Lili sat in front of the computer checking for a sign of him. A sweet letter professing once again the love he had for her.  It was like a drug and she knew it. It was pathetic, if you really thought about it. Here she was checking for a lifeline from her beloved while a man slept in her bed.  She watched the Adonis as he was wrapped in her sheets while the computer prompt-up. He was hot; no other words could describe the male body on her bed. He was lean and the muscles that decorated him made the picture even more beautiful. The computer lit on while he tossed in the sheets, the light spilling through the room and mirroring on his ivory skin.

She faced the screen and opened her email. She scanned for his name and there like a little miracle, his message sat.  Her pulse quickened. She convinced herself not to look at the preview, scared of what bad news it could carry. She glanced back at the man in her bed and wondered how she could have come to this end, maintaining a long distance relationship with a man on the opposite side of the world while canoodling with others in her bed.

She tried to feel guilty; well that was what society dictated. After all if she declared her love to her beloved why in the hell was she with other men.  It had been 2 months since she last saw him and it felt like a lifetime. Well the word seen was an understatement, it was more like telling him to fuck off and forget the digits of her phone number.  But they has patched things up, it was like a little miracle and things were now back on. So now she waited every night for a sign of him for he replenished and fueled the warmth she had in her life.

If you really think about it this whole ordeal was like a drug.  In the end she knew she was obsessed, it was like a drug that was in her system and try as she may, she was unwilling to give up.  The fascination had started with a stare, it was the biggest high she has had in her life. This was an intensity that even to this day she could not explain. The way he caressed her skin and even the feeling of being filled up by him made her forget about the world completely.  She wanted that high back, she was craving it so badly that she tried to find its temporary replacement but in the end they shattered her expectations.

It wasn’t that they were bad, on the contrary they were nice lovers. Yes, all of them, one more beautiful than the other. She knew and recognized that all of her lovers were more than acceptable physically by society’s standard.

She scanned the beautiful body on her bed and she let out a chuckle. Lili had always dreamed of having good-looking men on her bed but always viewed that as impossible. Good looking men were not interested in her kind of girl, you know the non top model kind, and well that is what she used to tell herself.  It was a belief that excused her lack of interest in finding men and it was when she actually gave it try that she found that the dream became true.

Yes, she had to thank her beloved. He had helped her unleash that dormant lioness inside of her which made her fall in love even more, an irony if you think about it.

Despite what people thought of their “relationship”, she had fallen for him. It had all started with that sparkle in his eyes, a stare that said something and nothing at the same time. The look alone spoke to her burning spirit. A spirit she thought could never be rekindled. Just letting him fill her at her core made her forget about everything that was wrong in this world. A first, a thing of legends.

Love at first sight. Well more precisely, love at first fuck. I know what you are thinking, it just sex.  But sex fills you up for a while not every minute of your life. You know when you smile and warmth caresses your inside, the kind of warmth that brings you back to ecstasy, makes your organs remember that special moment in time. She wanted that back. She wanted him back in her arms to feel how his skin could be so hot on top of hers.

Lili could never forget the intensity of his movements, his hips brushing hers,  bringing her a little bit closer to Eden.  The smell of his skin was also intoxicating, but it was his ability to hold on to her stare that made her fall hard for him. He made love not only to her body but to a spirit within. How could you not want that back? How could you no search for it around you when he is not there? Are you still thinking this is just sex? How could you just think like that still. She loved him, there was no denying it. She craved for a drug that was off in another shore. He body tingled every time she thought of their moments together.

And so Lili, shook her head and looked back at the screen. She sighted and opened the email. She scanned the message and saw that it was shorter than usual, a bad sign.

Tristan started with the usual. He was miserable and his day was not going to well but the sun was calming him. His mood on the email was non-chalant.  He wrote about his New Year resolution, he claimed he was not going to bother to be jealous anymore. He knew she didn’t belong to him and blah blah blah.

She continued to read the last two sentences and little by little her mood became somber.  She hated when he was like that. He ended with the ceremonial “I love you” and signed his name. Nothing more and nothing less. It was a very bad sign. He had shut down again, closing the door she had pried opened with sweat and tears. And now he was shutting back again. She sighted and felt like crying but her eyes were dry. No more tears for him.  In the end she had tested him and the relationship, she had tried to shut down and see his reaction and it had back-fired. And now they were just having a civilized talk. Who wants civilized when you've had passion?

