Chapter 56 - Part 1

The following morning, after Michael had eaten a less-than-appetizing breakfast, Dr. Kevin Collins entered his room and said a hearty "good morning."

"Morning," Michael replied.

Kevin pulled up a chair and sat next to his patient's bed.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay."

"Did you get a good night's sleep?"

He nodded. Kevin looked at the blank pad on the bedside table.

"No memories or images surfaced during the night?"

"Not that I remember."

"That's fine. I'm going to put this plastic cup and pitcher of water on your food table. As we talk, help yourself to it whenever you want a drink. If you need anything, let me know. Okay?"

"Yes."

Kevin poured cold water into the cup and then looked at Bobbie and Tony who wanted to be there for Michael.

"If it's okay with all three of you, I'm going to record our session."

"That's fine," Michael said.

Bobbie and Tony agreed.

"Excellent," Kevin said.

He set the recording device on the table and pushed the button to start. After crossing his leg, he placed a pad of paper on his lap and readied the pen to write.

"From the beginning, Michael," he said, his voice non-threatening, "tell me what you now remember about the night your mother and Sonny's limo exploded."

After swallowing hard, Michael took a sip of the water. He looked at his father and his grandmother for reassurance and then nodded to indicate he was ready. He sat up straighter in the bed. Bobbie shifted his pillows to give him comfort and support. He placed his hands on the table in front of him to stop them from shaking. He focused his eyes on the light blue water pitcher as he began to speak.

"Earlier that day, my mother and Sonny had gotten into this horrible fight. Over me. I told my mother I didn't want to live with her and Sonny anymore. I wanted to go live with Grandma."

He sneaked a peek at his grandmother and saw she already had tears in her eyes. He quickly looked away and returned his attention to the pitcher.

"There was some dinner they had to go to. Sonny was forcing me to go, but I didn't want to. I told them I wouldn't go and that they couldn't make me. I remember I was being a total brat. Against Sonny's wishes, Mom called Jason. He said he would stay with me. I told my mom I wanted to go to Grandma's, but she said I couldn't because Sonny didn't want me to. I started yelling at them that they never let me do what I wanted to do. My mother told me how ungrateful I was and sent me to my room. I heard Mom and Sonny arguing. Sonny was telling my mother she had no control over me. My mother was defending herself. I remember that. I hated the way Sonny talked to my mother. I remember pulling out my duffel bag. I was throwing things into it. I wanted to run away. When they left, I was going to leave, too. I couldn't take it anymore."

Becoming agitated as the vivid images of that fateful night flooded his mind, Michael gripped the sides of the table and closed his eyes. Kevin placed a gentle hand on his arm and told him to take all the time he needed.

When Michael opened his eyes, he drank more water and then said he was ready to continue. He furrowed his brow as he tried to remember what happened next.

"I was still in my room, and I heard Jason and Sonny arguing. Then I heard my mother screaming at both of them. I really don't know what they were talking about. I just knew I had to get out of there. A while later, Jason came and got me. He told me my mom and Sonny were leaving, and that I needed to say good-bye to them. Jason looked worried. I remember that now. But I still didn't know what they had argued about. I barely spoke to my mom. I hid behind Jason. I didn't talk or even look at Sonny. I was still so angry. My mother tried to hug me, but I pushed her away. I remember she had tears in her eyes when she hugged Jason and told him to keep me safe. I remember thinking that was a strange thing to say since we were home. When they left the penthouse, I remember I felt badly that I hadn't let my mother hug me. I ran to the elevator before Jason or Leticia could catch me. I was too quick for the bodyguard, too. I remember Jason screaming at me not to leave, that it wasn't safe, but I wanted to. I wanted to say a proper good-bye to my mother because I planned to leave that night. I didn't think I'd ever see her again. I remember getting into the elevator. I don't know if Jason followed me in another elevator or whether he went down the stairs on foot. All I remember is going to the garage. The black limo was there. I didn't see Sonny."

Michael began shaking his head wildly.

"I didn't see him at all. But I saw my mom, and she saw me. She saw me. I remember that. We looked at each other. She was about to step inside the car when she spotted me. She stopped, I guess to find out what I wanted, and that's when the car exploded. I remember seeing my mother being thrown high into the air. She landed like a rag doll on the cement. I remember that! I saw it happen!! I tried to run to her, but Jason held me back. He held me and wouldn't let me go. I was screaming. I remember I couldn't stop screaming!"

Unable to stop himself from reliving the most horrible moment of his life, Michael's body convulsed as he let out a piercing scream and squeezed his eyes shut in a desperate attempt to stop the images from flooding his mind.

"Make it stop!! Please!! Make it stop!! I didn't want my mother to die! I didn't!! I swear I never meant for her to die!!"

With a rush of adrenaline, Bobbie pushed the table away from his bed and drew her grandson into her loving arms.

