Chapter 42

After talking for a few more minutes to Vincent, Nikolas hung up the phone and rubbed his face with his hands.

"The reporter has been identified," he said, his voice grim.

"Who is it?" Alan demanded.

"You're not going to believe this," Nik said, looking from Alan to Monica. "It's Courtney."

"As in A.J.'s ex-wife, Courtney?" Alan asked, confused.

Nikolas nodded.

"What?!" Monica exclaimed. "That's not possible. She's not a newspaper reporter! She's been in hiding with Jason. No one has seen or heard from either of them in years. Something very strange is going on here."

"I agree with my wife," Alan said. "Why would Courtney do something like this? It doesn't make any sense!"

Nikolas shrugged. "That's what the PR department in Manhattan has uncovered. As to whether it's really Courtney or someone saying she's Courtney or whatever the truth is, I still have to find a way to handle this situation before it becomes any more explosive."

"I say we call this person, *whomever* she is, on her bluff. Make her show herself. If my son says he hasn't had a drink in eleven years, I believe him."

"I believe him, too," Monica asserted.

"Well, so do I," Nikolas said. "And I'm not withholding anything here. A.J. has not been in this hospital. There are no records I can produce anywhere, no matter who demands them."

Monica and Alan shared a worried look.

"He did have a hospitalization a few years ago," Alan admitted. "But he said it wasn't because of alcohol, and I have no reason to doubt him."

"Hopefully, Courtney or whoever is doing this doesn't know about that," Nik said.

"She or whoever she works for wouldn't be able to get their hands on the records anyway, but you're right," Alan said. "I'd hate to see that hospital stay come to light now."

"She must not know about it or she would've gone after them, too, don't you think? Or at least put the word out that A.J. *had* been in the hospital?" Nik suggested.

"Probably," Alan said. "Unless there's something very specific this woman, whom I refuse to believe is Courtney, is after, and she doesn't want to play her entire hand yet."

"What do you think this woman is after?" Monica asked her husband.

"I have no idea," he replied. "But what I would like to do, Nikolas, with your permission and Ellen's, of course, is to hold a press conference at the Port Charles Hotel. Ideally, it should be done here on the front steps of the hospital, but given what's going on with Keesha, I don't want the hospital to be the focus."

"I don't either," Nik concurred.

"As soon as we know that Keesha is all right, we can set something up at the hotel. I'd like to set the record straight about my son, once and for all. I don't mind speaking on the hospital's behalf if you and Ellen think it would work. This situation is ridiculous, and it needs to be dealt with, so A.J. can concentrate on what's really important. This should not be happening to him. If the press, especially this so-called reporter, wants to fire questions at me, I'm ready to take on all of them."

"Sounds good to me," Nik said. "I'll be in touch as soon as I work things out from here. Come on. We've spent enough time in this stuffy office. I'll take you to the waiting room so you can see your son and your granddaughter."

*~*

A shocked A.J. sprang from the couch when he saw Nikolas enter the room with Monica and Alan.

"Mom! Dad! What are you doing here?"

"We came to see how you're doing," Alan said, hugging his son.

Monica followed.

"Where's Julianna?" she asked, when they had pulled apart.

"She's in the courtyard waiting for Tony and Michael. Have a seat."

Monica and Alan said "hello" to Dara, Justus, and Gia and sat across from them.

"You haven't heard anything?" Justus asked Nikolas.

Nikolas shook his head. "To me, that's a good sign. I think everything must be going well."

"That's what we were saying, too," Gia said.

"How did you know this was going on?" A.J. asked his parents. "I called Skye and Emily, but I didn't want to bother you because it was so late. I was going to call you in the morning."

"Bobbie phoned us," Monica said. "She thought we would want to know."

"I tried to call you," Alan said to A.J.

"I haven't checked my messages," A.J. admitted. "I didn't mean to not include you."

"It's okay," Monica said. "I hope it's all right that we plan to stay."

"It's fine," A.J. said and smiled at his parents. "I'm glad you're here. I know Julianna will be, too."

*~*

When Tony parked the car in his assigned stall at General Hospital, Michael's stomach lurched.

"Are you sure you're going to be able to do this?" Tony asked, concerned.

"Yeah," Michael said, a bit testy. "Just give me a minute."

Tony followed Michael when he finally emerged from the car. The night air felt good against his flushed face.

"Julianna said she'd be on the patio by the cafeteria."

"Let's walk this way, then."

Tony led his son to a side entrance. He saw a brick wall lined with rose bushes.

"The terrace is around that wall, isn't it?" Michael asked.

Tony nodded.

Even though he was relieved they would be outside for a little while longer, Michael still had to pause before he actually reached the courtyard. Just seeing the hospital looming in front of him made him nauseous. Once the feeling had passed, they continued. Knowing Julianna waited for him on the other side propelled him forward.

