Chapter 54

When Michael came to, he saw his father and Dr. Kevin Collins, still a handsome man with graying hair, and then realized he was in his bed.

"What happened?" he asked, trying to remember.

"You fainted," Tony said.

"Am I all right?"

"You will be," Kevin said. "Your father thinks you might have remembered something you’ve been blocking about the night your mother and Sonny died."

"What did I say?" Michael asked, looking at his father.

Tony glanced at Kevin.

"You don’t remember?" Kevin asked Michael.

He shook his head. "No. I don’t. I really don’t. What did I say?"

Kevin pulled a chair from the desk and straddled it as he continued to gauge Michael’s reactions.

"I would rather you remember what you said on your own. With no prompting from anyone else."

"Great," Michael said, throwing his arms up in the air. "Now I’m remembering things but can’t remember what it is I said. This is just great!"

"It is, Michael," Kevin encouraged. "It means you are allowing yourself the possibility of having memories come to the surface about things you have previously buried deep inside yourself. But the recall needs to happen naturally. It cannot be forced."

"But now you and my father know what I said, and I don’t. How is that suppose to help me?!"

"If you remembered it once, the chances of you recalling it again are excellent."

"And," Tony added, "now that you’ve experienced the idea of remembering something, you probably won’t react so strongly if more memories begin to surface."

"You mean I won’t faint next time and wake up not knowing what the heck I said?"

"Exactly," Kevin said. "But don’t dwell on this, Michael. I don’t want you forcing any memories. Do you understand me?"

Michael nodded.

"Physically," Tony asked, "how do you feel?"

He shrugged. "I feel all right."

"Well enough to eat some Chinese food and challenge your old man to a rousing game of Monopoly?"

Even though more questions plagued him, Michael couldn’t help but chuckle at his father’s attempt to make the evening a "normal" one. And then he remembered the party for Georgie and Dillon they were supposed to attend and that he had planned to ask Julianna to. That last thought made him sad.

"What about Ned and Alexis’ party?"

"I called and gave them our regrets. Alexis understood."

"I guess it’s better we stay here," he decided. And then he gave his father the answer he was looking for. "Sure, Dad. Eating Chinese food and playing Monopoly sounds like fun."

*~*

After spending most of the afternoon with her parents, Julianna told them that Ned and Alexis were having a party for Georgie and Dillon to celebrate their upcoming wedding.

"Is it okay if I go?" she asked. "Brooke Lynn invited me last night."

"Sure," Keesha said.

A.J. agreed. "It’ll be nice for you to spend some time with your family."

Julianna grinned. "You’re invited, too, Daddy."

A.J. looked at Keesha and winked.

"I’ll pass," he said to his daughter. "Ellen gave me permission to bring in a light dinner from the Grille for your mother and me, so I will be right here all evening if anyone needs me."

Julianna smiled and hugged her father. "Enjoy."

"We plan to," Keesha said, holding out her arms to receive her daughter’s affectionate hug.

"I want you to have fun, too," Keesha said to Julianna as she smoothed her hair. "The only thing I would caution you is to be prepared in case Michael is there. Okay?"

Julianna nodded. "Brooke Lynn and I talked about that. She said she would watch out for me."

Keesha nodded. "Sounds good. Have fun."

"You, too," Julianna said, addressing both of her parents.

"One thing, Julianna," A.J said, sounding conspiratorial as he placed an arm around her and walked with her to the door.

"What?" she asked, looking at him in confusion.

"Don’t believe anything, and I mean anything, Ned may say about me. It’s all lies. He’s making everything up. Unless, of course, he happens to compliment me or says something nice. That you can totally believe."

He glanced at Keesha who was suppressing a laugh.

"Yeah, I know," he said. "Like that would ever happen."

Julianna laughed and hugged her father again. "I love you. Both. Good-bye."

"Love you, too," A.J. and Keesha said in unison.

"She’s going to be all right, isn’t she?" Keesha asked.

He reached for her hand and held it in his own. "With time, I think our daughter is going to be just fine."

*~*

Brooke Lynn, wearing a navy blue and white halter sundress with white sandals, and her long chestnut hair twisted into a French braid, complimented Julianna on her choice of attire when she arrived to pick her up for the party.

Julianna had decided to wear a dark print skirt with a sleeveless teal-colored top and black-heeled sandals. Gold hoop earrings, a gold heart pendant and rings on four of her fingers completed the outfit. After being scrutinized for several long moments, Julianna gazed quizzically at her cousin, who looked as though she were plotting something.

"What?" the younger girl finally asked, looking down to make sure she hadn’t spilled anything on her clothes.

