Chapter 47

"You can’t sleep?" Julianna asked her father when she saw him sitting at the glass-topped table with only the overhead light turned on.

"Sorry," he said, looking at her. "Did I wake you?"

"No," she answered, sliding into the chair across from him. "I couldn’t sleep either."

"I appreciate you staying with me tonight."

"I wanted to. Dara and Justus understood. Daddy, what happened? Why did you want a drink?"

"I had a visitor, sweetheart. A very unexpected visitor. I didn’t realize how much seeing this person had affected me until she was gone."

"She?" Julianna questioned. "Who was here, Daddy?"

"My ex-wife Courtney."

"She’s the one Grandfather mentioned on TV!"

A.J. nodded. "That was a set up for her to get to me."

"I don’t understand," Julianna said, shaking her head. "She’s married to your brother, right? I thought they were in hiding somewhere."

"According to her, she and my brother are divorced. Apparently, Jason went into hiding, but Courtney didn’t. She has a young son by another man."

"Why did she want to see you, Daddy? Is she causing trouble?"

A.J. shook his head. "No, just the opposite, I do believe. She needed my help. I wanted nothing to do with her, but her little boy, he...he got to me. I thought about all that Michael has endured, and I just...I couldn’t let another child suffer needlessly if I could help him."

"What did you do?"

"I gave her money. Vincent made sure she and Jesse, that’s her son, got on a plane without incident. She’s supposedly meeting her mother in Europe and will get help for her son. I hope that’s what she does."

Julianna stood from her chair and crossed to kneel in front of her father.

"I think what you did is admirable," she said, her eyes shining with love. "You helped someone who needed it--that little boy. You thought about Michael, Daddy. He is so grateful you helped him. I’m sure Jesse would be, too, if his mother ever tells him about you."

"I wish I hadn’t let Courtney get to me, though. Your father is not as strong as he likes to think he is. I talked to Jason on the phone, too. It was too much for me in one day."

"Did Jason say something to upset you? Was he angry that you were helping Courtney?"

"No. He agreed she needed my help. He’s mostly the cause of why she came to me, as ironic as that sounds. Your grandfather went to him and brought him to the hospital. He’s at GH, but he’s not doing very well from what I understand. It’s been quite a day."

"Michael has so many questions. Do you think he will ever be able to talk to Jason to find out why he and Carly played those stupid, hurtful games with his paternity?"

"From what your grandfather said, I don’t believe Michael will be able to talk to Jason any time soon. And I’m not sure Tony would want him to."

Julianna nodded. "What about you, Daddy? Are you going to see your brother while he’s in the hospital?"

"Your grandfather wants me to if Jason is lucid enough."

"Do you think you can handle it?" she asked, not wanting to be unkind but wanting to show her concern.

A.J. smiled. "I know what you’re asking, sweetheart, and the truth is I don’t know. I’m terrified my cravings for alcohol aren’t going to disappear, and yet I know I can’t stop living. I have things I need to do. I love your mother, Julianna, and I want us to be together. All three of us. A real family. I want you and your mom to know that I will be there for you. I cannot give in to my want for alcohol. It would kill me if I did."

"You have to keep going to meetings," Julianna urged.

"You’re right. I do."

"And you have to call on Skye and Tom. They said any time. Remember?"

"I remember, and I will call them if I get too bad."

"I want to help, too, Daddy. I’ll do whatever I can. Tell me what I can do."

"Don’t give up on your old man, okay, sweetheart? I haven’t lost the battle yet, and I pray I won’t. I have way too much to lose, and I would never be able to face you or your mother again. Right now, I’m taking it one minute at a time."

"I believe in you, Daddy," Julianna said, hugging him. "Just like I had faith Mama wasn’t going to die, I have faith you won’t take a drink. We love you so much. We’re here for you, okay? Even though Mama can’t help you right now, know that she loves you and wants you to make it through this."

"Thank you for reminding me," he told his daughter, as he held on to her and thought, once again, how very fortunate he was.

