Chapter 57

When Michael woke up the next morning, he was laying on his right side. He looked at the table and saw the cookies inside the plastic bag. A few minutes later, Bobbie entered his room and said "good morning."

"Morning, Grandma. Did you leave those cookies for me?"

Bobbie looked to where he was pointing. "No. It wasn't me."

"Maybe Lesley Lu did. She said I still looked hungry after eating my ice cream yesterday."

"I didn't see her with any cookies, but maybe she did. How are you feeling?"

"I'm all right."

"Breakfast will be arriving shortly and after you freshen up, Dr. Collins will be here."

"Okay. Would you do me a favor?"

"Of course."

"Ask around to see if anyone knows about these cookies."

Bobbie shook her head and then laughed. "Okay, okay. I'll try to solve the mystery of the cookie caper. Just make sure you eat your breakfast before you get into that bag, young man."

"I will."

When his grandmother had left the room, Michael put the cookies inside his drawer. Just to make sure they didn't disappear as mysteriously as they had appeared.

*~*

Dara looked in on Matthew and Veronica and saw they were awake.

"Good morning," she said, stepping into the room. "Did you two sleep well?"

They nodded.

"Good morning," Matthew said, followed by his sister.

"Do you need help getting dressed?"

They both shook their heads.

Dara smiled. "Okay. When you're ready, come to the kitchen. I think Julianna is cooking you a special breakfast."

"Oh boy!" Veronica squealed. "Matty, we're having pancakes."

"How do you know?" he asked.

"'Cause," she said, with seven-year-old logic, "Julianna asked me what my favorite breakfast food was, and I told her pancakes."

Dara laughed. "If you told her that, then I'm sure we're having pancakes for breakfast."

"With lots of syrup?" Matthew chimed in.

"With plenty of syrup," Dara assured both of them.

"C'mon, Matty," Veronica said, scrambling out of her bed. "We gotta get downstairs."

After breakfast had been heartily consumed, Camille arrived to observe another day at the Ward household.

"Did the children sleep well?" she asked Dara and Justus, after she had watched Matthew and Veronica play on the swings and on the slide in the backyard.

"Yes, they did," Justus answered.

"Did they wake up during the night? If so, were they afraid or asking for their mother?"

"No," Dara replied. "To our knowledge, they slept through the night."

"Did you check on them to make sure they were all right and that they didn't need anything?"

"Yes," Justus admitted. "I did. Several times."

Dara grinned. "I did, too. I think we took turns."

Camille smiled. "So, neither of you got much sleep."

They looked at each other and chuckled.

"I guess not," Justus said.

"But we needed to make sure they were all right," Dara defended.

"I agree," Camille said. "You did the right thing. I'm sure there will be many sleepless nights in your future."

Justus wrapped his arm around his wife's waist and drew her closer to his side.

"It'll be worth it," he said, "to know that those wonderful children feel contented and safe in this home."

*~*

When A.J. entered Keesha's room, he was doubly pleased to see her sitting in a chair and that Nikolas was visiting.

"What's this?" he asked.

Keesha smiled. "I'm going to try walking today, with the assistance of a nurse and a walker."

"And I decided it had been too long since I'd seen Keesha. I get progress reports from Ellen, but I wanted to see for myself how she's doing. You look wonderful."

"Thanks."

"I heard Matthew and Veronica went home with Dara and Justus," Nikolas said.

"They did," Keesha confirmed. "Julianna said they were settling in nicely."

"I hope they'll become friends with Sonya and Nikolas. Do you think it would be okay if Gia called them in a few days and invited them over?"

"I'm sure that would be fine."

"Great. Well, I'll you two visit. I'll see you again soon, Keesha."

She smiled. "I look forward to it."

"When do you walk?" A.J. asked Keesha, once they were alone.

"As soon as the nurse returns with the walker."

"Have you been sitting up long?"

"About twenty minutes."

"How does it feel?"

"It feels great."

"What about that pain you had yesterday?"

"It eased up. Ellen said that would probably happen, but she told me it wouldn't be uncommon if it came back again."

"But the anti-rejection medication is doing its job, right?"

"Yes. Ellen said I am on track."

A.J. smiled. "So this evening, you'll be able to cross off another day on your calendar."

She returned his smile as she squeezed his hand. "Most definitely."

*~*

Later that morning, Kevin entered Michael's room, recording device in hand, and asked his patient if he was up for another session.

"Yes," Michael said.

Bobbie and Tony were present once again.