"I heard you have an excellent singing voice. I just realized what a great stage presence you would have."

Julianna laughed and then shook her head at her cousin’s foolishness. "Yeah, right."

She grabbed her black tote from the table near the door.

"C’mon," she said, pushing Brooke Lynn. "We’re running late."

Most of the guests were already there when the two cousins arrived. Greeting people she knew along the way and introducing them to Julianna, Brooke Lynn finally found her father and step-mother in the kitchen, where they were supervising the waiters.

"Dad, Alexis," she said, after the servers had been sent into the living room and hugs had been exchanged among the three of them, "there’s someone I want you to meet."

Ned gave his daughter a dimpled smile as he held out his hand to Julianna.

"Let me guess," he said, "you’re Julianna."

"Yes, I am," she said.

"It’s so nice to finally meet you," Ned said, his voice as warm as honey.

"Nice to meet you, too," she said, relaxing in his and Alexis’ presence. "I kinda feel like I know you and Alexis since I’ve seen pictures."

"We’re so glad you could come," Alexis said, giving Julianna a hug. "And we think it’s great you and Brooke Lynn have become friends."

"Is your father here?" Ned asked.

"No. He and my mother said to say ‘hi’ to everyone. He’s spending the evening with my mom at the hospital."

"Good for him and Keesha," Alexis said. "We’re happy everything is going so well for your mom."

Julianna smiled. "Thanks."

"Your grandparents are here," Ned said. "I’m sure they’d like to see you."

"I’ll be sure to spend some time with them."

"Help yourself to something to drink and whatever you want to eat. We have plenty of everything," Alexis said and laughed.

"Thanks," Brooke Lynn said. "We will. There are more people I want to introduce Julianna to. By the way, is Michael here?"

Brooke Lynn decided they might as well know, upfront, whether or not to expect to run into him.

"No," Ned said. "Tony called. They won’t be coming."

"Is Michael all right?" Julianna asked before Brooke Lynn could even form the question.

"He’s not having an easy time," Alexis said. "But Tony said he’s getting the best care."

"We’d better go be good hosts," Ned said.

"Sure, Dad. Catch up with you later. By the way," she said, addressing both of them, "everything looks great."

"Thanks," Alexis said as she and Ned headed for the living room.

Brooke Lynn absent-mindedly munched on a potato chip and then grabbed a bottled water for herself and her cousin.

"You’re looking sullen again," she gently admonished Julianna. "I know it’s hard, but you gotta stop thinking about Michael."

"I wish I could," Julianna said, untwisting the cap on her bottle. "Got any pointers that would help?"

*~*

"That was delicious," Keesha said, sitting up in her hospital bed while A.J. cleaned up from their dinner. "I have to remember to thank Ellen for allowing you to bring in dinner. I’ll never be able to go back to hospital food. I’m spoiled."

"It won’t be long before eating hospital food will be just a distant memory."

Keesha sighed. "That sounds wonderful. Say that again."

A.J. smiled as he sat on the edge of her bed. "You’re going to be out of here soon, my lovely lady. You’d better get used to the idea."

"Are you kidding? I am used to the idea. I can’t wait! If I had a calendar, I’d be crossing off the days like I did when I was a kid waiting for my birthday or Christmas."

"You’re anxious to get back to Philly?" he asked.

"Yes and no," Keesha admitted. "Yes, because it’s my home and Julianna’s, and no, because I have no clue what will happen when we do return to Philadelphia. It seems as though all of our lives have changed since we came to Port Charles. What about you, A.J.? What are you going to do? What’s going on with your centers?"

"I talked to Vincent this morning. The Philadelphia center is still a go. A few more things need to be worked out, but everyone involved wants it to be built and up and running as soon as it can be. I want to oversee the project, and yes, I have selfish reasons, along with sound business reasons, for wanting to be in Philly."

Keesha stroked his cheek with her slender finger. "It would be wonderful if you lived in Philadelphia. How soon do you think it will happen?"

"That I’m not sure about. I may have to go to Manhattan for a few days, but I won’t leave here until you’re out of the hospital, and I know you’re well on your way to a full recovery."

"Have I told you how much I appreciate you being with me and Julianna through all of this? I mean it, A.J. I don’t think I could’ve made it without you."

A.J. tenderly caressed her cheek. "You tell me every day," he assured her.

"Can I ask you something?" she said, her expression turning serious.

"Ask me anything."

"Are you attending daily AA meetings?"

A.J. had to chuckle. "Nothing gets by you, does it?" he marveled.

