Dara said to her husband, who continued to hold his wife in his arms.

"No one deserves it more," he said. "C'mon, Lil Bit. We know you can do this. We're all pulling for you."

*~*

Ellen entered Keesha's room and delivered the good news to her.

"Mama!" Julianna exclaimed. "The transplant is really going to happen!"

"That's wonderful news," A.J. said, looking at Keesha whose reaction concerned him very much.

"I'm going to answer all of your questions," Ellen said to Keesha, "and then the nurses will get you ready for surgery. You'll have some time to spend with your family in between. Okay?"

Keesha nodded.

Ellen pulled up a chair and sat next to her anxious patient's bed.

"Ask me whatever questions are on your mind."

"A while back, Dr. Williams mentioned that if I had a liver transplant, I'd have to be on anti-rejection medication immediately following the surgery."

"That's true. We get you started on that medication as soon as you come out of the operating room."

"How long do I have to take it?"

"In one form or another, you'll be on the medication the rest of your life."

"What...what if it doesn't work? What if my body rejects the new liver?"

"That could, and I should tell you, probably will happen. Your immune system won't recognize the new organ. It'll think it's a foreign body and will try to destroy it. That's why we start you on the medication as soon as the operation is over. Once the medication gets into your body, your immune system will realize what's happening and will accept the new liver. At least, that is always our hope and our goal."

"How long will I be in the hospital?"

"It varies, depending on how well and how soon you recover, but I would plan to be here at least two weeks following the surgery. Three weeks is not unreasonable, but hopefully, you will not have to be in the transplant recovery unit for that amount of time. That is where you will be taken after the surgery. Regina and Katie are two of my best nurses. They are very familiar with liver transplant operations, and they know how to monitor you and what to look for. You will have a nurse with you at all times the first few days of your recovery. There will be other nurses who will be with you. They all have experience in transplant surgery."

"Will my family be able to visit me?"

"Once you're coherent. You are going to be out of it for the first few days, Keesha, and we will be closely monitoring you. Your visitations will be very limited if they occur at all."

Keesha nodded. "I understand."

"The surgery itself will take anywhere from six to twelve hours, depending on how it goes once we get you on the operating table."

Keesha's body shuddered at the thought; Ellen immediately massaged her back to try to calm her.

"I know it's scary to hear the details of what you will be enduring, but this operation is your best chance of survival."

"I guess I'm having a hard time letting myself imagine that I will actually be in an operating room. Every time I've let myself think about having a transplant, I always stopped my mind before it could think about what I would have to endure. Hearing you talk about the operating room caused me to shiver. I've never let myself picture it, and now I'll be in there. Soon. I know that anything can happen on that table, too. I...I've been thinking about death a lot lately, for whatever reason. I'm afraid I'm not going to..." Keesha choked on the words but she had to get one of her utmost fears out in to the open. "I'm terrified I'm going to die on the operating table. What assurances can you give me that won't happen?"

"Mama!!" Julianna exclaimed, hating that her mother had been carrying around that horrible fear.

Now A.J. understood the terror he saw on Keesha's face at Nikolas' house and since she'd been in the hospital.

"It's a valid question, Julianna," Ellen explained. "I would question you not having that concern," she said, returning her attention to her patient. "You're right, Keesha. Anything can happen once you're on the operating table, but there are many things working in your favor. You have a top-notch medical team performing this surgery. I'm proud to say we know what we're doing and we have had successful transplant surgeries where the patients have gone on to live long, healthy, productive lives. You will be monitored at all times, at all times, while you are in the operating room and in the recovery unit. You will not be left alone, and the nurses will know how to take care of any need that may arise. This is what they are trained to do. The other biggest factor in your favor is you. You have managed to keep yourself as healthy as you could, under the circumstances, and I am pleased to say you are very strong right now and very ready to endure this operation. If I thought there was any weakness in your body or your mind that would hinder us or that would prevent you from having the best chance of survival, I would have bypassed you. Physically, you are in the best shape you can be. I also believe, despite the very normal fears and doubts you are expressing, you are mentally and emotionally ready as you ever will be to have this operation. Am I wrong? If I am, you need to tell me now."

"No," Keesha said, realizing she did want to have this operation, "you are not wrong. I do want this operation. I want this chance to have my life back and to be healthy again."

Ellen smiled and patted Keesha's arm. "That's what I thought, but I needed you to say it. Any other questions?"

"No. Let's get me prepared to receive a new liver."

"That's what I like to hear. I'm going to give Regina and Katie their instructions. They're going to take your vitals so we know everything is on track before we start, and then they'll start the sedation process. When they see that you are starting to relax but not going to sleep, they'll inform the anesthesiologist who will be in to talk with you. When he's answered any questions you may have, he'll complete your sedation, monitor you for a few minutes to make sure your heartbeat and breathing are normal, and then the orderlies will take you to the operating room."

"Will I see you again before I'm taken into surgery?"

"Yes. I'll be here with the anesthesiologist."

Keesha nodded and thanked Ellen for helping to put her at ease.

"No problem. Visit with your family while I get things organized."

"I'm guessing things will start to happen pretty fast," Keesha said, still not comfortable with what she was facing.

Uncertainty loomed before her and she didn't like it. Not one bit.

After A.J. left the room to give mother and daughter time alone, Julianna sat on the edge of Keesha's bed and held her hands. "Are you okay with this, Mama? I hate that you're scared."