"Is it okay if we start this session with the question I wanted to ask you yesterday?"

Michael nodded.

Kevin started the recorder and then made his inquiry.

"Michael, at any time, did Jason say anything to you about what you had witnessed? Did he tell you anything about the explosion? Did he lead you to believe you had seen it happen?"

"No."

Michael's answer was definite.

"When we were in the penthouse, he made it seem as though I had always been there. I guess he knew I had no recollection of being in the garage, and he didn't say anything to make me think I had been there or that I had lost time."

"What did he say to you?"

"He told me that something very bad had happened and that he had called my grandmother. He said she was on her way and that she would tell me what was going on."

"Did you ask him what had happened?"

"Yes. But he wouldn't tell me. He just said my grandmother would be there soon."

"What happened when your grandmother arrived?"

Michael looked at Bobbie as his voice grew very quiet. "I could tell she had been crying. She looked at Jason but didn't say anything. She hugged me really tightly and told me we were leaving."

"She didn't talk to you in front of Jason?"

"No. My grandmother and Jason didn't say anything to each other that I remember."

"I just wanted to get Michael out of there," Bobbie said, her voice trembling.

Tony drew her close and gently rubbed her back.

"Then, what happened, Michael? What do you remember?"

"I remember sitting in my grandmother's car. She was crying again and shielding me. Uncle Luke and Lucas were in the car, too. I started getting a weird feeling. They were looking at me with sad faces. I wanted to know what was going on. Grandma talked to me in the backseat while Luke drove. She said we had to go to the hospital. She told me that's where my mother was. I didn't understand. I told her my mother and Sonny had gone to dinner. My grandmother started crying some more. I remember I started to freak. I didn't want to go to GH, but my grandmother said I had to. I remember asking about Sonny. No one would answer me."

"What happened next?"

Michael rubbed his forehead and repositioned himself in the bed before he answered.

"Take your time," Kevin coaxed.

Michael nodded. "We arrived at GH. I remember not wanting to go inside. I knew something bad had happened, but I didn't want to know what it was. Lucas helped me, right, Grandma?"

"Yes, honey, he did."

"He talked to me because my grandmother was being consoled by Uncle Luke. Lucas told me I needed to go inside. I needed to see my mother. I would want to see my mother. No one said anything about the bomb. I thought maybe my mother had gotten sick or something."

"So you finally went inside?" Kevin asked.

"Yes. We were in the ER. So many people were running around. I remember Luke trying to find out what was going on. Grandma was sitting in a chair, trying to talk to me, but I didn't want to hear what she had to say. I remember covering my ears and yelling at my grandmother to stop talking! Finally, Lucas took me aside and told me what had happened. He was the one who told me Sonny had died and that my mother was fighting for her life. I remember that now. It was Lucas who told me what happened!"

"Yes," Bobbie confirmed. "Lucas was the one who told you, Michael."

"What do you remember from that time?" Kevin asked.

"I remember telling Lucas I didn't believe him. I accused him of lying. I tried to run away, but he grabbed me and wouldn't let go. He just held on to me. Everyone around me was crying, but I refused to cry. My mother was not dying. That wasn't possible. It just wasn't possible!"

When Michael's breathing became labored and perspiration appeared on his forehead, Kevin told him to take a break and to drink some water.

"Do you want me to end this session?" Kevin asked, when Michael had calmed down.

"No. I need to keep going. I need to remember everything."

"Do you want anything?" Tony asked.

Michael looked at his father. "Thanks, Dad, but I'm okay."

"What happened next?" Kevin asked, when Michael told him he was ready to continue.

"Uncle Luke told us my mother was in ICU. They were going to operate on her, but the doctor said she wasn't strong enough to survive it. I didn't want to see my mother. Lucas stayed with me while Luke took Grandma to see my mother. I remember Jason arriving and causing a scene. He saw me, and he wanted to know where my grandmother was. Lucas talked to him. I just sat huddled in the chair. I remember being afraid and not wanting to know what was happening. After a while, my grandmother returned and told me that my mom was awake and was asking for me. I couldn't believe it. I thought my grandmother was going to tell me my mother had died. She...she brought me to see my mother."

Michael drank some water and then closed his eyes.

"Should we end this for now?" Kevin asked, concerned about the strain this was causing his patient.

Michael shook his head. He continued to talk with his eyes closed.