*~*

Since neither one had to be in court until the afternoon and since Julianna was with her father, Dara and Justus decided to linger in bed until mid-morning. But the ringing of the phone disturbed their plans. Justus reached for the cordless phone and said a sleepy "hello."

"Mr. Ward? Mr. Justus Ward?" a female voice asked.

"Yes, this is Justus Ward."

"Mr. Ward, this is Camille Liden of the Weston Adoption Agency."

"Oh, yes, Mrs. Liden. How are you?"

"Very well, thank you. I have a situation I’d like to discuss with you and your wife. Is it possible you could come to my office later this morning. Say around 11:00 a.m.?"

"Let me check with my wife."

Justus covered the receiver with his hand. "It’s Mrs. Liden from the adoption agency. She wants to see us today at eleven."

"Sure."

"Yes, Mrs. Liden. Dara and I can make that appointment."

"Excellent. I look forward to seeing you."

"What do you think it means?" Dara asked, having sat up in the bed.

"I’m not sure. We told that agency we were interested in adopting, but it couldn’t be happening this fast, could it?"

Dara shrugged. "I don’t know, but I’m excited."

"I am, too," Justus said and then frowned. "I think."

*~*

"Are you doing okay?" Julianna asked her father as they ate breakfast at the Grille.

A.J. knew he had to make things as normal as possible for himself. Hiding out in his hotel room was not an option.

"Yes. I’m fine."

Julianna smiled. "Good. Are we going to see Mama after we eat?"

"That’s the plan."

His cell phone rang; he answered it on the first ring.

"Dad! What’s going on?"

Julianna perked up even though she could only hear A.J.’s side of the conversation.

"Jason is a little more coherent this morning," Alan said. "He’s not so edgy. The psychiatric exam is happening this afternoon. Is it possible you could see him this morning? He says he needs to see you. He sounds desperate, A.J."

A.J. checked his watch. "Julianna and I are heading for the hospital in a little while to see Keesha. I suppose I could see him then. Will that work?"

"That’s fine, son. Come to my office. I’ll take you to him."

"Okay. See you soon."

"You’re going to see Jason?" Julianna asked when her father had pocketed his cell phone.

He took a long swallow of his coffee. "It looks that way."

"Dad, can you handle this? I mean, really handle this? Does Grandfather know what happened to you yesterday?"

"No, and I don’t want him to know. I’ll be okay. I can handle this."

I hope, A.J. added silently, realizing he had no idea what waited for him.

*~*

Camille Liden, who looked to be in her thirties with light brown hair, coal black eyes, and skin color a shade lighter than her eyes greeted and seated Dara and Justus in her office and closed the door so they would not be interrupted.

"A situation has arisen," Camille began, "and I decided to discuss it with the two of you."

"Is this about our adoption proceedings?" Justus asked.

"Yes. A few days ago, two black siblings, a boy who is ten years old and a girl who is seven, became orphans. Social services is still investigating, but at present, we cannot find any relatives for these children."

"What happened to the parents?" Dara asked.

"As far as we can tell, their mother was a widow. They were in a car accident. The children survived, but their mother did not, unfortunately."

Dara’s hand flew to her mouth.

"That’s horrible," Justus said.

"Yes, it is. The children, Matthew and Veronica, are at General Hospital. They’ll go into foster care once they’re released. After social services completes its investigation, the children will be put up for adoption if no relative comes forward or wants to raise them."

"Do they know their mother died?" Dara asked, her voice shaking.

Camille nodded somberly. "I visited them and told them the news. Veronica couldn’t stop crying, but Matthew was very brave and said something so awe-inspiring, it brought tears to my eyes."

"What did he say?"

Both Dara and Justus wanted to know.

Camille smiled. "He said his mother was an organ donor, so his mother hadn’t really died. He seemed convinced some part of his mother was living on in someone else. Isn’t that incredible?"

"Yes," Dara said, sharing a questioning look with her husband, "that is extraordinary."

"They seem like great kids, although I haven’t spent as much time with them as I would like to. I’ve been going through our files, and I see that most of our potential adopters would prefer babies or toddlers, and most are looking to adopt one child. I have to do more research, but when I came across your file, I saw that you don’t necessarily want a baby and that you are considering the possibility of adopting more than one child. Are those statements still valid? Have you changed your mind?"