"Shh, Michael," she said, laying her head against his and gently rocking him in her arms as tears rolled down her cheeks. "It's okay. They're only memories. They can't hurt you. None of this is happening. You're just letting your mind recall the details. That's all. You're safe, Michael. No one is going to harm you. Nothing can hurt you. It's okay. You're okay."

Michael let his grandmother comfort him, and then he nodded to show he understood what she was saying.

"Do you want to end this session?" Kevin asked.

"No," Michael said, after a lengthy silence. He had somewhat collected himself. "I need to tell you more."

"When you're ready," Kevin said. "Only if and when you're ready."

Michael nodded.

"It just exploded," he said, his voice quivering as his body still shook in his grandmother's arms. "I heard myself screaming. I heard my mother's screams, too. When I tried to run to her, Jason grabbed me from behind and held me against him. Then, he let me go. I remember seeing him. He got on the phone and called someone. I don't know who. I remember thinking that my mother would be all right and that Sonny had died. I thought Jason and my mom would be together. I thought everything would be okay as long as my mother didn't die. How could I have been so heartless? Why did I not care that Sonny had probably died?! Why didn't I think about Courtney? What was wrong with me?!"

Michael looked up and saw his father watching him. His face was unreadable.

"I know it's horrible," Michael said. "I hate myself for what I thought."

"You were in shock, Michael," Kevin tried to explain. "I'm sure many thoughts went through your mind, but that doesn't mean you're a bad person for having those thoughts or feelings. You were angry in the penthouse, and you just saw a vehicle blow up. There is no way you can say you were thinking rationally."

"But I blocked this for so long," Michael said, his head remaining on his grandmother's shoulder. "Because I was ashamed of what I thought and didn't want to face it, right?"

"Is that what you believe?" Kevin asked.

"It's the only explanation," Michael said dejectedly. "Why else wouldn't I have remembered all this before now?"

"We can explore that later," Kevin advised. "Just know that there could be many reasons you're just now letting yourself recall that night. And know that this is taking a lot of courage. Okay?"

"Okay," Michael said, but he didn't sound very convincing.

"Do you want to continue?"

"Yes. After I had those horrible thoughts, I must have blacked out because the next thing I remember, I was back in the penthouse with Jason."

Kevin interrupted momentarily. "You don't remember anything else after you thought that your mother would be all right and that Sonny had died?"

"No, I don't. I remember sitting on the couch in the penthouse, watching Jason. He looked like a caged animal. He didn't say much, but he told me my grandmother was coming to get me. I kept asking him why he was so nervous, but he wouldn't answer me. He was very agitated. He kept asking me if I remembered anything, and I told him I didn't. I kept asking him what he wanted me to remember, and he said it was better for me not to know."

Drenched in sweat and unable to hold the cup because his hands were trembling, Michael let his grandmother place the cup to his parched lips. He sipped more water, laid his head against Bobbie's shoulder and closed his eyes.

"I can't talk anymore," he said, gripping the back of his grandmother's uniform. "It's too painful to remember."

"Please bring me a warm cloth," Bobbie said to Tony.

Moments later, Tony handed her a washcloth. Bobbie tenderly patted Michael's forehead and his flushed cheeks.

"Thank you," he said, not even bothering to open his eyes.

"I'd like to ask you just one more question," Kevin said.

Michael shook his head. "I can't. Please. No more. Not now."

"I think he's had enough," Tony said.

Kevin nodded. "I'm going to turn off the recorder unless you want to say something else, Michael."

"I don't."

Kevin pressed the "stop" button which officially ended their first session.

"Would you like me to massage your back?" Bobbie asked her grandson.

He shook his head and then lifted it to look at her. "Can I be alone for a while? Please?"

The three adults exchanged uneasy looks.

"I'll leave," Kevin said. "But I don't recommend you leave him alone as long as he's awake."

"Is it okay if I stay with you?" Bobbie asked Michael. "I won't talk. At all. I'll just sit with you. Or continue to hold you if you want me to."

"You can sit with me. I want to lay back in my bed."

"Of course."

Bobbie helped him get comfortable in the bed. She smiled and brushed his hair, wanting him to feel her healing touch.

"I'll be back later," Tony said. "You did very well, Michael. I know this can't be easy for you."

"Thanks. I want to sleep," he said, looking from Bobbie to Kevin. "I know this is going to surprise you since I always fight you when you want to sedate me, but this time, I want you to give me something that will knock me out. Completely and for a long time. I need a break from these memories. Can you give me something? Please?"

"Is it okay?" Bobbie asked Kevin.

"Sure. A mild sedative to calm him down and help him sleep for a while will be fine. Let's talk at the nurses' station."

"I'll stay with him until you return," Tony said.

Bobbie nodded and left the room with Kevin.

"What was so important that you wanted to continue after he said he didn't want to talk anymore?" Bobbie asked Kevin when they were alone.