"You’ve developed a pattern," she explained. "Whenever you’re here in the afternoon, you excuse yourself at the same time, yet you’re never gone for more than an hour. I just figured the hospital must have a meeting room and that’s where you’ve been going. Am I right?"

"You’re right," he said. "And just for the record, I’m not surprised. I never could keep anything from you. And now I don’t want to."

"You don’t know how happy that makes me. I don’t want to keep anything from you either. So I’m going to tell you what I did."

"Oh no," he said, half teasing. "What did you do?"

Keesha gave him a wide grin. "I finally told Jason exactly what I think of him."

"You saw him?!"

"No, silly," she said, patting his arm to calm him down. "I wrote him a letter and told him a little about what happened to me. I didn't go into a lot of detail, but I gave him enough information so that he would know how sick I was. I don't think he'll care, but that wasn't my point anyway. The reason I explained my situation to him was to let him know that I had a lot of time to think and reflect on my life and the choices that we all made and while I wouldn't wish the accident that happened to you and him on anyone, ultimately, I believe things are working out the way they were supposed to. At least as far as you and I are concerned. I told him about Julianna. I also told him I knew he had met her and was less than kind to her. I told him as her parents, you and I did not appreciate the way he addressed her. I made sure he knew, A.J., that Julianna is the best gift you could have ever given me. And how grateful I am that she is your daughter, A.J. I've loved her from the moment I found out I was pregnant. If I couldn't have you, I knew at least I would have a very special part of you. She was born from our love. I have never regretted that. Not for one single moment. You believe me, right?"

"Yes," he said, brushing her satiny cheek with his knuckles. "And you don't know how happy it makes me to know that you have never regretted that I am Julianna's father even though I wasn't a part of your lives. You have given me the very best gift, too, sweetheart. What else did you tell my brother?"

"Just that he needs to let Michael live his own life and be his own person the way he preached to you over and over again all those years ago. He's a hypocrite, A.J. I know he's not in his right frame of mind now, but he was when he let Sonny control him. I told him they all couldn't have been any crueler to Michael and to you and to Tony. I reminded him how he tried to control Justus and what it ended up costing him and my cousin. I just think he needed to be reminded of a few things."

"And who better to tell him than you, my darling?"

Keesha lowered her eyes. "I don’t know if he’ll ever read what I wrote or be able to comprehend it, but Ellen assured me he would receive it. That’s good enough for me."

"I love that you expressed your long-held feelings to him," A.J. said, "but Keesha, you shouldn’t be wasting your valuable energy on Jason."

"I expended very little energy on him, but believe me, it was well worth it. I should have done it a long time ago. And, Mr. Quartermaine, you should take your own advice. You shouldn’t be worrying about Jason either. Is he the reason you have to attend daily meetings again?"

"No, not totally. I have something to tell you, too. I saw my ex-wife Courtney."

Keesha sat up straighter in the bed. "What?! When?!"

"A few days ago. She was a mess, Keesha. She has a small son, who is not Jason’s, according to her. She needed money to get out of the country. Jason shot and killed the boy’s father. It traumatized him. He won’t speak. He just stares at you. It was really creepy and very sad. He’s such a cute little boy. All I could think about was Michael. I couldn’t let that little boy suffer needlessly. So I gave her the money and got her and Jesse, her son, to Europe."

"Wow, A.J., I’m impressed."

"That I could actually help someone," he said, in a self-deprecating tone.

"No," she scolded, "that you faced Courtney and Jason. I know that couldn’t have been easy."

"Which is why I’m now attending daily meetings. And some times I attend two or three a day."

"But you did a good thing, sweetheart. You also did the right thing."

"Do you think it would kill Jason to admit that? Don’t answer that. You’re right. It probably would kill him to admit that. Literally. But you know what. It doesn’t matter anymore."

"Are you sure about that?" she questioned.

A.J. nodded. "Absolutely. My brother has made his choices, just like I’ve made mine. I hope he gets the help he needs because he is in bad shape, but other than that, I can’t spend any more of my life fretting over Jason. I have too many good things going on to dwell on things I can’t change."

"I agree," Keesha said and smiled.

"What do you know?" A.J. said and laughed. "I think the Serenity Prayer has finally sank in. After how many years of reciting it? There may be hope for me yet."

Keesha squeezed A.J.’s hand and gave him a tender smile. "I see nothing but hope. For all of us."

*~*

"I’ve spent half the game in jail," Michael grumbled as he watched his father shake and roll the dice.

Just as the dice hit the board, a flash of Sonny sitting in a jail cell crossed Michael’s mind.