"I didn't recognize my mother, but my grandmother helped me to hold her hand. I remember it was cold. There were all these machines, beeping and humming and whirring. I was so scared. The woman in the bed didn't look anything like my mother. I didn't want to believe it was her. But if she wasn't my mother, did that mean my mother was dead? I didn't want to know the answer to that question, so I never voiced it."

Kevin looked at Bobbie, who was now clinging to Tony.

"Did your mother say anything to you?" Kevin asked Michael, his voice low and even.

He nodded and opened his eyes to look at his doctor. "Yes. She said she was sorry for what she was about to put me through but that she loved me and that she never meant to hurt me. She asked Grandma where Jason was. She said she had to talk to Jason. My mom's voice was scaring me. I told Grandma that Jason was in the waiting room. I remember wanting her to go get him so my mother wouldn't be so upset."

"What happened next?"

Michael shook his head. "I don't remember. I wanted to tell my mother I loved her and that I didn't want her to die, but I don't think I did. I think Grandma took me out of the room. The next thing I remember we were sitting in an office, at the hospital, and my grandmother told me she had some news to tell me."

"What was the news, Michael?"

He closed his eyes again, this time to ward off the pain of the memory he was about to recall. His voice cracked when he spoke. "That my whole life had been a lie. That my mother made a confession in front of witnesses that A.J. wasn't my father."

"What did you do?"

"I started throwing things. I was so angry. How could my mother do that to me? How could she lie to me my entire life?! I hated her. I hated Sonny. I hated both of them!!"

"We had to restrain him," Tony said, his voice breaking. "We had to keep Michael sedated for the next two days. His rage was out of control."

"That's right," Michael said, looking at his father. "You were there. We were in your office. You and Jason were arguing while my grandmother was crying and yelling at you to stop fighting!"

Bobbie wiped her eyes. "The truth had come out about Tony being Michael's father."

"And Jason tried to deny it even after Carly signed the confession before she died," Tony supplied.

"Jason said she didn't know what she was signing and that it had been done under duress," Bobbie explained.

"But Carly told Bobbie and me the truth, in front of Jason. He was livid."

"Jason was going to take me away, wasn't he?" Michael asked. "That's why you guys were arguing."

"Yes," Tony said, sitting on the edge of his son's bed. "Jason did not want you to be with me. He was going to fight for you, but I let him know I was going to fight just as hard to keep you in Port Charles. And that this time, the law would be on *my* side. Under the most tragic of circumstances, I finally learned the truth. You were my son. I wanted a chance to be your father."

Michael reached out his arms to hug his father.

"As much as I thought I wanted to go with him, I would have never felt safe if I had gone with Jason," Michael said. "I know that now. I'm sorry I threw Jason in your face the other day. In the end, my mother did the right thing. She finally told the truth about my paternity. Jason would have never done that. I realize that now. What he wanted wasn't right, and I was wrong, very wrong, to worship him the way I did. I wasn't his son, and he shouldn't have tried to keep me from you."

Tony pulled Michael back and studied his face.

"Are you okay, Michael, really okay, with me being your father?"

"Yeah," Michael said and nodded. "I'm really okay with you being my dad. I love you, and I'm glad you're my father. I really am."

Tony hugged his son once more. "I'm so proud to call you my son. I love you, Michael. I'm not innocent in this whole paternity mess, but I've wanted you since the day your mother told me she was pregnant. I don't want you to ever have doubts about whether or not you are wanted and loved because you are. By me, your grandmother, your brother, your many relatives and a host of other people. You're going to be fine, Michael. I know you are."

"I hope you're right about me being fine, Dad. Because that's what I want the most: to be emotionally and mentally healthy."

"We have more work to do in that regard," Kevin said.

Michael nodded in acknowledgement.

"I have one more question for you, and then we'll end today's session. What happened when you woke up after having been sedated?"

Michael looked at his grandmother. "I learned my mother had died."

"What did you do?"

Michael shrugged. "I didn't do anything. I was numb. I had no reaction. I didn't know how I was supposed to feel, what I was supposed to do, so I didn't do anything. And then, as you know, I got angry. At everyone and everything. I started down a very self-destructive path."

"What about now, Michael? How do you feel right now?"

"I feel a sadness I haven't felt in a long time. But I don't feel angry."

"Do you want to explore that now or wait until tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow," Michael said, clearly exhausted.

"Okay. I will abide by your decision."

Kevin stopped the recorder.

"We'll talk more tomorrow."

Michael nodded. "Is it okay if I talk to my grandmother? Alone?"

"Of course," Kevin said.

Tony told his son he would be in the hallway if he needed him.

