Chapter 6

With her stomach in knots, Julianna took two bites of her tuna salad and declared she couldn't eat any more. She covered the bowl and placed it on a shelf in the refrigerator. Keesha fared little better with her vegetable soup. She glanced at the wall clock and realized A.J. would be there in less than an hour.

"Do we have anything to serve A.J. when he arrives?" Keesha asked.

"I made a tray with ham, cheese and crackers.  I also cut up some raw vegetables. There are some brownies left, too, that I baked yesterday."

"That sounds wonderful. Thank you for doing all this work, sweetheart. I appreciate it. I guess we should put on a pot of coffee."

"Okay. There's iced tea, too, if he drinks that."

"Sounds like we're ready."

Not really, Julianna wanted to say, but kept the thought to herself.

"I'd like us to talk in the living room," Keesha continued. "I'm going to use my walker and head that way."

Julianna nodded and watched to make sure her mother was steady on her feet before she began to measure the coffee grounds.

*~*

Taking her time, Keesha shuffled down the long, narrow, carpeted hallway to the front of the house, where the living room was located. Once she entered, she stopped to look around at her modest but comfortable furnishings. At one time, when she was healthier, this room had been her favorite. As she moved to her recliner, she recalled, with fondness, the evenings she had sat near the window and watched her young daughter play with her friends in the front yard. When Julianna got older, she entertained her mother by playing the piano and singing. The music, and her daughter's melodious voice, had allowed Keesha to recall sweet memories of her grandmother, Mary Mae.

Keesha had also spent many hours in her favorite chair with her feet propped up after a long day at the hospital, watching television, reading a good book, or just letting her mind wander.

Those were the times she let herself think about A.J., she realized now, as she tried to get comfortable in her chair, and had wondered whether or not she'd made the right decision in not telling him about his daughter. She had called him, several times, and each time she tried and failed to reach him because of one reason or another, her resolve grew stronger that she was better off not involving him in her life or the life of her daughter. But as she soon learned, fate had a way of stepping in and taking control. Her illness was definite proof of that.

Her daughter's appearance in the room broke Keesha's reverie. She placed the serving tray onto the glass-topped coffee table and then turned on the two lamps that sat on either side of the light blue sofa. Even though there was still daylight, Julianna also turned on the porch light.

"Thank you, baby."

Julianna nodded. Taking a seat on the edge of the sofa, she jumped up every time an automobile whizzed by. When she heard a car slow down and saw that it was parked in front of their house, she peeked through the curtain and knew it was A.J.

"He's here," she said, her voice solemn.

"Open the door for him, please."

"Yes, Mama."

With nervous energy, Julianna opened the door and waited for A.J. to make his appearance. When she saw him climbing the few steps, she gasped in surprise. He carried two beautiful bouquets: one of pink roses and one of yellow jonquils.

"Hello," she greeted somberly when he reached her.

"Hello, Julianna?"

He said it as a question, as if he wasn't sure he should call her by her name.

"Please come in," she said politely, if not stiffly, moving to one side so he could enter. "My mother is in the living room."

A.J. stepped where Julianna motioned. Keesha saw the gorgeous flowers before she actually saw him. But A.J. had a clear view of Keesha. He'd tried to steel himself for what she might look like, but nothing could have prepared him for how bad she looked. His heart lurched, and any cross words or accusations he might have thrown at her melted away. Never heavy to begin with, she was sickly thin. Her face was drawn; the vibrant brown eyes he remembered nearly vacant. Yet, when she indicated for him to enter the room, he did see life in her, and for that he was grateful.

"Hello, A.J.," she said, well aware that he had been taking inventory of her appearance.

Her voice was softer, weaker, but still managed to get his attention.

"Hello, Keesha," he returned.

"The flowers are beautiful," she said. "Thank you. We'll leave them in here to enjoy while we talk."

Taking her cue from her mother, Julianna arranged the two bouquets to sit on top of the black Steinway piano. She wanted to ask A.J. how he knew jonquils were her favorite flower, but one look at her mother's face, and she had her answer. He'd asked about her favorite things, Julianna realized, or her mother had told him. She vowed not to be affected.

"Sit down on the couch," Keesha said.

Her instructions included both of them.

Julianna let A.J. sit first, and then she purposely chose the opposite end. She sat perched on the edge, ready for a quick escape if need be, although with her mother's watchful eye on her, she knew she wouldn't be going far.

"Are you hungry?" Keesha asked. "If so, help yourself."

"No, thank you. I ate dinner at the hotel."

"Would you like a cup of coffee?" Julianna asked.