"Michael, what is it?" Tony asked, immediately concerned.

The faraway look had returned to Michael’s dark eyes.

The young man shook his head as if to clear it. "I’m not sure. I saw the image for only a second."

"Image of what?" Tony asked, the game forgotten.

Michael stood up from his seat on the floor at the coffee table and ran his fingers through his hair. "I don’t know. Sonny. In jail. But why? What does it mean?"

With his back to his father, he gripped the counter that separated the living room from the kitchen as another memory invaded his mind. This one was of his mother crying and pleading with Jason, who was as stoic as ever. But what Carly was saying eluded Michael. He was getting pictures but no sounds.

When Tony placed a comforting hand on Michael’s back, he jumped.

"Michael, what is it?" Tony asked. "What’s going on?"

He turned and faced his father. "Images, Dad. My mind is flashing tons of images, but they don’t make sense. Sonny in jail. My mother crying and begging Jason for something, but what I don’t know. Jason looking as hard as stone. Unmoving. What does it all mean? I’m getting pictures but no words."

"Do you want me to call Kevin?"

Michael plopped down on the sofa and grabbed a throw pillow, holding it against his chest.

"I don’t know. I don’t know what this all means."

As the two sat in silence, Michael saw more fragments.

"Everything is Jason, my mom and Sonny, but what exactly am I remembering or trying to remember? I have no idea."

"Kevin can help you," Tony said.

Michael shook his head. "Don’t call him, Dad. At least, not yet. The pictures seem harmless. They’re not scaring me."

"I think you should continue to let them come and write down exactly what you’re seeing."

Michael nodded. "Is it okay if I lay on the couch for a while?"

"Of course. I’ll get you a pillow and a blanket."

After placing a pad of paper and a pen on the coffee table and handing him a pillow, Tony covered his son with a heavy blanket and told him to rest.

"Thanks, Dad."

"You’re welcome. I’ll be in my study if you need me."

Michael wrote down the images he had recalled and then closed his eyes and tried to sleep. But more pictures flashed across his mind. He saw the penthouse, his mother yelling at Sonny and pushing him away, Sonny reaching for a glass to throw it and Jason taking it from him. Michael saw himself huddled on the staircase, covering his ears and crying as he watched his mother, with tears streaming down her face, flee the penthouse while Jason and Sonny argued. And then, just as he was about to drift off, he allowed an image to surface that he knew he had blocked time and time again because he thought he wasn’t strong enough to let it ever reach his consciousness.

Moments later, Tony heard screams of agony and reached his son in record time. He found Michael sitting up on the sofa, his eyes wild, rocking back and forth, holding onto the blanket for dear life. Sweat poured down his face as he focused on the wall, seeing nothing. Tony knelt beside him and after placing an arm across his back, asked what he remembered.

"I saw it, Dad," Michael said, his voice devoid of emotion. "I saw all of it. I finally let the memory surface. It was horrible. But I saw it."

"What, Michael?" Tony asked, his voice soft. "What did you allow yourself to recall?"

"I was there, Dad. I was with Jason. I broke free from Jason and had run after my mom, screaming for her not to go with Sonny. I didn’t want her to leave me. I didn’t want her to go. She was upset. They had been arguing. About me. She was crying, but she still left with that bastard. I saw it. I was there. I saw the explosion. I saw the limo being blown to bits. And I remember thinking how happy the three of us would be now that Sonny was dead."

Michael looked at his father, still without any emotion on his face. "That’s what I remembered earlier, isn’t it? I wanted Sonny to die. Dad, how could I have wished someone dead? What is wrong with me? But I did, didn’t I? I wanted him dead, and then he died."

"Yes, Michael," Tony confirmed. "You said you remembered wanting Sonny to die."

Michael stood from the sofa, still clutching the blanket.

"I need help, Dad," Michael said, his voice shaking.

The floodgates had been opened. The memories threatened to overwhelm him and render him helpless.

"I can’t handle this. There are too many memories. They’re all crashing in on me. Make them stop, Dad. Please. Make them stop!!"

"I will, son. I’m getting you help right now."

Within half an hour, Kevin Collins had arrived. Tony explained the situation. Kevin looked in on Michael, who was sleeping in his bed.

"It seems as though he’s remembering everything he’s blocked since the night of the explosion," Tony said. "All at one time. He can’t handle it."

"He’s going to have to be in a controlled environment where I can monitor him," Kevin said. "I want him to remember everything so he can get past this part of his life, but it has to be done carefully."

"I agree."

"Would you and Bobbie agree to it if I highly recommended that Michael be hospitalized at GH?"