"I wanted him to confirm that Jason said nothing to him about what he had witnessed."

"I'm sure Jason didn't," Bobbie said. "When I arrived, Michael didn't say anything about having seen the explosion. He seemed to think he had been in the penthouse with Jason the whole time. He was shocked when I told him what had happened."

"What was Jason's state of mind when you arrived?"

"He was distraught, livid, outraged and lost. I could tell he blamed himself. He kept pacing the floor. He couldn't stand still. He kept talking about needing to get revenge and how this should have never happened."

"I wish Michael knew what the earlier argument involved when Jason arrived. I think Jason knew they were in danger."

"I think so, too. He totally blames himself for them dying."

"And yet, he was still willing to put Michael in more danger. I don't get that."

Bobbie shook her head as she made her way to the medicine cabinet to prepare the sedative Kevin had prescribed. "You'd have to get into Jason's psyche for those answers. I wouldn't want to be the one who has to deal with his issues."

*~*

Alan saw A.J. heading for Keesha's room and asked if he could talk to him for a few minutes in his office.

"Sure."

They walked to the office Alan used on a part-time basis; and after closing the door, he offered his son a seat and sat across from him.

"This won't take long, but I wanted to be the one to tell you."

"Is this about Jason?"

Alan nodded. "He's being moved to a facility in Geneva, Switzerland."

"Does he know?"

"Yes. He was told earlier."

"How is he taking it?"

"I don't think he really cares at this point. He's very out of it."

"Has he spoken to you or to Mom?"

"Very briefly. He told us to watch out for Michael. That was about it."

"He doesn't know Michael's here, does he?" A.J. asked, concerned.

"No. And he doesn't need to know about that."

A.J. breathed a sigh of relief. "I agree."

Alan studied his son's face. "Your mother and I were at the party when Bobbie received Tony's phone call. Your daughter was visibly shaken by the news. From what I understand, Michael is dealing with some serious issues. Your mother and I hope you'll keep Julianna away from him."

A.J. nodded. "That's my plan. The question is: will it work?"

*~*

Humming to herself, Julianna removed the tray of peanut butter cookies from the oven and set it on the counter to cool. She had also baked a devil's food cake and now sat at the kitchen table, ready to add chocolate frosting. Dara thanked her for her help before she and Justus had left to drive to the hospital. Soon, they would be returning with Matthew and Veronica.

Julianna had moved her things into the downstairs room her mother had been using. The upstairs room now held twin beds, one with a race car bedspread and one with a Barbie comforter. Dara told Julianna she would let the children decide what decor they wanted for each side of the room.

As Julianna frosted the cake and sang to herself, she realized she had never seen Dara and Justus look happier; she was thrilled for them.

Once the cake had been decorated and put away until after dinner, she placed the cookies on a plate and set it on the kitchen table. Sandwiches had been made. The refrigerator contained fruit juices, water, and homemade lemonade.

Julianna nibbled on a cookie, decided they weren't half bad, placed three of them into a plastic bag and sealed it. If, by some miracle, she was able to find out Michael's room number, she wanted to leave a treat for him.

Glancing at the wall clock in the kitchen, Julianna realized she had time to make a phone call.

"Hey, Brooke Lynn. How are you?"

"Busy but fine. How are you?"

"I'm doin' okay. Are you at L&B?"

"Yeah. But I have a minute to chat."

"Thanks." Julianna decided to get right to the point. "Did Lesley Lu say anything to you about Michael?"

Brooke Lynn chuckled. "Why did I know that's why you were calling? She just told me that Michael had some kind of a meltdown. She's not really sure about the details. She thinks his therapist is working with him."

"I had a feeling it was something like that. Poor Michael. Brooke Lynn, do you think Lesley Lu will tell you what room he's in?"

"Only because I knew you were going to ask me that and would badger us until you found out, I went to GH with Lu this morning. When she wasn't looking, I peeked at his chart. Lucky for you, he's on the same floor as your mother. He's in Room 434."

"Thank you so much!"

"You're on your own now, kiddo," she warned. "If you get caught seeing him, you did not get the info from me. I'll deny everything. I'll tell anyone who asks me that I've never seen you before in my life."

Julianna laughed. "I understand. But thank you. Thank you so much."

"You're so young, Julianna. I know you like Michael, but seriously, sweetie, think about the consequences before you do anything rash. Please?"

"I will. I just want to take a look at him. I need to see for myself that he's all right. That's all."

Brooke Lynn sighed. "I guess I can understand that. Call me later, okay? Maybe we can get together tonight."

"I'd like that. Thanks. I'll talk to you soon."

Still singing to herself, Julianna put the plastic bag into her purse. That evening, she would check out what was going on in Michael's room. If the coast was clear, she would sneak in, check on him, leave the cookies on his table, and sneak out.

"He'll see the treat," she said, out loud. "He just won't know it's from me."