She thought back at the beginning and about how their story had evolved into this. She tapped her knuckles on her table but was startled by a soft cough from the bed.

“Babe, the light is killing me!” the Adonis said in between yawns. “Are you coming to bed?”

She smiled at him. “It won’t be long honey, just checking something fast.”

Lili pushed the reply button on her screen and began to type. She began with her usual pick me up sentence about how life had to be celebrated regardless of the circumstances in his life. She was mad. She knew it was childish but if he wanted to play the non-chalant type she would play it too. After all they had discovered that they had the same personality. It was a nightmare if you really think about it, but while he tried to stay the same she had opened up to him, which resulted in him doing the same.  For the first time in her life, Lili held up a torch for a relationship. But now, she wondered if she could still carry it for long. She was tired of carrying it. She wanted him to hold it for them but so far there were no signs from him or his intention of doing so. And so Lili typed a second short sentence confirming his believe that he was as a free bird too. that she knew he did not belong to her and that she still believed in the fact that he could do whatever he wanted and she would not stop him. 

She ended the last sentence with the usual I love you and how much she missed him. She signed her name also. She hesitated for a second before sending it, her finger hovering above the button. She waited another second and she pushed the key slowly. She watched the screen as the sent confirmation appeared. The muscles in her back tensed.  Her email was smaller than his, 5 lines to be precise. It was bad. She expected it to be bad. She chuckled again and a terror began to creep on her.  Maybe just maybe, they were really not meant to be.  Maybe just maybe, she was not meant to be in a relationship it was too much back and forth, too much drama for two people to love each other. She was tired of waiting. Maybe it was a defense mechanism. Maybe as her friend had told her already, her Sagittarius nature of giving up and moving on was kicking in.  She sighed again and wondered why her life was filled with too many maybes. How in the hell had her love life come to this.

She closed her laptop and walked back to her warm bed. She covered her naked body and pushed at her pillow.  She felt warm arms wrapping her from behind, his scent filling her senses.  He kissed her neck and snuggled.  She felt something hard pushing at her lower back, he was happy to see her, again.  This whole situation made her smile.

‘I missed you!’ he said, while smiling back.

Lili caressed his arm but her smile had already faded. She turned around and faced her Adonis. In the dim light made by the full moon she caught a glimpse of his eyes. He had beautiful green eyes but they were not like the brown of her beloved.  She kissed him lightly while a smile spreadacross his face. She touched his shoulder, caressing ever so lightly the skin. It was smooth but not as smooth as Tristan's. She ran her hand on his perfect chest, it was supple and firm without a single blemish. She had to admit that they were bigger than her beloved.

She lowered her hand over his body, little by little while looking at the Adonis. He was moaning softly. She found his warm core and pumped it slowly, up and down. He was back in heat; he grabbed her hair and kissed her passionately.  She pumped him harder making him growl at her. “Don’t do that or I will come.” He grunted while pushing her back on to the bed. He moved with agility and placed himself in between her legs just at the entrance of her core.  

She looked at him in silence and marveled at his chiseled body. He was hot, she could not deny it. A perfect Adonis, too perfect physically.  He sucked on his bulbous lower lip while he slid two wet fingers on her intimate flesh. She gasped as the pleasure ran through her body. He was good, she thought.  He pinched a nipple and stared at her, he wanted her. He wanted her body. The look alone made her flinch and she closed her eyes and pushed herself against his erect core. They moaned in unison as he entered her.

‘Slow baby, I want it slow!’ She whispered in his ear while he kissed her neck.  He complied and she moaned in approval. He filled her up and grabbed at her skin violently, making her wince. She let out another moan. She spaced out for a second and wondered if you could really classify this as cheating. After all, her heart belonged to her beloved.  Try as she may, she had tried to find a glimpse of infatuation in the men she had slept with but she was always left empty handed. Or maybe just maybe she didn’t want to try at all.  

She came back to reality with a soft kiss on her lips. She opened her eyes and smiled at the handsome man fucking her. A wave of pleasure ran again through her and she grabbed the soft flesh of his ass, it made him pump himself harder into her. “Baby, are you going to come for me?” He whispered. She smiled again and moaned even harder for his approval.