"Thanks, Dad. I just need to say something to Grandma."

Tony smiled. "I understand."

Bobbie took Tony's place on the bed once they were alone. She stroked her grandson's hair and asked him what was on his mind.

"I need you to be honest with me."

"Okay. About what?"

"About my mother. I really don't remember what happened when I was in her room. Did I tell her I loved her? Did I tell her I didn't want her to die? Because I loved my mother, Grandma, and I didn't want her to die."

"Michael, your mother knew you loved her, and she knew you wanted her to find a way to pull through. But it was not to be."

"But did I tell her, Grandma?" Michael asked, his voice urgent. "Did I say those words in her room? Help me to remember. Please. Did I tell my mother how much I loved her before she died?!"

Bobbie nodded as the tears rolled freely down her cheeks. "Yes, my precious boy. You told your mother you loved her. More than once. She knew it, Michael. If she knew only one thing in her life, it was how much you loved her."

Bobbie drew him into her arms and hugged him.

"We'd had such a terrible fight that night, and I was so frightened to see her in the hospital. I don't remember being restrained and then being knocked out for two days. When you told me my mom had died, anger, and then drugs, soon controlled my life. I never cried for my mother," Michael confessed, remaining in his grandmother's loving arms. "I was so angry and crazy with fury and drugs that I never allowed myself to grieve for her, did I?"

"I wasn't sure," Bobbie said, gently rubbing his back, "but I thought maybe you hadn't yet mourned your mother's death."

"I've been afraid to," he admitted, his voice quiet. "One of the most vivid memories I have of my mother is that she cried all the time. I was scared that if I let myself cry, I'd never stop. I'd be just like my mother."

He pulled back from his grandmother and looked into her eyes.

"My mother did the right thing in the end, didn't she, Grandma? She allowed me to know who my true father was. That's a good thing, right? Jason wasn't going to do that. He was going to be selfish and let me think A.J. was my father, even though he would've never let me see A.J. How mean was that? I should be thanking my mother, right, that she finally told the truth, even if she waited until she knew she was dying to do it?"

"Yes, Michael," Bobbie said, framing his boyishly handsome face with her hands, "your mother did right by you in the end. You know who your father is. Jason didn't want you to know that Tony was your father, but your mother couldn't die knowing she hadn't told you the truth. She knew, in her heart, you had to know who your real father was."

Michael nodded. "That's what I thought. That's what I sorta remembered earlier. I know a lot of people didn't like my mother, and they had their reasons, but Grandma, I miss my mother. I miss her so much. She was my mother. I lost my mother. She's really gone, and she's never coming back!"

"I know, honey, believe me, I know. Not a day goes by that I don't think about my daughter and miss her something fierce."

The tears Michael had held in check for almost four years came spilling down his pale cheeks. But they weren't angry, bitter tears. They were cleansing tears from someone who had lost a very important person in his life and had never had the chance to properly mourn the loss. They were tears of sadness and regret and disappointment of things that would never be. They were tears he'd held on to for far too long. His release was therapeutic and so very necessary. Bobbie knew that, and she was grateful he'd finally allowed himself to cry.

"I loved my mother," Michael said, and then he buried his face in his grandmother's shoulder. "And when I'm strong enough, I'll visit her grave so I can tell her that. And when I'm feeling very strong, I'll visit Sonny's grave. I'm tired of hating him, Grandma. I don't want to do this anymore. I want peace."

*~*

Later that evening, after Julianna had visited her mother, she once again tiptoed into Michael's room and left a treat for him on his table. This time it was their favorite candy: a chocolate almond Hershey's bar.

As she had done the previous night, she stood by his bed and gazed at him while he slept. She noticed the side railings were down, so she sat in the nearby chair to spend a moment or two with him in the stillness of his room. She lightly ran the pad of her tapered index finger down his bare arm, careful not to disturb his IV or wake him.

"I hope you're feeling better and getting the help you need," she whispered. "People are so mean around here. They won't tell me anything about how you're doing. That's why I have to sneak in here, Michael. I couldn't go to sleep if I didn't know you were okay. You look good, and I'm happy about that."

Unable to stop herself, she gently laid her head on the blanket covering his upper torso.

"Do you think about me?" she asked as she watched the medicine slowly drip from the bag attached to his IV. "I think about you all the time. I hope you enjoyed the cookies. I hate to leave you, but I know I have to. Goodnight, Michael. Be well. I know I'll be back tomorrow to see you. I can't help it. It's just the way it has to be."