"I'm okay," she tried to reassure her daughter. "I've just lived with this for so long. I let my mind go places it never should've been allowed to go."

"I love you so much," Julianna said, drawing her mother into a loving embrace. She never wanted to let her go. "I wish I could be with you in the operating room so I could tell you that everything will be okay. Because I believe it will be. I'm going to be sending you my positive, loving thoughts. Take my love for you with you into the operating room, okay? I'm always with you, Mama. Never forget that. Please."

"My beautiful daughter," Keesha said, hugging her tightly to her. "I don't want you to ever forget how very much you mean to me. I love you so much, Julianna. I want only the best for you. Never let anyone take away your dreams, baby girl. And always be true to yourself. I know there are great things in store for you, sweetheart, and I want you to experience every last one of them. Never, ever, ever forget how much I love you and how much you mean to me. You'll always be with me, Julianna. Wherever I am. You'll be there. I'll always watch over you. I promise you I will."

Keesha let Julianna's strength and love minister to her. Julianna allowed herself a few precious moments to bask in her mother's pure and genuine love for her. When they broke apart, Julianna dabbed at her mother's eyes with a tissue.

"You need one, too," Keesha said.

"I know. I'll be right back, Mama. I promise I will."

Julianna fled the room, needing fresh air.

Dara and Justus walked into Keesha's room to wish her the very best and to make sure she knew that they would be watching out for Julianna while A.J. went in search of his daughter. He found her outside, near the Emergency Room entrance, leaning back against the concrete wall.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

She turned to look at him and nodded.

"Why did you leave your mother's room so abruptly?"

"Hearing Mama talk about her fears made me realize this is really happening. This is it, Daddy. This is the chance we've prayed for, and yet, what if…what if it doesn't work?"

"Come here, sweetheart," he said, holding out his arms so he could hold her close to him. "You've been so positive throughout this ordeal. You need to keep that attitude, Julianna. This is when your mom needs our support the most. We have to will her to make it through the operation and to make sure her body accepts the new liver. We can't give up now. This is when we have to be at our strongest."

She nodded and looked at her father with love shining in her eyes. "When we first found out about Mama's condition, I never thought you would be a part of this," she admitted. "And now I can't imagine you not being with us. Go see her, Daddy. I know Mama wants to see you before she goes into surgery. I just want a few minutes alone, but I'm fine. Really. I am. I know everything is going to be fine. Tell Mama I love her. So very, very much."

*~*

After Justus and Dara shared heartfelt hugs and words of encouragement and love with Keesha, they left to allow A.J. a few minutes alone with her.

"Julianna is fine," he said as soon as he entered Keesha's room. "I don't want you to worry for one second about her, okay? She said to tell you she loves you very, very, very much."

Keesha nodded and motioned for A.J. to sit on her bed.

"Thank you for that," she said. "Justus and Dara have assured me they are going to keep a close eye on her. I know you're going to watch out for her, too, while I'm in surgery."

"And beyond," he said, taking her hand and intertwining it with his. "I'm going to take care of both of you."

She smiled. "That sounds nice."

Suddenly, her expression turned serious as she studied his handsome face. "A.J., I need to say something before they put me out, and I don't want you to stop me. I have to say this in case I don't make it. Don't," she said, when she knew he would protest her choice of words. "Please, honey. Let me say the words."

A.J. nodded even as he reminded himself they would have plenty of time for heartfelt, and hopefully lighthearted, conversations after her surgery.

"Even though I have not been feeling my best since you arrived, I have thoroughly enjoyed the time we've spent together. Thank you for all the special things you have done for me and Julianna since you've been here. I've loved each and every one of them. Having you here has made such a difference in my life and in Julianna's. Whenever I would imagine my future and dealing with the possibility that has been afforded to me now, I never allowed myself to think you might be a part of this. And yet, here you are. You have come to mean so much to me. Again. Or maybe still. I don't know. I go back and forth on that one. All I know is that you have made things so much easier for me and our daughter. I can never repay you for that, A.J. All I can do is thank you from the bottom of my heart and hope you know how very much you mean to me."

She stopped short of declaring her love for him only because she didn't honestly know what the future held. She hated the uncertainty, but she loved the hope she felt in her heart. She prayed A.J. could see beyond her words and know what was written on her heart. She had never loved him more.

"Hold me," she said, knowing that any moment they would tell her it was time to go to surgery.

She needed to feel his strong, protective arms around her one more time. She needed to draw from his strength and know that he understood what she had been trying to say.

Wordlessly, he gently held her in his loving arms, wishing they could freeze time so she would never leave him. He made a decision and when he spoke, it was as if he were whispering in her ear so only she could hear.

"I have something I need to say to you, too."

"What is it?" she asked, clinging tighter to him.

"These circumstances are not the way I would have imagined any possible reunion for us, but since this is the reality, I'm thankful I'm here and that you let me back into your life and Julianna's. I love you, Keesha Ward, and this time, I am not letting you go."

"You love me," she said.

Happiness consumed her even as the tears spilled down each cheek.

"With all my heart," he confirmed.

Keesha let the tears fall as she decided no other words needed to be spoken. She needed this release, and she knew A.J. understood. She rested in his arms, knowing that no matter what the future held, she could honestly say everything she had done she had done for love. And she could also freely and honestly admit she knew she had the love of a good man. Despite what she would soon be facing, she realized her world had never looked brighter.