Julianna, who had found a tablet in her backpack, had been writing down her thoughts when she heard footsteps ascending the stairs. Hoping it would be Michael, she returned pen and paper to her bag and rose from the chair.

She was not disappointed. When Michael had climbed the last stair, Julianna was waiting for him.

"Hey!" he said.

Although he hadn't stopped to consider how she would look, he realized he hadn't expected her to greet him with a smile, but she did.

"Hey, yourself," she returned.

"How's your mom?" he asked.

"I think my mom is doing fine," she said. "I haven't heard anything, and I know my dad or someone would come get me if there was news."

"I hope everything is going well," Michael said. "Julianna, I want to introduce you to my dad, Dr. Tony Jones. Dad, this is Julianna Ward."

"Hello," Tony said, reaching to shake Julianna's hand. "It's so nice to finally meet you."

"Same here. I was looking forward to meeting you at the barbecue, but Michael told me you got called to the hospital."

"I heard it was a fun time. I'm sorry I missed it. You know, years ago," Tony said, "your mom, Dad and I were all good friends. My thoughts are with you and your mom. I hope Keesha's transplant is successful. I'm pulling for her."

"Thank you so much," Julianna said.

She had taken an instant liking to Michael's father.

"I'm going to find your grandmother," Tony said to Michael. "I need to talk to her about something, and then I want to see A.J. I'll catch up with you either in the waiting room or in my office."

"Okay."

Michael still looked shaky to Tony.

"Are you sure you're all right?" he asked one more time.

Michael nodded.

"Remember to take deep breaths," Tony said. "Julianna, it was so nice to meet you. I'll see you again before we leave."

"Okay. Nice to meet you, too."

"Let's sit on this marble bench," Michael suggested, once they were alone.

"Your dad seems like a real nice guy," Julianna said once they had sat down. "I like him."

"Thanks. I could tell he liked you, too. He's pretty cool, most of the time."

"What did he mean when he told you to take deep breaths?"

Michael shook his head. "I wish he hadn't said that in front of you or that you hadn't heard what he said, but I should've known better. About both of you."

"What does it mean?" she asked again. "Are you feeling all right?"

Michael sighed. "It's not easy for me to be here," he admitted. "In fact, I'm not at all sure I can actually step inside that hospital. Unfortunately, I have some horrific memories of this place."

"Of course!" Julianna said, the light dawning. "Because of your mother dying here, right? Michael, I'm so sorry. Why didn't you say something? I would've understood. Totally!"

"I wanted to be with you."

Julianna smiled at his thoughtfulness.

"And I wanted to be here for the very different outcome I'm expecting for your mom. Maybe it will ease some of what I'm feeling to know that not everyone who comes here...dies."

"Michael..." Julianna said, and then realized she didn't quite know what to say.

"I know," he said. "No one could explain it to me for a long time, but it's getting easier."

"But if this place causes you stress..."

"It's okay," Michael said, reaching for Julianna's hands. "Like my father said, I just have to remember to breathe."

"Do you get like a panic attack or something?"

"Yeah. Something like that."

"That must be awful for you!"

"I actually had my first one at the penthouse when my grandmother came to get me to bring me here. I knew something bad, really bad, had happened. I never went back to the penthouse after that fateful night. I couldn't. The thought of it made me sick. Literally. I kept getting sick here, too, but I had to stay. I couldn't leave my mother until she...well, you know. But when my mom died, I vowed I would never, ever return to this place!"

"Michael, what you've lived through sounds like something that would happen in a movie, not in real life. I can't imagine what it must have been like for you."

Julianna shuddered even though the air was still relatively warm, despite the late hour.

Memories of another time and place began to consume Michael. He stood up abruptly from the bench and walked to lean over the railing. Julianna was quickly at his side.

"Are you going to be sick?" she asked, brushing his unruly auburn hair.

He shook his head. "I'm just remembering a lot of things I don't usually allow myself to think about."

He turned to look at her.

"I'm sorry. I want to be here for you."

"No, Michael," she said. "Please don't be sorry. You are here with me."

Even though he hadn't spent much time with Keesha, Julianna reminded him very much of her mother at that moment.

"If you want to share some of what you're thinking about, I'm here and ready to listen."

"I'd rather talk about your mom," he insisted. "I feel as though your mom is going to be able to do what my mom couldn't: survive."

Julianna saw the tears welling in Michael's brown eyes just before he looked away.

"I'm so sorry you lost your mother," she said. "I know we've talked about a lot of family stuff, but you've never told me much about what your mom was like. For you. Tell me some things you remember about her. Nice memories that you have. Talk about things the two of you did together. Fun things. You'll be helping me, Michael. It'll keep my mind off the fact that my mom is lying on an operating table. I haven't let myself dwell on that fact too much these past few hours. But when the idea does enter my mind, I tell myself that Mama is surrounded by angels who are watching over her. That thought comforts me."

"And that's the basic difference between your mom and my mom," Michael said. "My mom was always surrounded by darkness and violence and evil."