Dara and Justus looked at each other.

"No," Justus answered. "We feel the same way as when we first met with this agency."

Dara nodded her concurrence.

"If the conclusion is that Matthew and Veronica no longer have a place to call home and you and your wife meet all of our qualifications and requirements, would you consider adopting Matthew and Veronica?"

*~*

"I’ll come to your mother’s room once I’ve seen Jason," A.J. said to Julianna when they arrived at the hospital.

She nodded. "Good luck, Dad. I hope it goes well."

"Me too."

A.J. waited until Julianna had disappeared from his view before he headed to his father’s office.

Alan greeted A.J. and motioned for him to have a seat.

"How is Jason?" A.J. asked, his voice anxious.

"He has moments where he is very aware of what’s going on around him, and then he seems to retreat into his own private, dark world."

"Should I visit him, Dad? What if seeing me makes him worse?"

"He’s been very adamant about wanting to see you. I think you can help him, A.J."

"How?" A.J. asked, clearly at a loss.

"By listening to him and hearing what he has to say."

"Okay," A.J. said, sounding resigned. "I’ll see what I can do."

*~*

Jason opened his eyes when he heard footsteps in his room.

"A.J.?" he questioned.

"Yes, Jason," A.J. answered, "it’s me."

Whatever emotions or feelings A.J. thought he would experience at seeing his brother after all this time never materialized, for which he was grateful.  He felt he had control of the situation and could handle whatever Jason had to say.  He willed himself to hold on to whatever it was that gave him this feeling of serenity.

"Thank you for coming."

"You’re welcome. Dad said you wanted to see me."

"Did you take care of things for Courtney?"

"Yes. She and her son should be in Europe."

"Good. I did a terrible thing to her son."

"I know. She told me. Why did you kill that boy’s father?"

"He was responsible for Sonny’s and Carly’s deaths! I couldn’t believe that’s who Courtney was involved with. It was my fault they died, though. It was my responsibility to make sure they were safe. I didn’t do my job. I let Lorenzo Alcazar get too close. I should’ve killed him a long time ago, but Sonny and Carly wouldn’t let me. Why didn’t they let me kill him?! Why did they let that man live?!"

Jason kicked off the blankets as if he were ready to escape from his bed. He talked as though he were reliving the last few years of his life and as though Sonny and Carly were in the room with him. He seemed to have forgotten his brother. A.J. went for help. Bobbie came in and tried to calm Jason down.

"Michael," Jason said.

Seeing Bobbie reminded Jason of Michael.

He looked from her to A.J. "Everything that’s happened to him has been my fault. I caused him to lose Sonny and Carly. Because of my actions he found out what Carly never wanted him to know. I ruined his life!"

"Far from it," Bobbie said. "Michael is doing very well. He has a whole new life, and he’s happy Tony is his father."

"But he went crazy when Sonny and Carly died! I remember that much."

"Yes, he did," Bobbie agreed.

She looked at A.J. and smiled gratefully. "A.J. helped Michael."

Jason stared at his brother.

"You?" he questioned. "You helped Michael?"

"I and many others," A.J. clarified.

"I can’t believe it," Jason said. "Sonny and Carly would hate that you had any part in Michael’s life. Who asked you to help him?"

"I did," Bobbie answered. "And so did Tony. And we would do it again in a heartbeat. Michael and A.J. are friends, and there’s nothing you can do about that, Jason. Nothing at all."

Jason turned his attention to Bobbie. "You haven’t done a very good job of respecting your daughter’s last wishes," he accused.

"Michael is alive, Jason," Bobbie countered. "Sonny and Carly are not. He has a different life now. A much safer one, I’m pleased to say."

"I want to see him," Jason demanded. "I need to tell him how sorry I am that I couldn’t protect his mother and his father."

"I’m not going to let Michael anywhere near you," Bobbie stated. "And I highly doubt his *father* would want him to see you either."