"Sure," A.J. said, turning to look at his daughter since she'd spoken directly to him. "That would be nice. Thank you."

She asked because his answer gave her a chance to leave the room. Keesha told her to bring everything in the living room, and they would help themselves.

"I look pretty bad, don't I?" Keesha finally asked.

A.J. had not stopped frowning since he'd laid eyes on her. He shook his head.

"I told myself you're not well, but Keesha..."

"I know," she said. "But you, on the other hand, look wonderful."

She appraised him and nodded approvingly.

"I see some gray in your hair and a few more lines around your eyes, but other than that, you look good."

"Thank you. May I...may I ask what happened to make you sick?"

"Let's talk about that later. Right now, I'd like us to concentrate on Julianna."

A.J. nodded. "She doesn't like me much, does she?"

"She's holding some things against you," Keesha admitted. "If you could tell us about your life and the choices you've made these past years, maybe she'll begin to see you in a new light."

"Does she...does she know about my past? About what I am?"

"You mean, do I know you're an alcoholic?" Julianna challenged, returning to the room just as A.J. voiced his question.

She added the Sterling silver tray with its contents to the coffee table and then turned to face her father.

"Yes, A.J.," she said, fire blazing in her hazel eyes, "I know what you are. And it's just one of the many, many reasons I begged my mother not to involve you in our lives. We don't need you!"

"Julianna!" Keesha severely admonished.

"I'm sorry, Mama, but he asked the question!"

"Can you let him explain about that? I told you he's sober now."

"How would you know? You're not with him day in and day out. You don't know that he's not drinking."

"If you had read any of the articles I've kept for you, Julianna, you would know the path your father's life has taken these past ten years. Please, A.J. Tell us about it."

"I am an alcoholic, Julianna. Actually, I'm a recovering alcoholic. As your mother indicated, I've been sober for eleven years. Years ago, I did a lot of things I'm not proud of, while under the influence of alcohol and while I was on the so-called wagon, but when I finally decided to get help, really get help, I became involved in a wonderful program. It literally changed my life."

"What happened?" Julianna asked, not wanting to be interested but realizing she was.

She had returned to her seat.

Encouraged by her question and the fact she was actually looking at him, A.J. happily continued.

"The program is in Manhattan. I moved there and have lived there ever since. 'Changes' is the name of the program, and it's a non-profit organization. When I saw how well 'Changes' worked and had been sober for a while, I started to think about expanding on its mission. With the help of a lot of good people, we developed a company called 'Goals, Achievements and Successes.' It's a program that gives people an opportunity once they've taken back control of their lives, no matter what they've been addicted to. There's a chapter in New York City and one in Port Charles. We're actually looking to set up a chapter here in Philadelphia."

"I think the work you're doing is wonderful, A.J. You make the newspapers and some magazines quite often. I've saved all the articles, Julianna, if you would like to read them."

"It's nice that you're helping all these people," she said, an anger building inside of her that she didn't know how to squelch, "but how is it you never thought to find out how my mother was doing?!"

Before A.J. could answer, Julianna ran from the room. With Keesha's permission, A.J. left in search of his daughter.

Unfamiliar with his surroundings, he walked down the long hallway and heard muffled sounds. He followed them and found Julianna with her back to him, sobbing quietly as she rinsed the dishes at the kitchen sink.

"Julianna?" he said her name tentatively.

She didn't turn to look at him, but when she spoke, she sounded tired and drained. "Go away. Please. Just go away."

"I don't think that's what your mother wants, and it's certainly not what I want. I know a bouquet of flowers and some measly explanation from me are not going to make the past fifteen years right, but we have to start somewhere, don't we?"

"Why?" she asked, wiping her eyes and then turning to look at him. "Are my mother and I your next challenge? Will you get written up in some newspaper or national magazine if you do something heroic for us? Spare me. Don't you get that I don't want anything to do with you?! Why can't you just leave me alone?!"

With fresh tears spilling down her cheeks, she rushed past him and ran towards the living room.

"Can we not talk any more tonight?" she asked Keesha. "Please."

"All right," she conceded. "I am getting tired. But I'm going to ask A.J. to spend the night on the sofa. There's so much more we need to discuss."

"You and A.J. talk tomorrow. Without me."

"That's not possible. What we need to discuss is your future, Julianna."

"I know my future, Mama," she said as A.J. stood at the doorway, uncertain whether or not he should enter. "If I lose you, I'm going with Cousin Justus and Dara. I'm not going with him, Mama. I won't! And no one can make me! No one!"