He gave a bitter laugh. "Can you imagine me picturing my mom being surrounded by angels when *she* was in the operating room fighting for her life?! I was just hoping no one would come in and shoot up the damn hospital!!"

Julianna jumped back at the rage she heard in Michael's voice. Immediately contrite, he tried to smooth things.

"I'm sorry, Jule. I just...sometimes I think it didn't have to end the way it did. And when I think about the games my mother played with respect to who my father was, it just makes me angrier. She told me that A.J. didn't care about me and that's why he left town. I didn't know any better, so I believed her. My mom promised me, over and over and over again, that she and Sonny and Jason would never leave me, but they did. They *all* did! My mom left me alone to find out the truth, the real truth, about who my father was. Do you know how many years I spent hating your father, Jule? And he had absolutely nothing to do with any of this. I have so many questions that will never be answered because the people who could answer them for me are gone. All gone!"

"What about Jason?" Julianna asked, her heart aching at the anguish she saw on her friend's face. "Maybe he will come back some day and answer your questions."

Michael shrugged. "Most days, I don't even care," he said. "I just know my life is better now than it has been in a long time, and I have my family and friends to thank for that. Being here just reminded me of some things I really wish I could forget."

"If you ever want to talk about them..." Julianna offered.

"Thanks," he said.

He gave her a wan smile. "I need to tell you something, Jule, that I've been thinking about for a while. Actually, I need to tell you a couple of things."

"What are they?" she asked, looking into his eyes.

"I've been hesitant to mention this because I didn't want to scare you, but you have a right to know. I'm still seeing a counselor for my anger. The outbursts aren't nearly so bad or so frequent as they used to be, but I still do have them. I saw the look on your face earlier, and I know I scared you. I'm sorry. The anger just comes out of me sometimes. I try to control it, but I'm not always successful as you just witnessed. Now that you know this about me, I'll understand if you don't want to be around me."

"I want to be with you," she said. "It's okay that you're still going to therapy. I understand, Michael. Really. I do."

"I'm not sure you can understand," he said sadly. "And I'm not sure I'd want you to. It's scary some times, Jule. I have nightmares, and I wake up in a cold sweat. I haven't thrown anything in almost two years, but that tendency is there. I wish, more than anything, I had grown up in a less violent environment. There are too many images I know will be with me for the rest of my life. I doubt I'll ever be able to shake them. One thing I am certain of, though, is that my children are going to be raised much, much differently than I was. They won't be allowed to own so much as a toy gun!"

Without saying anything because she didn't know what to say to make things better, Julianna pulled Michael into a hug. They clung to each other for a long time, lost in their own thoughts. When they finally separated, Michael ran the pad of his index finger down Julianna's soft cheek.

"Help me, Julianna," he whispered. "Help me to walk into that hospital without feeling like I'm going to pass out. You need to get back to the waiting room, and I need to prove to myself, if no one else, that I can do this. Will you help me? Please?"

"I can do that, Michael. I *want* to do that. For you."

And then she held out her hand for him to take.

They took their time walking across the courtyard.

"Are you feeling okay?" Julianna asked periodically.

Michael indicated he was fine, but she noticed his grip on her hand tightened the closer they came to the entrance. She stopped to let him get his breathing under control.

They stood at the automatic doors.

"If we take another step," Julianna said, "the doors will open, and we'll have to walk through."

"Yeah, I know," Michael said.

"If you're not ready, we won't do it. I don't mind waiting, Michael. For however long it takes."

"No," he insisted. "I need to do this. You need to be with your dad and your family. You need to find out how your mom is doing. I *can* do this. I *will* do this."

"You tell me when you're ready to walk."

He squeezed her hand almost to the point of pain, but Julianna didn't complain.

"I'm ready," he announced.

Together, they took a step and the automatic glass doors opened, welcoming them into the hospital.

"You did it!" Julianna exclaimed, throwing her arms around Michael's neck. "You entered the hospital, Michael. You're inside!"

"And now I need to sit down before I faint."

They found two chairs and sat near the entrance.

"Are you okay?" Julianna asked, continuing to hold his hand.

"Yeah, I'll be fine," he assured her. "The hard part is over, right? I'm inside, and I don't feel sick."

"Really? You feel all right? You don't feel like you're going to faint?"

"No," Michael said, looking at Julianna and giving her a wide smile. "Thanks to you, I'm fine. It's the first time I've been in here without having a panic attack."

"It's those angels," Julianna said and smiled. "They're watching out for you, too."

"I know one angel in particular who is really watching out for me," Michael said, his voice serious. "Thank you, Julianna."

She smiled. Despite everything that was going on around her, she felt at peace.

"You're welcome."

A.J.'s sudden arrival interrupted their moment.

"I'm glad I found you," he said, a bit breathless. "You need to come to the waiting room. Nikolas has news about your mother."