Jason turned pleading blue eyes towards his brother. "A.J. You have to help me. I need to see Michael."

A.J. held up his hands. "I have nothing to do with any of this. If Bobbie and Tony don’t want you near Michael, I totally respect that."

"No!" Jason said, struggling once more in his bed. "You don’t understand! I have to talk to Michael. He needs to know that I didn’t mean for him to lose his parents!"

"He didn’t lose both of his parents," Bobbie said. "He still has his father."

"NO!" Jason yelled. "That’s not what I’m talking about, and you know it! Bobbie, you have to let me see him. You have to!!"

"No, I don’t," she said. "Just like you and Sonny and Carly never let A.J. see him and never so much as thought about telling Tony that Michael was his son, I have absolutely no obligation to let you see Michael. Ever. It’s over, Jason. Michael has a new life. One that will never include you."

"But it’s not the same!" Jason protested.

He tried to get out of the bed. Bobbie held him down.

"I have to make him understand!!"

"He understands, Jason," Bobbie said.

She removed her hands and when Jason didn’t try to get up, she quickly added a sedative to his IV.

"Don’t give me anymore drugs!" Jason protested. "You’re trying to make me go out of my mind, but it won’t work!"

"I have to. You need to calm down."

"I need to see Michael! I’ve got to make him understand!"

"No, you don’t. What Michael understands is that most of his early life was a lie. He’s not being lied to now, and he’s very grateful for that. I will not have you disrupting his life."

"But Bobbie..."

"No, Jason. That’s the end of this discussion as far as I’m concerned. Consider yourself out of Michael’s life. Permanently!"

Bobbie left the room to tend to other patients. When A.J. would have followed, Jason grabbed his wrist and wouldn’t let go.

"You think you won, don’t you?" Jason asked, his eyes and his voice as hard as granite.

A.J. witnessed the 180-degree change in Jason’s demeanor and knew this was what his father meant. He watched, with fascination, sadness and some anger, as his brother rapidly descended into his own private hell.

"None of us has won, Jason. We’re all just surviving and doing the best we can."

A.J. tried to shake loose from his brother’s hold, but he couldn’t. Jason tightened his grip.

"This is not over, A.J. Sonny and Carly don’t want it to be over. They want me to make sure you stay the hell out of Michael’s life!"

"Sonny and Carly are dead, Jason! Let it go! Let me go!!"

"Not until you promise me you'll stay away from Michael! They don’t want you near him!! You’re poison to him! You always have been, and you always will be!! You shouldn’t have inserted yourself into his life."

A.J. saw pure hate on his brother’s face, and delusional or not, he knew it was an image he would never forget.

"You really do hate me, don’t you, Jase?"

A.J.’s honestly spoken words snapped Jason back to the present. He saw that he held his brother’s wrist in a vise grip; he immediately let go.

"A.J., what did I say?" he asked, clearly confused. "What did I do?"

"Nothing that hasn’t been said or thought before," A.J. answered, his voice conveying his disgust as he rubbed his wrist. "I hope you get the help you need. I’m out of here."

After exiting the room, A.J. leaned his back against the wall and continued to rub his sore wrist. He closed his eyes and tried to get his ragged breathing under control.

"Bobbie told me about Jason’s episode," Alan said. "I’m so sorry."

A.J. opened his eyes at the sound of his father’s voice. "He needs help, Dad. He definitely needs help."

"Did he hurt you?" Alan asked, looking at his son’s wrist.

"He grabbed me and wouldn’t let go. I’ll be fine."

"I’m writing up this incident to go along with his psych evaluation this afternoon. I want him to get the help he needs."

A.J. turned back to look at his brother who had his eyes closed. "I have no idea why he was okay with me helping Courtney and Jesse, and yet, he resents the fact that Michael and I are friends. I don’t get it, Dad."

"It’s part of his illness," Alan said, his voice filled with sadness. "He’s not thinking rationally, son."

"Rational or not, I finally have to admit it. I’m sorry, but I have to. Jason and I will never be brothers again. And this time, *I’m* making the choice. I want him out of *my* life. For good."